Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

you can batch cook, too.
make a big meal byt pop it into tuvs in single portions and freeze them.
then you only need to cook what you need each time and it won't waste the food.
and you can eat whatever you want when it's your mealtime.

Thank you. Good tips. I think i just have to be a bit more organised maybe ...! I fully admit I'm a bit of a lazy sahm when it comes to cooking proper meals. I will have a proper look in the cupboards tomorrow and do some meal planning.

I'm hoping engaging in this thread will give me some much needed motivation when it comes to saving some pennies.

Hi Everyone!

I'm finally joining in after hanging around for a week and reading all four threads. I am admitting I have a debt problem. Not a huge, out-of-control problem, but a problem none the less. My debt is the main thing that's stopping my fiancee and I from trying for a baby, and it's so upsetting. After reading all the helpful advice, I've finally started making changes. I've contacted all 6 creditors (which I've neglected to do for ages), paid off more than half of my first debt, downloaded YNAB (which I adore), and am seriously trying to sort myself out. Fairylea and I can be newbies together!

I don't want to be creepy or anyting, but I really want to thank you all for being so supportive, even if you didn't know I was here!

welcome smarip that sounds like a lot of progress, well done!

DH and I are re-organising our entire finances and budget tonight, including moving all our DDs to one account, moving our salary payments into that account and setting up debt payments etc from it, closing old accounts

I thought you meant all your daughters' money into one account then!
direct debits. good idea, because then you can see where it's all coming ffrom and going.

when i lived with a friend, we used to put an amount of money into oir joint account every time we ggot paid, which was to cover all jjoint (household) expenses.
it worked rreally well, and as we always put a bit more in than we budgeted, it meant therewas money over for special.treats.

Welcome Smarip

Right Fairy-here is your mission for today! Grab a pen and paper and list everything in your fridge, freezer and cupboards. Now, make as many meals as you can from only your list and with 1-2 items from the shop. That's your meal plan for next few days...use up what you have first! Let us know how you get on

I had a No-Spend Day yesterday which was helped by the torrential rain meaning I didn't wander around the shops!

I'm a bridesmaid on Friday and the bride has asked for us to have pale pink nails - if I can't dig out a pink nail varnish from what I have, I am just going to go with very very pale brown and save myself £30 on shellac (which is what everyone else is having) as I'm sure no one will notice. That is a step for me as usually I get nervous and just fit in with everyone else no matter how much it costs! Also have to pay for my own makeup so don't feel too bad.

Foodwise this week we are having leftovers, going to make lentil curry and we have chopped tomatoes, onions, carrots and everything in the freezer - not a very exciting week but hopefully quite thrifty!

Welcome new people!

I am feeling so positive today. I found our bank statements from the beginning of last September and worked out that we have paid off 20% of our debt since then. I spend so much time focussing on the 80% that is left, and feeling like we are paying it off at a snails pace that I don't think I have given myself enough credit for what a chunk we have got rid of already. So I'm throwing myself a little party in my mind today!

Well done pixie

Miss sounds like a plan re putting all accounts together. I would do this, but DH only just changed his and don't think we've got the will to sort it at the moment. I am still the control centre though - I have all the codes and manage all of the accounts, including his. His is really a vehicle for paying the main house bills.

Hello to everyone else .

I am still decluttering. I feel like I have inhaled a pint of dust. Grim. My house isn't even that dirty. Looks are apparently deceiving...

Well done Pixie,that's brilliant! I'm about 6pct down from when I started but that includes the overdraft I took on to replace car (which x then pi$$ed off with!) however I'm getting there too x

I'm at about 20 I think since February, but it will slow down now as want to start saving for hols. Estimated DFD at moment is end of 2017. Might be quicker though, depends on a few variables.

My main challenge is not spending on cards or taking random loans out - not building it up more.

Yeah I think not adding to it or shifting debt around is actually half the battle.

I was messing around with a mortgage overpayment calculator yesterday.

I was trying to convince DH that we could be mortgage free in about 15 years instead of 21 once our unsecure debt is repaid. He wasn't overly keen on the sacrifices that would be needed to achieve this though

Fascinating stuff though!

I am so down
Dh just will not accept we have taken on too much with this house (well, not the house, but everything we have had to do to it )
We have NO excess cash at the end of the month (or very little)
We have NO savings (all gone on house)
He also refuses to stop things like cable TV etc...he argues it won't make much difference?
I am applying for pt jobs but getting nowhere.
Sigh...

Debt wise we have paid off some more of the loan...I guess we are 10% down on the original debt.

((((( Badvoc123 )))))
How are your finances arranged?
Just that is there a way to make the fripperies like cable come out of his part of the nondisposable income?

Sadly until he 'internalises' the changes that are needed, nagging him will achieve little.
Can you get him to do a budget and see what he thinks is essential and work between the two
houses are a killer BUT even if you let them get a bit tatty they are a roof
burning through money on clothes and snacks is more wasteful - think positive

Thank you.
I have Tried to get him To use YNAB but he won't.
He just sort of checks his outgoings at the end of the month iyswim.
We have 2 bills that have come in that - tbh - we both forgot about (!) and then the bathroom Taps and shower have broken! Gah!
Basically everything the previous owners installed has either broken/blown up or leaked in the 2.5 years we have lived here!
I am really trying with the grocery budget, but Dh and Ds1 have large appetites and I am doing low carb which ain't cheap!
The faulty carpets are being replaced which is a relief.
Sofas are buggered but I am currently artfully hiding them with a throw :)

Bills : get everything you can onto monthly direct debit - it makes budgeting easier
Taps and shower : Ikea basic stuff = v cheap and v solid

Checking his outgoings : add up how much the monthly bills are - not the nice spending ones but the boring direct debit ones - and tell him to add that to his outgoings and THEN see whether he's got enough for luxuries
I don't like YNAB - its too fussy for me
see if you can get him down to a few numbers (like the subheadings on my sheet for example)

Yeah...I can't get on with YNAB at all.
I thought it was just me! :)
We will get the cheapest taps etc. I know he has been looking online.
The forgotten bills are both our fault..we both forgot! how is that possible!?
Thought the laptop (my late dad's old one) was broken yesterday! Thank goodness Dh has got it working again!
Am going to pester Dh to put more of his old models on e bay....they seem to sell well.
Am going to try very hard to make do food wise til Friday (pay day)
I was saying on another thread...if our debt was from being extravagant I would be more ok with it I think (does that make sense?) but our debts are from replacing boilers, roofs, etc that we had to do. Maybe that's why I am so down.

badvoc my DH took a long time to get 100% on board with our debt busting plan. He's very laid back and he just couldn't get into the "gazelle intense" mode. I tried nagging, crying, arguing. In the end what worked was time. I also did things like when he'd say "lets do fish and chips/pizza express" rather than have a massive go at him and wave the debts in his face I'd lie and say "oh, I really fancied the pasta/bean burgers on the meal plan - maybe we can go out later in the week" and then he'd forget
He is exactly the same as your DH - kept saying "but £11 for drinks won't make a difference if we're 17,000 in debt".

Now that we're really making a bit of progress on the debt he is 100% on board as he sees what we can do when we try.
Sorry I realise this isn't immediately helpful, I was going for a "keep going, he will come round vibe"

Well if we assume cable tv is £50 a month then cancelling it saves £600 a year. He could at least show willing and threaten them with cancellation to get a discount.

Does he add things up like that? Dh doesn't.

It won't always be so bad with the house, the things you replace properly will last years longer than what the previous owners bodged.

The good thing with low carb is that eventually your appetite drops and you don't need as much food.

The only thing we argue about is money :(
Or rather the lack of it!
We need to cut down on what we spend (not easy) and I need to start bringing some money in (also not easy)

He reckons it's only £30 pm and it's tied in with the landline and broadband?
I have no idea if this is correct.
Do you need a landline for broadband?
We hardly ever use it tbh.
I would be quite happy to get rid of the landline.
I am going to put some of my DVDs on ebay. I never get time to watch them anyway! :)

I'd ask for a copy of a bill, £30 seems a bit low.

I'm a very suspicious person though.

That seems really, really low. Ours was £30 just for broadband and phone up until Feb when I rang and threatened them, now it's £17 for bb and phone.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1628874-Gas-Elec-Bills-monthly-and-SKY-so-angry

Read this thread. Some men are brilliant at paying bills and keeping them low.

Others, not so much.