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Original poster

partner said he'd rather go on holiday than get married

137 replies

Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 13:49

Hi im new to this, so bare with me.
recently me and my partner have been talking about getting married in 2018, we set a date without paying a deposit. But recently his parents have mentioned goingmon holiday to orlando for 3 weeks, im from the uk and flights to Orlando at the moment are are £3000 for me my partner and my son. I told my parner we need to decide wether we save for the wedding or America, he said he'd rather America, im a little upset as I really want to marry him hes an amazing father and I really love him, I just wish he wanted to marry me as much as I want to marry him. Im deverstated we have to say goodbye to the wedding :( just want someone to talk to

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 15/03/2014 21:49

True. Although if they can afford a 3k holiday they can save 4 or 5k for a wedding which has all the trimmings even if it isn't a hollywood style 20k wedding.

ivykaty44 · 15/03/2014 21:57

Traditional weddings were planned in a matter of a few months with limited finds and a wedding breakfast in low cost establishments afterwards. Stag dos the night before in the local pub and weddings at eleven in the morning so the wedding breakfast buffet doubled IP as lunch. Then no evening disco but of on honeymoon by five and that may be a couple of nights in a bandb

No hen does to Orlando, flowers from Singapore and planning for five years in advance

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 22:27

Just found a dress I like!
Princess enough? :)

partner said he'd rather go on holiday than get married
OP posts:
theyoniwayisnorthwards · 15/03/2014 22:33

Deena sweetheart, you're in the wrong place. Enjoy your wedding planning and holiday planning, log out and don't get wound up by a bunch of strangers on the internet.
You sound very very young. Maybe try a bit harder not to call people bitches, even if they annoy you.

90sthrowback · 15/03/2014 22:47

Wow I may not always agree with people's opinions on here but calling people bitches and accusing them of jealousy because they express an opinion on a situation that you have posted about is deeply unpleasant.

How lovely that your MILs willingness to flash the cash has made your relationship suddenly more secure.

itfcbabe · 15/03/2014 22:52

I met my husband in October 1995,was pregnant by November 1995 and got married May 1996,I had the white dress,church,flowers,rolls Royce,buffet,100 people disco in the evening cost £2k ok this was 18 years ago but it can be done on the cheap and yes I had a newborn as well 2 months later,I was 19 hubby was 22.

We are still together and we didn't need the thousands spent on it as it is only for 1 day,it is more about the marriage than the wedding.

If you really want to be married just do it then you can start your married life quicker,maybe then renew your vows in Orlando in a few years time.

MostWicked · 15/03/2014 23:42

I'm sure you will make a beautiful bridezilla, and enjoy the extravagances that your MIL pays for because your husband didn't think you were worth.

Sounds like true love. I am most jealous.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 11:56

There is nothing sadder than finding the dress you want four years before you actually get married.

OP, I know you've gone by now, but I was going to recommend you going back to college and getting an education, so that you can get a job which will allow you to live the life you want.

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 16/03/2014 12:43

Clearly I was being sarcastic, why would I get a dress now?

OP posts:
Wincingalongslowly · 16/03/2014 14:18

Nobody is jealous of you.

If I wanted to host a huge wedding and go on holiday, I'd pay for it myself. Crazy idea I know...

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 16/03/2014 19:09

You obviously have the money to do so, I unfortunately don't

OP posts:
CalamitouslyWrong · 16/03/2014 19:27

You could do something about your earning potential in the next 4 years though.

Bearbehind · 16/03/2014 19:27

OP, the wedding and holiday seem to be the least of your worries. Your priorities seem totally skewed.

In your OP you refer to 'your son' not 'our son' which is weird.

You'd rather wait what will be 8 years to have a wedding you can't afford than just marry the man you love in a manner more suited to your budget.

If this situation hasn't proved to you that your partner doesn't actually have the same aspirations for your wedding, nothing will.

Just an aside- I don't believe PIL would have mentioned going to Florida and not mentioned that they intended to pay for it if that was their plan all along and they know your financial situation.

As for lashing out and calling people bitches for no reason, words fail me.

BitchPeas · 16/03/2014 19:33

If you cannot afford a big wedding and a big holiday, then don't have them. Or try and earn more money in the next 4 years. It's not other people's job to sub your lifestyle.

And the jealous bitches comment.....what exactly are we meant to be jealous of? Confused
You come across as very immature swearing at random people on the Internet because they have pointed out the obvious Hmm

Flibbertyjibbet · 17/03/2014 15:43

That dress will be out of fashion by 2018 anyway.....

fideline · 17/03/2014 15:49

by 2018?? Confused try 1987

noddyholder · 17/03/2014 15:49

I await the divorce thread Hmm

Floggingmolly · 17/03/2014 16:03

It'll be in 2019, noddy. and that's a conservative estimate

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 17/03/2014 16:41

So I'll get divorced a year later because I want a nice traditional wedding, wtf are you on?

OP posts:
Bornin1984 · 17/03/2014 16:47

Your not entirely
Traditional tho Aee you op? In the sense u had a child before marriage out of wedlock!

Yes it happens but u claim to be a traditionalist...... Go figure

mumblechum1 · 17/03/2014 16:51

I think big posh weddings will soon become a thing of the past. At one time:

  1. Wedding
  2. Live together
  3. Have kids

No, it's

  1. Live together
  2. have kids
  3. (if you can afford it/you think there's any point to it after 1 and 2: Wedding.

Personally I think that living together and having children together before getting married is so much the norm that there's no real point in having a fancy wedding. There's only really a point for legal reasons, ie to be entitled to spousal maintenance and pension sharing if things go wrong.

CalamitouslyWrong · 17/03/2014 16:53

There's nothing 'traditional' about spending a small fortune on an overblown wedding. My parents' generation had far less extravagant weddings (and certainly didn't get engaged and then spend 8 years saving up so they can have ice sculptures and other such nonsense), and I'd imagine my grandparents' generation had even less extravagant weddings than them.

The whole 'it's your big day, Hun. Go on tell your bridesmaids to lose weight. Can't have them spoiling the photos' thing is a fairly recent phenomenon.

Bearbehind · 17/03/2014 17:01

You don't want a 'nice, traditional wedding' though OP, you want some grand extravaganza that you need to save for 4 years to achieve because you can't afford it.

Putting off things like holidays for years in order to save for 1 day is bonkers.

No matter how much you think your partner wants the same, he clearly doesn't or he wouldn't have opted for something else over saving for the wedding would he?

Wincingalongslowly · 17/03/2014 17:02

Exactly. It's a wedding 'industry' designed to rob couples of their savings. It has sod all to do with marriage.

fideline · 17/03/2014 17:03

Hang on. You're not a traveller are you OP?