Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

partner said he'd rather go on holiday than get married

137 replies

Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 13:49

Hi im new to this, so bare with me.
recently me and my partner have been talking about getting married in 2018, we set a date without paying a deposit. But recently his parents have mentioned goingmon holiday to orlando for 3 weeks, im from the uk and flights to Orlando at the moment are are £3000 for me my partner and my son. I told my parner we need to decide wether we save for the wedding or America, he said he'd rather America, im a little upset as I really want to marry him hes an amazing father and I really love him, I just wish he wanted to marry me as much as I want to marry him. Im deverstated we have to say goodbye to the wedding :( just want someone to talk to

OP posts:
RustyParker · 15/03/2014 15:07

Why are you being so rude to posters op?

You've posted this in Money Matters. You say it's America or a Wedding. Your DP would rather America. You're talking as though he now doesn't want to get married. Posters are trying to show you can maybe do both if you were willing to compromise.

But calling a poster a "bitch" and making out you are being bullying. It might be you who needs to get a grip Hmm

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 15:08

My garden is tiny hahaha. I guess ill think of something

OP posts:
shivari · 15/03/2014 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyFuckingKnot · 15/03/2014 15:10
shivari · 15/03/2014 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 15:12

Because people are making me feel like im delusional for wanting an amazing wedding, like I said im new to this where else should I have posted this?
Im sorry but my finace said he wants an amazig wedding one day now he wants america, sorry ifmim a little upset about my partners change of mind

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/03/2014 15:21

The fact is that you both want things you can't afford. Top of your priorities is a wedding. That is second on his list.

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 15:23

Shivari
obviously its an 8 year engagement because I fell pregnant a year after he asked me, maybe im not as rich as you, but I couldn't afford to have a newborn and a wedding

OP posts:
LauraBridges · 15/03/2014 15:26

For most of us weddings do not cost much. We had 20 guests on a week day and that was a full mass in church with meal after. It does not have to cost much at all and if it is about God or love then all the consumeristic expense is surely irrelevant. if you are waiting to 2018 make sure you have wills written and have the legal side sorted out between now and then as being not married makes the lower earner of the two of you in a much weaker position.

TheOnlySeven · 15/03/2014 15:33

Expensive weddings really aren't worth it unless you can actually afford them. We were saving up for a big dream wedding, until we realised how much it was going to cost and how long we'd be waiting. We realised how much more we wanted to be married than to have a big fancy wedding and booked it. The church cost £695 and the car was £90. Thankfully my dad paid for the reception at a local hotel but I'd have happily had sandwiches in the local village hall if we'd have had to. FWIW DH boss got married the month after us, they had a lot of the same guests and their wedding cost thousands. Everyone said how much more they enjoyed our wedding because it was simple, it was about how much we loved each other than how much it cost.

Foodylicious · 15/03/2014 15:36

I suggest you don't post anywhere and try speaking to your friends, if they don't mind being called a bitch, then good for you. People in here tend not to like it so much.

crazyspaniel · 15/03/2014 15:41

Expensive weddings really aren't worth it unless you can actually afford them.
Exactly. I must have missed the bit in Father of the Bride where everyone had to save up for years and forgo other things in life to afford the wedding. I would certainly not be putting life on hold for years, and denying my child a lovely family holiday to pay for a fancy wedding, so I can completely see the partner's point of view in this case.

ivykaty44 · 15/03/2014 15:44

Pop down the registry office with a few family and friends and have a lunch out afterwards. You don't have to do an expensive wedding.

Organise this just before your holiday to orlando and bobs your uncle you have a honeymoon with babysitters Wink

Capitola · 15/03/2014 15:45

I would have a fabulous holiday and a small wedding. No contest.

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 15:48

What would you call people who were telling you, your partner doesn't want to marry you?
I guess my dream isnt welcomed here by some. Thanks to others who have been kind, wont be coming on here again

OP posts:
Badvoc · 15/03/2014 15:53

You don't want a marriage, you want a big party with you as the centre of attention.

It's one day, in fact it's 12 hours of your life.
I personally wouldn't spend ££££ on anything that didn't have a Roof and doors!

ImperialBlether · 15/03/2014 15:53

I saw Father of the Bride years ago but do remember thinking that that was an awful lot of pressure on Steve Martin's character, having to give his daughter this fairytale wedding.

Badvoc · 15/03/2014 15:55

Yes, I seem to remember the Steve Martin character had a sort of breakdown?
It's called the wedding industry for a reason!
Don't buy into it.

90sthrowback · 15/03/2014 16:03

"What would you call people who were telling you, your partner doesn't want to marry you? "

No need to call anyone names. Certainly not "bitch"

YOU SAID "I told my parner we need to decide wether we save for the wedding or America, he said he'd rather America" - you are taking your anger out on the wrong people. He doesn't want what you want.

Pasithea · 15/03/2014 16:04

Where's your problem. It's him you need to speak to , I blew all our wedding money on a horse without telling him. We had a very small wedding with 11 guests . It's not the wedding that matters it's the marriage .

RustyParker · 15/03/2014 16:09

We're saying that maybe your DP's priority isn't getting married because lets face it, if he wanted to you and you were willing, you would have by now.

I think you should be thinking about your priorities for the future. If it is getting married, the security that brings and what you feel it signifies, then the wedding just boils down to expensive icing on a cake that doesn't last very long.

Bunbaker · 15/03/2014 16:14

Can I just get this clear?

Does your partner not want the expense of a fancy wedding or does he just not want to get married at all?

If it is the former I can totally understand why a three week holiday looks more attractive. All that money for one day as opposed to three weeks - it's a no brainer really. Also why fly BA? Why not shop around for a decent package?

And why 2018?

mumblechum1 · 15/03/2014 16:14

Yep. We had our 4 closest friends and didn't even tell our families till after the event. We hopped on a plane to Paris that evening.

Still very happily married 23 years later.

Fancy weddings are vastly overrated, most of the guests will find it boring and expensive to attend. Much better to have a discreet and lovely wedding then slip away somewhere romantic that evening.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 15/03/2014 16:15

Could you save up for a stylish and beautiful but not mega expensive wedding for 2016 and then straight after save for America? If you read the wedding section on Mumsnet you may get loads of ideas that don't have to cost lots of money. Weekday weddings can save a fortune compared to Saturday weddings.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 15/03/2014 16:18

Also is your DP choosing a holiday over marrying you or a holiday over a big expensive wedding? There is a big difference.