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Original poster

partner said he'd rather go on holiday than get married

137 replies

Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 13:49

Hi im new to this, so bare with me.
recently me and my partner have been talking about getting married in 2018, we set a date without paying a deposit. But recently his parents have mentioned goingmon holiday to orlando for 3 weeks, im from the uk and flights to Orlando at the moment are are £3000 for me my partner and my son. I told my parner we need to decide wether we save for the wedding or America, he said he'd rather America, im a little upset as I really want to marry him hes an amazing father and I really love him, I just wish he wanted to marry me as much as I want to marry him. Im deverstated we have to say goodbye to the wedding :( just want someone to talk to

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 15/03/2014 16:20

I agree with your partner, I've never seen the attraction of huge weddings unless the couple can afford it easily, spending years saving up for one day (or getting into debt to cover it) seem daft to me, if you want to get married, just get married and don't get swept up in the wedding industry idea that you can only do it if you spend £££, and you have to 'be a princess' etc, that's a kids game and marriage is an adult decision

sooperdooper · 15/03/2014 16:24

Have you said to him, let's just get married? Because unless you're willing to say that and do it without the fanfare then it's not him that's blocking the marriage situation

starsandunicorns · 15/03/2014 16:26

Our wedding will cost less than 500 pounds all in me dp and 3 other people to attend

I would ask him if he would do that and then go to america and see what he says you can always save up and renew your vows and have a massive party in 5 years time the wedding is special but the marriage is the most important

TheOnlySeven · 15/03/2014 16:26

My friends took out a loan for an amazing expensive wedding. Ok it was a lovely day but less than three years later they're getting divorced and haven't even finished paying for the wedding yet.

MrsDavidBowie · 15/03/2014 16:35

Grin @ TheOnlySeven

That did cross my mind. How awful.

Op you sound very young and living in a bit of a fantasy world when it comes to a wedding day.

mumblechum1 · 15/03/2014 16:37

When I was a divorce lawyer it wasn't unusual to still be arguing about who paid for the wedding loan.

Ridiculous.

sooperdooper · 15/03/2014 16:43

I really want to marry him hes an amazing father and I really love him, I just wish he wanted to marry me as much as I want to marry him. Im deverstated we have to say goodbye to the wedding

You want a wedding more than you want to get married, or waiting until 2018 wouldn't even have come into the equation, your devastated about the lack of a big party and expensive dress rather than actually having a marriage

Creamycoolerwithcream · 15/03/2014 16:43

When I got married I had a small/medium sized wedding and on the same day a famous model got married. In all the OK type of magazines were her photos with the most amazing cake. All the other things about the celebrity wedding looked beautiful but it was this massive cake compared to my pretty but modest 2 tier cake that made me feel jealous. A few years later they divorced and nearly 20 years on my DH and I are still going strong. When I heard about the model's divorce was when it really hit home it's the marriage that count not the wedding.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2014 16:44

OP he clearly isn't as bothered about the massive wedding are you are, otherwise he wouldn't be putting a very expensive holiday ahead of it.

If you and he want to be married then do it cheaply and soon, and then start saving up for the holiday.

Saying my dream isn't welcome here is just drama llama behaviour. Have you ever been on Netmums? You might get the responses you are looking for there perhaps? :)

fideline · 15/03/2014 17:02

The OP called a poster a bitch just for believing the thread title?! Wow.

AnandaTimeIn · 15/03/2014 17:08

Why wait till 2018 to get married? in Hollywood fantasy

I would certainly prefer the holiday, which everyone will benefit from, to a day of money wasted....

I got married at 3 months pregnant in a registary office. Had the (small) reception at home with catering. It was great! We had music on and dancing Smile

AnandaTimeIn · 15/03/2014 17:10

Yea, nasty OP for calling people a bitch who take time out to read and respond to her just cos it's not what she wants to hear

90sthrowback · 15/03/2014 17:16

Yep not sure if that was me that she was calling a bitch fideline

OP you sound very young if you'd rather have a 7 year engagement and forgo an amazing holiday, not to mention making your DS sacrifice a 3 week holiday in Orlando for the sake of being a princess for a day

Thattimeofyearagain · 15/03/2014 17:23

The op is obviously delusional if she thinks the perfect wedding day exists outside of films. & shes rude.

Floggingmolly · 15/03/2014 17:30

No, it was me, 90s. Mind you, your post was similar to mine; so if the cap fits... Wink

ContentedSidewinder · 15/03/2014 17:42

If you really want something you find a way, if you don't really want something you find excuses.

Truly, if you want to get married in 4 years time then save your backsides off, stop spending on anything you don't need. We did this in the last couple of years to fund an extension. I questioned every little item I wanted/needed and asked myself, did I honestly need it. Even stuff that cost less than £10. Because it all adds up, and yes we did do the extension last year.

So this year we are going to Florida, and I will tell you that the cost of the flights is only the start, where are you staying? What will that cost? Are you planning on doing Disney/Universal/Sea World have you seen the cost of tickets? What and where will you eat? Your £3k is a drop in the ocean.

I know what mine costs and I can tell you that we started a savings account for it 7 years ago! Just a small amount each month to be able to not have a heart attack at the cost.

You do not have to spend a huge amount of money to have a nice wedding. I am glad that I got married 15 years ago. It seems to be a competition these days as to who can outdo the last person to get married.

You already know that life doesn't turn out the way you planned, so enjoy this amazing holiday, and ask your fiance how he sees the wedding. I think an 8 year engagement is a very long one.

Bunbaker · 15/03/2014 17:44

Where has the OP gone?

MrsDavidBowie · 15/03/2014 17:47

Maybe gone to watch Father of the Bride 2

twofingerstoGideon · 15/03/2014 17:51

Fancy weddings are vastly overrated, most of the guests will find it boring and expensive to attend.

Nail on head, mumblechum Grin

Original poster
Deenamumof1 · 15/03/2014 17:55

Nasty people on here, clearly im a little upset, so you all thought it would be funny to tell me im stupid for wanting a wedding I always dreamed about. Sorry my dreams are bigger than any of you nasty women, yeah I didn't want to hear my partner doesn't want to marry me, does anyone want to hear that? Im not going to respond to any of you anymore. People wonder why I was rude clearly this is a touchy subject for me but your all enjoying the fact my partner doesnt want to marry me. Thanks a bunch ladies. Goodbye :(

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2014 17:57
Hmm
twofingerstoGideon · 15/03/2014 17:57

I think you're confusing getting married with having a wedding. Two different things. Has your partner actually said he doesn't want to marry you, or has he said he doesn't want a big wedding? There's a world of difference.

mumblechum1 · 15/03/2014 18:00

OP, people weren't really being nasty. They were trying to help you see that what you think you want, ie a big fancy wedding, is not worth sacrificing everything else for.

I think you should reflect on what has been said, as a fancy wedding is not going to guarantee a happy marriage. Having fewer money worries and more fun is more likely to promote one, however.

CalamitouslyWrong · 15/03/2014 18:03

Surely this is some sort of parody. 'My dreams are bigger than any of you nasty women'!?

mumblechum1 · 15/03/2014 18:13

I've been married twice.

No 1: big white wedding, white rolls royce, billions of people, a year in the organising, mega mega stress, mega debt to pay for all the bullshit co-ordinated sugar almonds matching roses stuff. Spent half the day trying to calm down relatives who hated each other

Divorced 6 years later.

No 2: me, dh and 4 closest friends down the registry office in Liverpool with a bombsite in the back ground and about 20 blurred photos because we were laughing so much. Nice lunch. Juggling in the park. Off to Paris for a week.

Very happily married 23 years later. No money worries, and we've been all round the world in some fantastic hotels.

Know which one I'd do again.