Household income

[GuernseyTeddy]

Just spent the morning cancelling mobile contract, car insurance, contact lenses and any other monthly expenses, ahead of my maternity allowance ending in Feb.

As of 16 feb I will have 0 money at all. All because DP is a higher rate tax payer. No child benefit, no tax credit. Nothing. Similarly because of DPs wage, I can't afford to go back to work as it would cost me money after childcare deductions due to not being eligible for tax credits.

Insane position where I'm being assessed on money that isn't mine.

I'm sorry love. He is a prize cock and you are not screwing things up if you leave him. He has done that with his controlling behaviour.

Seriously get details of hisbank accounts and statements. If he expects you to support yourself and your son you will need all the evidence of his income that you can find.

Can your dad not pick you up sooner? Your DP sounds like a right bastard.

You are a strong woman, you just don't know it yet :) I promise.

Is there anywhere you can go tomorrow to stay? What are your plans? The quicker you are out the faster you can start to claim for things.

Don't be scared, be positive. You are going to be so much better off without him.

My ex dh left me for a girlfriend he'd had before me (after 7 years of marriage) and disappeared in all of 2 weeks leaving me with dd and 26k worth of debt. I posted a Facebook status that night saying my life was over, because I genuinely thought it was. I was scared and had no job, nothing.

5 years later I am remarried and life is good. I have a ds now too, 18 months old.

Please remember this is just a blip. It will be ok.

This sounds a very difficult situation. I really do think going back to work is a good idea. Even if you can't see any short term benefits, long term you will be building your career and your future. Could you live with your parents for a year or two and commute from there or is that unfeasible?

Would love to leave ASAP, and would probably be easier for my dad to collect me tomorrow but he's planned to take my son to his parents for Christmas, so the only way I'll be able to spend Christmas with my son is my leaving with him on monday. Sounds like a really crummy thing to do I know, but I've had such analysis awful year and sacrificed so much to have my son, that I don't really want to have to be away from him on his first Christmas.

I don't understand what Christmas has to do with it or how leaving on Monday means you can spend Christmas with your son. Ask your dad to pick you up tomorrow. Go to your parents with your son and stay there, including for Christmas.

You deserve a lot more than this and it will all work out ok.

Both our families live several hours drive away. The plan has been for us to drive up to his family on Christmas Eve and then spend a few days there. The plan is now for me to spend Christmas here on my own while he takes our son as planned. If my parents drive up to collect me tomorrow, I'm worried he won't let me take my son with me.

I don't believe he actually would take your son on his own, although because it would look spectacularly odd to his parents.

There isn't a massive amount he could do to stop you leaving if your dad is there too. I can see how it's easier to go whilst he's at work on Monday, but if he senses you are getting ready to run he will find a reason to be there on Monday. Please talk to your dad tomorrow and get your plan in place.

Your letting him take DS to his parents whilst you stay there on your own? Is that right?

I wouldn't let ds out of my sight right now. Either go with him and then leave when you come back or take ds with you. What's to say he wouldn't run off with ds? He's an abusive idiot. And I wouldn't trust him.

Ring women's aid for advice.

Sorry I see your waiting and going with DS on Monday?,

OP he sounds absolutely horrible what a nasty controlling bully.

Get away from him

listen OP, I'm not normally one for wading in where I have no experience but with the dispassionate eye of a friendly stranger YOU NEED TO GET OUT. Tomorrow get your dad to come. Do not tell your OH anything. When your dad arrives make sure your bag with essentials (birth cert, passport, any special things) is ready - make it smallish - if you can stuff it all in the change bag all the better. When your dad arrives get baby in car seat. Put baby in car, get in car. Your dad drives off. You have left. Any suspicion from your partner either try and fob it off by making your dad a coffee and relaxing briefly and then setting off for some 3 generational last minute shopping or just get out with your dads physical help (+/- police)

Leave anything else behind. It's just stuff. you can get it later or buy it another time. Do not let this man make you doubt yourself any further and certainly do not let him have your son on his own at christmas.

Well bugger that for a game of soldiers. Get your dad to pick you up and take your son with you tomorrow. If you don't have much stuff it shouldn't be difficult.

Yes get out and to your parents ASAP. everything else can be sorted out later.

What sort of total arsehole thinks of leaving you on your own at Christmas whilst he swans around with DS anyway?

You absolutely are doing the right thing, imagine living with this man reliant on him for every penny.

What LittleBear said. Your dad collects you tomorrow and he can fuck right off.

My dad has text saying he can do Mon, but also this weekend. Am now thinking I should just go tomorrow based on everyone's responses.

Definitely tomorrow!!

Why wait? He's behaved absolutely appallingly

You don't owe him anything. And if he's prepared to leave his own son with no money for food then he can fuck off having him for Christmas. .

Definitely get out tomorrow with DS. Your P is unlikely to physically intervene if your Dad's there. And if he does, call the police. They take financial abuse very seriously these days - it's very much considered Domestic Abuse.

Yes go. There is non point torturing yourself by staying there any longer than you have to.

You are not welcome downstairs.. Fuck him.

You should definitely go tomorrow.

The fact that your dad seems keen to get you out ASAP speaks volumes IMO.

As for not letting you take your son? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. You are primary carer, he is an abusive arsehole. End of discussion.

Gather your important stuff - birth certificates/passports/red book/bank cards and get your dad to collect you in the morning. Access can be sorted later. Go home, enjoy your first Xmas with your son and sort the crap out in the New Yearl

Don't tell the arse though.

I'm confused, OP, when did you split up with your DP? Was it when you wrote the OP or were you together but just being treated appallingly?

Yes, just go. There's too much that could happen between now and Monday. You need some headspace.