Household income

[GuernseyTeddy]

Just spent the morning cancelling mobile contract, car insurance, contact lenses and any other monthly expenses, ahead of my maternity allowance ending in Feb.

As of 16 feb I will have 0 money at all. All because DP is a higher rate tax payer. No child benefit, no tax credit. Nothing. Similarly because of DPs wage, I can't afford to go back to work as it would cost me money after childcare deductions due to not being eligible for tax credits.

Insane position where I'm being assessed on money that isn't mine.

You need to claim your CB and have a frank conversation about your finances.

OP, how many other children does your DP have? Is there just one daughter & your son?

How much is paying to the CSA each month? From the rough figures you have given, it would seem to be around £1000 (allowing £500 for travel costs). Is this just for one child? Is he paying some sort of spousal support to his ex too?

As others have said, the figures don't really add up. Unless your DP is servicing a large amount of debt, I can't honestly see why he cannot afford to pay at least 50% of childcare costs OR transfer a monthly amount to your account, whilst you are a SAHM and not earning.

Our household income is roughly £2000 per month & we have three DCs. We manage.

I've been a SAHM for 9 years, I have a credit card in DH's name (I am an affiliated card holder) if we need anything I use that.

We have a joint bank account for direct debits and I still claim child benefit for my NI stamp even though Dh is a higher rate tax payer and they tax it back. Plus we use this as a cash account, ie withdraw it as cash to use as and when.

You need a very frank discussion about your finances. You can't have separate finances at this point. He needs to pay toward the cost of his child with you.

Does he have CSA arrears or something - it really doesn't add up I'm afraid!

If your partner is really keeping money from you and refusing to feed or clothe you and your baby then he is abusive and you need to leave. You don't have a relationship here.

You ought to think about going back to work even if you only break even after childcare. Look at the long term picture. The alternative is in five years time you can't get a job as you have no up to date experience. You then spend another 20 years not working or do a little shop work.

I spent three years doing unwaged training/degree while dd was little. So was out of pocket every month paying for childcare. Couldn't claim childcare tax credits as I wasn't working.

But now I have a well paid job. If I hadn't done that I'd be working in Tesco probably.

This makes no sense to me. I also don't understand how you've suddenly come to the conclusion that you have no money now your maternity allowance has stopped. Didn't you save to cover the shortfall whilst you were pregnant, knowing this would happen?!

When I was PG with DC1, DH and I looked at how much we needed each month as a minimum and saved accordingly (and like mad for 8 months) - it was the only way I could afford to have a year off. We drew down on the savings as the year went by, so didn't use much during the 6 weeks at 90% of salary period but did once SMP stopped. We had absolutely no slack so stuck to our monthly budget and our holiday that year was using airmiles for flights and staying in a relative's house in France. The alternative was going back to work sooner.

If at all possible you should get him to get childcare vouchers through work, if he's a higher rate tax payee you'd effectively safe 40% on the cost of childcare (or the part paid by the vouchers anyway). My DH's company didn't offer them but he asked and they signed up to it, I don't think it costs the company much if anything

Sorry I know that clearly isn't the major issue here but might mean childcare is more affordable than you think.

Wibblypig, my understanding is that costs have unexpectedly risen outside the OP's control. The DH was originally (I presume) paying no CSA as care was shared 50:50 (although had the running costs of the kids associated with them - or is it her? - being there 50% of the time).

Care has changed dramatically so is now nearly full-time with the other parent. This has removed the surplus from the budget.

Despite being the parent of all the children involved in this situation, the DH appears to have no solution to offer. And appears to be intending to pocket the money from the sale of a vehicle which the OP did because she can't afford the running costs.

Since the DH would also have to make a CSA payment to you if you left him, OP, I can't really see the argument that you'd be worse off as a single parent.

You should still claim child benefit as this protects your pension (even though it may be clawed back through your DP's Tax). This is for your personal long term protection. Each year you're looking after young DC will still count as a year worked for your state pension calculation.

Your DP should be claiming maintenance relief to reduce his tax bill.

You need to seek proper tax advice as to whether child maintenance payments are 'allowable deductions' i.e. Taken off the gross salary like pension contributions for the purpose of establishing where income falls for the purpose of the child benefit calculation.

If your DP's wage is exactly £60k are there no pension contributions to bring the considered amount into the tapered area where you wont have all of it clawed back.

Im really shocked by what you are saying.

What a situation. Utter madness . You haven't answered why you don't have joint finances, why you didn't plan for this drop in income when pregnant or before getting pregnant. Has he always been like this with money or is it a new thing?

Sounds like you'd get more off him by CSA if you walked. Don't you dare give him any of that money from the sale of your car. Good luck OP.

Your partner earns £60k but would happily see you and his baby starve whilst he is abroad.
Wake up OP.
LTB, get a full time job and support your child.

Sorry op the maintenance relief does appear to be for very old people only. (NatashaBee is a better proof reader than me). I've seen the boxes on the tax return and just googled the link.

Childcare is not just your responsibility, its a joint responsibility. If your DP won't take his share then you need to make decisions without him. Get a job, sort child care and make sure you make use of childcare vouchers or any other benefits you can.

A number of your posts set alarm bells ringing. From the limited information you have provided, it sounds like you are being financially controlled.

Get out and good luck.

Think we're going. He just spent the last half an hour shouting at me, sating how unreasonable I was expecting some 'diamond lifestyle', when I'd screwed my life up. Then disparaged the notion of me going home to 'freeload' off my parents. Hope my dad can pick me up Monday or I'll be spending my sons first Christmas alone here.

:( so sorry

How have you screwed your life up? By having a child? Well, he's got two!

Time to go back to your parents' and regroup, GuernseyTeddy. I think this issue would have manifested itself at some point, even without the change of contact arrangements which caused the CSA payments.

I don't really have much that I need to take. Only my son's red book and certificates. Other than that I don't have anything.

The screwed your life up thing is a stick he likes to beat me with. I went to a really good university and would have a very high paying career by now, only I dropped out in my final year.

He'll feel it when CSA sting him for more maintenance, then whose life will be screwed up . Take passports, old payslips, bank statements etc(especially copies of his), certificates

I'm just so frightened and scared. I know that there are loads of strong women out there, but I'm really not one of them. Am cacking myself at the thought of what the hell I'm going to do now.

Just can't stand him shouting at me every time I try to stand up for myself and question the status quo here.

Am now sobbing to myself in the dark next to my sons crib, as that's the only place in this house I can go. Will be sleeping on the floor here next to the crib as I'm not welcome downstairs, and really don't want to go in his bedroom tonight.

You can finish your degree on the open university when you are settled. Any study that you have done previously counts towards your degree including the points you have already gained from the time you have spent at uni already.

Just take things one step at a time. For tonight, find some bedding and make yourself a nest. Don't cry, you will get through this and have a lovely life with your son.
Tomorrow you can confirm a lift from your dad. Take things minute by minute if you have to.
I promise you will be fine.