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Original poster

Household income

168 replies

GuernseyTeddy · 16/12/2013 11:14

Just spent the morning cancelling mobile contract, car insurance, contact lenses and any other monthly expenses, ahead of my maternity allowance ending in Feb.

As of 16 feb I will have 0 money at all. All because DP is a higher rate tax payer. No child benefit, no tax credit. Nothing. Similarly because of DPs wage, I can't afford to go back to work as it would cost me money after childcare deductions due to not being eligible for tax credits.

Insane position where I'm being assessed on money that isn't mine.

OP posts:
OodKingWenceslas · 19/12/2013 09:10

If you claim CB doesn't he repay it rather than you?

LIZS · 19/12/2013 09:11

If a season ticket is his travel to /form work then I guess that is a priority . Just because he bought the car doesn't mean that the proceeds cannot be used to the mutual benefit .

Alanna1 · 19/12/2013 09:26

OP, are you OK? I am quite worried about you and your DC from what you say in this post. I have a couple of friends whose husbands are just higher rate and the loss of CB has hit them hard. Childcare in London is expensive (am guessing you are the SE). I earn more than my husband so had to go back to work at 6 months, and basically childcare is all of his income and in cash terms its not worth him working. But work isn't just about income and it will be easier when the kids go to school. But that's ok, that leaves my income for everything else and we just about scrape by. But your DP needs to give you enough - or you need to go back to work and split childcare etc.

Fairylea · 19/12/2013 09:27

You do realise how ridiculous this is don't you?

You are a family. The money is family money.

Taking this on face value he has £2000 a month coming in. So what the fuck is he doing with that? How much is your mortgage / rent?! Could you move somewhere cheaper?

I really fail to understand how a man earning 60k can have the balls to almost make anyone feel sorry for him for being poor! I want to slap him with a wet fish.

My dh earns 15. I used to earn a lot so we have a small mortgage - 390 a month. We have two dc and I am unable to work due to health problems so for now I am a sahm. We manage fine. We have a joint account, all money in, all money out. We split whatever is left equally to spend.

I think the main problem here is that you are with a selfish arse, not how much money you have.

Aquariusgirl86 · 19/12/2013 09:37

£2000 is a perfectly reasonable amount to live off with a child. We have 2 children and £1800 a month after tax and also manage to save. If this literally leaves you with nothing then maybe your mortgage/ rent it too high and toy should consider moving to rectify this?

Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/12/2013 09:53

You definitely need to get some control over the household income but for now I'd try and get a monthly allowance and then use it for food, baby stuff, clothes you both need etc. I doubt if he's going to go for joint finances at this point in time but suggesting an amount, say £300 a month and say you will buy all the food and baby stuff will at least give you a bit of control. I also second what the others have said about claiming child benefit and he pays the tax on it. Don't make a big debate of it just do it.

Original poster
GuernseyTeddy · 19/12/2013 13:20

Definitely not a wind-up. This is my financial situation honestly. I'm curtailed by the moment by not wanting to put my son in childcare, and definitely very averse to doing so when I'd be no better off. We're SE, so any jobs in my line of work - editing and digital media, are primarily London-based; which would mean a 12 hour day for my son in childcare. Added to that is that my experience is public sector and the salaries don't even cover the cost of childcare, let alone a £4k per annum commute.

I'm looking into freelance editing work, which would allow me to work from home - but don't really know where to start, and am not especially confident given my lack of freelance experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
GuernseyTeddy · 19/12/2013 13:22

And his mortgage is £800 a month. We can't move - no savings to fund costs of a move, and we need to live in this area for contact with his daughter.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 19/12/2013 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poorbuthappy · 19/12/2013 13:56

You need to explain how £3.5k per month turns into £2k per month after CSA and season ticket.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/12/2013 14:03

The problem isn't that DP is a higher tax earner but that you two haven't got a financial plan for when your maternity pay ends.

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/12/2013 14:21

I think you are just looking at all the negatives.

You don't want to put your son in childcare (well plenty of us do), you have already decided there won't be any jobs more locally, and you are saying you earn the same or less than the cost of putting one child in childcare?

You mention HIS mortgage. If this is the case and you are not married to a man who has the house in his sole name then you need to get back to work and not be financially dependent on him.

Also, you mention he has a daughter. How much csa is he paying? Is it just for one child? It sounds like he has his own plans for his money and is prioritising his previous child over the one you have with him. Honestly OP, you need to get your head round the fact that you need to look after yourself financially, because he certainly isn't going to (by the sound of it). its very melodramatic to say that you might have to go without food if he leaves the country on business. He is on £60k. The issue is not that you don't get child benefit but that HE needs to be more open with his earnings and treat you as an equal in the relationship.

Unless there are other underlying issues? How long have you been with him?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/12/2013 14:22

His mortgage? Are you on the deeds of the house? Please tell me you are?

What is your P's proposal then OP? How does he plan to provide for his new baby as well as his older child?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/12/2013 14:24

Out of interest OP, why did his first marriage/relationship break down?

Original poster
GuernseyTeddy · 19/12/2013 14:27

I can't put him in childcare, not without there being some benefit for him. At the moment it just doesn't make any sense, I would just be working to pay someone to look after him. Same with leaving, I wouldn't put him in the same kind of poverty I grew up into as a kid. Worse case scenario I guess I would leave him here: don't see why he needs to pay the price for my stupid decisions.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 19/12/2013 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 19/12/2013 14:33

If your dp won't give you any money to support your dc then you're in worse poverty than if you up and leave and manage on benefits. There is nothing wrong with being on benefits - within a couple of years you will be entitled to free nursery and can try and find work, and on a low income (without your selfish prick of a dp) you will be entitled to lots of help from tax credits towards childcare. Please do some research and know your options. This sort of financially abusive situation is exactly what the benefits system was devised for.

Aquariusgirl86 · 19/12/2013 14:51

So after tax, CSA and season ticket you have. £2000

  • £800 mortgage..... Where does the other £1200 go?
I'm a bit perplexed as after tax and student loans ect we have £1800 but our mortgage is £620...... So you basically have the same as us and we pay bills for and feed and clothe 4 of us and have a bit left....... Am I missing something?
LaurieFairyCake · 19/12/2013 14:59

If your partner is awful enough to leave you without food and money you LEAVE him and set up on your own.

This is a no brainer.

Very sorry for you.

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/12/2013 15:19

The benefit of you working is that you are not financially dependent on a man who you think is capable of leaving you with no money for yourself and/or leaving you with nothing to buy food if he goes out of the country!

Why did his first marriage breakdown? Was it due to finances? It doesn't sound like he is particularly stingy with the children/child from it if he is paying major sums in csa. And can you tell us why the switch from 50/50 to every other weekend. There must have been some big reason for this if its having such a negative impact on your finances.

Your last post is starting to make you sound a bit bitter. If you leave your child with his father then YOU will have to pay csa.

poorbuthappy · 19/12/2013 15:31

£1500 on csa and season ticket - I think there is probably pension contributions here somewhere too, but really?? Xmas Confused

Have you ever seen a breakdown of your outgoings?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 19/12/2013 15:38

You really must go back to work.

You would be absolutely crazy to leave yourself financially dependent on a man who pays for fucking SEASON TICKETS before he buys essentials for his child.

Also - go and claim your child benefit.

He can sort out his taxes. Not your problem.

But don't leave yourself short of that money.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/12/2013 15:53

Season ticket to get to work.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 19/12/2013 15:54

Oh right, of course!

I thought it was a sports season ticket and I was Confused

LIZS · 19/12/2013 16:02

If you can't go back to your previous career, look for an alternative . Plenty of jobs can pay more than the £50 per day or so nursery/cm costs especially in the SE. Why is he paying £1k+ pm CSA towards only one child , that seems an awful lot Hmm. Not sure you're being given the whole picture

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