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Original poster

Household income

168 replies

GuernseyTeddy · 16/12/2013 11:14

Just spent the morning cancelling mobile contract, car insurance, contact lenses and any other monthly expenses, ahead of my maternity allowance ending in Feb.

As of 16 feb I will have 0 money at all. All because DP is a higher rate tax payer. No child benefit, no tax credit. Nothing. Similarly because of DPs wage, I can't afford to go back to work as it would cost me money after childcare deductions due to not being eligible for tax credits.

Insane position where I'm being assessed on money that isn't mine.

OP posts:
TheGhostOfPortoPast · 17/12/2013 21:18

You need to have a serious talk OP. How did he THINK this was going to work. How did you?

TheGhostOfPortoPast · 17/12/2013 21:20

When you have children together, then earned money should be shared IMHO. Yes, he needs to make provision for his other children first of course. But you should have discussed this, or looked at the CSA level payments.

TheGhostOfPortoPast · 17/12/2013 21:21

How old are you Teddy? And what has your DH done to reduce household income to meet the new responsibilities?

TheGhostOfPortoPast · 17/12/2013 21:22

Household expenses I mean Blush

NatashaBee · 17/12/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 17/12/2013 21:24

So I'm somehow meant to clothe and feed the baby out of nowhere.

Surely that's his problem, since he's the one earning?

RandomMess · 17/12/2013 21:25

I think you need to look at household expenses very closely together. Can your mortage payments be changed by increasing the term or going part interest only?

Fairylea · 17/12/2013 21:25

You share incomes and have the same spending money after all bills are paid. Anything else is unfair.

Unless you have some ridiculously high mortgage or rent you should be able to afford your contact lenses! Dh earns £16k and we have two dc and I am a sahm and we manage to have about £100 each to spend on whatever we like a month (our mortgage payment is 390 on a 3 bed though as I used to be a high earner so we have some equity).

If your dh earns so much there is no way you should have zero!

RandomMess · 17/12/2013 21:27

Also the first £10k you earn is tax free so worth trying to work at least part time.

Why can't your dp reduce his hours and work a 4 day week and look after baby so you can work one day whilst he does the childcare - his CSA payments would go down accordingly plus that is income that is fully NI'd and taxed.

TheGhostOfPortoPast · 17/12/2013 21:40

Do you get to keep the money from the car sale? Though to be honest, it would be much better if you got to pass your test and weren't reliant on hi to drive you everywhere, eh?

PrincessFlirtyPants · 17/12/2013 21:44

Is he only marginally a high rate tax payer?

Original poster
GuernseyTeddy · 18/12/2013 23:57

He earns 60k including bonus. But take home each month after season ticket and CSA payments deducted is only about £2000.

He refuses to alter his working pattern, and this would be the only way we'd be able to make any money from my working. Quality childcare here is ridiculously expensive.

I won't get to keep any money from the car sale, as he bought the car.

Will soon be in the position where if he fails to get anything when leaving the country on business, could very likely have to go without food etc for several days as I'll have no funds of my own.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 19/12/2013 00:10

You need a joint account with him and equal access to his income.

How on earth can £60k gross turn into £24k net. Something is not adding up there. Unless his bonus is paid once a year and his monthly income is much lower than £5k.

Even so you should have discussed this before now.

notapizzaeater · 19/12/2013 00:24

If you are. Sahm you need access to the joint account. It isn't his money it's family money. Alternatively go back to work and charge him 50 % of the childcare costs.

Sarahplane · 19/12/2013 00:24

If he earns £60k then that works out at nearly £3500 per month after tax and ni. How much is his season ticket and csa?

JanePurdy · 19/12/2013 06:51

Your issue is that you are being financially controlled not the figures. £2k a month is okay but you have to have access to it! Have you discussed this?

ithaka · 19/12/2013 07:12

£2K a month is highly do-able for family with one child. Your DP leaving you without money is your problem.

Although in fairness, this was the reason CB was not income related and went to the mum - to ensure their was money for her and the child. However, society has moved on from the days when the man controlled the wage packet & your DP (& you) need to move with it.

Splatt34 · 19/12/2013 07:20

You should claim child benefit. If he earns 60k you will probably keep some of it. He presumably pays into a pension. This is deducted before the CB calculations IYSWIM, so to have to repay all cb you need 60k after pension and other similar deductions. Similarly if he claimed childcare vouchers that would also come off First.

Can you look at evening / weekend work when he will look after baby? Ultimately he needs to share the money though. If he's prepared to leave you & his child with no clothes and food why are you with him?

Snog · 19/12/2013 07:33

go back to work full time and contribute 50% each to chikdcare and household expenses. then you will have your own money and financial security. if your dh wont agree ltb

bubblesausage · 19/12/2013 08:42

I really don't want to sound too harsh, but I can't understand why you would be in a relationship with a man who would go out of the country and leave you with no money/access to any money to feed you and your (his too!) child. If that's how he wants to do things, I think you're better off returning to work and having him pay half the childcare costs, after all it's his child too.

ShanghaiDiva · 19/12/2013 08:52

Will soon be in the position where if he fails to get anything when leaving the country on business, could very likely have to go without food etc for several days as I'll have no funds of my own.

Your husband would leave the country leaving you with no money and no food - and the reason you are with him is what exactly?
You are a partnership and have a child together and finances need to be shared to benefit the entire family.
This is so unbelievable - must be a wind up!

LIZS · 19/12/2013 08:56

Why do you not have access to his account ? Sorry don't get the his/her/your/my money especially with children involved - the household income is each of yours. Is he prepared to make similar cut backs?

Childcare costs should not come directly from whatever you earn , nor to feed/clothe baby who presumably is your dp's too. Does his job have a childcare voucher scheme perhaps ? Is pt working more viable for you, use a CM instead of a nursery and if you have an older child (you mention children) make sure you get the EY funding once he/she is 3. Do you still have a job open for you or does claiming MA suggest you haven't now.

At 60k inc bonus he may yet qualify to keep some CB if he makes pension contributions etc from this. I hope at very least you have registered your baby so you get NI credits for your state pension , even if you elected not to receive payments.

MyMILisfromHELL · 19/12/2013 08:58

Sorry op, but this is financial abuse. You're being controlled by your H. Tbh with you, he sounds like a selfish twat.

LIZS · 19/12/2013 09:06

What were your arrangements before ML ?

AlwaysOneMissing · 19/12/2013 09:07

You need an honest and frank discussion with him where you both sit down and discuss finances. (Surely he can do without his season ticket if it means you are struggling to buy food?!)

If he is unhelpful and controlling and you still have no access to money, I would be making plans to LTB.

If left as it is, this situation will only get worse.