This is such a nosy question but if you are a sahp, how much does your partner earn to make it viable?

[WideWebWitch]

I fully expect people to change names for this but I have long wondered: if you're a sahm/d, how much does your partner earn? In other words, how high does one salary have to be in order for 2 people and child/ren to survive? And what does your partner do to earn this? I'm not asking out of anything other than total nosiness so do tell me to bog off if you like! Name changers extremely welcome!

Being a sahm is a choice.

Does it make it an easier choice if you are giving up a job that you dislike anyway or if you are missing out on vital years of a much loved and worked for profession?

Does it make it easier if your partner came from a culture that aspired to be able to keep the mum at home or one that expected the mum to have a career?

My SIL has never worked and my brother did not work for the first eight years of my first nieces life. They live in a tiny house and have to put up with everyone thinking that they are scroungers (including me). The children (there are three) have had very caring and loving upbringing and have flourished.

WWW...what is wrong with you?
Why cant you accept that I think being a mum is the most important job anyone can do!! maybe I should have finished what I was thinking but was afraid of comments!!
It seems I am not allowed an opinion!!
I cant see the point in having children then palming them off!! there said it..shoot me!!!

this thread is so enlightening...and I wish we had half the incomes on here..lol AS i said dh has18k a year and bonus I also got dla for mental health probs. WE were getting tax credits but they stopped last month due to overpayment. We also have a mortgage and huge debts from pre ds. So in terms of disposable income a month at the min it equates to £30 between us for the month. we are in a dire financial situation and dont know what to do about it as me returning to work is not a option due to mental health probs and also having ds who is 2 next month and baby due in dec. So childcare alone would wipe us out.

MTS I think you are rubbing people up the wrong way because as WWW said you're stating your opinion like it's fact. Everyone is entitled to an opinion (and no-one has even disagreed with you although they would be perfectly entitled to), I think the problem is your stating your opinion as if it is the only one that matters (on here and on the other thread)

I almost always say imo!!!
I think..etc etc as I realise how sensative people are!!

Um, MTS:

1. Nobody is refusing to accept any belief of yours. They're just saying that's not what this thread is about.

2. People were (understandably) annoyed when you said "being a mum is the most important job" then "I never said being a mum is the most important job".

3. Who said working mums aren't still mums? They can work outside the home and still be mums, can't they? Your way works for you, that doesn't mean it works for everyone!

Again, MTS, we quote:

"why do people think that the stay at home option is for rich people or lazy people or its just the wrong option?
Its the most important job any of us can do!!"

I see no "I think". I see no "imo".

there is the presumption of choice - i know we have agrued flounced and pulled each others hair out over this subject before but i do have to reiterate that some people do not have a choice but to work.

and how was i to know that i was a very bad stay at home mummy until i actually had children.

tbh - imo i would have taken lots and lots of pills and got a razor blade just in case if i had been forced/ co erced/ frowned upon /encouraged by society to stay at home.

those who can make a choice do it based on what they think is best for their family - am i wouldnt dream of judging someone as a lesser person becuase of these choices. becuase i am not the judge of that person and i prefer to be more magnanamous in my approach as i feel like a better person.

Quote'I almost always say imo!!!
I think..etc etc as I realise how sensative people are!!'

I have said throughout it is a choice and staying home isnt everyones cup of tea..but only get quoted on the bits that I say in haste or with passion!!!
Yes I think if you have children then you should stay at home with them if possible!!

can you conceed that there are many reasons why women may not?

I have always said that!!!

it isnt always a 'choice' - I think is what people are trying to drum home

did you ever have a job before kids? what was it?

excellent then we are of the same opinion and i love you - will you marry me?

"This is such a nosy question but if you are a sahp, how much does your partner earn to make it viable?"

way back then not nearly enough but we made it work

mumtosomeone - it doesn't really matter who is looking after the kids as long as the care is good, they are loved and ideally it is consistent. Doesn't have to be mum, we idealise the idea of SAHM I think these days because we educate women to have ambitions and equality but then for the majority of women the cost of childcare and the realities of the workplace they don't have a choice.

If you want to say at home that is great, but some of us aren't very good at it.

It is interesting that in previous generations many women worked but we seem to think it is today's woman choosing to work, my Mother worked and both my grandmothers, their grandmothers before them. Everybody used to help and the kids would either be sent out for the day with the eldest looking after the youngest or with a neighbout. Why is is such a big thing today. It was a working class thing that happened.

i dont know who you are fs mail but your my hero

fsmail
because the chattering classes have discovered women working after marriage?

Quite Nightynight.

And because the chattering classes have never been interested in working class women. Middle class women on the whole, have the choice of whether to work or not (at least formally - in the real world, of course, the household dynamics may mean that they don't really have much choice.)

The difference is that now, there are a tiny group of women who have a real choice as to whether or not to work outside the home. But they're the women who are known and cared about by the meeja, so they're the ones they're discussing.

does EVERY women not have the choice?
isnt it a case of cutting the suit to fit the cloth?

auntymandy,
I had to work because I earned more than my dx. Now I have to work because the only alternative is benefits. Been there, done that. I wouldn't consider it as a lifestyle choice in my situation.

I think her point is that benefits is a valid choice.
Was just marshalling all the reasons why benefits isnt a valid choice, and I came up with:

• letting children grow up in poverty is a last resort not a lifestyle choice
• it is immoral to claim benefits as a choice, because they should be there for people who need them, eg cant earn enough to cover childcare costs or cant find a job.