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This is such a nosy question but if you are a sahp, how much does your partner earn to make it viable?

352 replies

WideWebWitch · 08/09/2005 20:53

I fully expect people to change names for this but I have long wondered: if you're a sahm/d, how much does your partner earn? In other words, how high does one salary have to be in order for 2 people and child/ren to survive? And what does your partner do to earn this? I'm not asking out of anything other than total nosiness so do tell me to bog off if you like! Name changers extremely welcome!

OP posts:
pabla · 09/09/2005 13:40

I always read these sort of threads with interest - one of the main things that impresses me is that so many people manage well on salaries at the lower end of the scale....

I think it's very hard to make comparisons though, as costs vary depending on where you live. For example, we have what is a fairly low mortgage for this area (less than £50k left I think) which costs about £500 per month to pay off - this might be considered high in other areas. Our council tax is £150 a month. Also, everyone has their own ideas on what they think is important to them and so what they will spend their money on- it might be having a night out every week or new clothes regularly or a good holiday every year. In our case, our families live in Ireland so a lot of our spare cash goes on visits there. Even with cheap flights and staying with family, a long weekend costs around £300 when you take into account car hire and airport parking.

When I worked full time and before dh got made redundant and changed to a lower paid job, our combined gross income was about £100k. I look back now and think, "What did we spend it on?" and "Why didn't we buy a holiday home somewhere?" but in reality I don't remember feeling like we had loads of spare cash. The difference was that we could do things like book a holiday and pay for it, without saving up first or worrying about how we could afford it.

Childcare costs a lot where we live - a fulltime nursery place is £800 a month and I doubt if a childminder is much cheaper (they weren't whan I looked into it a few years ago). If you have two pre-schoolers you have to earn a pretty good salary to make staying at work worth your while financially.

The other thing that affects things is how old you children are - if they do lots of after-school activities it costs a fair bit every term. So you might be doing ok when they are toddlers, but it can change when they start school.

QueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2005 13:42

but I don't think this thread is about "Who should look after the children" is it??

stitch · 09/09/2005 13:47

no qoq, but for a lot of us, that is the thing that dictates whether or not we can go out to work.

PeachyClair · 09/09/2005 14:53

I'd actually quite like to go back to work, I was desperate to be a SAHM and for the first six months it was great, but I get very lonely since we moved and would prefer having work colleagues TBH. I would miss DS3 terrible (other two at school), and I would rarely see DH as he goes off to work around 7 pm. I went back to college last year, and am off to Uni later this month to work towards having a decent job (I used to work in the charity sector, which although having a decent salary, meant short term contracts and job insecurity). This seems to be the best compromise to me: I will be at home with DS3 and DH sometimes, but I will still get out and about and I have an aim in sight too (I'm very goal focused).

I can't wait to have enough cash for the stuff some people count as essential- all my clothes are two sizes too big, and I haven't had a hair cut since April. But it just wouldn't work with our family at the moment.

The stuff I f9nd hardest is when DS1 comes home and asks for tennis lessons and I have to say no, although I am hoping I can afford them after Christmas. I'd also like them all to learn music, but that's not possible either, and I do worry they're missing out on all the extras that can make a difference. But if I wasn't there to collect DS1 from school, I know his AS would worsen at school so he wouldn't last long in the extras anyway. It's a no win.

hollywooddiva · 09/09/2005 17:20

Yes really womanwithnoname, DH is doing a lot of business with them at the mo. Bloke who produced The Mummy etc. If DH likes it he will pass it on as they are keeping eye out for scripts. Can't promise they'll like it tho.

I'm using an alias at the mo but I'll keep to it for the mo so you can CAT me your e-mail. OK?

Tortington · 09/09/2005 18:05

font like the bit about having to lie in the bed we made for ourselves. some people just arnt as fotunate as others despite their very best hard working efforts

had to say it

soapbox · 09/09/2005 19:38

Yes Custardo - I bristled a bit at that too!

It gives the impression that everyone can always choose the beds, whereas in fact the beds are often chosen for them!

codsicle · 09/09/2005 19:38

2 million pounds
hate this thread

ouchouch · 09/09/2005 19:39

30k, 90k mortgage

CountessDracula · 09/09/2005 20:01

so don't post on it you old fishface

anchovies · 09/09/2005 20:07

We've got an 86k mortgage and I stayed at home with dh on 18k but we did better with 21k!

I have recently started a consultancy working part time with my dad and dh has been promoted and so all of a sudden have a combined salary of 50k. Has made an enormous difference!

permanentoverdraft · 09/09/2005 20:11

If we didn't have, as my name suggests, a permanent overdraft facility limit of 12.5k we would not be able to live. Mortgage of £300k, school fees £20K, two luxuary cars, three holidays a year. - last years income £20K. call it irresponsible, but ypu can't change a habit of a lifetime.

DH is self employed, work is feast or famine, when we have it we spend it, when we don't, unfortunately we still spend it. DH says he has an arangement with the bank, they have lots of money, we have none, so we'll use theirs for a while.

Our income has been some years about £500K on a turnover of £2million. IKt's good when you have it.

mumtosomeone · 09/09/2005 20:19

Does it not scare you? or do you like living that way?

Kaz33 · 09/09/2005 20:37

DP earns £80-£90K but we live in very expensive area of the country and huge mortgage. I work part time three days a week which will be about £25K a year.

But to a certain extent it is all about choices, at the moment DP is on a month long trip away from home and I am home with two boys, part time job and limited support.

A lot of the people who are earning megabucks or even semimega bucks £60K+ are doing jobs which are fundamentally unpleasant which demand long hours and working in unpleasant environments - I know I used to.

mumtosomeone · 09/09/2005 20:50

I think I am a pauper!!!
Plus a miracle worker...how do I make ends meet?

notmuchdosh · 09/09/2005 21:27

I am a single parent, work part time, earn about £8.5k, also get CTC/WFTC and DLA (have a child with SN). Very luckily my mortgage isn't huge, but still have to live pretty frugally.

Am amazed at the number of high incomes on here, does this reflect the whole of Mumsnet??

mumtosomeone · 09/09/2005 21:28

it amazes me too!

nothername · 09/09/2005 21:32

Dh earns about 80K (he is a professor). We could though easily manage on a lot less than this as we paid our mortgage off a couple of months ago when we sold the house I was living in before I met him.

lockets · 09/09/2005 21:35

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mumtosomeone · 09/09/2005 21:37

My Dh works really bad hours too! I hardly ever see him and he earns peanuts!
I cant afford to work really so cant improve things!
I suppose whatever you earn though you live to it so everyone feels short now and then!

NotQuiteCockney · 09/09/2005 21:41

We're quite well-off (I'm keeping my name, so not giving numbers), and I find the whole "we worked hard to get here" thing, and the whole "your expenses go up as you earn more" thing, a bit offensive, too.

Does anyone really believe that doing a City job is harder work, less pleasant, than say, working two minimum-wage jobs to make ends meet? Ok, yes, you need more education to do the City job, but that (generally) means you were lucky enough to be born into a family that gave you the support and so on to get that education.

And who makes your expenses go up as you earn more? You do.

lockets · 09/09/2005 21:43

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just2add · 09/09/2005 21:49

We have one income which is not taxed (doesn't reach the personal allowance) and the second is in minus figures, although between us we work more than 80 hours as we have spent the last 5 years establishing a business, the plus is we don't have a mortgage and we do get tax credits but it's very hard. Our income is approximately 7,500. Presumably we will have to strike lucky at some point as we have no pensions. And we're not spring chickens..love eh?

professorinthemaking · 09/09/2005 21:51

nothername, without giving too much away, are you able to say how long your dh has been a professor and how he got there?

Dh currently has a research fellowship (can't say what in as it identifies him immediately) and is looking at his career planning.

Hattie05 · 09/09/2005 21:55

Here here NQC.

I've been a bit clenched teeth when reading some of these posts.

My dp works incredibly long and unsociable shifts, i am 'left caring for dd' (not complaining) and work a 20 hr job in the spare hours i get whilst she sleeps. We too have both worked bloody hard to get to the salaries we have and found whoever posted similar about their high earnings quite rude, as though you were implying those of us who don't earn much havn't basically worked hard enough.

And i'm afraid i can't be sympathetic that high earners expenses and taxes go up. Sorry i just can't rustle up the tiniest bit of sympathy. Private education is a luxury imo, and not a very good one at that. Would never wish it upon my child even if i won the lottery, life is more than that.