Emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels part 3 xxxxx

[christmasBarbielovesSanta]

so here we are on part three, let this one be fun of happy news.....

So sorry anniecam, I saw my lo with no heartbeat, and it wasn't nice. Thinking of you xx.

Congratulation lionstar, I was the same as you, after the initial joy at getting a BFP, sheer terror steps in. All I can say is just take it a day at a time.

Jools good to hear you sounding better, it's those blinkin' hormones, they play havoc!

Well, had my scan this morning, and there is a little 9 week old baby in there with a heartbeat. Such a relief. The doctor even gave me a picture. I've got my next scan 2 weeks tomorrow. I'm going to try and relax a bit now, this is the furthest I've got without too many complications. My 1st mc I lost at 9+3 weeks, but I'd been bleeding from week 7.

Hope you are all well xxxxx

vjay fantastic news hun, I read the first line of your post and my heart missed a beat until I read further down. I told you this lo is giving you a run for your money.......but well worth it.

anniecam sorry you have had to join us but glad you have found us all. Please try not to blame yourself, nothing you have done has caused this. There are a few of us on here who had had multiple mcs myself included so we can understand the despair you will be feeling. You are in the right place to get it all out.

lionstar congratulations, it is only natural to be scared after mc but I remember vm said every preg is different and you have to think like that. You know your in the right place to vent and get you through the coming weeks, we are all here.

jools not joining you just yet for the valentines BFP..........maybe March though. Good to hear you sounding positive and glad that Fame put a smile on your face.........mm's smiling again.

vjay fantastic news, and hope for us all!

anniecam so sorry to hear your news, but glad you found us. I've just had my 2nd m/c at the end of last year and am 37 next week so am also feeling my age creep up on me. Thinking of you

hello ladies,

well, I brought my scan forward after bleeding and pain yesterday - they managed to fit me in yesterday afternoon and we have a heart beat which is a relief, sonologist says looks like around 5 weeks 5 days which is less than i thought if I'm right about when conceived, but the heart beat is reassuring. Booked in for another one in 2 weeks time, and took today and tomorrow off work. Feeling more nauseous than before, although some cheese on toast just sorted that out a bit! Am cautiously optimistic, as we had a heart beat the first time but never made it past 8 weeks. Nothing I can do for now other than cross fingers and try not to get too anxious (yeah right!!). Being off work today watching Breakfast at Tiffany's has really helped.

anniecam a sad welcome to you hon. Those scan images are haunting I know. Also I know its easy to blame yourself, or somehow feel like you have failed....but please don't. Come here any time and let us know how you're doing. Its a rollercoaster for sure, but these girls have helped keep me stable throughout; we're here for you too

wasabi and lobeov sad welcomes and hello to you both too, I don't think we've chatted yet, but I have been here, catching up with everyone although not posting til now. Hope you are both doing ok. lobeov those comments from colleagues are classic, I agree it is so simple - we just need people to say 'oh that's really sad, I'm so sorry'...how hard can that be?! I think people who haven't been through it just don't know the pain

mermaid thank goodness you are getting the care you need babe, I am a big fan of having plans for all areas of life and this is one where a road map is really needed to stop us feeling lost. Keep us updated with how it all goes, I'm still thinking of you and hoping you're not too sad

mm am sure you must have won the most-cool-mum award from your DD, knowing the words to her dance song! Hope family arrived safely from across the pond, and enjoy the show on Saturday...I expect you'll be singing along and shedding a few proud tears

jools glad you are feeling a bit better now AF has departed, she can be a real pain. Keeping fingers crossed for that valentines BFP

curly I too have been using the 'but I might get pg next month' reasoning for not getting fit for about a year, and now I am again, there's no chance of the extra pounds coming off right now! Life seems to have enough in it without getting stressed about lack of exercise, but I did always feel better after a run...mind you I also feel better when tucking into a treacle pudding and custard. Just don't beat yourself up either way...if you manage to get out for a run, great, if not, as my favourite lady in Grease sings "there are worse things I could do, than consume a pie or two...." (lyrics slightly adapted by scamper)

mollie thanks for thinking of me babe, hope time goes quickly for you waiting for results and ttc again. Keep barbies positive vibes about enjoying the rest that life has to offer in the mean time

4ever will be thinking of you tomorrow. the sad feelings you describe I think are perfectly natural, lots of anniversaries by the sounds of it, plus the good old hormones doing their bit too. Let us know how it goes

vjay that was excellent news from your scan, hope you can feel more positive now

lionstar congratulations!

have to dash as DH nagging me to get off computor for the last 10 mins, sorry to have to go when i haven't said hellos to lots of you, but big waves and maybe more later xxx

Phew, tons written on here; can't keep up with all you chatterboxes!

VJay and Scamper, so pleased about your scans!

Wasabi and anniecam, I'm so sorry you've had to come on here too... the girls are great and have kept me going in many a dark hour.

lionstar, huge congratulations! I feel that deep fear too but found that a reassurance scan at 7 weeks helped me over the worst. I have another on Saturday when I should be 9 weeks. If taking a look inside is the only way to get through this (which it is for me!), then I say go for it!

Heebee, you are a spring chicken - I am 39!

Hello and love to the many I haven't mentioned by name (especially mm!)

Thank you for the warm welcome ladies. I look forward to getting to know you all. Ive had a read through the 17 pages of this thread to try and catch up.

Ive got a lot of RL support and it'll be nice to be both supported and a supporter on here. My poor DH is shellshocked,dont think he quite knows what to say for the best, and its his birthday today, needless to say very low key.

Congratulations on the good scans VJ and Scamper.

Congrats on the BFP lionstar

VJay. I'm so happy for you!!!! Great new!!!
I think this is our lucky year ladies, let's hold on to it!!!

Anniecam38, I'm so sorry you have to join us but you will find a lot of support here; I'm feeling better because of them.

Love you all

Congratulations lionstar and definately get early scans if you can.

oh Vjay - that's great news!! And you got a picture and everything, lovely.

Great news about your scan too scamper!

Welcome Anniecam - I remember you from Aug 09, I had to bow out just before Xmas . What a horrible time you have had, I hate that scan 'silence' when they're fiddling with the screen and turning knobs and your lying knowing as the seconds go by that there is not going to be a good outcome , . Its just devastating. Settle in and we'll keep you going. I'm 37, (38 in May) so lots of (ahem) mature ladies here!

Hello to our new ladies, wasabi and anniecam I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time. Please don't give up hope. You've found a lovely warm cave to hang out in and we'll help you through this time.

blue lol at your leg warmers. I did "fame dancing" when I was 11 - I was so proud of my spectacular shiny purple leotard

Fingers crossed for your blood test results Heebee . Which ones were they? I've had the first set back clear and now have to wait 8 weeks for the chromosomal test results.

Lobeov you are totally right, 2009 will be our year

4ever how are you honey? I know it's hard thinking of what could have been at this time. Maybe you could think of your lost little angel keeping an eye on your new one. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Mersmaidspurse hope you are doing okay. I can smell your Lush parcel from here. I'm going to send you a big fluffy white bathrobe, a bottle of wine and some candles to go with it.

Jools my friend tried explaining EWCM to me last weekend at the end of a very drunken night. I am officially on the 2ww from tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for both of us to have that valentines BFP , and for a St Patricks Days BFP for MM .

VJ I'm so so glad the scan went well.. 9 weeks already (though I'm sure it seems like a lifetime). Hopefully you can enjoy a couple of stress free days before you start worrying again for the next scan!

Mollie I'm tempted to go on Facebook just to see the pic with the beer glass

Lionstar - tis lovely to have you back and especially with that AMAZING news!!!! Congratulations girl, it's only natural to be worried but just try and think positive and let us know all your worries so we can say nice things and distract you from this worrying time.

And last but not least Scamper you are to take it easy and that is an order (curly gestures furiously in Deptford direction ) Hope you have a lovely relaxing day tomorrow. I'm going to review the jogging situation in a couple of weeks if I'm not up the duff. In the meantime I am tucking into cheesy mash like there is no tomorrow

Big waves to Sabs VM and all you lovely ladies

Scamper and VJay thats so great that your scans went well.

Well I thought I was doing ok about things but now have had to have a little cry when a friend announced their first pregnancy. I am genuinely happy for them (they are both lovely and its taken them a year to concieve) but can't help feeling a little empty.

Curlywurlee and Mollie - I am in awe of your epic posts - puts me to shame

Good luck on your 2WW *Curlywurlee" - I have fingers crossed for you, but legs will have to uncross soon

Fab scan news Vjay and Scamper - so relieved for you. Watching you and VM go through this early stage makes me realise what I'm in for, so I can try and prepare myself to cope

Good to have a cycle buddy Heebee

Wasabi - it is only natural - till I had the mc, I never quite understood the primal reaction when I see pg ladies or hear about their pregnancies. About a week after my MC, my DP took another day off work and took me out to lunch to try and cheer me up - a load of mums and newborns came into the restaurant and I wanted to look at them, coo over them, ask for a cuddle, but then the emotions took over and I just had to bolt out the door before I REALLY embarrassed myself

Working from home today, waiting for the gas man to arrive and replace our ancient meter. Just phoned to check and she says he will "probably" be here by lunchtime - I'd booked an early morning call - grrrrr

Can i just ask a question ladies. Im booked in for an ERPC next Thursday, last night i started to bleed am having fairly bad crampy pains. The bleeding is normal AF like bleeding,any idea how long it will take till the mc is complete, or is that a 'how long is a piece of string' type question?

Hi scamper, my 1st scan showed my dates were a little out, but the doctor told me it's because baby is too small, just moving the mouse, when measuring, just a little can knock off a few days, even a week, and that's why they do dating scans from 10 weeks onwards, so try not to worry about the dates.
curly I will enjoy a couple of stress free days before the worry sets in
vm I am thinking of you, and especially tomorrow for you scan, do lets us know how you get on.
wasabipeanut I found other people being pregnant one of the hardest thing to deal with. I'd just lost my first when my SIL told me she was pg, then on the day I started bleeding with my second mc my step sis announced she was pg, and both of them with there third babies. It felt so unfair at the time, but as time goes on it gets easier.
Hello to everyone else, hope you are all well. Today is the day my first lost angel would have been due. I'm actually ok, I think this lo growing inside me is helping with that

anniecam - I think it does vary from person to person. It can get very heavy for a day or it might take a few days like a heavy AF. Be prepared for a gush though - if you do go out, take thick pads, a change of clothes and a dark towel to sit on.

Drink lots of water as you will lose fluids. Remember that, IF it does get heavy enough for you to change a pad every half hour, then you need to speak to the EPU and they may ask you to go in for monitoring.

Thanks for the advice jools much appreciated.

Anniecam - I started normal AF type bleeding on Monday but mine really got going last night. I thnk it can take a few days to really start, unfortunately. I hope yours is at least over quickly x

annie and wasabi am thinking of you ladies in the middle of things, seriously take it easy, and if it gets too painful or you are having to change pads quickly as jools said then call the hospital - don't ever feel like you are wasting their time - plus you get access to much better pain killers in there than the average bathroom cabinet. I could have got quite addicted to the gas and air. With my first mc at 8 weeks I didn't need to go in, but 2nd was a mmc at 12 weeks and I think more stuff (sorry, not exactly a technical term) had built up altho the LO stopped growing at 6 weeks, so was more painful, and I needed to go in.

Not knowing what to expect is scary, as jools said it varies from person to person - but I think a lot of us experienced the crampy pains you describe and then at some point a 'gush' of blood and more solid stuff, I think that was when my first LO came out, but can't be sure as I never took him/her in for testing, but buried LO in our garden - sorry if that's TMI but its the personal facts like that which you remember, and no one ever really talks about. I like seeing the camelia bush where LO is buried. I feel bad that we didn't bury second LO, but I wasn't sure when he/she came out, as there was much more 'product' (as the hospital says) in general. God we really do need to invent a new language to talk about mc don't we? mermaid I think its lovely that the medical staff were sensitive enough to ask what how you wanted to talk about your LO, after all he/she is a baby, just a very little one.

Main advice I would give is take as much time as you need off work. Even after the bleeding stops you might need some additional sofa time, don't expect too much of yourselves, and keep letting us know how you are doing.

vjay thanks soooo much for the heads up on scans and dating, that has put my mind at rest as I had a niggling panic that LO was too small and not growing properly. I had an email yesterday from a friend who moved to Australia and who I haven't seen since a wedding in early July when we were both pg - her LO was born early Jan. Her message said 'thinking of you tomorrow more than most days, hope you are ok.' I never wrote down my due date for second LO, and in the trauma of mmc managed to forget it (how bad is that) but knew it was this month....from her message I am thinking that my LO would have been due today too. So glad you are feeling positive about this LO, i think it will be third time lucky for both of us

Scamper waves to everyone else...off to do some gentle chores in my pyjamas

Sorry anniecam whilst reading through realised I managed to totally not answer your original question! I think I had about 10 days of bleeding both times, but some people do have more. With my 2nd, like you I found out at nuchal scan that LO had stopped growing and was then booked in for an ERPC a few days later but didn't need it in the end, almost like seeing the scan sent a message to my body to start the process naturally . Think I had a day of period type bleeding, then a couple of days of much heavier and more painful loss, then about a week of period type bleeding. Hope that helps xxx

anniecam sorry you have had to join us but welcome - you're in a great place of comfort..

lionstar congratulations on your BFP!

VJay & Scamper so glad to hear your good scan news - very reassuring, I beamed when I read your posts

Curly You're so right, I already thought of all 3 lost angels looking after there little bro or sis inside me!

Well its judgement day again today - got scan in just over an hour.. Dont know how I feel, scarily calm, distracted myself by being megabusy at work til now. Yesterday at friends son bd was crap, newborn baby there that I couldnt be around as yesterday (or today) was last angels edd. Friend just oblivious and unsympathetic but I've stopped being dissapointed by her now..

I'm worried cos I felt this eerie calm b4 last angels last scan when we saw no hb. Dont feel too sick or weak either but did sleep well last night, also had pain in ovary for last few days which I was hoping is just natural progesterone releasing symptom, but also panicing as vm silly friend said about stress and this week I have been by general annoying things I overreacted too then felt guilty for cos want to stay in a calm haven for baby. I just really dont know whet my instinct is tellin me but b4 scan last week i was practically hyper ventilating. DH is panicing for me today and we are both counting down til we leave work and get this over and done with..

Will try and post via crappy dial up at home to let you all know xxxxxxxx

Thanks and love to everyone else and thanks for messages of support for today xxxx

Will be thinking of you 4Ever I don't think how you feel now will tell you anything as part of you is hoping and praying all is OK and part of you is probably expecting the worst.

I never had this wait for a scan - it was the thing I most dreaded and at least my body did me the service of a natural mc 2.5 hours before my scan appt !!

4ever - I wish you all the best for this afternoon. Many good vibes are coming your way.

Hi all

Just popping in to say 4ever - all the best for this afternoon. I'll be thinking of you.

Scamper glad to hear your scan went well

anniecam and wasabi - I've been thinking about you both. Annie - you've had great advice already. Just to say that if you have any worries at all out of hours, then call the on-call gynae at the hospital. I did end up having to go into the hospital on a Sunday evening with my first m/c but spoke to the gynae first, who was v reassuring

Jools - waiting for anyone to arrive is v frustrating. DH called our electricity provider yesterday to give a meter reading, only for them to say that the meter reference isn't what they have on file, so it is a possibility (we live in a newbuild house) that the electricity company have got the meter numbers mixed up and we are actually paying next door's bill....

Hello all!!!
4ever I wish you the best this afternon.
Scamper I'm very happy for you!!
Lionstar Congrats!!!

Anniecam and wasabi I'm sorry you guys are going though this i hope it goes fast.

love you all

So much has happened on here since i was last on, not sure I have grasped it all (am a tad tired ds has croupp for te 3rd time in 5 weeks).

Scamper and vj glad scans went well.
4eva, hope all is sood 2day.
Sad welcomes to wasabi and annie (i am 43 annies so you are still young, I had ds at 41).

Lobeov- your work mates sound horrid, you poor thing.

Mollie i will look for you on fb!

lionstar congrats.

On ttc, af due 2 feb so am waiting to see... am so tired with sleepless nights etc i wouldn't notice any early signs tbh. Like all you other lucky ladies i will be so scared if it is bfp.

Big wave to all!

Thanks for welcome lobeov,blue,curly,4ever and ginger.waves

Thank you so much for advice wasabi scamper and heebee much appreciated.

4ever really hope you had good news at your scan today.

Ive been feeling OK'ish today, had a bit of a melt down when the post arrived and in it was my appt for my 12 week scan, had been sent out Wed morning. Feel better now after good cry.

ginger thanks for saying im still young at 38, i feel about 90 and look about 100 with all the crying ive been doing-still it does you good to let it all out they say.

Big wave to everyone.