Being Pregnant after a Miscarriage

[Katherine]

Hi Wills, everyone - don't feel ready to join the pregnancy threads yet as I don't want to tempt fate so as promised - here is what is hopefully a happier thread to vent that stress as the time crawls by. Need to confirm my booking in appointment with my mw today

Marina - our early pregnancy unit sees women up to 20 weeks - are you sure yours doesn't too?
Do you not have a named midwife? At booking the women at our unit are told who they can contact and the name and munber is written in their hand-held notes. In your situation the community midwife would happily listen to the baby for you. The community midwives have their own clinics. When do you see your midwife?

Marina, although I have the luxury of my booking in SCAN tomorrow, like you after that it will be 20 + wks before I get another. I don't have particularly sensitive doctors so I've been sitting here wondering how to persaude my surgery nurse to see me once a week and I suspect I will get short thrift. Hopefully I will get a reasonable reception tomorrow and a midwife to talk to (but given my experiences so far I'm not holding my breath). Someone suggested that I try buying a baby heart monitor. After much searching I've found one for sale at Blooming marvellous for 49.99 and I must say I'm tempted. However I'm concerned at something mears said earlier in the thread. She stated that a midwife might be reluctant to let me hear the heart beat because it can be hard to find and might panic me further. If a trained midwife is going to find it hard you could almost guarantee that I will be lucky the first one/two times and then fail to find it after that giving myself even more reasons to panic. I swear the moment they develop a cheap, for mass public use, ultra sound I will be the first in the queue! Of course I'd have to go on Maternity leave very early because I'd spend the whole time in front on the screen. Good luck with the doctors - do let me know how you get on.

Mindy - its never going to fail to amaze me the difference in care that seems to happen.

PamT - like it!

Wills
Got back late last night and this is the first time I've had chance to sneak up and log on. Haven't got time to read the whole weeks messages but I take it things are OK with you and I am SO glad for you.

I begged my midwife to listen for a HB at 12 weeks and she was a bit reluctant in case she couldn't find it - same thing happened to me last time and in the end it was bad news. She said it was still quite early but after she had felt my tummy she agreed to give it a go this time and found it without much difficulty. Have a word with your MW and see what she says but bear in mind if she can't find it you will panic even though common sense tells you it is probably OK.

I thought about the machine from BM with my first pg but they are expensive and I'm not convinced they work. My SIL gave me a stethoscope and I've never ever managed to get a babies HB with it. Its a skilled job after all. You MW should be considerate if she knows your history and later in pg you get more appointments anyway. Once youy feel movement though you will get more frequent reassurance anyway.

Better go and finish unpacking now and will write more tomorrow when I've had time to read beyond the first message!

Mears, our EPU sees you up to 15 weeks, and after that it's the community team. They have not responded to my answerphone message, but I know that of all the local teams operating out of our hospital they are the most short-staffed. I could page them of course, but I do feel that is for emergencies not worrywarts. My booking-in was done by the bereavement midwife, so for all I know the community team may not even know I am back in the frame yet. I know I need to chase this up!
The GP I am seeing tomorrow lost a child himself at 22 weeks a few years ago, also for unknown reasons, and they went on to have another healthy baby last year. So I am as confident as a paranoid person can be that he will help. And the surgery is much more convenient than the one-afternoon-a-week dismal clinic building used by the community team...
Wills, I have been mulling those gadgets over myself, but my worry was that depending on baby's position etc it can be hard for even health professionals to pick up the heartbeat reliably using a pinard/doptone etc. I might ask the community team's opinion of them...or maybe Mears has a view! And LOTS of luck for your scan and appointment tomorrow.
Thanks all for the kind messages. It really does help to know that others are thinking of you.

Katherine, You sound very upbeat. Can I assume you've just returned from a lovely enjoyable holiday. Hope so.

Please, please do not buy personal heart monitors. It can be difficult to pick babies heartbeats up at the best of times as a midwife never mind as an anxious mum. Hearing the heartbeat is only reassurance for that moment in time - you would need to hear it very frequently throughout the day, if not almost constantly to be totally reassured. The same goes for scans - there are concerns that frequent unnecessary scanning can be detrimental to fetal growth. You will feel so much better once you feel the baby move which may not be until over 20 weeks for some. Try to think positively - much more difficult to do than say I know. The chances are in your favour that all will be well this time.

Hi all. Had a lovely holiday thankyou - weather was fantastic (Snowdonia) and spent most of the days on the beach and one day even ventured up a (small) mountain! Can really recommend kitting your kids out with waterproofs at the beginning of the holiday as a sure way to guarentee sunshine. Heaven.

Wills have now ploughed through the rest of last weeks postings. Wonderful to hear about your scan. I wonder if the tightening you describe could be the baby. I found it very hard to decribe with DD - it certainly wasn't flutters as most describe it and the first most ovbious thing I felt was a hard lump sticking out. You never know but your little one is obviously very happy in there. Either way I get a tight feeling quite a lot too. So whatever it is it is happening to both of us.

Regarding a bit of blood after sex. Well when we finally plucked up the nerve to try a week or so ago same thing happened to us and I was terrified all next day but there was nothing afterwards so I tried not to worry about it. Things have been fine since.

In many ways I am much more confident now but I still have nagging fears. If ever I get a strange pain and I'm constantly worried about lack of movement. I know its v. early (which is how I reassure myself) but I was sure I felt things at 13 weeks but nothing since. DS was 17 weeks and DD 16 weeks so I know it means nothing so far. I am 16 weeks today and really hoping it happens properly this week as it will really put a smile on my face.

Welcome to all the newcomers over the last week. Please be reassured that we all spend all our time worrying, prodding, poking, wiping and all manner of behavious which would seem ridiculous to someone who hasn't been through a loss. I really hope things continue to go well for everyone. And Ghosty I've got everything crossed for you and will email you soon I promise.

I would second mears advice, I was also told that it is so difficult to pick up the heartbeat that you would always worry about not hearing it.
Glad to hear you had a good holiday Katherine
Mindy

Marina, sorry you've been fretting so much.Even in a relatively worry-free pregnancy like mine it's always there, the fear that something isn't quite right - much worse for you of course, after losing Thomas. I just hope you grow in confidence as the weeks go by and the healthcare professionals (and friends!) all treat you with the kindness and sensitivity you deserve. x

Hi,

Had my scan today and the baby looked gorgeous as normal. All checks passed as normal and I spent a good half hour with the midwife asking me all the standard questions etc. She wouldn't listen for the heart beat and said that it would be too difficult to hear at 14 wks. I was disappointed that I've not been given any contact numbers but I suspected I wouldn't be. Until after 24 wks they referred me to my GP. Meanwhile my GP refers me to them so all in all its gonna be me and mumsnet! At the moment I'm on a wonderful high and on a spur of the moment thing took my dd out of nursery picked up a friend and her dd and went to Whipsnade zoo for the rest of the day. WONDERFUL.

Wills, that's great news
re: the GP thing - I live in a different health district (by one street) to the hospital I've chosen (same as dd1) and run into all sorts of problems re: checkups because I didn't want to trudge up to the hospital every time paying extortionate parking, dragging dd along on non-nursery days etc - so phoned my GP surgery (5 docs, quite a big practice including a midwife who I'm SURE I've seen before) and was told NO I couldn't see her because of where I live, even though I'm registered there! in the end I made an appointment with my GP (who was fine about the checkups & quite thorough & reassuring) and spoke to the head of midwifery at the hospital who told me that GPs get paid for seeing pregnant women (I intially felt I might be construed as 'wasting' the GP's time when there was a perfectly competent midwife down the corridor whose sole job was to deal with pregnancy) so please insist! glad it all went well!

Wills, great news about the scan and what a lovely day to bunk off nursery (hope you don't get a fine from the manager )
Mears, Mindy, thanks for the advice, that's £49.99 I can now spend on chocolate with a clear conscience!
I saw my GP this afternoon and got a listen of the heartbeat and some good advice from someone who has been there himself. He recommended that I NOT come in every week for a checkup, because he and his wife were referred for fortnightly scans in her subsequent pregnancy and he said in fact it didn't help them at all. What he did say was that he was always there between clinics at a set time each week, and I could just walk in and ask to see him then. That was reassuring because it can be very hard to get past the receptionists at the practice. Just hearing a health professional agree that it is like being on a knife edge helped.
Bundle, that description of your situation sounds very similar to mine and might explain why neither my practice nor the community team seem that enamoured of my choice of antenatal care...

exactly, Marina. for my post natal midwife visits last time I had to cry down the phone to the heads of midwifery at the 2 local hospitals and did manage to get one who was 'licensed' to practise (sounds like the cops in some American B movie, not being able to cross into Orange county...) and I've been advised to fix this well in advance this time...

Marina - could you help with a bit of advice? I've just heard from a friend who's had yet another miscarriage after many problems over the years (m/c after amnio; termination of trisomy 18 midway through pg; countless infections after a number of miscarriages) and she just doesn't seem to be getting the support she needs to get over it all physically & mentally. she's having a scan on friday to check what's been left behind following her d&c but her consultant is too busy to see her then & she's at a loss what to do. There's no specialist midwife at her hospital (in Manchester), what do you think she should do? (she's talking about not trying to get pregnant again, the physical & mental toll has become unbearable).

Oh Bundle, your poor friend, I was so sorry to hear this. I'm not sure I can think of anything that you may not already have thought of, however...you are so often full of good ideas and helpful tips on these sorts of thread
Katherine's from the Manchester area, maybe she will have some local knowledge or a recommendation for a different consultant/hospital?
I think it's a real shocker that your friend's consultant is too "busy" to see her, but I know it happens. I am well aware that my own consultant is taking his cue from the bereavement midwife at our place - to his credit, he is listening hard to her views on supporting women in loss. But there are others in his Dept who are a lot less receptive, so I've been lucky.
Is there an equivalent to the Recurrent Miscarriage Unit at St Mary's in the NW, do you know? If not, could she press for a referral to London? She sounds like she fulfils their criteria for admission. Maybe she will need to travel to Liverpool or Leeds?
Has she contacted the Miscarriage Association ? I have no personal experience of their services, but I know they have support groups around the country. She may even find there is a local campaign afoot to try and do something better for people experiencing pregnancy loss. I know more than one person who has found it helpful, in due course, to try and channel their sorrow and anger into securing more support and facilities for people who follow them. (We've been able to donate some money to provide additional equipment for the special room for parents at our hospital, for example).
I've also found bereavement counselling helpful and was offered it through work, very luckily for me. If she feels up to it, she could investigate this through her GP, or ask at the Chaplaincy at the hospital. They support all hospital clients through difficult times and don't expect any interest in religion in return. They usually have a bulging address book and all the time in the world to listen (please expunge all visions of Tim Brooke-Taylor from your mind now!)
She is lucky to have a friend like you who is not afraid to be there for her and give her advice and support. I can fully understand her feelings about "never again", especially after repeated loss. They may, or may not pass. A big cyber hug to you both.

oh Marina, thanks for your thoughtful and helpful reply! I think she'd not called me straight away to avoid upsetting me while I'm so pregnant and those closest to her obviously have heard it all before (her dh is really fantastic but I think it's hard to keep supporting even someone you love dearly when the news is bad virtually every time) and feel she needs professional help. I'll let you know how she gets on. x

Bundle - I've only had brief contact with Manchester as we actually live in the Peak District but the staff at the Early Pregnancy Unit at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport were wonderful with me. I had a scan to check after a loss in the main scanning unit and the scanner there was pretty horrible and insensitive but the EPU is a different world. They asked me if I wanted a referral for recurrent loss but at the time I felt I didn't need to and hopefully now it will not apply to me, but it might be worth your freind making contact there. They are so kind and supportive that I'm sure they can put her in touch with some good people at the very least.

Hi Bundle. I live in Manchester and have had several miscarriages. I was treated in what they call Gynae Emergency at St Mary's Hospital in Manchester and was referred there to a specialist called Dr Seif who deals with recurrent miscarriages. Perhaps your friend could try to get a referral there?

I hope all of you are keeping sane - been through pregnancy myself after miscarraiges and it was a strain but thankfully has now more or less faded away. Thinking of you all, Luchar.

Hi Bundle. I live in Manchester and have had several miscarriages. I was treated in what they call Gynae Emergency at St Mary's Hospital in Manchester and was referred there to a specialist called Dr Seif who deals with recurrent miscarriages. Perhaps your friend could try to get a referral there?

I hope all of you are keeping sane - been through pregnancy myself after miscarraiges and it was a strain but thankfully has now more or less faded away. Thinking of you all, Luchar.

Hello

I live in Manchester also and after my second miscarriage I was offered counselling by the miscarriage association at Wythenshawe hospital in South Manchester which was very supportive and a real help to know that there is hope. With my third pregnancy I was referred to St Mary's in case there were further problems who again supported me with several early reasurring scans. I hope this is of some use.

thanks for all the advice, I haven't heard from her yet but I texted her on Friday just so she knew I was thinking about her,
thanks again, x