Being Pregnant after a Miscarriage

[Katherine]

Hi Wills, everyone - don't feel ready to join the pregnancy threads yet as I don't want to tempt fate so as promised - here is what is hopefully a happier thread to vent that stress as the time crawls by. Need to confirm my booking in appointment with my mw today

Hi all - I wasn't sure whether or not to start another thread for this, but this one is so friendly that I decided to use this one.
I'm nearly 7 weeks pregnant, having had 2 miscarriages last year (one at 6 weeks (which my Dr assures me "doesn't count" and one at 10 weeks.)
What i wanted to ask is probably kindof weird, but it is bothering me. I already suffer from the "phantom leak" (no, just wind so far), but now I seem to be developing what I can only describe as "anxiety breast prodding". My breasts have been tender and painful since about 4 weeks, but I have become obsessed by it. I am constantly poking at them, trying to check that they are still tender, and are they more or less tender than they were yesterday? The thing that I am unsure of is does it matter? When I had ds I know that my breasts weren't tender all the way through, but how long do people find they are tender for? And does it vary from day to day? I don't think they hurt as much today as they did yesterday... is that bad? Should i stop being so sad and obsessive? (And definately try not to squeeze my breasts in public?)
Anyone got any thoughts on this subject?

Oakmaiden - when I went for my NCT birthing course, they advised us that tweaking the nipples is thought to bring on labour. Almost certainly totally unrelated, but being a paranoid sort, I'd leave them well alone if I were you.

Oakmaiden - I think tenderness of breasts is one of those things that varies, like morning sickness, cravings, moodiness and everything else. I think I remember my breasts being less tender during my first (m/c 12 weeks) pg than in my second (healthy baby) and it certainly varied. Possibly it was because I ate more cake and put on weight faster with my second pg. But to be honest it is all a bit of a haze!

Obsessions like that are understandable anyway, but perhaps prodding your boobs in public is best avoided! Good luck anyway.

Oakmaiden - lets just say that there are days when the only thing that gets me through it is prodding my breasts (as discretely as possible as though I've got an itch etc) and discovering that they are still sore. I'm now 13 weeks 3 days and they are still store although my book suggests that during the second trimester although they continue growing they do lessen in pain - find as long as my little one kicks instead. In the past 13 weeks I can honestly say that there were days when the thought of removing my bra for a bath was shear agony and other days when I was adament that it was all over because my breasts didn't hurt any longer - no matter how hard I "prodded them". I thought I'd managed to do it discretely but when I told a friend yesterday that I was pregnant she told me she'd guessed by the way I kept prodding my breasts - opps! Hope I've helped.

Clanger, If you read further down you'll see that I was left in a similar situation i.e. no support numbers but this time because I wasn't being booked in until 15.3 weeks. Now that I've got past my doctor I've discovered more helpful staff at the hospital however don't let this discourage you. I had a scan at 7wks 5days and another at 9 wks 1 day (because of bleeds) and there was an anomly of 4 days between them. Although I was told that its possible for different scanners to vary by 7 days it doesn't stop the fear. Reading the notes I've had from my hospital it says there that part of the anomoly scan performed at 20 weeks is to check that the baby is growing properly. Possibly they need a long gap to ensure that its not a difference in scanning styles but I agree its an awful long time to wait and you've not been given any support lines or people to talk to. Given that its the hospital's reaction I would investigate moving to another, its your right to do this up to and including labour. For me immediate relief was provided by my dh who paid for a private BUPA SCAN which was fantastic. Good luck

Oh Wills, what a relief. I'm so pleased things are looking good.

Thanks Wills and Mears for the info on the scanning dates. I think once you've had a m/c you do worry and it's just one of those things which I have to accept. Hopefully it will get better as things progress.

I have been thinking of moving hospital to the one I had my previous care at as it was so much better. I have also been wondering whether to have a nuchal scan (not for the reassurance but for the downs risk as I am now 35) but they don't do it at my hospital so I would have to go private. Wills how did you find a hospital which did it? I'm glad things are so much better for you now - hope it continues to go well.

Clanger, Pregnancy after miscarriage is hardwork - there sooo much worrying to do. In terms of hospitals BUPA do it although I imagine most private hospitals with a scanning unit would do one. Look at www.bupa.com to see if there is one near you. The cost for mine was £120.00 - like I said expensive but worth every penny! I went to Harpenden- don't know if that's near you but it was great.

Oakmaiden, I have been folding my arms a LOT and tightening them for the past three months - just like Wills. What we've all been up to is never going to bring on labour, now or in 20,30 + weeks' time! And I actually ASKED my midwife about the change in tenderness during the day, and she said that when you lie down with no bra on at night, they will not be so tender, but at the end of a bra-wearing, tiring (and prodding!) day, they will. Logical of course but not to worrywarts like us. Mine have been so different from hour to hour, and on some dreadful days they have not been tender at all. So don't be worried and you're not alone on this thread, it is the refuge of the seriously anxious pregnant people. Nice of your dear old GP to discount one of your pregnancy losses...and not sure if "welcome" is quite the word for this thread but you are certainly among friends here!
Clanger, if you live in London or the SE your nearest centre is probably the Harris Birthright Centre at Kings College Hospital. If you cannot get a referral on the grounds of age from your hospital, they ought to be able to direct you to your local hospital which DOES offer the nuchal. I think most health professionals recognise the value of the nuchal scan even if HA policy prevents them offering it, so they will probably know.
Like you, I am about six days "behind" my EDD according to my scans. As Mears says, they are not that bothered provided the disparity is less than a week. I am so sorry you are yet another person who has been subjected to insensitive comments and behaviour from midwives or doctors. It really shouldn't be like this and I do hope you get the treatment you deserve at your chosen hospital.

Marina, Katherine, - are you now feeling more confident? Do you still have fears or are you at long last enjoying it? I finally summed up courage to make love to my dh last night. In the morning I discovered a tissue with blood on it. Turned out to be that I've got a cold and the likelist cause was my nose. Nevertheless I've been scruntising all day and I'll swear I saw a speck of blood earlier. I've been so confident all week but it was so easily shattered. Ugh! Now I'm left with the dilema of whether or not to continue abstaining. I can't help but think I'm seriously over-reacting but..... Have either of you felt/been like this?

Wills, if your intermittent bleeding has been caused by a low placenta the chances are that you will be told to abstain either until a scan shows that the placenta is clear or until after the birth. I don't know the exact reasons why but I know that lots of people in that situation (me included) have been told to abstain from full intercourse. Sorry if this adds to any concern. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all three of you (Wills, Katherine & Marina) you're all being tested to the limits.

Wills, I haven't posted much on how I'm really feeling at times because I didn't want to depress you or anyone else in our situation, but to be honest, I am as scared and wretched a lot of the time now, as I was when I was spotting until 12 weeks. But as you asked, and to show solidarity...I came out of my nuchal walking on air and feeling happy for the first time since I saw the blue line. That confident feeling lasted about four days...since then I have been haunted by the idea that the baby might be dying/might already have died. I am not feeling any movements yet, which I didn't really expect, but well-meaning people keep asking. And I'm too far gone for the EPU, the community midwife team has not been able to return my call yet, and the next time I am scheduled to visit the hospital is for my 21 week scan. So I have summoned up the courage to visit my GP on Monday (it's near the station on my way to work, luckily) and ask him if he would check the heartbeat for me once a week when the surgery opens in the morning. I am hoping he will understand. So I just wanted you to know that if you are on a bit of a downer after your super nuchal scan experience, I understand and sympathise totally. Let's keep our chins up and look forward to hearing if Katherine had a good holiday!

Marina ... I am not surprised you are feeling like this ... hang in there ... thinking of you!

PamT, our posts crossed. Thanks so much for your kind concern - you and many other Mumsnetters seem to instinctively understand why we are not totally thrilled all the time. I had a phone call from a friend the other night who would not shut up about how lucky I was to be given a second chance and how things couldn't possibly go wrong for me again. I know she meant it kindly but she had me in tears. If it hadn't become apparent that she was quite drunk I think the conversation would have ended badly.

And then I crossed with Ghosty! I've been thinking of you a lot too, all those 1000s of miles away and hoping that things go better for you in 2003, Ghosty.

Aaah ... bless you Marina ... that means a lot! Have got all things crossed that we are pg this month!

Marina - thankyou. I know how you feel about not wanting to depress people. You've done far better than I at holding back I must say. I berate myself that people will think I'm a neurotic overthetop self indulgent... Instead everyone has been great.

PamT - thanks for the advice, I have the luxury of my booking in appointment on Monday, think I'll abstain until then and see what they think. Don't answer if you don't want - but how is your husband coping? I sometimes think men need sex more than women and I've been reading about poor bugsy's experience and it suddenly made me worry.

Hey, wishing all of you lots of luck. I think we do understand why you aren't happy all the time (I can't completely understand, obviously, I haven't been through it but YKWIM I hope). Marina, I hope your GP is supportive and gives you the reassurance you deserve. Wills, I hadn't for one minute thought there was any neurotic self indulgent stuff going on here. Not at all.

Marina, lots of luck for Monday - surely your GP will understand your concern, this is not just a whim, this is a precious life.

Wills and Ghosty and Katherine (and anybody else trying/hoping) - agree with www, we are with you all the time, how can you do anything else but worry? Hoping for good outcomes for all of you.

Wills, we are talking 7 and 10 years ago now and we weren't particularly active anyway but it didn't really become an issue. My midwife suggested that we experimented with other means of finding satisfaction My dh has had to be really patient after my bad scarring etc and it has become an issue at times but we have had to work through it. During pregnancy he took the consultants advice and didn't take it out on me.

His frustration, I mean.

I just want to add my best wishes to everyone with worries and concerns - thinking of you all,
Sue.

Marina
Can sympathise with you on the worry in between checks, I struggled with this through both my pregnancies, after my first pregnancy where it was twins with early miscarriage of one I fretted the whole time at any slightest change, and would often go to my GPs for them to check for a heartbeat, luckily, one was extremely supportive and his calm reassurances of it being ok to do this and his joy each time at hearing the heartbeat also, gradually helped be to feel more confident.

Towards the end, by this time I was quite well known at the scanning unit, and I would ring them up and ask to be checked, they would always fit me in at 9 o'clock when it was quiet, and once I just turned up there and they checked - I was always v grateful for that.

Going back to your earlier posts, about 'the trickle' I remember it well, indeed I can remember driving home from work one day, pannicking about it and actually stopping at a shop not 5 mins from where I lived where they had a toilet so I could rush to check it was okay - seems quite bizarre looking back on that but at the time the emotions and dread are very real and completely take over.

Hope your GP is supportive, and thinking of you at this time,
love mindy,