Anyone else miscarrying now?

[girlfromipanema]

Have been miscarrying since yesterday but it's been threatening since the week-end. Have lots of support but it is lonely isn't it? Any company would be very welcome....

Hi

I'm on dramaqueen's thread but wanted to say I know what you're going through as I found out today that I have m/c a 3rd time and go in tomorrow for an ERPC. Not looking forward to it as the other 2 happened naturally but don't want to go through that again.

It is lonely but you must talk about it, it does help. I found myself talking to strangers about it before because my friends tried to avoid it in case they upset me. The truth is that sometimes you need to talk about it, it helps to heal and then you find out about all these other people who have been through the same thing and it does help.

Thinking about you - you're not alone x

gfp and dm I have been where you are and im so sorry, sending {{{hugs}}}

gfp, ds, Bella and rollingrock, sorry to see you're all going through this. I've been there too (with my first pg).

Good luck if you decide to try again - I was terrified of having another miscarriage but at the same time I didn't really start to get over it until I became pg again (and as it happens I subsequently had 2 successful pgs so a happy ending).

Will be thinking of you.

going for my scan in a minute and am suddenly dreading it - when they say there's no heart beat I want to say I know I know I know already....
speak later hope you are all well, thinking of you dramaqn and bella23.

gfp - will be thinking of you when you go for your scan. Keep strong! Let us know how it goes.
I have been feeling quite stable but then went round to my best friend's house last night (she is pregnant - she is a few weeks behind me - and we were going to go through our first pregnancies back together). Well I was until she said that hopefully by next week i would feel "back to normal". It just killed me to hear that - I don't want to be back to normal - i want to be pregnant! I felt so crushed when I left! I guess it is still early days and I am not as tough as I thought I was.
Big Hugs to all who are going through this - it really is awful.

girl- i am thinking of you, what a horrible scan to have to do, but i hope you find the strength somewhere. sending you big cyber (((hugs)))
i think i've officially lost it. i couldnt sleep -head filled suddenly with images from last surgery that i had forgotten. got up feeling like death and have packed a bag. i dont know if i'm actually leaving...but i do know i cant carry on doing 'normal' cooking tea, fetching from school, and supposedly going out for a meal tonight with friends? i mean come on! doesnt everyone know what my head is full of? do they think i'm into 'small talk' right now?? i have a belly full of dead stuff, and am mentally wiped out here. i'm so lost i dont know what to do. why does everyone make it their business to know what will 'cheer me up' (like this meal) cheer me up? i'm having a m/c, i'm not going to f**king cheer up! the surgery is terrfiying me i have to say. the whole surgery for anything freaks me out, i'ma total wuss, and this op scares me even more.
what do i do now?

Drama Queen poor you! Are you going on your own? I think someone should go with you. I definately think you should cancel meal out tonight. I agree with the small talk bit - f**k it don't do it!
What helps me is to kind of go into auto pilot whilst in the surgery and i become quite clinical. I become a bit third person in order to cope.
You need lots and lots of TLC - tell your DH to take charge for a while if possible?
Oh bless - I wish i had some words of wisdom to make you feel better. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it will get better, just try and focus on that

thank god back from horrible 2 hours in the hospital. So so sorry dramaqn72 to read your post - are you going today? It's awful having to put on brave face, meal with friends - so hard to do. Have you got back up you're happy with when you go in? All the best and look after yourself.
Bella23 that is so hard - people have no idea do they? Take care too and thinking of you.
And am dreading this party at the w/end we tried to scale down but it's still7 kids and 10 adults. Most know so it will be ok if I have to just go to bed or hide under it.
But it did all hit me today really, had to wait for ultrasound in a waiting room full of pregnant woman, really depressing for dh and me. And one woman - can't blame her she wasn't to know - but was literally parading round the whole room rubbing her bump and beaming in the most delighted way, again, who can blame her but it did drive dh and me a bit mad. Had that for an hour and then a scan with an internal probe (hadn't been warned about that) and obviously there's no life there just stuff, and the scan just looked so sad and bleak, really startled me. So we had to go and wait for over 40 mins to see EPAU sister and I feel really sore, really cramped and just want to go home... finally she said scan in 10 days to see if everything is gone. Then I felt i could be upset, needed to know for certain. Felt so irrationally furious the whole time in hospital. I wonder if they think miscarrying is like having a period? She did say when I asked how easy I should take it that maybe I shouldn't drive in case I faint - but only after I asked. Do they have to leave you in a room full of pregnant women? I guess so. Can't wait to have a big glass of wine tonight! Phew. Just have to get through tomorrow and then can sleep on Sunday. thank god for my ma and poor dh. you are all a great support, very very grateful! spk soon, huge hugs to dramaqn72, bella23 and all in our melancholy boat, it is sad but I don't feel as lonely as before.

Personally I don't think they should leave you in a room full of pregnant women. I think they should have a side room for women waiting for potentially bad news.
Ideally an EPU will either have its own scanning room or be able to offer women access to a sonographer without having to hang around in main Obs Ultrasound.
If your hospital doesn't offer this currently, complain about it. Ask if they have a Bereavement Midwife and enlist her/his support. (And if they don't have one, complain about that too).
So sorry to hear of your news and experiences, dramaqueen and girlfromipanema.
I am a veteran of pregnancy loss and nailbiting hours in EPUs, my heart goes out to you both today.

Gfp - deary me what a horrible time! Yes the internal scan kind of adds insult to injury doesn't it! At least you have that stage over with. I think of this whole process as stages, each one just has to be endured and then on to the next. I was fine for the last 2 days but seemed to have reached the "wanting to cry all the time stage" at the moment! Never mind will endure and then hopefully can move on!
Glad you have realised you are not alone, I agree it does help to know others who are going through the same. Lots of love and support to all going through this horrible time xx

hugs to you all! i also found my local hospital to be really inconsiderate and insensitive when i had my mc. I went to A&E due to bleeding at 7 weeks and was examined by a gynea, they told me i had to stay in over night so i could have a scan done in the morning. After an hour of waiting they told me the only bed they had was on the maternity ward and asked if i minded being on a ward with other ladies who were in labour and heavily pregnant! I broke down and told them i would much rather spend the night on a trolley which is what i did, night on trolley in a&e. It was horrid.

sorry for my desperate post this morning. broke down today and told dh just how i can bearly function, never mind fake 'normal' and its been lots easier since. mil bustled round and took dd so i could sleep, and now shes back she has fallen a sleep. someone else is doing school run, and i dont have to go on meal out now. feel relieved.
i have no idea how i will get thro this week but i dont really have an option. i am getting increasing nervous about surgery -tho have decided this is the best option if bad scan next wed. anyone 'medical' out there know if they can do anything for extremely nervous people? like knock me out before wheeling me down, or something. its the actualy whoel 'operation' thing that freaks me, i'm so ridiculous.
girl- i'm so sorry it was awful for you. just try and see it as one step closer to the day you can draw a line under this and move on. i wish you an easy week. stupid nurses and waiting rooms!!!! gosh we have a seperate waiting room in our epu, but we have to walk thro the 'usual' scan room first and not only is it full of great joyful pg women but everyone knows where you are going. awful.
oh yes internal scans are not very dignified are they? but they do give good readings and measurements.
my mil is most concerned that it may all be a terible mistake and just a smaller baby than expected. i keep trying to explain to her that medicine is much more advanced than she thinks.
bella, how are doing today? hows the recovery going? i hope youre also one step closer to being over the worst bits.
do you think it would make any difference if i asked for my scan to be moved forward? they seemed pretty firm on a whole week when we were there. however scared i am of surgery it would be nicer to be 'past it' and not have it looming like some nightmare.
oh i read i was not supposed to drive after surgery incase of sudden painful bleeding - did they say that to you?
girl- ds birthday is also now low key, i feel bad as we have decided not to tell the children, so they dont know. however ds is older and happy with cinema trip and burgers rather than big bash at home. thankfully dh is doing the whole thing. i feel for you having to be jolly.
thinking of everyone from here in 'sunny' southampton.

Just to let you know that I am thinking of you.

gfp, dq,bella
have posted on other threads but want to catch up with you and say its shit ,2nd missed mc for me feel awful
love and hugs
d/c tues 25 - im waiting as on hols next week
empty sac so dont feel like theres a baby inside me

dq - read your post properly now
im a doctor and would say dont worry about d/c - its quick,pretty painless and one the needle is in you are straight to sleep and awake really quickly
you can have a premed sedative if necessary
dont worry - ive no hesitation about having a second one

hi everyone, hope you are all well. I'm sinking a little now and feel weepy and pathetic and can't face loads of people tomorrow at all. i'm sure it will be fine but the thought of it is so awful. yesterday i felt better when people knew and now I hate it and I hate the way people are when you tell them (except here) people are so odd aren't they? but it's not easy to say the right thing I'm sure. I think more than anything else, I had no no no no no idea what it meant emotionally or physically to have a m/c. I had no idea how grim it is. I feel like a wild animal that's been shot and is kind of limping around the bush. it's just too grim isn't it. i had no idea.
dramaqn72 you are so clever to not have people back I so thought I would feel better by tomorrow and I feel worse today than ever. dh says I can stay in bed if I want.
hope you are ok bella and dramaqn72 and everyone else. huge sounds of dh mopping downstairs loo floor - sounds not often heard........
just poured first glass of wine - it tastes fantastic.
thanks thanks thanks thanks

girlfromipanema - yes, that's how I felt. So few people knew what to say, and I was shocked at how physically grim it was, even so early. I've always appreciated that miscarriage must be emotionally horrendous, but I wasn't expecting to feel so unwell. I must have cried solid for almost a week, and then carried on being weepy for about a month. The period following my miscarriage was almost as bad as the miscarriage itself - it felt like being back there - partly because I'd convinced myself I was pregnant again and I wasn't, of course. What I'm trying to say is that you must take great care of yourself - and insist that others take care of you too - because you will probably feel distressed for a while yet. The good news is that, nearly two months on, I am feeling much, much better. Still sad - like dawnybabs, I think about it every day - but pretty much back to normal. Lots of love and hugs to you and dramaqueen, bella, rollingrock and hereshoping xxx

thanks hester, i'm going to try to go to bed now, just want horlicks and quiet house......

I will let you know how I knuckle ride it through the joys of tomorrow.............. all the best to all and hope you have a good night. I now just hate that everyone knows - not here but in my life - don't know why - just want it to be private.

Are you ok dramaqn72? Did you manage some rest? I hope so. And Bella? Hope you are having as much rest as poss too. Thanks hester, hereshoping, pamina, marina and anyone needing to be around this topic.

Been there too. Its horrible and nothing can make it right. I spent weeks/months thinking 'why me' Lots of love to you xxxxxxxx

Dramaqueen if you have to have the surgery please try not to fret about it, I had an erpc, back in 92 and it was very quick, I doubt I was out for longer than 20 mins, I will never forget what the nurse said that went down with me" we are going to give you a nice clean slate for next time" what the?! I couldnt beleive she could be so insensitive, whaen I had to have a d&c after misscarrying again at about 10-11 weeks, I had to save my passed out products and take them to hospital, the only thing I had was a nenvelope, when I went down to theatre, the nurse handed the "products" over which by now where in a spec jar and said" this was passed out earlier" like I had passed abloody gallstone, not my baby that I so desperately wanted.Dm have posted on your other thread with some hopefull words, sorry if I sound naive.

{{{hugs}}} to everyone else who is posting on here.

girl, hope youre fast asleep now. i'm in a conflict with youngest dd who i am 'weaning' from bfing quicker than planned ( i was starting, slowly) as i know the painkillers i will be on means she cant feed then anyhow. shes not suffering really -shes 18mths!- but she can put up one hell of a fight! but shes just about crashed out now so will also be heading for bed.
nearly decided to try again one day, funny something i wasnt absolutely keen on, well when i cant do it i need to do it -kwIm? theres no rush but i might well be ttc this year sometime. i hope everyone here gets another go too. should end on a good pg i think.
seems so many from due in aug, or is it just how it looks? space- i replied on other thread, thanks for those words, dont think they are me but it was nice to read.
girl i REALLY want you to check in tomorrow and say youre okay. i hope its easy on you.
found out today someone fairly close 'got rid' of her -and i quote- 'badly timed' baby. the irony hit dh and i hard, i've never been exceptionally overly 'pro-life' but these times make you see things SO differently dont they?
anyhow i am tired, rambling and achey so i am off to bed. love you guys.

thanks for all msgs, I really look forward to checking in here and feel so looked after when someone's written something.
Space that's so hideous, do they have to be so insensitive? Would it be clinically counterproductive to assume a woman has feelings? I don't understand it at all and it makes me so angry.
DramaqnI can't believe how much you have on your plate to deal with and trying to wean a little one as well is that going ok? thinking of you loads and sending you hugs for this wait and am thinking of you and with you all the way until Weds. Did the bday work at all as a distraction?
It did a bit for me but at some cost. At least dh and mil and family did everything and I just had to sit and smile at everyone.
I got through mostly by being inanely cheerful and drinking plenty of wine. Like you said about your m, I am also getting increasingly fed up with everyone else's assumptions about how long it will take to 'get over'. I love the people who just look sympathetic and let me define the experience rather than defining it for me.
I woke up this morning at 7ish thinking how horribly true the words blighted and barren are. I felt so full of hope when I was pregnant and I now feel so like it just dropped me. I know that's not rational but I just feel so sorry for myself almost as if I wasn't good enough and didn't deserve this special thing to happen - I know I know that's crazy, I just feel so unlucky today. And I want my dh to express his disappointment and yet feel worse when he does, I felt such wonderful power to bring happiness almost and now it's as if I 've let everyone down. I know they aren't thinking that or saying that - I just feel so miserable!
My sister really hurt my feelings when she said that my MIL really wants a grand daughter doesn't she. I couldn't believe it - my s knows all about my mc. phew.
my dh said that we should ttc again asap and that made me want to hide under the bed, I feel so ill and it's so painful I can't imagine ttc but like some have said - it does get better does it?
Huge hugs to you all and so grateful. take care dramaqn, thinking of you and bella and hereshoping and all. ;)

morning everyone. i'm still pretty low today. gosh a whole week of me being like this must be so fu to live iwth. but i cant help it. everytime i 'enjoy' myself i feel awful, guilty and crap.
girl - glad you got thro the party. i really didnt have to do much, dh did it all. but even the fake smiles when answering door to guests were hard to muster.
i know exactly how youre feeling about spreading misery instead of happiness. i feel too i have 'let everyone down', altho no-one has said so of course. seems nature is against me having a good week in any shape or form, have headache and cold today. feel so tired and old. i feel about 110. i hope 2005 gets better, feels like whole year ruined already. gosh i sound negative, but then i FEEL negative. somebody slap me.
today am going to buy nightshirt and dressing gown for hospital trip. assume i am taking one next week sometime.
wishing everyone a better day.