Think there’s a shadow of a line and need to know to start meds - after many losses

[DancinOnTheCeiling]

I hope someone can help. I’m convinced there's a shadow of a line. I’ve had many losses and have been prescribed high dose prednisolone, progesterone, aspirin, clexan injection etc. as I have issues with NK cells. Most of my losses have been at a very early stage so it is time sensitive to start the meds; otherwise I’d just wait until I know for sure I’m pregnant. We cannot seem to get a decent pregnancy test. FRERs are nowhere to be found. DH is trying to get a boots 5 days early. I hate all the blue dye ones. Any other decent tests? I think a FRER might arrive from Amazon tomorrow but I’ve heard Amazon FRERs are dodgy. I don’t want to start that type of medication unnecessarily as it’s strong, progesterone messes with my cycle etc. But I’m also worried if I don’t ‘get in there’ early it will be another loss. Thought I saw a tiny shadow of line last night but it didn’t come up on a picture and I’m convinced today’s is noticeable (if you look closely). Any thoughts? What would you do?

I was wondering how you were getting on as we hadn't heard from you. Was hoping everything was OK. A miscarriage around mother's day is really hard isn't it. I bawled my eyes out on mothers day. Felt like I was being so ungrateful for what I do have. Think a lot of it was hormones as well. Sorry to hear you've had a rough time of it the last week. I hope the second half of the week is much kinder to you.

Thank you yes I'm looking forward to a much needed break and quality time.

@DancinOnTheCeiling hope you're doing OK and you don't need any further medical intervention. I had medical management once quite a few years ago and I bled for about 8 weeks. I didn't realise it wasn't meant to last that long and never rang EPU or anyone. Think now I probably had retained tissue which cleared at my next period, but didn't know anything like what I do now (unfortunately). Hope you're managing to have moments of peace.

Hi @UrsulaSings123 and @nearly8. That's me on the ward today, have had suppositories but nothing is happening yet.

Sorry your AF has arrived @nearly8 and also that it's so strong/intense, how awful and unfair. Wow 68 hours, that's so much work, I really do hope you get a break.

@UrsulaSings123 glad you're going away soon and that your DS is being looked after.

So sorry to hear that both of you had such a difficult Mother's Day. Mine was okay actually other than being incredibly tired. Tiredness has actually been my biggest thing with this MC - I could sleep all day and night. I have been quite detached emotionally actually, so I do wonder if the tiredness is my body's way of processing it all.. I just want it all to be over and done with xx

Sending you much love for today. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible. Yes I think our bodies do feel the emotional pain if we're not able to let it out elsewhere. I hope you get enough rest.

Thanks @UrsulaSings123. It's been over 4 hours and nothing is happening. I'm so fed up.

I hope the medical management works for you, OP.
Some women end up needing surgical as well.

That's what I was like with medical management as well. Even when I had the misopropol before my surgical management it didn't seem to do much. So sorry you're feeling so fed up and in hospital. Will they let you go home at some point or do you have to stay? Is anyone with you?

@DancinOnTheCeiling I hope you're ok sweet. How are things going? Do you have company? One of the reasons I shun away from medical interference is the endless waiting in hospital. I hate being in there anyway so just waiting around makes it worse. Big hugs for you 🤗💐 I know what you mean with the tiredness too. I think you're right in that processing all the emotions and the mental strain is draining and so the natural reaction is tiredness.

@UrsulaSings123 thank you. Yes I hope I have a better 2nd half but I'm on a night shift tonight (after a really shitty dentist appointment resulting in two extractions and no pain relief) and I'm on split shirt tomorrow (14 hours total) and 9hours Sunday so at least I'll be busy haha. When is it that you go away? Sending you lots of hugs too sweet 🤗💐

Oh my goodness I am so scared of the dentist, that sounds awful! Fair play for still going to work, I think I would have called in sick 😂

We are going on Tuesday and coming back on fri. Bet it will go so quickly but really looking forward to a change of scene.

Hi @UrsulaSings123 @nearly8 and @TheShellBeach. Just posting for an update. I was in all day Friday, had 4 vaginal pessaries and later 2 oral tablets and nothing happened. But my cervix was open so they thought it was better I stayed overnight (I agreed as didn't want stuff to happen at home), I got 2 more oral tablets and still nothing happened overnight 😩. By the end I was soooo fed up as it also included so much waiting around. I have to come back on Monday morning and we'll do a surgical procedure - but there could be more waiting as far as I understand, depending on whether it's under GA or awake. This will all be discussed on Monday, and I think I'll decide for one or the other depending on what's available and when. Not what I hoped or planned for but I'm trying to trust the universe here (but am also incredibly fed up).

@nearly8 oh my goodness, two extractions with no pain relief sound awful. Are you doing okay? You sound very tough, I'm such a wimp compared to you.

@UrsulaSings123 not long to go until your trip. How are you feeling physically and emotionally?

Hi @DancinOnTheCeiling I'm really sorry that this is dragging on for you.

I hope you get a resolution tomorrow. The whole thing is just so sad. Just tragic.

Thank you @TheShellBeach, much appreciated ♥️

@DancinOnTheCeiling omg sweet that just sounds awful. All that waiting around. I think you're very sensible to just go with the earliest available option. I would get just as fed up as you too. Maybe you need some prosecco in your life today. Unfortunately life has made me have to be incredibly tough even when I don't feel like it but luckily I feel a lot better than I did on Friday 🤣 sat at work yet again until 6pm.

@UrsulaSings123 oh trust me I hate the dentist. I had just left it so long and it needed to be done. I feel much better now though. Yes a change of scenery will do you the works of good. The weather looks to be getting better too. Spring equinox is on 20th so here's to sunshine and blossoms all round.

Take care both of you, massive hugs to you both 💐💐🤗🤗

I hope you're reasonably okay,
@DancinOnTheCeiling
Have you had the surgery?

@DancinOnTheCeiling hope things went OK this week.

@nearly8 hope you've managed to have some time to yourself not at work!

Thinking of you both.

@UrsulaSings123 unfortunately no 😂 I'm at work more than ever as our boss is on holiday and we're still short staffed. Sorry I haven't been around just recently but life sometimes takes you spinning in circles 😂. Hope you are ok. How is your TTC journey doing right now? AF arrived this morning so clearly another failed month. We've been kind of trying I suppose but I've been more interested in connecting with my DH in a loving way than a TTC way if that makes sense and I feel much better for it tbh. My brother's wife gave birth on 25/03 which just so happened to be my due date for my second MC. She was 4 weeks early.... I'm happy for them but it was a bit of a kick to the stomach. Hope you are doing well and that you enjoyed your time away. 💐
@DancinOnTheCeiling hope you are ok too sweet 💐

@nearly8 just seen you post on another thread and realised I forgot to reply. That must have been so difficult. I have been feeling very angry with people who are getting pregnant. Its obviously nothing they have done, it's all about my feelings of loss, but I think I would have found that extremely difficult and not gonna lie how I am right now I probably wouldn't have even felt happy for them. I hope the intensity of the feelings get less over time for you. Its so difficult when it's family because it's in your face all the time.

Yes I totally get that DTD in more loving way than TTC way. We are just going into fertile week now and last night it was almost like 'right let's just get this done'. Luckily we both find it quite funny (at the moment, fully aware that may change if we're still doing that in a years time) so it doesn't make us feel bad at all, but wearing myself out DTD for TTC means I often don't get to a point where I feel like doing it because I want to, because that takes a little while to build up. I'm glad you're feeling better for it.

And yes it was lovely to spend some time together somewhere we hadn't been before.

@UrsulaSings123 @TheShellBeach @nearly8
So sorry I have been so quiet. I haven't been able to face updating this thread.. but anyway here goes. So went into hospital the Monday after I had medical management for surgery - they scanned me and it turned out there was only about 9mm of pregnancy tissue there, so somehow the pregnancy must have (mostly) passed. They said they wouldn't do surgery for so little tissue, and I was so chuffed. So either most of the tissue had passed even before medical management (I had had ongoing bleeding for weeks anyway - but never anything major passed) or the medical management somehow worked after all but as I said nothing really happened there other than some clots. Anyway, they said it should all be fine and to test again in three weeks and my tests should be negative. And to call the EPU if positive. Well, I've done some tests and they're still positive. Very very very faint but still not negative. And I only just realised yesterday that it's now 3 weeks plus 2 days since the scan. I thought it was only 2 weeks ago. I have been a bit head in the sand which is very unlike me but I just want it all to go away!!!! we're now on holiday and only back on Sunday so I haven't even phoned them; this is all so unlike me as I'm a planner and a 'do as the doctor says' and according to DH a goodie two shoes but I just don't want to call. I know I sound a bit insane. And I am testing again tomorrow or Friday - and honestly the lines are so so so faint but having done about a million tests in my life they are definitely there. Argh!!!!!!! I am praying and hoping that by tomorrow or at least by Sunday the lines have gone in which case I feel I don't need to call the EPU but am also dreading that they might still be there and also how to explain that I haven't called (if they are still positive) - maybe tell the truth ie that I've mixed up my dates.. what would you do?

Ps I am also kind of annoyed that I had to have medical management without them scanning me again prior to it. For all I know most of my pregnancy tissue might've already passed before even starting med management (and since I had had my last scan before that one), so why they didn't scan me first I don't underhand. They just asked had I passed more clots and since I had 'only' had bleeding they didn't scan me again. But I seem to be one of those people where it all happens very very very slowly over weeks and weeks. Anyway I am rambling now. Am I even making any sense?

@TheShellBeach thank you so much for checking in by the way xx

@nearly8 so sorry AF arrived and totally understand how hard it must be that your niece/nephew was born on your original due date 😢😢. And can't believe how much you're working. Sending hugs xx

@UrsulaSings123 totally understandable you're feeling angry. I've had so many feelings, mostly jealousy. Our neighbours have a 10 month old and I saw her from far away recently and thought she might have a bump and felt so jealous. Still haven't worked out if she is or isn't as keep seeing her from far away - but I keep trying to remind myself that the likelihood of me becoming pregnant doesn't have anything to do with whether or not she is.. argh it's so unfair. Sending hugs xx

@DancinOnTheCeiling oh darling that sounds awful. Talk about dragging out the process!! Well I am definitely the complete opposite of you. I avoid doctors/hospitals as much as I can. I never even went to EPU for my second and third losses. Didn't see much point and find it hard to entertain the sing song Molly cuddling they seem to do. I'm like I'm 37 years old and you're speaking to me like a 3 year old. However, in your situation I think if you're still testing positive Monday you're going to have to call. Yes tell them you got your dates mixed up. You won't be the first and definitely not the last. Plus you deserved to enjoy your holiday. I totally get what you mean about burying your head in the sand. I sometimes wish I could just erase the last 13 months from my memory. Keep us updated sweet, we're all here for you 💐💐 thanks for your kind words and yes I am working far too much but such is life 😂😂

@UrsulaSings123 yes it does get confusing being in different threads. I fully understand what you mean about being angry. Anything pregnancy/baby related does make me pretty angry. I don't begrudge anyone their pregnancy as one thing I have learnt through this process is I don't know their specific journey but the unfairness of the situation really hits hard. I like being in control of things and being so helpless in this situation really doesn't bode well with me. Remember that all of the anger and sadness you are feeling is ok. Don't ever feel guilty for it. Try to be happy to but if all you can manage is a small smile and you want to cry and shout go for it all guns blazing. Its healthy.
So an update my end.... AF only lasted 4 days!! This is unheard of since I started my period at the tender age of 10. Even after my first two losses it was at least 7 days (usually 10!). So despite the torrential flow I had (it was pretty bad) it was over before it started. Even DH was shocked 🤣🤣 he was like 'are you sure? Obviously not pregnant again but here goes another month. I have put on 2 stone since the start of this bullshit which is also really grating on my last nerve. I think it's because my body literally goes into full pregnancy mode soon as the embryo implants!! So my body has geared itself up three times now for nothing and the end result is 2 extra stone of bodyweight. I feel like a hot mess tbh. Its really strange cause it's all around my belly and boob area making me look about 8 months pregnant which just about tips me over the edge. Buuuut I'm still here. I'm still standing. Albeit slightly larger than before!!
Take care Hun, keep me updated if you can 💐💐

@DancinOnTheCeiling oh my goodness that all sounds like a total nightmare. Not surprised you wanted to stick your head in the sand! Have you spoken to them by now? I hope your tests are showing negative by now (not very often you say that to someone!). What an upsetting situation just made so much worse.

I would totally feel the same way about that neighbour. I have someone in my extended friendship network who was in hospital having her baby when I had surgical management and, I'm not even going to mince my words, at the moment I feel like I hate her. There is no reason to actually hate her, but I feel so absolutely jealous it's turned into a really angry feeling of hate. Almost like all my angry feelings about the situation are being put on her. I know I'll feel better in time, and that it's nothing really to do with her, but I'm just being honest because MC really does leave you with ugly feelings.

Thinking of you and hope you're OK.

@nearly8 yeah I put on half a stone over the last few months which I'm just trying to lose at the moment! I always find it soo hard to lose weight. My period only lasted 36 hrs! Shortest period I've ever had, but usually its still only a few days. Just in a tww atm, waiting to test tomorrow, but I'm not holding out much hope. I usually know when I feel pregnant and I don't really feel it this time. My last cycle was shorter as well at 24 days, so just hoping this cycle is a bit more normal.

@UrsulaSings123 yes I had a super short period this month too. Only 4 days where usually it's 7-10. Not complaining though I would be happy if it stayed that way despite it being tsunami like. I am pretty sure I'm ovulating (and have been the past few days) I'm not tracking it but have had ewcm so who knows. Gave DTD a few times but not really expecting anything to come if it if I'm honest. Even if I did get a BFP the last two times have ended in MC so not holding out hope there either. Totally understand your anger at other pregnancies ATM. Just found out that my mum's friends daughter gave birth the same day as my SIL which was my due date from MC 2. I was angry for a few days. I don't feel resentment to them as such I am still happy for them but it's just so unfair. Found some old baby clothes whilst having a clear out the other day and had a little mini meltdown. Threw a load of stuff about and slammed a few doors before sitting down sobbing on the bathroom floor. I would like to say it made me feel better but it didn't 🤣. Hope you are doing ok and you too @DancinOnTheCeiling . Take care both of you 💐💐