Think there’s a shadow of a line and need to know to start meds - after many losses

[DancinOnTheCeiling]

I hope someone can help. I’m convinced there's a shadow of a line. I’ve had many losses and have been prescribed high dose prednisolone, progesterone, aspirin, clexan injection etc. as I have issues with NK cells. Most of my losses have been at a very early stage so it is time sensitive to start the meds; otherwise I’d just wait until I know for sure I’m pregnant. We cannot seem to get a decent pregnancy test. FRERs are nowhere to be found. DH is trying to get a boots 5 days early. I hate all the blue dye ones. Any other decent tests? I think a FRER might arrive from Amazon tomorrow but I’ve heard Amazon FRERs are dodgy. I don’t want to start that type of medication unnecessarily as it’s strong, progesterone messes with my cycle etc. But I’m also worried if I don’t ‘get in there’ early it will be another loss. Thought I saw a tiny shadow of line last night but it didn’t come up on a picture and I’m convinced today’s is noticeable (if you look closely). Any thoughts? What would you do?

@UrsulaSings123 thinking of you; not long to go now. Oh I'm so sorry about your experience re your friend's baby, it's hard. Sending a handhold.

I had a very early miscarriage before we conceived DD but I didn't even need any intervention or anything and conceived DD the following cycle. This was after about 4 months of TTC so not very long. So similar to you, looking back I didn't really realise how lucky I was. After the first miscarriage since having DD I naively thought 'oh well, I had a miscarriage before DD, so after this miscarriage I'll have a successful pregnancy'. How naive was that! To think just because that's what happened before DD it would be the same; little did I know I'd have so many miscarriages. I also never thought in a million years it'd take so long/be an issue to conceive DC2. It all sucks 🥲🥲🥲

It really does suck doesn't it. I am worrying about our son having a much younger sibling. He will be at least 4 now. I really wanted them to be closer in age as I imagined they'd be closer and play with eachother and stuff. My partner is 51 as well (I am 35) so we don't want him to be much older before having another one. I keep worrying about him dying when they are young. How morbid and horrible to be thinking like that.

I am very scared for tomorrow.

@UrsulaSings123 I am sorry you are scared for tomorrow. I totally get it though, I can't decide which option to go for as scared of them all. I'll be thinking of you. What time is your procedure?

I feel the exact same re age gap too; ours is even bigger.. I now try and see the positives eg that my DD could help me, and she's so much more patient now than she used to be.. but ultimately I'd have loved a much smaller age gap. My DH is (a bit) younger than yours but I'm (a good bit) older than you so I understand all the worries about age etc.

If only we could see into the future and knew that it would happen and when, it'd make things so much easier wouldn't it? Xx

Thinking of you today @UrsulaSings123 xx

@UrsulaSings123 I hope everything went ok sweet and that you're rested up and taking care of yourself 💐💐
@DancinOnTheCeiling thank you for your kind words the other day.

Sorry I haven't been on the last couple of days ladies, I've been so busy with work, no signs of it slowing down either!! I understand what you mean about age gap but I think that one thing this crazy journey has taught me is not to get caught up on the details. At the start of 2023 I had it all sussed, I was pregnant I started getting ready to add to the family again and then March 9th that all changed. And I'll never go back to that naive mindset again. @DancinOnTheCeiling I totally get what you mean when you said 'oh it'll be fine cause abc happened last time' once I MCd the first time the next time I caught I was like 'must have just been a glitch in the system, pregnant again now ok wont have a baby 2023 but thats fine'. 2 more MC and I'm just all over the place. Now there won't be a baby 2024 either. But like I said ladies we must gather ourselves, keep our heads high and just keep going. We are strong. Sending you both lots of love and hugs today 💐💐

@UrsulaSings123 I hope you're as okay as can be 💐. No pressure at all to post; the last thing I'd want for you is to feel 'update pressure'. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hope you got through the procedure somehow xx

@nearly8 wow you work a lot, I hope you manage to get some down time at some point. Are you continuing to test? Xx

Thank you. I've been in hospital since 9am yesterday waiting for it. They took me down about 3pm and I'm back on the ward now. Feeling quite sore. They prescribed me oral morphine so have asked for some of that. Am hoping to go home this evening.

Did you have your other scan today? How did it go?

I meant to quote you but quoted @nearly8 instead - woops. Obviously still not quite with it.

I hope you got home tonight @UrsulaSings123. So sorry to hear you're sore. I hope the pain meds help and you get some sleep/rest...

My scan is tomorrow. I'll post an update after xx

Hope it goes OK. Will be thinking of you.

I am just heading home now. Looking forward to being in my own bed.

I've only just seen this thread.
I'm so sorry you've got this uncertainty, @DancinOnTheCeiling

I had loads of miscarriages and I know how awful it is for you.

Wishing you the very best for tomorrow.

@UrsulaSings123 I hope you managed to get home and that the pain meds took the edge off for you. Look after yourself 💐💐

@DancinOnTheCeiling thinking of you today sweet 💐💐

Thank you everyone. I will update later.

@UrsulaSings123 glad you got home. How are you feeling? Xx

How are you doing? Thinking of you.

I'm OK, feeling a bit randomly emotional every now and again and a bit delicate still but mostly OK.

How are you, OP?

I forgot to update yesterday. Miscarriage confirmed, and the pregnancy sac has already been getting smaller. I'm honestly better than I have been as at least now there's no more guessing. I actually opted for medical management. Really surprised at myself but after discussion I felt that's what I wanted to go for. I will have to take tablets on Wednesday, then be in the ward for the day on Friday...

Glad you're mostly okay @UrsulaSings123. No wonder you're still emotional at times.. is it next week you're off on your trip? Xx

Aahhh I'm sorry to hear this, although I know you knew it was coming its still sad when they actually say it. What made you decide to go for that option this time?

It's a week on Tuesday for 3 nights. Totally haven't done any planning for it whatsoever!

I'm so sorry, @DancinOnTheCeiling that's just awful, even when you're expecting it.

Glad you still have a bit of time until your trip @UrsulaSings123. Despite all the sadness, I really hope you get to enjoy yourself, at least for some of your trip.. is it just you and partner/husband that's going?

Not quite sure why I went for medical management. I had originally thought that's what I want. Then thought it might end up in surgical management if there's retained product from medical management, so thought I don't want it. But also really really didn't want the MVA, defo didn't want to let it happen naturally and was/am kind of scared of general anaesthetic due to my weight gain.. the EPU midwife said medical management should be 85% successful and my body is already starting the process.. so somehow my gut just suddenly felt that's what I want to do. There's a tiny part of me that thinks gosh if it doesn't work I'll have to have surgical and it was all for nothing but I'm just really hoping that won't happen. Basically I feel all the options are rubbish and somehow that one felt a tiny little bit less rubbish when discussing it. Here's hoping 🤞🏻🤞🏻.

Thank you @TheShellBeach 💔💔. I was so so hopeful when I had these amazing dark lines. I'm trying really hard to think there's a higher power out there and this just wasn't our baby... and that if we're meant to have another baby then it will happen. I only manage to believe in this mantra about 2% of the time though! Xx

@nearly8 how are you doing? Xx

Yes it's just me and my partner. My mum will be looking after our son.

It really is choosing the 'least worst' option isn't it. I only chose surgical because I had medical before and I bled for like 6/7 weeks which I didn't realise at the time wasn't supposed to happen. Even though I chose surgical I was still shaking and crying when they wheeled me in to have it done. But I just wanted it over and done with.

I try and think the same as you 'it will happen when its meant to' but its so hard to let go of that longing and hoping and disappointment and sadness etc. I said to my other half the other day I can't wait until hopefully we have had another one and then we never have to do this again. Ttc and pregnancy etc is all so unbelievably stressful and anxiety invoking.

@DancinOnTheCeiling @UrsulaSings123 sorry I've been absent for a bit ladies. What with working 68 hour weeks, the anniversary of my first miscarriage the day before mother's day and 2 new pregnancy announcements I've been a bit all over the place. OH and AF finally made an appearance on the 7th and OMG it was like having 3 miscarriages all at once. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't like this the last two times and it really knocked me for 6. But never mind me how are you two lovely ladies doing?

@DancinOnTheCeiling how are you feeling since your medical management? I've never experienced it so not really sure what it entails and I'm sorry it was bad news. It's so heartbreaking isn't it. Hope you are managing to smile and keep in good spirits intermittently. 💐💐

@UrsulaSings123 hope you are able to enjoy your trip sweet. Try and relax as hard as I know that is sometimes.💐💐

I know what you both mean about trying to stay positive. I mean logic tells us that it clearly wasn't 'our time' but emotions kick in as how unfair that actually is and the fact we haven't done anything wrong and tests can't really determine a 'problem' as such. So frustrating and ultimately head wrecking. Sending you lots of love and hugs and smiles 💐💐