Think there’s a shadow of a line and need to know to start meds - after many losses

[DancinOnTheCeiling]

I hope someone can help. I’m convinced there's a shadow of a line. I’ve had many losses and have been prescribed high dose prednisolone, progesterone, aspirin, clexan injection etc. as I have issues with NK cells. Most of my losses have been at a very early stage so it is time sensitive to start the meds; otherwise I’d just wait until I know for sure I’m pregnant. We cannot seem to get a decent pregnancy test. FRERs are nowhere to be found. DH is trying to get a boots 5 days early. I hate all the blue dye ones. Any other decent tests? I think a FRER might arrive from Amazon tomorrow but I’ve heard Amazon FRERs are dodgy. I don’t want to start that type of medication unnecessarily as it’s strong, progesterone messes with my cycle etc. But I’m also worried if I don’t ‘get in there’ early it will be another loss. Thought I saw a tiny shadow of line last night but it didn’t come up on a picture and I’m convinced today’s is noticeable (if you look closely). Any thoughts? What would you do?

@UrsulaSings123 @DancinOnTheCeiling sorry I haven't replied up until now. DD2s birthday today so my only day off this week (yesterday) was a complete rush around. I'm at work now 😩
@UrsulaSings123 sorry to hear about the bleeding. It's not always bad news but as you say you were also measuring behind I understand your concern. Hope you get some answers at your scan today and I'm here for a hand hold should you need one sweet 💐💐

@DancinOnTheCeiling how are you today? Hope you're not too bad and that Friday rolls around quick for you 💐💐

Thank you both. Had confirmed miscarriage today. Fetal pole still only 3.9mm and no heartbeat at 9+3. Booked in for surgical management next Wed but they also booked me in for mva a week on Tuesday, so I have time to think about which option I would prefer. I don't want medical or expectant management.

Oh I'm so so sorry @UrsulaSings123. I know you knew it anyway but it's still such sad news. Sending you a handhold. What is the difference between survival management and an MVA? (I've had two MVAs).

I'm okay thank you @nearly8. Going between having glimmers of hope and then thinking 'there's no way this is going to end well'. Happy birthday to your daughter 💐.

In my hospital MVA is done under local anaesthetic and the surgical one is very similar procedure wise but done under a general.

Have your mva's been painful? How quickly did you recover?

I am really rooting for you, only a few days to go xx

Oh hunny I'm so sorry it's bad news. Always here for a hand hold my darling. I've never had medical intervention with any of my MC so can't comment on which would be the 'better' choice. All I will say is follow your gut. Please try to find something to smile about today sweet as hard as I know that is in these dark times. Look after yourself 💐💐

Thank you sweet, she had a really good day. The up and down emotions are so familiar Hun, the wait is so hard. Be kind to yourself, try to find something to smile about today. Please keep me updated if you can 💐💐

@DancinOnTheCeiling been thinking of you today. Sending love ❤️

@DancinOnTheCeiling thinking of you today and sending a hand hold

Thank you @UrsulaSings123 and @nearly8. Just waiting for my appointment. I've started bleeding red blood and having cramps (before that it was brown and pink). Can't be good news... I'll update later.

@UrsulaSings123 my MVAs were not good experiences. They were very painful for me. But I think that's quite unusual. I have an autoimmune condition that causes me a lot of pain so I think I'm very pain sensitive. Don't let me put you off an MVA. My friend had it and was fine..

@UrsulaSings123 ps the recovery after was totally fine and quick. Just the procedure itself was very tricky for me..

Thank you. If I make it to Wednesday then I will have the general anaesthetic one. How things are going I definitely won't last long enough for the mva the following week.

Hope your appointment goes OK x

@UrsulaSings123 I'm pretty much in the same position as you. There has been growth in that there is now a fetal pole (wasn't there two weeks ago), but like it was with you it is small and they can't diagnose a miscarriage yet. The fetal pole is 2.5mm and they need to scan me next week to confirm miscarriage. I should be 9+1 today. The midwife was really good and basically said it is a miscarriage, just can't be officially diagnosed yet for the same reasons they gave you. At least it's good to hear the guidelines are consistent. Can't believe I have to wait another week and have to have another scan. I'm wondering if I should stop the progesterone because I think that might be artificially delaying the miscarriage (I might be making this up).

Glad you've made a decision about your procedure. How come you're booked into two different ones again?

Ps @UrsulaSings123 will you be able to go on your holiday (if you're even up for it)?

I'm so sorry to hear about your scan. It's such a horrible position to be in, waiting for confirmation and having to carry on. Are you able to call the hospital and ask if you should continue with the progesterone or not?

I found the waiting between scans worse than getting the confirmation. It sounds strange but I was almost looking forward to booking in for treatment as I knew I had an end point and could try and move on. I had to wait 3 weeks in the end and had 4 scans. In that time I think I did most of my grieving for our loss, but obviously it's still upsetting now. Just I had time to move past the initial shock. I am still waiting for treatment now, but for me waiting for treatment is 'better' than waiting for scans. I was really scared I was going to go back and see a heartbeat for it just stop again.

I booked in for both because I hadn't decided which one and wanted to 'save' a space so I could decide. But I have decided to go with the surgical option as its closer and I have more time to recover before flying and I don't think my body will wait another 11 days for the mva.

Yes I'm still planning on going. I can't remember if I said but my partner booked us tickets to a music concert in Paris which I really don't want to miss as I don't know when we'd be able to see them again. It's only tues - Fri so not a long holiday, but I think a much needed break all the same. I think I will probably feel sad as I would have been 12 weeks by then, but I'm sure there's lots of stuff that will make me feel sad over the coming months so can't avoid everything. It will be nice to have some quality time together.

Are you having much/any time off work? I'm sorry you're in this awful situation. I've found it really helpful having support on here from others experiencing the same thing.

So sorry the scan didn’t go as you hoped, it’s heart breaking going to the scans and leaving with bad news. I hope you are doing ok!

So sorry to read your news this morning OP

Thought about you all day yesterday , your day will come 💐

@UrsulaSings123 sorry for the very slow reply. I had a very busy day at work on Friday and was completely exhausted in the evening. Then spent most of Saturday very upset - probably not a bad thing as I felt mostly numb before.. and had a lovely but busy day out with DH and DD today. I've not had any time off work. When I had previous MCs what I did was wait until I had a plan ie a date for an actual appt, then went on sick leave from then. I've not taken much time off previously with MCs but will see how this one goes. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with taking a decent amount of time off; just have so far not felt I needed it. I am still debating all my options re treatment, dreading them all tbh.

I'm glad you've got your appt for Wed. Only a few more days to go..

That sounds great about your concert. I really hope you'll be well enough to go (I was well fairly quickly after my procedures). I am sure you will have moments where you'll be thinking 'I should be 12 weeks pregnant now' and that will be very sad but I hope you'll also have moments of enjoyment or at least distraction. It all sucks so much doesn't it?

I didn't ask the EPU about progesterone as it's the private fertility consultant who prescribed them so I was fairly sure the EPU would just say I need to ask him. Fertility consultant wasn't available on Fri, and I actually decided on Fri not to bother with progesterone anymore. This pregnancy isn't viable so I felt like taking it would just prolong things more.

I just looked back over all my pregnancy test pictures and am just thinking how utterly meaningless my dark lines and dye stealers were... 😢. This is my third MC where I've had very dark lines that continued getting darker (and in one pregnancy I had massively high HCG in blood tests to the point they thought it was a molar pregnancy) but spotting/bleeding at the same time and the pregnancy not being viable.. so in my case it feels like dark lines mean absolutely nothing.

Thinking of you and hope you're coping as well as you can xx

Thank you @CoffeeMama89 and @effoffwind, your support is much appreciated xx

@DancinOnTheCeiling aww hunny I'm sorry it's bad news. Miscarriage sucks. Big time. And another week sounds like an eternity. Glad to hear you had a nice day out with DH and DD today. It's all steps in the right direction. I didn't take any time off work with any of mine either. I think I'm one of those crazy people who possibly live a bit in denial. Sending you big hugs 🤗💐💐

@UrsulaSings123 hope you are ok sweet. Not long to go until Wednesday now. Sending you big hugs too sweet 🤗💐💐

I'm ok I suppose. Been mega busy at work. With tonight's shift I will have done 68hours this week.... Only got Tuesday off next week too. I finally caved in and did a test today and it was a BFN so at least I know I'm not pregnant yet. Where on earth AF is I couldn't tell you. Been getting cramps on and off for weeks now but nothing else. Another new experience post MC, never had this following the others.

Keep smiling ladies, one day at a time 💐💐

Thanks @nearly8. Oh wow, 68 hours, that's a lot. Sounds very exhausting. I hope you enjoy your day off on Tuesday. I didn't realise you might be pregnant, sorry it was a BFN. When did you last have AF? Xx

@DancinOnTheCeiling I wouldn't say 'might be pregnant ' I was just not tracking anything and DTD as and when we felt like it 🤣. Haven't had AF since the MC on 31/01 so who even knows 🤣🤣🤣 I was putting off the test purely because I didn't want it to be negative or positive.... Both come with their own emotional minefield 🤣🤣 Might just DTD again when I finish my shift. Why the hell not eh?

@DancinOnTheCeiling sounds like you had a nice day out. I've had quite a nice weekend with my partner and son. Did you find it OK conceiving your DD or did you experience difficulties before her too? I didn't have any problems with my son and looking back now I think how lucky I was.

@nearly8 you've had a very busy week! I've had a fair bit of time off recently. I'm a support worker and I just couldn't face supporting others emotionally whilst struggling myself.

I'm actually feeling much better both physically and emotionally, however one of my friends posted that they'd had their baby today with a picture and it feels like someone stabbed me in the chest as I'm literally going in to hospital tomorrow for blood tests for Wednesday. I'm sure I will be much happier for her in time, but feels a bit difficult at the moment 😥

Sorry to hear about your negative test @nearly8 , I already feel a huge need to be pregnant again and I haven't even got through this miscarriage yet. The waiting is horrible. It's so disappointing when it's negative. Although I get what you mean about being scared if it was positive too.

@nearly8 I totally get what you mean about both positive and negative tests coming with their own emotional minefield.. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞🏻🤞🏻. Xx