1st misscarriage, someone plz tell me how bad it's gonna be.

[pinkdolly]

Have just come back from my scan. Having being told that my baby died at 7 weeks , I should be 11+3 now. I have been bleeding lightly since monday. No pain, other then a bad back pain on mon.

They gave me the options and I couldn't face actually taking anything or the d+c so am just waiting for nature to take it's course.

Obviously am devasted but also scared at how bad the pain and bleeding is going to be.

I dont want to open up any wounds, but could really do with some advice and support.

Thanx

Pink dolly I am so sorry about all this, I have just had a MC (started bleeding on Sunday, but the sac came away Monday). I was about 6 weeks.

I lost firstly what I am guessing was the cord, then the placenta Sunday night and the sac on Monday morning, didn't have much pain apart from just before any of it actually came out (so sorry don't know how else to phrase that!) still bleeding but only very lightly now.

If you ever want to talk/off load, I am normally about somewhere Wish I could help more, lots of love xxx

Thanx- I am heart broken, dh is really upset too. I just keep breaking down. Dh has just gone to bring my oldest 2 dd's home aged 5 and 4. And I dont want them to see me like this so am gonna dissapeer upstairs for a bit. I will be back in a bit when I have calmed down.

Thanx

It is such a hard time

Go and get yourself calmed down, if you are anything like me, you'll be spending lots of time hiding in the bathroom! I have two DS's so know what it is like.

xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss
I had a mc at 8.3 weeks & one at 5 weeks.
the heaviest pain came with the heaviest bleeding. it was like the worst period pain but as jules has said was managable with pain killers & wine.
for me on my first mc it was 2 days of light bleeding then some heavy bleeding when the sac came out followed by 3 days of heavy bleeding and then seven days of light bleeding.

I could see the baby inside the sac and would loved to have been prepared more for that.

the second was four days of heavy bleeding then sac followed by about 20 days of sporadic bleeding

It wasn't so much the pain that upset me as what the pain and bleeding meant. Still feel sad over periods

Take it easy and be kind to yourself
And allow yourself to grieve

I am so sorry for your lost.. there are no words to describe how bad you must be feeling! I but I do know what it feels like to loose a baby as I lost twins in March 2006 at 11 weeks and I opted for the erpc because I couldn't cope with the idea of allowing my body to pardon the expression but get rid of it! So, I allowed medical intervention! Anyone that has lost a baby can tell you that it will eventually get better but not a day goes by that I don't think about how old my twins would of been or wondering what they would be like...I would say the emotional pain never goes away but slowly you will learn to heal in time!

The physical aspect get some really big maternity pads as you may bleed quite heavily, however you may just spot..it depends on your body, just make sure you get plenty of rest!

I am always here for you, like you were here for me when I went through it!! Love ya loads... Take care. xxx Twinkle183

Have calmed down a bit for now. I seem to be fine for a bit and then just break down again. Just found one of the many pics dd1 had drawn me, our family and the new baby. That was hard, have asked dh to hide them for now but not chuck them. I dont want this little one to be forgotten. I was already so attached to him. Have even named him, is that denial?

Just trying to find the best way to manage my grief.

I can't imagine what you are going through, I didn't even know for sure I was pregnant (had a feeling though). Please try and be kind to yourself, don't hold it all in - hard, I know, with kids about.

I can give you my email if you ever feel like chatting off line. I have found that MN and emailing people have really helped me this week, I find it easier to write it all down than saying it out loud, I don't feel silly if I end up in tears, and I don't think I have accepted it enough to talk to someone about it yet, apart from DH.

Thanx starlight, I honestly could say that I couldn't fault the treatment at EPU. The sonographer was lovely and very considerate. Which is saying a lot coz I really don't rate maternity services at the hospital. Staff there are usually rude and treatment is not very good.

The only ting was I asked her how bad it would get and she said if you think along the lines of "horrendous" then you will be prepared. Hence the reason for me being scared. Written doen it makes her sound like a monster for saying that to me, but she really was lovely.

No its not denial.. its the way that you are dealing with it! I named my twins.. it was the only way that I could handle the fact that I was never going to meet them! It still hurts even now...

Your get through it honest.. Your be able to look at the pics when your ready.. xxx

natalie - that would be lovely, thank you. And I really appreciate that you are able to give advice when you are going through the same thing right now.

Perhaps it would be good for both of us to talk to each other.

hey Twinkle- was gonna phone you but thought you'd be at work. I did getthe pic out just now, and burst into tears again. Mum wants to see the pic and plant a rose. She's gutted and was in tears when I got back to pick Jazz up.

Found a message on my phone from her before we left this morning saying she thought everything would be fine and she'd had a dream it was gonna be twins. She's really upset, dear of her.

My email is [email protected]

I think the one thing I am most shocked at is that although I have been on MN for years and have seen a lot of people going through a MC, this week I have obviously been focussing on it a lot more than I ever would have before, and I just can't believe how many people go through this, it is so sad

I'm not sure I am very good at advice - bit lost myself on the front! But, support I can do

Pink Dolly - everyone is different but you can expect to bleed for longer than a normal period and harder too. After the shock you may go through all the normal stages of grief and though you seem fairly calm right now, it's perfectly okay to start being irrational, angry, frustrated or blaming.

I went through all of these both times and I don't really think you ever get over it, you just learn to live with it. Having a successful pregnancy subsequently helped me a lot. Although you'll feel insecure for weeks until you've passed the date you mc last time

Sorry you are going through this, it seems to be so common on MN but it's never any less of a big deal because of that if you are the person concerned.

So sorry to hear this. You need all of the following:
pain killers - get to the pharmacy if you can for the best ones money can buy, the pain shouldn't be absolutely terrible, but pain killers will be a small comfort
a hot water bottle
someone to stay with you once things get going
a notebook for afterwards, you may want to write your feeling down or rant in a private way and this could later help with coping with your grief
Mumsnet. a tremendous source of wisdom and support for me after I lost my baby.

Take care of yourself.xxx

I named mine Sadie and Mia...

Mine was called Pete. Naming is fine x

Does it really help, to name them?

Dh and I have called him Elijah, as that was one of the names we had on our list. I hope it helps me to cope and not to forget.

I think so, it help me loads to deal with and to say goodbye!

DD1 just drew me another pic, this time of the baby who had stopped growing and gone to heaven. I left it to dh to explain, as I couldn't do it. They wanted to see the scan pic, so he showed them.

I thought dd1 would be more upset, she is usually so sensitve and was so excited about this baby. But she coping so well.