1st misscarriage, someone plz tell me how bad it's gonna be.

[pinkdolly]

Have just come back from my scan. Having being told that my baby died at 7 weeks , I should be 11+3 now. I have been bleeding lightly since monday. No pain, other then a bad back pain on mon.

They gave me the options and I couldn't face actually taking anything or the d+c so am just waiting for nature to take it's course.

Obviously am devasted but also scared at how bad the pain and bleeding is going to be.

I dont want to open up any wounds, but could really do with some advice and support.

Thanx

Hi ya pinkdolly I was just wondering how you are... I hope that you are okay and my thoughts are with you every minute! I hope you know that I am there for you.. Take care babe..

twinkle183

Hiya Pinkdolly,

So sorry today is a bad day, I suppose we must come to expect that there are going to be good and bad times.

I've got things keeping my busy but tomorrow is mums and tots and I can feel it looming ever closer, really not looking forward to it, but then I think it's not fair that DS2 misses out for it, and perhaps it won't be as bad as I think.... maybe if I try to the normal things, things will feel normal quicker?

Anyway, as always, always here for you, take care xxx

How are you doing today? xxx

Hello Pink Dolly,

You were very kind and posted to me on another thread. I am so sorry that you have had to go through a m/c too. It was very kind of you to show your support to me when you were/are going through the same.

I know there is nothing any one can say or do to make it better - it is up to each individual to get through it in their own way. Just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you too and that mumsnet and peoples kind words has been a comfort to me.

Hiya, sorry I didn't post yesterday.
I decided that I would try and walk into town with my 18 month old in the pushchair. Dh had been saying that I need some fresh air as hadn't left the house for a few days.

Anyway, it didn't go to well, started feeling really ill in toen, hot, shaky, feeling faint. And I still had to walk home, then drag the pushchair up the steps to my house. Thinkit might have been a bit too much to take the lo with me. So I had to go and have a lie down for a while.

I'm feeling a little bit better today. Dh has to go out later so i'm gonna take the girls round to my mum's for a bit.

Natalie, hope you are still coping well. Let me know if you need to chat.

Thanx again for all your kind words.

Oh pinkdolly Have you spoken to the doctor about feeling faint etc.? It could be that you are anemic. You must try to look after yourself through all of this.

I have been doing OK, but the bump is still getting bigger, I keep saying to myself that 'it is getting softer', or that 'it hasn't got much bigger today' etc. but I know it is, I am starting to think things like perhaps there is still one in there, which is ridiculous and just setting myself up for another fall, but I can't help it.

I didn't go to Mums and Tot's couldn't face all the questions re. the bump.

Today is one of the down days I think, but I look forward to tommorow when hopefully things will seem a bit easier, fingers crossed.

Lot's of love, we can get through this, I know it xxx

Oh Natalie- Sorry your not having a good day. Sending your lots of love and hugs.

I think maybe you made the right choice not to go to mums and tots. Wait till your a little bit emotionally stronger.

Re- me feeling faint, I hadn't left the house in 3 days. Hardley eaten and not done anything really. I think my body is going throug such a lot at the moment and i'm just feeling a bit weak. It was silly of me to try and think I could take dd3 out for a walk. But I will keep an eye on it.

The hospital want to see me again on the 25th, i'm presuming that i'm going to have another scan. I keep having mad thoughts that when I go there, they're gonna say that they made a mistake and everything is fine. I kid myself that it could be because I still feel morning sickness.

But dh says you cant think like that, your'e setting yourself up for more heartbreak. And he's right. However hard it is you need to try and not think like that, coz it's not gonna help you heal.

I really am here for you, I have gotten tremendous support from you and the others over the last few days and it means so much to me.

It's at times like this tho, that I wish that it wasn't an internet forum. That we could be sitting in the same room, and give each other a huge hug. And just cry together.

I am thinking of you today, and sending you positive and happy thoughts.

Big hugs

Pink

LOL I can just imagine us sat there, blubbering messes.

I suppose everyone who goes through this has a hankering after being told that it's all OK, perhaps accepting that it isn't all OK is just another one of the processes?

You really must look after yourself, I am finding I can't handle a huge meal but a little bit I can do, so I am having like 4 or 5 little snacks through out the day. It is enough to keep me going.

Maybe today will get better, DH is coming home early because DS2 has his immunisations later this afternoon so hopefully once he is home and DS1 is home from school, other things will take over my head space.

I have the beginnings of a cold as well, perhaps that is dragging me down a bit.

It is all going to take time, and I think we have to take as much time as we need.

Thank you for being here, wish we were both on the ante-natel boards together, maybe one day we will be?!

Thinking fo you, please try to eat a bit more xxx

Natalie - How are you feeling today? Better I hope.

I'm ok, just feeling exhausted, cant believe how much this is taken out of me. I have huge black bags under my eyes.

Well, sending you more hugs today.

Take care

Pink

Yes I am here, don't ever seem to be anywhere else at the moment!

The bump is getting me down a bit TBH. It is still growing, I am sick of the questions and the whispers, and the stares, just really can't wait for it to go down.

All me me me again... have you anytime for a sneaky nap today? Even just half an hour or something could be what you need?

xxx

Natalie- I can understand how that would get you down. Is there no way you can hide it under floaty tops? I know that really isn't the answer, but it might stop people asking awkward questions.

I did put on some baby tummy, but hardly anything so only a couple of people noticed. And to be honest, since the m/c I haven't really been out or seen anyone. So haven't had to face anyone other then my mum really.
(thats the whimps way i know)

gotta go as there is someone at the door, will check in later.

I have tried hiding it, but as soon as I put my coat on, there is no amount of big clothes going to hide it.

It doesn't help that I can still feel all the stretches and little bits of movement that you get in early pregnancy (I don't mean baby movements, just muscles and stuff shifting). I was diagnosed with an Irritable Uterus in my last pregnancy, so I am wondering if that has got something to do with it.

I find myself sat in the evening with DH, we'll be watching telly or something and I am sat there with my hand on the bump, just as I used to when pregnant before, when I realise what I'm doing it all comes flooding back again, and I feel wretched for having 'forgotten' for 10 minutes.

I think this cold thing I have got isn't helping much, I was having a few good days over the weekend, but this has just pulled me back down again.

Cor, I am not good company today, sorry!

Lot's of love xxxx

Natalie- Am so sorry just came on here to check the thread. And seen that for some reason the message I wrote back to you earlier is not there.

I hope you dont think I was ignoring you. My heads all over the place at the moment and am finding it difficult to focus on things. I must have wrote the message and then forgot to post it.

I'm sorry the bump is getting you down, can you wear floaty tops to disguise it. I know that wont make it go away, but it might stop people asking awkward questions.

Remember that I am here if you need to chat (even if I might be a bit forgetful at times).

Am sending you big hugs.

Take care

Pink

You did post the message sweetie, it is above my last post

I wouldn't have thought you were ignoring me at all, I know what you mean about focusing, everything at the moment for me is focused on the MC and if we can have another baby, everything else is on auto-pilot. Not got enough room in my head to think of anything else at the moment.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day for us both.

Lot's of love, g'night xxx

Natalie - I did reply bck to you yesterday. Twice in fact, I didn't actually realise until late on that for some reason my computer was playing up. I am sorry.

I think you are are bound to feel down while you still have the bump. It's like an outward sign of something that's not there, it must be hard. Is there anyway you can disguise it with clothes (ie-floaty tops). I know it wont make the problem go away but it might stop people asking awkward questions.

I went into town yesterday with my mum, and saw one of the mums from my toddler group. She stopped to say hello and I could tell by the way she was talking that she knew what had happened to me, but she didn't say anything. Which I breathed a sigh of relief for, am not sure sure i'm ready for all that just yet.

As such am still contemplating not going into church on sunday. Do you think thats right. or do you think I should face people sooner rather then later, get it over and done with if.

I hope your feeling better today. Remember that it's ok to have your down times. I know i'm still very up and down.

For what it's worth I think you are an incredibly brave woman. You've mangae to cope woth all this with your dh still at work. I've had my dh off work since the for a week and half already.

He says he has to go back on monday,and i'm dreading it to be honest. It will be the first time in two weeks that i've had to cope with all 3 girls on my own. And they seemed to have picked up on my sadness and they will whinge and cry over anything at the moment.

Dear of them, I love them to bits, it's just hard for me at the moment. I'm sure I will cope though.

Sorry about the essay again. Just wanted you to know that I didn't abandoned you yesterday, my computer abandoned me. I was a bit lost without mumsnet for a bit.

Hope you have a good day and take care.

Big hugs

Pink

Natalie- I just re-read the post and found the messages from yesterday.

Arrg- I feel like a fool now, but I swear to you my computer has been playing up. I read the post before I posted this morning's message and they weren't there. After I posted they appeared.

So sorry for repeating myself a million times.

You know you need some TLC, get dh to take you out somewhere special. Dh and I are planning a couples trip to a day a spa, massages, lunch, sauna's etc.

You need to make some time for you and relax. It's not gonna make everything go away, but it might cheer up just for a little bit.

Don't be silly, you've no need to feel foolish, yesterday I took DS1 to school got to his class door and remembered I'd left his bookbag at home (has to be back in on Thursdays) so I had to go home and get it and take it up to the office, and today we got to his class door again and realised his lunch was still sat in the fridge at home, so have had to go home and get it and bring it to the office again.... now that is foolish!!

No can do on the somwhere special front, we don't live anywhere near our families or friends to have the boys for us. We've been here 5 years and only met one person I would describe as a friend, but she has 5 kids of her own! That is the main reason we are hoping to move back down south, to be closer to my family and our old friends.

I don't think I feel quite so down today, I suppose it is just as we said, there will be up times and down times, it is just getting through that matters. Thank you so much for helping me, you've got as much on your plate and here you are supporting me.

Anyway enough of me, how are you today? About the church, I would say see how you feel on Sunday, I was sure I was going to go to Mum's and Tot's and then didn't, I think we need to take it one day at a time, you may feel like going tomorrow but then change your mind on Sunday. Sorry that isn't much help is it? Maybe the distraction would be good?

I will more than likely be about most of Monday so I will be here if you need to off load. I am not brave sending him to work, I think DH would have been here, I'd have just gone into myself and been a complete wreck, with him not here I have to carry on and do the everyday things, helps to break the day up a bit.

Anyway I have once again gone on and on, I don't know how you put up with me moaning on all the time! You are one very lovely lady if I may say

Lot's of love xxx

natalie- thank you so much for you kind message, it gives me some comfort to know that through my pain I can be helping someone else.

I have to say the same goes back to you, you seem to be my life line at the moment (no pressure then). I used to come on mumsnet and stick my head in here and there. This last week I come straight here to see if you've been on.

I've been in bed a lot again today. Sheer exhuastion has wiped me out. I thought i was tired before but it's nothing compared to this. And then I was cooking tea earlier (first time in a week, dh has been doing it all). And all of a sudden I felt like i was weeing myself (sorry if TMI) anyway went to loo to find that I am bleeding quite heavy. Passed a clot, that in my mind looked like a placenta, but might not have been. Nothing else since, still bleeding tho.

I wander if thats the reason behind me being so tired today.

I am glad you are feeling a little better today, I'm sorry you've got no one to watch your kids tho.

When are you thinking about moving? It could be good for you,, a new start where you've got lots of support. To be honest I dont know hoe you've coped for that long without extra support. My mum only lives round the corner and it's great, we help each other out quite a bit.

Have a good weekend, speak to you soon.

pink

Hiya Sweetie

You have done more than just helped me, just having somewhere to say the things that I can't say outloud with out breaking down, you allow me to get a little bit of my head sorted at a time, and I will always be grateful for that

So sorry about the bleeding, I must say I have been ever so lucky with the physical side of things, you seem to be going through the mill a bit, is it worth checking with your GP? If not, then stay in bed, with a brew and a hot water bottle, put a slushy film on and relax for a bit - you more than deserve it!

We are hoping to get our house decorated throughout (most rooms are fine TBH but we want to freshen everything up) we have got to paint the outside and do something with the gardens in the summer, once that is done we will be putting it on the market, so then it will be down to whenever it sells as to when we move. The ultimate plan is to move down south to my family, but that will depend a lot on if DH can either move his job down there (possible, but unlikely) or get another job with the same sort of salery, if he can't we will at least move to a better area where there are hopefully going to be some people I would actually want to be friends with. At the moment we are on an ex-council estate, at the risk of sounding snobby (which I don't think I am!!) some of the 'mothers' around here.... well, to put it nicely, are not my cup of tea.

I think things are starting to look up, DH is sort of coming round to the idea of trying again, which I am holding on to with both hands, the thought of having another is the only thing pulling me through at the moment. And the bump has reduced a lot today, not quite back to normal, but it is definatly going in the right direction.

Just hope it all pulls off Anyway I have rabbited on for long enough again! I hope you feel a bit better today, and also have a lovely weekend, even if you do spend it in front of the box with a huge bar of Galaxy

Lots of love xxxxxx

second the galaxy option.

in my thoughts.

this is an awful place to be - truely awful.

emotionally it hurts and you don't know hoiw you will ever feel okay but you do given time.

be extra nice to yourself. Use this as a time to show yourself how much you respect and value your feelings. A very private time.

Lovely words BBB

BBBee - thanx for the kind words. Whilst the Galaxy option sounds quite tempting. I am using this time to try and get rid of some very unwanted fat bits from having dd3 18 months ago.

I had planned before Christmas that I would diet after the new year. And then found out I was pg. Of course I'd much rather still be pg, but I feel I need something to focus on at the moment and the weight loss is it.

Natalie- I hope you are having a good day today.

I have finally found some strength to do some housework, just spent 2 hours scrubbing the dining room, kitchen and stairs. I found it quite theriputic (sp) actually. I intend, this week to go from top to bottom in this house. Bit like a spring clean I suppose.

Cant believe how many little finger prints I wiped off the walls this morning.

Well, I might go do a bit more.

Take care

Pink

Hiya Pink

How are you today?

We had a good weekend all in all, didn't do very much, just lazed around playing with the kids, watching old films etc.

The bump has completely gone, and I feel like that is an end to it. I can start to put it behind me, and move on a bit. Still get times when I feel sad/angry/guilty/whatever else, but I am feeling generally brighter.

Hope the cleaning helped you a bit, I find it an excellent distraction

Thinking of you as always xxx

Morning natalie- Am so pleased you are feeling better. So glad your bump as gone, it must have been hard having the visual reminder everyday.

Yes the cleaning did help yesterday.

Am feeling a bit 'off' this morning though. Bleeding more and losing big clots, also feeling dizzy. Dh has taken another day off work so am trying not to do too much.

I'm sure there will always be times when you feel a bit sad about what you've lost. I know there will be for me. But I am glad you feel you can put things behind you and move on.

Hope you have a good day.

Pink xx

Hiya Pink, so sorry I managed to miss your message!

How are you today? Did yesterday get any better?