1st misscarriage, someone plz tell me how bad it's gonna be.

[pinkdolly]

Have just come back from my scan. Having being told that my baby died at 7 weeks , I should be 11+3 now. I have been bleeding lightly since monday. No pain, other then a bad back pain on mon.

They gave me the options and I couldn't face actually taking anything or the d+c so am just waiting for nature to take it's course.

Obviously am devasted but also scared at how bad the pain and bleeding is going to be.

I dont want to open up any wounds, but could really do with some advice and support.

Thanx

Hi Natalie- I felt dizzy for most of the day yesterday, today I am still losing biggish clots. And feel really self conscious as they seem to smell (sorry for tmi) is that normal?

I know they say to worry about smelly discharge, but this is smelly bloody clots.

Other then that, have been for a walk with dh this morning, tired me out but i'm ok.

I hope you are still doing alright.

I don't know how to put this without sounding very insensitive, but, maybe it is smelly because it is 'old'. I am so sorry, that sound's awful, maybe pop into your GP's, see what they have to say? Are you getting any fevers? Any signs of infection?

I am doing OK, still got this cold/bug thing that seems to be doing the rounds, but other than that I am trying to focus on the future, rather than dwell, it sometimes still get's the better of me, but I suppose that is only to be expected. When I look back to a fortnight ago, I am doing much better on the whole, which gives me even more hope for the future.

I am sorry you are still going through the physical side of things, it seems so cruel. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I woke to find the bump gone, it felt like an end to things, I hope, beyond hope, that you get some sort of (I hate this word...) 'closure' to it soon. It really does make an enormous difference to how you view things.

As always my thoughts are with you sweetie, anything I can do, just yell In the meantime look after yourself xxxx

pinkdolly - hi, I have also just had a mc (at 12 weeks) and I had a mc at 11 weeks earlier this year.

Both mcs were pretty straightforward - a bit painful but quick (a few hours of losing heavy clots, otherwise just like period).

I suggest you see your doctor ASAP.

How are you doing Pink?

I don't want you to feel like I am hounding you or anything, but just wanted to say I am thinking of you xxx

Hiya, I'm sorry I didn't reply yesteday.

I have been to the hospital today and they have confirmed that everything is gone. My womb is still a bit thick but otherwise empty.

It's a weird feeling, sort of confirmation, which was upsetting. But also relief, that it's all happened naturally. Without intervention and without much pain.

I think, physically I have got off quite lightly.

Emotionally, I'm feeling a bit shot today TBH. The last two weeks have been building up to this morning and now i'm hoping I can just move on. But my head's still all over the place.

I'm doing ok tho, thanx for your messages.

Talk soon.

Pink

That's OK, you don't need to apologise for not replying, I didn't want you to think I was OTT, but at the same time, I wanted you to know I was, well, like I said, thinking of you.

It is still such early days, and even the trip to hospital and having it all confirmed, that is enough to put anyone mind into a big muddle. Don't force yourself to feel like you have to move on instantly, that won't do any good at all. However, I am relieved for you that it has all come away and as you say, you won't need to go down the medical route.

You need to give your self time and space to grieve. Time to heal, physically and emotionally. It isn't going to happen over night.

Have you thought about doing anything similar to other people who have been through it? I have read a lot of the miscarriage section over the last couple of weeks and I have to say, maybe selfishly, that at the moment I don't feel ready to be planting trees, or making a 'special place', it just isn't the sort of thing I do, but maybe something like that would help you be at some sort of peace with it all.

Have you thought anymore about TTC'ing again? Or is it too soon for you? For me the decision to go ahead and try again is what is keeping me a float at the moment. Though I can understand why others may not feel like that. I suppose that is the trouble with losing something so precious, everyone feels and acts differently about it. If there was one tried and tested way of dealing with it, we'd all know what to expect.

I am at the moment waiting for the fence to finally fall down in the garden, it has been on its last legs for years, and the wind is absolutely terrible out there today, if it doesn't come down today I will go and give it a loving stroke tonight!! LOL So what if the neighbours see?!!

I do hope hope things start seeming brighter for you soon sweetie. How is it going with the church? I hope they can bring you more strength than I ever could with just words.

You take care of yourself, lots of love xxx

Natalie- You have been a great source of strength to me over the last couple of weeks and I appreciate it so much. I admit I haven't been to church since before the m/c. But I am going this week, I have had lots of phonecalls and cards from people within the church and their support has been great.

With regards to ttc, I think dh and I are gonna hold off for a while.

The landlord rang us 2 nights ago and told us he was selling the house at the end of our tenancy (which is beginning of July). And I dont know where we'll be after that, so now doesn't seem to be the right time.

I am instead trying to throw myself into losing some weight, which was always the plan for after christmas anyway. In a weird way it's helping knowing that my weight is something that I can control. I couldn't control the m/c and I cant control our housing but this is the one thing i can do.

I'm glad you can find some comfort in the thought of being able to concieve again. And I really wish you all the best with it, hopefully it wont be too long before you are craddling a newborn. I hear that you are more fertile after a m/c. Not sure how true that is. But I really do hope it works out well for you.

I have a scan picture of our baby, which I have framed and is sitting in a box. So tat I can remember our little one. My mum suggested planting a rose, but obviously now we are moving its maybe not a good idea.

Regarding the fence, I would be sorely tempted to take my frustrations out on it and give it a good kick.

Hope you are having a good day. Thanx again for all your support and kind words.

Oh no, bad news re. the house, not what you needed right now no doubt. Maybe you can't control the fact that you will have to move, but you can control other aspects of it, where you move to, what rooms to decorate first etc.

I am glad that you have got support in the church, that must be very comforting to you. Not sure I've done much other than making you sit for hours on end reading my drivel!

The scan picture sounds like a lovely momento, it is connected to the baby - it is the baby, not something that has taken the place of the baby like a tree or orniment IYSWIM?

We have decided to wait till May before we TTC, with all the moving plans and other stuff going on it is the best time for us, and lends me some time to hopefully heal a bit more. I have already wobbled a bit thinking what if I m/c again, would I be able to handle it again, but I think it is just a chance we are going to have to take. On very carefully worded conversations with DS1 about if he would like another baby, he assures me another boy would be most welcome, but he would have to think about it if it turned out to be a girl! Bless him

The fence is still there... I think it must only be the 1000 layers of paint holding it in place! I will be sad really if it does break, it is obviously very old, but it kind of suits the garden, I can't see that a brand spanking new bit of wood would look half as nice.

Ah well, I am rambling on again aren't I?!! Have a nice evening xxx

Can I join the thread?

I'm going through what I think is my first miscarriage. Monday night I started get the worst pain. It was as if I was in labor. It continued into tuesday, and wednesday I tested and got a bfp. I had bled a little, but really thought I was going to get my period, and tested more to rule it out than anything else. I hadn't gotten my period since stopping to bf ds2 (8 months), and just thought that my hormones were going crazy. Anyway I phoned the midwife and told her everything. She told me that it sounded like a miscarriage, and if I still test positive on Monday to go in to get checked out. I just tested again, and am still positive.

I don't know how I feel. I'm sad to lose a baby, but am still testing positive so maybe I haven't. I'm hurt because within three hours of finding out I was pregnant I started to bleed. Pretty much I got over the shock and started to get a little excited, when this happened.

I'm sorry to ramble it's just that no one in rl other than dh knows what's happening, and I just need to get these thoughts out into the universe and out of my head.

All I know is that my heart is full of compassion for anyone else who's gone through a miscarriage.

mom2latino boys -

Hiya- I completely understand how you are feeling. I knew I was pg for only a week before I started bleeding. It's a really confusing time. The day I found out I was pg I was so upset, I love children but wasn't sure if I was ready for another one. But after sleeping on it, I got so excited, started to rearrange my life around this baby, and then it was gone.

2 Things to think about, first of all you've only had a little bleeding, which could be a good sign. As loads of people bleed during pregnancy and everything is fine. I, myself bled for a week whilst carrying the baby I lost and I know I didn't loss (him) till further on.

Secondly- When most people go through the pain you are discribing, it's when their body is expelling the foetus. If you've only had a bit of blood and no clots. You might still be alright.

On the other hand- I had a missed m/c at 7 weeks but my body only expelled (him) at 12 weeks. I had gone to the doctors for slight bleeding at 11 weeks and tested positive for a pregnancy test. And apparently still will test positive for a while as the levels of hcg take a bit of time to go down.

I wish I could give you something definate to cling to. But I cant, having been through this myself it's a horribly confusing and upsetting time. And you'll only know for sure when you get a scan.

Have you booked one yet? You might have to make an apppointment at the doctors first.

I'm sorry for sounding so clinical, just trying to be helpful.

I really, really hope that this isn't happening for you. And that everything is going to be fine. But if not you know where I am.

I have recieved so much comfort and strength from people on these boards. And it has really helped me to talk it through. It's also been help knowing that through my pain I can help someone else.

Please let me know how you get on.
I will be thinking about you.

(sorry for the essay)

Pink xx

Sympathies to all those that have been touched by m/c, it's a miserable time. I've had 2 in the last 12 months, both without intervention.

I had alot of pain around the 2nd m/c but not the 1st but on each occasion I took paracetamol and codeine as recommended by the hospital. Do not take ibuprofen. I hope this helps with coping physically mom2!

I think I'm going through a MC now. Went to A and E last night and although the cervix was closed there was tissue there. Have a scan on monday to confirm. Feel so numb and just in limbo at the moment. Can't seem to stop crying but I need to stay strong for my little DD. I was 8.5 weeks gone and have been bleeding for 5 days now. I just want it to be over and done with and move on. But then I feel so heartless for saying that.....

Morning all,

So sorry to everyone who has joined, though without trying to give false hope, I bled in both of my healthy pregnancies and everything was fine. So it doesn't have to mean M/C. I think it is very common to bleed in a normal healthy pregnancy, something like 40% of pregnant woman have at least one bleed in pregnancy. I think the main thing to watch for is bright red blood, if it is brown it is considered old blood, which is normally OK. Though having said that even red blood doesn't always mean M/C, I had red blood at 16 weeks with DS2 and he was fine.

Mom, I was pretty much the same, it clicked I was pregnant on the Sunday morning when I woke up, I just kind of knew (I was the same with my first two pregnancies) got over the shock and started getting excited, had a bath just after lunch time, felt some pain, went to get out of the bath and the bleeding started. All over before it had even begun. Please try to get a scan booked.

Pink, hope you are OK sweetie xxx

Wonder, I am so sorry for what you have been through, my heart goes out to you xx

Fandango, there is nothing heartless about wanting it over with, nothing at all. I really hope the scan shows all is well.

Thanks everyone.

I have to wait until Monday before I can call in to schedule. I guess the midwife wants to see if this will happen naturally or not. Also at most I'm 4 or 5 weeks so if I have a scan there is a chance that not much will be seen, and that would be more heartbreaking. So just get through the weekend.

I will keep you updated on how we do.

Fandango- I'm so sorry your going through this at the moment. I remember I went to the doctors several times before they would let me have a scan. The waiting was agonising.

I can completly understand you wanting it to be over so that you can move on. But I believe you cant give up, not until you see the scan. Like natalie said it is common to bleed during pg. That's what I clung to whilst waiting for my scan. And although it was bad news for me it did help to get me through those days of waiting.

I hope you can take some joy and strength from your lo, children can be a great distraction. Let us know how your scan goes on monday.

Natalie- I'm ok, still having bad headaches. And this morning I was like a monster, grrr! But dh and I took the girls for a nice long walk on the beach, hunting for shells and I am feeling a lot calmer now.

How are you doing? Have your hormones settled down yet?

Mom - Big hugs to you, I know how tough this time is. Try and do something nice to distract yourself. Let us know if you need a chat. I try to check in here daily.

Love to you all

Pink

xx

Hiya Sweetie

The headaches are probably all the stress building up. You can try really thinking about relaxing your shoulder, I mean imagining every little bone, muscle, tendon everything relaxing one by one, it does help with tension headaches.

I am doing OK I think, still have sad times, I think the worst part is in the morning when I wake up, it is the first thing on my mind and I feel like it is a huge thing to wake up to. This blooming bug/cold thing hasn't helped because I have found myself using it as an excuse to just sit and dwell, but I am trying to fight the urge! Since I got the BFN and the bump went down I have felt a lot better, I think the relief that it is all over with has taken a huge burden off my shoulders.

I am finding that looking forward to the move and TTC'ing again is keeping me going, along with my fantastic DH and kids, really wouldn't have got through it without them. And how they have put up with me these last few weeks, I don't know!

Hope you have a lovely weekend xxx

NJ and Pinkdolly -I've also had headaches and colds, and generally an ill feeling since my m/c. Having a m/c does seem to make you more vulnerable to feeling being ill.

I haven't taken a pregnancy test since miscarrying - I couldn't bare to see a BFN at the moment.

Hi Belgo,

I waited to do mine to try and make sure it was BFN, I couldn't have handled seeing a BFP knowing there was nothing there, and as I said the BFN sort of ended it for me in my head, which is a relief.

I must admit this bug thing I had in the week, it was all in my belly, no S&D though, I was getting quite worried incase it was connected to the MC, but after a couple of days my belly was back to normal, just left with the cold symptoms now.

I am whole heartedly looking forward to the 1st of Feb, get this awful month over and done with for good.

NJ - I seem to have had a very similar bug - and yes, I was also worried it was a post m/c infection! And then of course feeling sick I'd convinced myself I had morning sickness and that I was already pregnant again ...all very unlikely. Like you say, one month passing is sort of a turning point.

That is what I am hoping for

I will have to go, baby has woken up, DH seems to have dissapeared somewhere

Hope you feel better soon xxxx

Oh he was on the phone, in the bathroom, of all the places to be?!!!

he's found a place to escape to NJ. My dh has escaped to the loft, and locked the door up there!

LOL I wouldn't mind him escaping to the loft, as long as he sorted through all the stuff whilst he was up there!

How is everyone doing? Did everyone have a good weekend?