1st misscarriage, someone plz tell me how bad it's gonna be.

[pinkdolly]

Have just come back from my scan. Having being told that my baby died at 7 weeks , I should be 11+3 now. I have been bleeding lightly since monday. No pain, other then a bad back pain on mon.

They gave me the options and I couldn't face actually taking anything or the d+c so am just waiting for nature to take it's course.

Obviously am devasted but also scared at how bad the pain and bleeding is going to be.

I dont want to open up any wounds, but could really do with some advice and support.

Thanx

It hadn't crossed my mind to give her a name.

My eldest is 5 Pinkdolly, so I can relate to how he would have reacted I think, he would have probably done the same, but I would be prepared for any questions she might have over the next few weeks, and if she has a memory anything like my DS1 she may still ask you about it months to come.

Luckily, I have managed to keep the DS's out of it, obviously youngest is too young to anything anyway. Although, as I seem to be the only person in the world who gets pregnant, and then gets a huge bump straight away, the mums at school have asked about the bump in front of DS1 [andry] (whole different story) and I have had to say that I've MC and so he has heard a bit, but strangly enough for once, he hasn't been quizzing me about it or anything, so it must have gone over his head.

It is the bump that is making it really hard to start moving on properly, it is so cruel walking around with it sticking out in front of me, knowing there is nothing in it.

mine are called May and Star.

I'm alright, drifting between utter sadness and acceptance.

It is so nice that people do name their babies, I think somehow it just seems right.

I dont like the waiting, and just want it all to be over with, but I cant bring myself to take the medical or surgical route.

I feel drained and sleepy, but cant sleep.

I hate this.

Thanyou for all the support.

Pink, it is so hard

Why don't you try and get in the bath, have a nice relaxing soak and in there you can cry or do whatever without the kids?

We are all here for you (and I sent you an email back ) xxx

Thanx natalie- have done the bath, stayed in there forever and then went to try and get some sleep. Ended up staring blankly at my bedroom wall.

I secretly was hoping that I might miscarry in the bath and the hot water would dull my cramps. Thought if I stayed in there long enough it might work. but it didn't.

I just need to pick myself up and sort myself out.

Have replied also to your email, thanx

So sorry for your loss.
I totally understand that you can't stand the waiting & wanted it to be over.
In November, I have to wait 2 weeks, with my diabetes running riot, so that they could scan again to confirm my mc. Those 2 weeks were awful.
I can't comment on what it will be like for you becasue I wanted it to be over so badly, that I chose to have an erpc asap.
But still, my support goes out to you.

I felt similarly about wanting things to happen naturally pinkdolly - my initial reactino when I was offered a d&c was "you're not taking my baby from me" - unfortunately as he was 16 weeks I didn't get the natural wait and see option, I had a medically induced labour instead, which I suppose was the next best thing.

i hope it happens for you soon, but prepare yourself for a long wait just in case.
xxx

How are you feel today pinkdolly?

Thinking of you xx

feeling even!

Hi Natalie- I hardly slept last night. Partly because of my emotions and partly because I started to experience some bad crampy pains. I still dont know if this is it for me yet, as I have had no gush of blood. I have, however, had lots of really thick dark clot type things coming away. But nothing that resembles anyting. (sorry TMI).

So i keep waiting. I am feeling a lot more stable today. Yesterday was terrible for me and I was up and down all over the place.

I still dont feel like me yet, but I think I am coming to accept whats going on and deal with it. I had a little cry this morning, but thats it.

When I got up last night, about 1.30 I found a card that my dh's youth group had made us. All full of there thoughts and love. It did make me cry. But we are so blessed by the people that surround us, it has given me a strength that I didn't think I would find for a long time.

If you had asked me yesterday, I probably would have sad that I would cry for weeks. I may still have some tears to shed over this baby yet, but I'm stronger then yesterday. Although saying that it's going to be a long time before I am over this and back to my normal cheery self. It really has taken such a lot out of me, and although I can find joy in my girls I cant see it anywhere else at the moment.

How are you today, have been able to have a good cry and start to try and deal with things.

I really do thank you for all the support you gave me yesterday. I dont know how you found the strength to be encouraging to me when you are in the same place.

Hiya Lovely

I am so glad you a feeling a little better today You take the strength from all of the people around you, it is what has got me through this week.

How are the cramps now? You can take your normal pain killers, if that isn't helping then perhaps a visit to the doctors is needed. I believe from speaking to others on MN what they experienced it doesn't end in a mass of blood, I know myself apart from when 'things' were actually coming away I have had relativly little blood and pain, so I have been quite lucky in that sense.

You have no need to thank me, you have helped me as well, that great big email yesterday, I didn't realise how much of that I had bottled up, and getting it out, even just writing it down, has honestly lifted so much off my shoulders, and made me face a few things, so I thank you for that

I am doing OK I think, the bleeding has stopped, so I am hoping that the bump will start to go down now, I think once the bump has gone I can really start moving on a bit. And I am looking forward to that feeling of getting back into my size 12's again!

I had a big cry with DH this morning, said a few things I hadn't been able to say out loud before, we have definatly agreed to look at the situation in a couple of months, and if I still feel the same about trying again then we will seriously think about it, which has given my mind something else to think about. Although even though we haven't decided for definate yet, I am already really scared incase it happens again, but what can we do?

Anyway long and short of it, I have a bit of head space back, and I am actually feeling OK, like you I didn't think I'd be saying that for a long time, it is amazing what a good cry can do!

I have rambled on enough, again Feel free to email anytime you want, honestly any way I can help I will

Will keep you in my thoughts, take care of yourself xxxx

All the best Pink Dolly - what a horrible time for you.

Physically my m/c wasn't too horrendous (m/c at 8w, but died at 6w) though like you, the sonographer struck the fear of god into me by describing some kind of horror movie scene! I don't really blame her, as I guess they have to prepare you for the worst case scenario, but it would have been nice to hear that it isn't always like that.

Like the other poster said it only really hurt when 'bits' came away. Oh, and I 'just knew' when the main bit came out - a little white sac with red bit attached that looked like a chilli - and by that time my main reaction was relief.

The worst part is definitely the worry/uncertainty, and my heart goes out to you - good luck.

Dear pinkdolly,

So sorry to hear you have to go through a miscarriage. Doctor wil be able to tell you what happens. But some experience:

Mis can be relatively uneventful and pain can be relatively little. With my second miscarriage (10 weeks)I had hardly any cramping and doctor decided on D&C after nothing happened naturally and it was second mis. It's relatively early - so you can be PHYSICALLYok within a short peroid.

The first mis at 16 weeks (baby dead at 11) was worse with heavy cramping and blood loss (D&C). Again, if you have support and let things happen it may make it easier than giving into the scarry monsters. Easier said, I know...

Mentally it will take you a while, but mumsnet women were so supportive - they got me though both misses!

All the very best.

hiya,

Am ok again today. Managed to sleep better. I did have some painful cramps this morning but took one lot of ibroprofen and have been fine since. Seem to be bleeding heavier, but still not horrendous amounts. Have had more clotty type stuff coming away but still nothing recognisable.

Natalie- I'm like you, I just dont know what to do regarding having another baby. My mum said well you could get pg straight away again, like my sister did. But just dont know if that is right for me. I suppose only time will tell.

I'm so glad you managed to talk things over with your dh this morning. I think iots so important to share this with him, and then you two can move on together.

Wildwind and tryingnottoobsess - I so hope I dont have to go in for a dc and that everything comes away natuarally and with little pain.

Thanx again for all your support

Hi pinkdolly

Glad you have had a better day

DH managed to knock me out of the little world I had shut myself away in. I have been a bit more like my normal self, still got miles to go before it isn't going to be at the front of my mind, but I am at least managing to play with the kids again and have a conversation about things other than what's gone on. It will be a week tomorrow, in someways it feels like minutes ago everything shattered around us, but other ways it feels like years and years ago, strange how time changes in your head.

We have been good long chats about where we want to be in a months time and in 6 months time and in 12 months time, it has given me something else to focus on, which has helped an awful lot.

I still have a few difficult hurdles this week to go, I have to face the mums and tots group with my bump and answer all their questions, but I think the bump is starting to soften and it hasn't actually gotten any bigger today so hopefully things will start going back to normal, and this will all be over in a weeks time.

Anyway enough about me, I think re. you having another baby, may I suggest you take your time to decide, my DH has convinced me that however I am feeling now is very effected by what has happened, and he says I am in no frame of mind to be making choices as big as having another child, which is very true, we are going to give it till DS1's birthday (in March) and then look at the situation and decide from there. I think it is quite sound advice.

Fingers crossed things carry on getting a bit better one small step at a time for you, thinking of you xxxx

To Natalie Jane and Pink Dolly I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a complicated /abnormal pregnancy which ended at 16 weeks in Dec 06 and I had to go through an induced labour for 13.5 hours. I bled after about 4 hours and then passed a large blood clot which I thought was the baby but in the end the doctor had to intervene and removed everything. It was awful but the thing that kept me going was believing that it wouldn't last forever and I would get through it. I had about 4 weeks of crying, emptiness and depression and then turned a corner knowing my health was ok and we could try again. I think women have more strength than we often give ourselves credit for and it is a crap cliche to say that time heals but certainly in my situation it did.

I'm fortunate to now have a 9 month old daughter who is gorgeous and I can honestly say that last Dec I didn't even think about the date on which I'd lost the first baby until someone reminded me. That's not to say I don't still find it incredibly sad but I have moved on. I wish you both all the best.

I expect I'm too late here but just wanted to first offer my support and sympathy. I had a m/c at 17 weeks but the baby had died at 11 weeks. I chose D&C as I wanted it gone, also I had a friend who miscarried naturally at 11 weeks and it was horrible and very dangerous. If I were you I'd get it over with at hospital.

Hope the last few days haven't been too awful for you. It will get easier, I peomise. 2 years down the line I'm pregnant again and really happy. I don't mean it took 2 years to feel better, it was less than that.

xxxx

Also wanted to say - give your body a few cycles before trying again. 2 reasons - physically your uterus may not be ready (I conceived immediately but it didn't stick around) and emotionally - I would have been replacing the baby I lost and I don't think that's right. I'm preg now as I said and don't see this one as a replacement for the one I lost. I see them as very separate babies.

xxxxxxxx

Thank you to Bling and Kat, stories like yours show us all just how time does heal, crap cliche or not!

I am sure Pinkdolly is appreciating the support

Good luck with the pregnancy Kat

I do appreciate the support, thank you. And yes congrats on you pg kat.

Today is not a good day for me. I started bleeding heavier last night, so am sure that this is happening now, which I suppose is a good thing. Because I really dont want any medical intervention. I do realise where you are coming from Kat when you say to go to hospital. I have heard some horror stories too. But I have also heard from people who have been ok. I just cant face going into hospital.

I felt somewhat emotionally stronger on sat and sun, but today I feel like i'm standing on the edge and I could fall off at any minute. I'm not crying, but feel so low and depressed. I dont know what to do with myself.

I've literally only now come out of my room.

To you all of you who have had m/c later on in their pg's. How did you cope? This is bad enough for me, I dont know if I could cope with anymore.

I just feel so sad today. I suppose I will have good days and bad days, my hormones are still all over the place and it will take a while to get through this. But I had been hopeful the last 2 days, I thought I was coping really well.

Natalie - I usually run a mums and toddler's group at the church. That is a hurdle that I will also have to face. Although they didn't know I was pg before I know they will know when I go back. I also have to face the well wishers at the church. I love the support they give and that I am in their thoughts. Just dont know if I can face them saying anything to me. Might have to stay away for a couple of weeks.

I do feel pleased that you are managing to feel some normality and joy in your kids.

I feel really guilty because something like this should bring you closer to your kids. And I do appreciate them so much more, But am finding it hard to be around them. And comfort them if their upset, I'm not doing a good job with them at the moment. And am so glad that dh is allowed as much time off as he needs. He has taken them out for a bit, does make it a bit quiet here tho.

Sorry for the essay, and the moan. Am sure i'll kick myself out of this later on.

That's what we're here for
i found a lot of support on the mc avenger thread here
There is a lot of up and down emotions with mc. One day you'll feel better then something will send you back to feeling poo but it gradually gets better

the moaning that is

thanx- I will take a look.