Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

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Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

@HotCupOfNo sounds like you’re having a right shit time of it- I hope they manage to sort things out for you. Sending massive hugs x

I have the hospital tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I have hardly any bleeding now and intermittent cramp. Best case scenario is they say everything’s gone and I can start trying to move on xx

Thankyou all, I know you're right, I'm just so drained from it all and feel like I've got no resolve left. But yes tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to phone them tomorrow and ask that an anaesthetist or paediatric registrar do it and with a butterfly needle. Sorry you ladies have had the same experiences, but it is nice to know it's not just me, it actually sounds like it's really common!

@Brightspark12 what are you dreading the most lovely? That it's not complete? Xx

@HotCupOfNo yeah I’m worried that I haven’t passed everything and will have to keep waiting for it to pass. I’m hoping If that’s the case I can have an MVA. Hope it goes ok for both of us tomorrow, I’ll be thinking of you xx

@Brightspark12 @HotCupOfNo thinking of you both today xx

Hey, I posted a bit further down last Monday but haven't been up to looking at this all week. EPU confirmed my mmc on Wednesday and I was booked in for ERPC on Friday. Under my belly button and to my bikini line feels tender to touch as if it's bruised - is this normal?? They never said and I am freaking out that they might have damaged my uterus or something. Just can't seem to have any luck, everything is going wrong for me feels like this will too. When have people had a negative test after an ERPC? I did a hpt and opk yesterday and both glaringly positive, I'm guessing the opk was picking up pregnancy and not ovulation. I'm back to work today, only took wed, thurs, fri off and just want to hide in my bed and cry.

@justwant2beamum I had that internal bruise-y feeling too, dont worry ❤. it took me 9 weeks to test negative but I was a long haul compared to others!

I'd not bother taking OPKs until your preg tests are negative as they wont show anything useful.

Are you able to take anymore time off work? You might need more time lovely x

Sorry @justwant2beamum it's so tough. Took me exactly 8 weeks to get HCG

Back to work this week.... it’s time and I feel I’m in the right head space for it but also incredibly anxious about it. It does feel like a positive step though. First AF been and gone and we are now ttc again.

Also to add.... took me 6 weeks to get a negative frer and I miscarried naturally xxx

Thank you @AMS19 just in the waiting room now. What is it with bloody hospitals and running behind, my appointment was at 9.20!
Sending love to everyone that needs it today xx

@Ralala well done on getting back to work. Try to take time out during the day if you need it. You should be proud of how far you've come

@brightspark12 I know I feel like I've spent collectively wayyyyyy too many hours sat in an EPU waiting room 🙄

Oh no :( I didn't realise this before as I know 3 people who had mc but I think they were all natural and they were all pregnant like the next cycle. I just feel so hopeless I can't bare it as it is, let alone if I don't even have a hope of conceiving for the next few cycles. I already despise my job, it's a horrible, toxic place and I turned down a job offer because I was pregnant so couldn't move and now I'm faced with no baby and stuck at my horrible job. I'm back today but I've just sat and cried all morning. I just don't know how to get through the days time moves so slowly when there is nothing to get up for.

@justwant2beamum this may not be the case for you! Others test negative within 2 weeks. My body likes to hold on to hormones (did so for ages adter the pill) and also I was quite far on in a pregnancy, thats probably why it took so long for me.

How many weeks after are you now?

@justwant2beamum oh love your message made me want to give you a big hug! To echo what the other ladies said, don’t bother using OPKs right now. It took me a good 5 weeks to get a negative FRER and that was only because I had a monster period which seemed to clear everything out! I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time at work. That must make everything a million times harder. But please remember you’re really early on in this whole horrid MC process and there’s nothing to stop you trying once you’ve passed the two week post op mark. It feels like you’ll never get back to feeling “normal” and TTC again but it really does go so quickly. We are all here for you x

@Ralala good luck at work today! I hope it goes well x

@justwant2beamum I just had a negative FRER last week at two weeks post MC so it can happen. I then tried using an OPK but it was negative even though I thought I might be ovulating due to how my CM was looking, so I've decided not to try OPKs again until after my first period post MC, which I'm waiting for.

@Brightspark12 @HotCupOfNo thinking of you both - I had quite a traumatic experience at the EPU after my scan which confirmed the complete MC. After the scan they left me waiting for over an hour for a Dr to come and explain the results to me, I was alone in a side room with no updates, no one came in to check on me in that hour. I left the room four times in tears until on the final time a doctor saw me and took me aside to explain the results and she apologised that I'd been ignored... I think because I was alone and my phone battery died I just felt awful. Anyway don't know why I'm saying this, just to say I know how you feel hanging around the EPU so much 😭 hope you can get home soon.

@AlbiMix that sounds awful 😞thanks for thinking of me.. thankfully I wasn’t in there too long, had the scan and they said that because my MMC was confirmed by a private scan they couldn’t take it as they need to do their own scan. She was silent for a few minutes and said that she couldn’t see any evidence of pregnancy only fluid. I thought that was a good thing but apparently because she hadn’t confirmed the pregnancy in the first place she couldn’t say that I had miscarried. So my scan was marked as inconclusive and I had to have bloods and repeated at 48 hours to check a HCG is falling and confirm miscarriage. Just before I left this morning something came out when I was on the toilet which I actually think was the embryo (sorry TMI). I am relieved because if HCG comes back reducing then I won’t need any further intervention. Thinking of you @HotCupOfNo.

@justwant2beamum sorry you’re having such a rubbish time .. always here if you want to chat. Your hormones are probably still all over the place- it will get better I promise xx

@Brightspark12 sorry you’re having a difficult time. I’ve spent all morning in the EPU too. I think when the worst has happened you just want it all confirmed and at least the physical side over.

I had my scan this morning. All they could see was a little blood so it confirmed I had passed the sac and tissue as I thought I had. They then completed a pregnancy test which was still showing a faint positive. Then had to have an internal scan where they confirmed just a little blood but said they also found a little calcification so now I need another scan in about 3 weeks. Also had to have a blood test to check hormone levels. I’m sort of relieved that I am through the worst of it I suppose.
Had to drop my daughter at school this morning and her teacher is pregnant which was hard to see (although I’m pleased for her obviously). Been a bit of a tough morning.
Sending hugs to everyone else struggling today too x

@jlj19 I totally get you with the relief... I feel the same. I was dreading the thought of having to have surgery etc. It’s comforting to know there’s a few of us going through the same thing together but really highlights how common it is and not really spoken about enough xx

Thanks @AMS19 and @SuzieDeLaTour

I’m on phased return so only doing mornings at the moment. It feels like a big step. Maybe I’m being over dramatic but it’s made me realise how much I needed the time off to get myself physically and emotionally better. I’m so glad I took the time I needed

Thanks everyone. I only had the ERPC on Friday, so I know it's still really early. I didn't really bleed or cramp over the weekend but now I am today. Do people take time off work? I had a private scan last Monday night where she said no HB, worked Tuesday but told them I lost the baby and had an appointment Wednesday at EPU to confirm and said I wouldn't be in wed Thurs fri. At EPU on wed I got booked in for surgery on Friday. I haven't told work that and just went back today as was expected (office job but extremely high pressure and stressful and I hate my job and workplace and boss - currently WFH) but I've just sat and cried all day I really don't want to be in the rest of the week. But had no contact from boss or manager since returning today, no checking up on me, asking how I am, asking if I'm ok to be back. So I feel like me saying I need more time off wouldn't be received well.

@justwant2beamum you can self certify for your first week off but anything after that you would need to go to the GP and be signed off work sick with a sick note that you hand in to your employer. Every person is very different with time off work after a miscarriage to be honest. Only you can decide if you are well enough to work. I would perhaps call your GP and have chat with them XX

@justwant2beamum Aw I just want to give you a hug :( that’s pretty poor your employers have not even checked in on you today. I believe this would fall under a pregnancy related sickness so they can’t hold anything against you as such should you take further time. whilst some ladies recover quickly, others do not and will need time to process what has happened and grieve properly. You should speak to your GP and ask for a sick note signing you off for 1 or 2 weeks explaining what has happened and the environment you are in and that you require time off to heal/recover. You may still need further time off after that but take it day by day. Your employer may not like that but ultimately you have had something significant happen and you are entitled to time off should you need it. You could speak to your employer up front and advise of how you are feeling and what had happened Friday and that you are looking to speak to your GP as a heads up ? but I understand that may not be easy for you. It sounds to me though that you have gone back to soon and should be looking after yourself just now and work is not a priority. Sending love to you and do think about speaking to your doctor x

@justwant2beamum my EPU/day surgery unit sent letters to the GP and told me I could self-certify for a week but that they or the GP would happily write me a letter for longer.

I took about 3 days off after finding out and a week off after surgery

@Brightspark12 that's odd as I had pretty much the same thing - had a private scan on a Friday and had just started bleeding and then a scan at EPU the following Thursday, and they still "confirmed" the miscarriage as complete even if the first scan was done privately, I wasn't told I had to have further HCG follow up, just to take a test in a couple of weeks and call them if still positive (which it wasn't). Sounds like things are done differently everywhere! At least it definitely sounds like you're over the hill physically now, well done 💪 same to @jlj19 💪

@justwant2beamum that sounds awful, I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to work in a toxic environment and just need to get out, to go through that with an MC must be so tough. I would echo what the others said, you should definitely get the GP to sign you off for two weeks if you want to (sounds like it will help). When I had a horrible situation at work my GP was amazingly understanding and signed me off with stress for 2 weeks so having had a medical procedure you should absolutely be entitled to time off. Sending hugs.

Also, Happy International Women's Day everyone!

@justwant2beamum I found started bleeding on Friday called in to work, just rang my manager today and told her I won’t be back till next Monday. She’s also my friend so she’s been really understanding. I feel ok but I don’t think the emotional side has hit me yet as I’ve just been so focused on getting over the physical pain- I think if anyone asks me if I was ok in work I’d burst out crying. As @Blondiebrownie6 says employers can’t use pregnancy related sickness against you so if you’re worried about that don’t be. You need to focus on getting better and you can’t do that in a stressful role.