Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@CocoLoco88 @Pettylamby @KJLM @Pimmsandprimroses @MysteryB23 @Redfoxinthesnow @Sherryxxxx @TheDaydreamBelievers @SuzieDeLaTour @Seasalt1984 @Mellous @Summersun001*@DMT1982 @Neady1980* @tamsin424 @Scottishskifun @MysteryB33 @Gillsa2000 @Slk3558 @Jam291 @Gymbelle @mia2201 @Applecrumble24 @Jujujuberry @Enola41 @Ralala @wag1987 @glowingtwig

Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

So glad you ladies liked the metro article ❤️ (If like is the right word!).

Feeling really in the thick of it today and struggling to find comfort in anything. I have my scan tomorrow morning and I feel sick with stress over it because I don't want to hear another person tell me that I've lost the baby, but at the same time I know it might give me some more closure than I'm feeling right now and help me to move on. My bleeding and pain is so sporadic, and I'm still waiting for everything to 'happen' and to pass everything naturally. I was told though that sometimes your body can reabsorb everything, but that just made me feel so much worse weirdly, even though every time I go to the toilet I'm terrified (I have phobia of blood which also isn't helping). I'd be 7 weeks on Saturday so I don't know what's normal for this early on.

Can anyone recommend any good documentaries or anything to watch? X

I'm back from the hospital appointment where they confirmed I've miscarried naturally but I need to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks to confirm.
I'm conscious I'm cycling through the stages of grief, and right now I'm feeling angry at my husband.
The reason is: he thought we shouldn't tell anyone until the 12 week scan because of what could go wrong. And by anyone, I mean not even my mother, who I'm fairly close to. Because if I tell my mother, then he feels like he should tell his parents... it becomes a bloody competition. Additional info: my husband thinks my mother is a bit too controlling, and I feel this colours his judgement.
So, as per the previous cycle (when I had a chemical), I started spotting again this last cycle and ended up with a bean with no heartbeat at a scan after showing a heartbeat at a previous scan.
At this point I told my mother (she lives other side of the world) that I was pregnant but showing signs of a miscarriage... she asked me to see a gynecologist asap and to see one privately if I couldn't see one via the NHS.
I've now booked an appointment with a doctor next week, but I've already miscarried (as per the scan today).
My mind is full of what if's. What if, I'd ignored my husband, and mentioned to my mother that I was pregnant and spotting, what if my mother had encouraged me to see a gynecologist, and what if the gynecologist had prescribed progesterone or aspirin or something which meant my bean would still be alive.
I'm clutching at straws and trying to find someone to blame... but I'm feeling guilt.

@HotCupOfNo oh my love I completely understand that feeling of anxiety/ dread ahead of your scan, I really do feel for you. That said, I really do hope that it gives you some closure - sometimes the run up to these things and the anticipation is worse. I was over 8 weeks with both my MCs and went for the surgical option so I can’t help you with the level of bleeding / pain you should be experiencing but they’ll be able to give you lots of info at the EPU tomorrow. We are all here holding your hand tomorrow x
@birdbybird - please don’t torture yourself with what ifs. I know it’s natural to do so and our total lack of control over events makes us try to seek answers or some understanding of why this has happened but nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. You are NOT to blame for this and you have no reason to feel any guilt. I found out 7 weeks ago I had miscarried and I still have days where I feel angry or annoyed at my husband for various things and I think when you go through something like this it’s completely normal! You’re still very much early on in this horrid journey, be kind to yourself. I’ve had various run-ins with my MIL and it’s a huge bone of contention for my DH and so I also understand the friction that comes with in-laws and the resentment that can cause. Have you told your husband how you’re feeling? I find that vocalising my thoughts and upset often helps because it gets everything off my chest x

@HotCupOfNo I was 8 weeks when I MC naturally. I bled for 5 days and it wasnt as heavy as a period. I had very little pain and no clots and a scan showed that everything was gone, although everyone is different. I was so scared everytime I went to the loo as I didnt know what to expect, scared of the unknown.
My first AF after it was a beast, i bled so much with clots but i think that was the clear out i needed. I know everyone is different but hopefully it passes quick for you, the anticipation is the worst xx

Thankyou @Neady1980 and @SuzieDeLaTour ❤️ it's a morning appt thank goodness so I won't be waiting all day, which is something.

@birdbybird that sounds torturous and so hard. Remember that your hormones are probably all over the place, you're grieving and in shock, you're going to run the absolute gamut of emotions. There is always going to be something you think you 'could have done', but at the end of the day we don't have any control over these things, and we are absolutely not to blame for what has happened to us x

@HotCupofNo bless you darling, you really are in the worst time at the moment. I completely understand being sick with nerves for your scan tomorrow, I’ve been there an know exactly how you feel. It’s just the worst feeling in the world. I was the same as you and felt certain it wouldn’t be good news but it was still so awful to hear. Nothing I say can make it better really, I'm so sorry. I hope your partner is looking after you tonight and I’m willing the hours to go quickly for you. I do think you’ll feel some closure and you can hopefully start to move forward. I promise you it does get easier. There were days I couldn’t even get out of bed or even begin to think about the future and everything felt so hopeless and now 7 weeks on I’m finally starting to see the good in the world again. Please pop on and update us on your appt tomorrow if you feel you’re able to. You’ve already been so strong up til now and you can do tomorrow too. You’ve got this. xxxxx

@birdbybird oh your post made me well up. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you know deep down you shouldn’t be though, and to echo @SuzieDeLaTour it’s more than likely nothing could have prevented it. I know exactly how you feel though and I constantly find myself Googling things I could have done or taken, almost before I realize I’m doing it, and I have to physically stop myself. The vast majority of times a miscarriage is just bad luck, nothing could have prevented it and nothing caused it. It simply wasn’t meant to be. I know everyone is different but I found a great deal of comfort, and still do actually, in telling myself that it was never going to be a baby. That I can’t be sad thinking of milestones because I never would have reached them. I don’t know, again everyone’s different but this is just what helped me. I think in a day or so you’ll move through your anger with your husband and start to feel a different emotion and that’s completely normal. Remember he’s going through this too though, so maybe try having some time on your own if you’re feeling angry so you can just be alone and feel your feelings. Sending you so much love xxxx

@HotCupofNo also, doc suggestions. It depends what you’re in the mood for! I love a true crime doc but I understand you may not be up for that at the moment. Let me know if you are and I’ll suggest some titles.
In terms of TV, I feel like I should be on commission for the amount I mention it haha but This Is Us honestly got me through my miscarriage. We had an awful week where we were waiting to find out if the pregnancy was ‘viable’ and I just couldn’t eat or sleep or do anything, I had no interest in anything. My husband would make me something to eat and then we’d come up to bed at literally 7pm and snuggle up and watch This is us as I couldn’t face anything else. It’s incredibly emotional but also so heartwarming and oh I just love it. I also just watched Friends endlessly as it’s my favourite programme and I know all the words and it’s just so comforting. What about something you used to watch when you were younger? Sister sister is on Netflix now! I found I just wanted to completely escape into a show so the days would go faster. xxxx

Wow @AMS19 @LauraT94 @Ralala @PlantMummy87 Thank you all so much, you’ve put my mind at ease now I know I’m not alone with my temps, today’s was high again so definitely must be my body still adjusting! @AMS19 how frustrating your temps are all over the place this cycle, did you count your first day of flow as CD1?

@Mellous from what I can see your chat looks good and sounds like everything lined up to point to ovulation day!

@Jujujuberry I've gone back for forth on what I'm counting as CD1 🤦‍♀️ I think I'm going with the first full day of heavy flow. My temps are jumping around all over the shot though so not sure I'm going to be able to confidently see ovulation this cycle. Last cycle they were textbook...typical 🙄

@TheHotelCalifornia Thankyou for your words lovely, I can't tell you how much they've lifted me and given me some hope. I will update tomorrow xx Regarding Netflix - that is EXACTLY what we've been doing, straight to bed with Netflix. I've watched all of Ginny and Georgia, a few Modern Families, Murder amongst the Mormons, and currently we're watching Schitts Creek. I will 100% be trying this is us tomorrow!! I also love a true crime thing so totally up for recommendations x

@AMS19 Hang in there!! I remember after my first MC my periods started off with a day or so of spotting which was really annoying, but I got pregnant again, so try not to get hung up on if you can't track everything each cycle, it will happen!!! xx

@HotCupOfNo Speaking of what to watch we found 'After Life' a good watch, Ricky Gervais playing a more serious role xx

@HotCupOfNo really sorry you're struggling, I totally get that because one of the hardest parts of my MC for me was the waiting and uncertainty of "when will it get worse" and "how bad will it be". I think I mentioned this already but for me it was not "a breeze" but it wasn't as horrible as other stories I'd read, and as @Neady1980 experience shows, it can be very minimal and still be a complete miscarriage. Please let us know how your appointment goes this morning, thinking of you and sending you hugs ❤️

About the TV recommendations, if you like true crime stuff, I absolutely LOVED Unbelievable which is on Netflix. The first episode is a bit distressing to watch but the subsequent ones are just about these badass female detectives being incredible. I actually cried in the last episode I was so touched 😂 another good crime one is Mindhunter if you haven't seen that.

@birdbybird I don't have much to add to the brilliant advice the other ladies have given but just want to say that I think there is ALWAYS a mother-in-law "question" in these situations...like whether they find out, whether you worry about their opinion etc. For me, I made it very clear to my OH that I would decide who to tell. Circumstances forced me to tell my own parents about the pregnancy before we had planned it and I explained to OH that I didn't want to tell his parents until after the 8 week scan...then obviously the scan was bad news so we haven't told them. He knows it's my body and my decision - not saying he doesn't get a say as the would-be father, but he respects what I want when I'm the one directly experiencing the traumatic situation...
Hope you work things out with your husband, it's bound to be tough at times like this.

Hi lovely ladies. So the sac is still there and has grown the tiniest little bit. Nothing is in it though and I heard the lady say something about debris from the embryo breaking down (this was v hard to hear). They're waiting for a doctor to confirm if I can have mitoprotisol, if it was the same or less I could 100% have it but because they're only 99.9999999% sure this is a miscarriage the sonographer is not sure what the doctor will say. We're sat in the 'bad news' waiting room just waiting to see.

If they said come this way we'll give you a quick op and it'll be done with I'd do it in a second (they won't I know). I don't know if this makes me a cold hard bitch. This limbo is agony and I know my baby has died and I need to feel I can at least start to heal.

Hi lovely @HotCupOfNo , thank you for the update and sorry to hear it's dragging out! I do NOT think you're a cold hard bitch for saying that, I would feel the same. You just want closure and to be able to move on which is totally natural IMO. You'll get there, hopefully the doctor can shed more light on what's going on. Stay strong 💪❤️

I'm so sorry @HotCupOfNo it's so horrible seeing the empty sac. I had the same, saw a little baby with a heartbeat then the next time I saw the sac it was basically empty and had be largely reabsorbed. I actually think about this as a positive thing. I love the baby is now a part of me forever. And when I do have my rainbow baby, they will be part of it too ❤❤

Thankyou guys xx

So two doctors came to see me and it all felt really scary and serious suddenly. They said that they can't tell for absolute certainty that there is not a pregnancy in my tubes, and that the sac they're seeing in my womb is not just a random cyst. I had a blood test, which was horrendous, took 3 different people and a doctor had to come and take it from my hand. They want to see if my levels have stayed the same or dipped. If they're the same I will need keyhole surgery to tell for certain that I am not having an ectopic and if they've dropped then it's a waiting game for a week and another scan, both options are feeling very very shit. I feel like my body can't even have a miscarriage properly x

That's lovely @AMS19 ❤️❤️❤️ I really like that way of looking at it

I can't get over how painful it must have been for those of you who saw a heartbeat and then had to go through this. You are all such an amazing and strong group of ladies xxx

Hi @HotCupOfNo
I wrote a letter to my little one. Cried the entire time writing it, but it helped.
Was it you or another poster said of the rainbow child... that it’s ok but I really wanted this one. I can’t remember who said that, but echos my sentiments.

@HotCupOfNo sorry to hear this further update, again that sounds really tough. Try to focus on the fact that you're in good hands and they will do what they need to do to figure out what's going on, and they will figure it out. If you think about all that our bodies are going through, it's a big deal and of course it's not straightforward. Please don't blame yourself or your body, you're a strong woman who will overcome this challenge.

Oh that does sound so scary @HotCupOfNo I'm glad all avenues are being fully investigated. Whatever the outcome you will get through this. Keep us updated, will be thinking of you xx

Hi again ladies, I just wanted to ask about HCG after MC as I've seen a lot of you mentioning your blood tests etc. At my scan 2 weeks ago that confirmed a complete MC they told me to take a test in a couple of weeks and call them if it's still positive. I just took a FRER and it was super negative! (pic hopefully attached) I'm really pleased with that but just wanted to ask you guys - if I have a negative test do I need to ask for any HCG blood test follow-up, or can I just go about my business now? Do you think one negative test is enough or should I do another?

Hi all, I hope it's ok to join. I went for my 13 week scan last Monday to be told my twins had stopped growing at 10 weeks. I'd had an early scan at 6 weeks 2 days which is when I found out I was having twins and I saw both heartbeats. I'd been having strong symptoms throughout, my morning sickness was awful and my stomach was growing and I hadn't had any bleeding, so to find out I'd had a MMC was a complete shock.

I had a D&C two days later on the Wednesday, and I just want to try to get pregnant again. I'm still bleeding slightly after the D&C (brown in colour) and getting positive pregnancy tests. I know it's early and I'll have to wait a couple of weeks but I just want this to all be over so I can try and move on. I had a MC two years ago at 5.5 weeks.

I have a DD who is 4 but I recently turned 40 so time is not on my side.

I've gone from feeling a lot of grief and overwhelming sadness to feeling extremely pissed off and impatient 😕

@Tamalama I'm so sorry to hear that. I miscarried naturally at 8 weeks and it was my first pregnancy and like you I couldn't wait for it to be all over with to try again as I am also 40.
I had all the same feelings and couldn't wait to get a negative test (strange I know) but just wanted it to be over and try again.
I'm so sorry your going through this it's horrible. The mixed emotions that you go through are unreal. I hope you stop spotting soon xx

@AlbiMix
I was told the same thing, except I was told to do a pregnancy test three weeks after the heaviest bleed day.
If it’s negative then I was told no further blood tests required.