Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@CocoLoco88 @Pettylamby @KJLM @Pimmsandprimroses @MysteryB23 @Redfoxinthesnow @Sherryxxxx @TheDaydreamBelievers @SuzieDeLaTour @Seasalt1984 @Mellous @Summersun001*@DMT1982 @Neady1980* @tamsin424 @Scottishskifun @MysteryB33 @Gillsa2000 @Slk3558 @Jam291 @Gymbelle @mia2201 @Applecrumble24 @Jujujuberry @Enola41 @Ralala @wag1987 @glowingtwig

Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

Ah just wrote a message and the computer reset it

@glowingtwig I was 17 days post MC when I got ewcm, so I'm wondering if I'll get my first period a couple of weeks from then, although my cycles were around 22-26 days before MC, so we'll see. Good on you for jumping in for some old fashioned fun with Hubby, its funny he asked if you were allowed :D As for work I was lucky with my first MC as it was during the beginning of covid, so work was extremely slow and I could work from home without much interaction, just responding to a few emails. I went into the office 2 months later, and lasted 1 week, I felt so overwhelmed so continued to wfh. Now I'm actually between jobs so for this MC I have time. Dont pressure yourself into work, it takes time, ask for a few more weeks off if you can xxx

@AlbiMix your temps sound like mine, todays one was higher but not much at 36.7c, so not sure if I have ovulated..I'm sure it used to go over 37 when I had. Yeah your vaccine could interfere with the temps, just keep it up and eventually you'll see a pattern!! :)

@Jujujuberry Maybe it'll get up to 37 still in the next few days. Luckily my fever seems to be gone now so going to try and keep tracking it again from tomorrow morning. I'm weirdly excited about it as if it's a new hobby or something 😂 I guess there's not much excitement in my life at the moment!

@AlbiMix I hear ya on that one! I feel excited about temping too, its so insightful. I've just noticed that my temp rise over the last two days was 36.7 and so looks like ovulation!! For some reason I thought it had to get over 37, but I googled and it says,

BBT averages between 97°F (36.1°C) and 97.5°F (36.4°C). After ovulation, it rises to 97.6°F (36.4°C) to 98.6°F (37°C).

Haha yay for new hobbies!!

Hey ladies, hoping some of you can offer some advice/words of comfort. I should have been 9+4 today. Had a private early scan at 7 weeks was dated 7+1 and saw a heartbeat which she said was perfect at 144bpm (I think). I've been very sick with HG, even to the point last week was prob my worst week I even called my GP to try me on different meds as my current were doing nothing I was still throwing up 6-15 times a day on them. Anyway this weekend it's just disappeared and I felt normal, no nausea or anything so today I freaked out, called midwife unit, called round all the early scan places and finally managed to get a private scan this afternoon. They were rubbish, didn't let my DP in, she did abdominal for ages said nothing, told me she needed to do internal and I had to go pee, then ages into an internal she said there was no HB and it was only measuring 7+1. She kept scanning me for ages even as I'm lying there hysterically crying when I just wanted to leave and get to my DP. It was honestly the most awful experience of my life. I immediately phoned my midwife unit and they've got me in for a scan on Wednesday to confirm. But in my heart I know there's no hope as there was no HB. I just keep thinking HOW has my baby died the same day I got a scan and saw a HB (that scan was abdominal and clear as day!! Different private clinic from today's). How can this be happening, after seeing a HB and an exact measurement I really thought it would be ok. This was my first ever pregnancy. And I've been so so so sick the last 9 weeks. It just seems so cruel. So cruel of my body that last week I was practically in bed the whole week and constant throwing up and my baby was dead? How can it be? It was awful and I want a baby so badly, but now I have to put myself through all that again from the start. We always wanted two but I was so sick I said to DP would you be sad if we just had the one - i was that unwell. I just don't know how I can do it. Can my body even do it? Was it because I was so sick and couldn't eat? I lost over 9lbs since falling pregnant and I was a healthy bmi before anyways so I'm quite small. Can anyone help with what to expect? I don't want to go to work - can I call in sick? My manager and the office manager both know I was pregnant I told them after 1st scan as I was so sick. Snuck downstairs to be on my own, crying into the born in 2021 baby grow I bought knowing that there will now never be a little one in it and I won't be a mum in 2021. Baby was due on my birthday too. Part of me just wishes I would die with my baby.

Oh darling @justwant2beamum my heart breaks for you, as every lady on this thread knows exactly how your feeling, every women who has gone through a miscarriage feels how you do, so know your not alone. We all want to be mums and we all will be, dont give up hope, one day you’ll hold your baby like we all will, and it will be so so deeply loved because of this pain you have to go through now. I know you want this baby, but be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve this little soul, maybe get a gemstone to remember it by 💎

Yes absolutely take time off work!

You’ll find alot of comfort here xxxx

@justwant2beamum I'm so sorry you've had to join us, but I promise you, we're all in this together. The darkest days are now. You'll feel raw and numb, you'll go through a range of emotions every single one as valid and rational as the last. Take your time, go hour by hour of day by now is too overwhelming right now. You've always got an ear here.

@justwant2beamum 9h lovely I'm so so sorry. Same thing happened to me, saw a baby with a heartbeat and found our 3 weeks later it would have died that day or within a couple of days. And my symptoms also got worse, it's so cruel. I had to wait 10 days after finding out the baby had died for surgery and that whole time my symptoms were awful. Honestly it's just horrific and I totally understand how you feel, it was my first pregnancy too. I promise you it does get easier. Not easy, but easier. There will be dark days and there will be days of hope again. You absolutely will get through this. Time will help you heal. We are all here to help you as well xx

@justwant2beamum

Same lovely. Our baby died about 5 says after a perfect 10 week scan where they were waving and wriggling. Life can be so cruel. Like @dippyegg says - these are the darkest moments. It does get better. Treat yourself kindly as it is so hard.

Remember miscarrying once has no impact on the likelihood of you having a living baby in future. Just cause this happened on our first pregnancies doesnt mean we wont be mothers.

Lastly, you mentioned wishing you had just died. If you ever feel suicidal and dont feel you can keep yourself safe (are going to harm yourself or end your life) you can call 111 (has out of hours crisis mental health support), breathing space, samaritans and in an emergency present to A and E.

@justwant2beamum meant to say - I also had an estimated due date of my birthday

Thanks everyone. Sorry to see there are so many here in a similar situation. It's just awful. I'm so scared of it happening at home as well as it's now been gone so long. My hospital scan isn't till tomorrow morning, and I want knocked out and the surgery option there, I don't want to be at home, I don't want to see it, I don't want to feel it, I don't want to know it's happening I just want it gone. And now I'm terrified incase it starts today and from other peoples stories I'm guessing they won't do anything for me tomorrow except scan me, give me options and book me in. It's not good enough, I will be saying I'm not leaving here, I'm not going home and risking this happen at home, I'm not leaving until they deal with it. What happened with other people? Will they let me stay in and deal with it ASAP especially cause i lost it a while ago so could literally start any day?

@justwant2beamum I am so so sorry, that experience sounds absolutely traumatic, I wish I could give you a hug through my phone xx please take care of yourself and absolutely do not go to work. I am currently miscarrying and am finding comfort in being able to come onto this thread, keep sharing with us please ❤️

@justwant2beamum for me, because I had to have a covid test before my MVA, and mine fell over Christmas, I had a 10 day wait. It all depends if they require a covid swab as to how quick it will be x

Also @justwant2beamum mine went all in all about 4 weeks post losing it and I don't even have a drop of spotting. Just because it passed a while ago it absolutely does not mean your body will do things naturally. It might, but there most of us had missed miscarriages and our bodies didn't let go

@justwant2beamum oh my love, my heart breaks for you 💔 it is so incredibly hard and it feels so cruel when you’ve seen a heartbeat. I’ve had two MMCs and both times I saw a heartbeat - you question why it even had to get that far just to be snatched away? I had the surgical option both times so I understand exactly how you’re feeling. Like @AMS19 said, you may need to wait for the results of a Covid swab. I was told to wait 3 days and like you, I panicked as I didn’t want it to happen at home. I was also two weeks past the baby dying but if it’s any comfort it didn’t happen I those 3 days despite bleeding fairly heavily. We are all here for you, so please vent to us. This group is such a lovely, supportive place to be right now and you will come through the other side xx

@justwant2beamum I’m so sorry. I’m going through a miscarriage. I also saw a heartbeat but in my case the bean was measuring smaller by a week at 7w4d which had me immediately worried. I was spotting for most of the time I was pregnant. That plus the lack of symptoms had me worried. It’s a week after that scan and I seem to now be miscarrying naturally but will get a scan to confirm. I’m telling myself anything from “it’s just like any other period” to what one of the other ladies said earlier in this thread “ this little guardian Angel will guide a little rainbow baby to me”.

@justwant2beamum also my baby was due on my sisters birthday, and my midwife had the same name as my sister, and it all felt so 'meant to be' 💔

@SuzieDeLaTour thank you for checking on me... I feel myself coming out the other side.
Because I’ve been spotting this whole time I knew it wasn’t a normal pregnancy.

@AlbiMix your description of what happened in your situation really helped ease my anxiousness.

Also I recommend the Tommy’s helpline. I left a message and they called me back after a couple of hours.

@AlbiMix and thank you!

@justwant2beamum so so sorry you're going through this, it sounds so tough and as someone said earlier if you're really feeling down/having suicidal thoughts please seek help and advice - you are NOT alone and there are people there with lots of knowledge and compassion who can help you navigate this. You absolutely will get through this and you'll be stronger for it, just as we all will be. Please hang in there ❤️

@birdbybird I'm so glad I was able to ease your anxiousness somewhat. How are you doing now? Is the pain/bleeding ok? Glad to hear you got advice the I'm Tommy's, I didn't contact them but have read a lot of info on their site.

@Jujujuberry exciting, let's hope the charts are right! I don't know what's up with mine, temp today was 36.79, compared to Sunday which was 36.23, but then I had my vaccine fever yesterday and feel like this increase could still be an effect of that so no clue what it means. But I've definitely been getting the same kind of CM I had when I conceived before my MC so maybe it is ovulation.

@justwant2beamum sorry you have had to join us here I hope you can find comfort.
If I was in your position I would read the miscarriage trust and think about what option. You may have to push for the preferred depending on your trust unfortunately some are stating covid rules for not using certain options. My hospital would allow tablets (medical management) and to be in the unit if you didn't want to be at home.
For me the time delay was due to being in shock and not knowing when I called the unit back they could fit me in 5 days later. Unfortunately unless going for medical management at home they are unlikely to fit you in that day.

I did go into natural miscarriage the day before my surgery but my babys heart had stopped at 9 weeks and I was 14 +3 weeks when I went into miscarriage so a long time after.
Obviously everyone is different but focus on getting through the hours.

There is sadly rarely a reason for miscarriage. Take care of yourself focus on you. Warm bath or pj's etc.

@AlbiMix I have a feeling I’m over the worst of it.
My ongoing brown spotting had a tinge of red last Friday.
I went for a private scan on Saturday morning which showed heartbeat had gone.
The discharge started to get red and more of a light bleed. This continued on Sunday and Monday (yesterday) increasing gradually to say a light to medium bleed.
Then Monday night I felt light cramps. Lay down to sleep and then I felt a gush which soaked a lot of the pad and I felt a clot come out. It was about the size of a ping pong ball but flat. No pain as it came out.
Then maybe slightly less cramps but I had no problem falling asleep. Woke up this morning and again an almost soaked maternity pad and this time gone through to a big patch on the underwear. And a couple of smaller clots came out while on the toilet.
Now no more cramps and a very light bleed.
I’m wondering if what happened overnight was it and if it’s all gone.
Am either going to go for a scan on Thursday or on the pre-booked one Monday.
I feel a lot better mentally.
I’m just wondering if I’m meant to take it easy now /bed rest or can I go to the shops / lift small stuff if I need to.

@birdbybird that sounds positive and again very similar to my experience, when I felt what I think was the sac come out, I didn't have any particular or additional pain, just the same cramping I had been having until then. I did keep bleeding somewhat heavily after that came out so you may well be over the worst of it. I think you'll know if the bleeding and cramps keep reducing over the next couple of days it's probably over (but of course you'll know for sure when you have your scan). Personally I took it easy for a week after the pain stopped in that I didn't exercise or do many chores etc, but I felt fine to to go the shop/on walks like 2 days after the pain stopped. I think it's quite personal, if you feel ok to do light activities go for it but don't push yourself. I did a long walk on Saturday and some ring fit (Nintendo switch) exercise on Sunday and I felt ok. Really glad you're in a better place mentally, I feel better too 😊

@AlbiMix I’m trying to distract myself from thinking about what could have been.... tingly breasts now and then are a sad reminder.
I use Fertilityfriend - OPKs, temp, and also try to check my CM for fertility signs, so if you have any questions... I would be happy to help.
Once my body calms down I’ll try to find out why it happened. I’ve become pregnant twice in two cycles but both times have started spotting soon after the positive tests, leading to losses

Update on private appointment with gynaecologist. They were very sympathetic to my situation but felt it wouldn’t be right to put me through the testing as apart from my underactive thyroid I don’t have any known risk factors. I’m kind of ok with that really I just felt I needed a second opinion outside of the nhs and their 3 miscarriages rule. He did say if I’d had 2 they would maybe consider going through tests then. The gist I get is that there is now a push for the nhs to start investigating after 2 mc for everyone, I know the charity Tommy’s are pushing this as well, so hopefully rules will change in the future.

I just literally feel like the world is on top of me at the moment as we are also in the process of buying a house, our offer got accepted the day before we found out I was pregnant, so literally everything has been happening at the same time. We found out yesterday that our mortgage has been refused because of some minor issues which have added up on my partners side, we have a broker dealing with it for us and they are going to try and find us another one but I’m now so worried about losing the house we are trying to buy. I’m really just hoping everything will work out. Hope everyone else is ok x

And glad to hear you feel better too!