Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@CocoLoco88 @Pettylamby @KJLM @Pimmsandprimroses @MysteryB23 @Redfoxinthesnow @Sherryxxxx @TheDaydreamBelievers @SuzieDeLaTour @Seasalt1984 @Mellous @Summersun001*@DMT1982 @Neady1980* @tamsin424 @Scottishskifun @MysteryB33 @Gillsa2000 @Slk3558 @Jam291 @Gymbelle @mia2201 @Applecrumble24 @Jujujuberry @Enola41 @Ralala @wag1987 @glowingtwig

Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

Morning everyone, so nice and sunny today- it does make you feel better doesn't it?

@AMS19 @DMT1982 I feel the same about the vaccine while TTC. I'm not an anti-Vaxer at all, but everything around pregnancy and ttc feels so tentative I really can't add another thing in to the mix that is an unknown. Also, at 40 I really can't wait about for 3-6 months and delay ttc. It's definitely on my list of questions to ask Prof Regan at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. It's so difficult because I'm a teacher so I'm a high risk profession, plus saw yesterday on the BBC news app that over 40s are next in line.

Just feels like another thing to stew over doesn't it?

I keep reading what you've included @Scottishskifun thank you so much for that. Just really hard when the advice keeps changing and GPs that you trust say not to. I just want to be pregnant again so the decision it taken out of my hands. I think if I had it, then never got pregnant again or had more miscarriages, that I would blame myself.

Regarding vaccine - I originally wasn't going to but 1) the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists and Royal College of Midwives both changed their view to "probably fine if trying to conceive" ( www.rcog.org.uk/en/news/RCOG-and-RCM-respond-to-misinformation-around-Covid-19-vaccine-and-fertility/ and useful clear fact sheet here www.rcog.org.uk/globalassets/documents/guidelines/2021-01-12-covid-19-vaccine-info-sheet.pdf ) 2) we are likely going to have to take a TTC break anyways for testing and 3) I'm a patient facing healthcare worker so more at risk. So, I have now emailed my work asking to discuss it with occ health.

@CocoLoco88 we are in the same boat. Before I got pregnant I came off the pill and had a 141 day cycle, then a 49 day cycle where I conceived, pregnant for 13 weeks, took 9 weeks to have a period after surgery, now on CD36. I had really hoped they would be back to normal length but no. Feel so bitter that I've really only had 3 chances to conceive in a whole year and it didnt work out

@AMS19 thank you. My period was medium. It's not normally heavy. I did have to use pad. Yea my last pregnancy was negative. Will see x

Yes @glowingtwig that's exactly it. I couldn't deal with the stress of wondering if I might have harmed a baby! If I were in @TheDaydreamBelievers situation where I was front line and was taking a break from TTC anyway then I would definitely have it!

Yes @AMS19 exactly. If there wasn't a pressing time issue I would have it. The published fact sheet has actually made up my mind not to have it given our current circumstances.

Hi ladies, so I saw my consultant. He confirmed that it was chromosomal - unfortunately the culture died in the lab but other tests they managed to do showed that it was in the family of Trisonomy abnormalities and it would have been “incompatible with life”. Says that puts me at a slightly higher risk if we were to fall pregnant again but they can’t say what that risk would be (he said not even a geneticist would be able to determine that) so not to let it deter us. They also told me it was a girl, which I felt in my gut but just hearing him say those words made me feel so utterly distraught 💔 I’ve ended up coming home, clutching my scan pic and bawling my eyes out. Nothing I can do - no need for progesterone etc apart from keeping myself healthy. I’m going to stop myself from googling everything as I don’t think it will help and the internet seems to make everything seem much worse!! Although my consultant works in medicine, he’s is also a big believer in “nature” and was very much of the opinion I don’t get caught up in that science / stats / what ifs and simply “make love” - his words not mine! 😀
I asked him about the monster period and he said the first 3 periods post MC can be very different, either in length / when you ovulate / heaviness etc so it’s very normal for your cycle to be all over the place initially.
To the lovely lady who asked about late ovulation = bad egg quality (sorry I’ve been in a haze of tears so can’t remember the username!) he said that wouldn’t be a factor. Bad egg quality is apparently bad egg quality regardless of when you ovulate. I conceived on day 25 or so this time around which was unusually late for me so it was definitely playing on my mind but he said it was a definitive no 🤷‍♀️
I’m sorry if I’ve brought anyone down with my post on what is otherwise a gorgeous day. Just don’t really have anyone else to talk to and I know you’ll all understand my feelings and hopefully (!) won’t think I’m a crazy lady for feeling bereft and doing some seriously ugly crying! Xx

Yes definitely agree and you also have the right to defer vaccination too which can also take the stress out of it. They will be doing vaccinations for covid for years to come so it's not a one time offer which is worth remembering as well

It's so sunny today even in North Scotland where its a balmy 12 degrees (we have been single figures since December) definitely find a sunny day helps me feel a bit better!

@SuzieDeLaTour definitely understand big hugs and well done for getting through the appointment I would have probably been big fat ugly crying the minute I walked into the hospital!

I think it's easy to go down the rabbit hole with Google and it doesn't change the situation. Even using Google scholar results will be based on that particular study/participants etc not you.

Focus on you and maybe sit in the sun with a glass of something nice

Oh @SuzieDeLaTour I'm so sorry. You poor love. But in a way isn't it lovely to know you did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing you could have done would have protected your little girl. If she has survived she would have had no quality of life, so this is the best for you and her ❤❤ you know now you can move on and make your beautiful little rainbow. Remember how you feel about your son and how you wouldn't change the other miscarriage for the world because it brought you him. Well that's how you will feel when you have you little rainbow baby. Sending you huge hugs xx

I'm so sorry you've had such a heartbreaking day @SuzieDeLaTour ...I think I remember you saying your consultant was lovely so hold on to his words - I do like the idea of not getting caught up in the science and definitely not Google. Glad too you can put the worries of late ovulation and egg quality to bed. The way I feel is that we had our rainbow babies once, we can do it again ❤️

Sending lots of love your way xx

@Scottishskifun @AMS19 @glowingtwig thank you ladies, it really helps to have your support. I think I’d be a bit lost without you lovely lot to turn to ❤️ You’re absolutely right, googling everything doesn’t change the situation at all and will only cause me to worry or think of things that hadn’t even occurred to me!! I hate the idea that I might be at slightly higher risk of it happening again now but then there’s a risk of lots of different things happening as with everything in life and I just have to stay positive and put my faith into it all turning out ok and getting to hold my rainbow bubba ❤️❤️ Hope you’re all soaking up the rays - feels like the start of spring and new beginnings hopefully ☀️ 🌼 😘

@SuzieDeLaTour remember slightly higher risk could be 0.1%. Also, you may well have been slightly higher risk last time time it didn't stop you getting your gorgeous baby boy ❤❤ I have faith summer next year we can meet up for wine with our rainbow babies on the Thames and look back at all this as bumps in the road to our destination xx

@AMS19 you’re so right, an increased risk could still be minuscule! Oh how lovely it would be to meet up with our bubs and an extra large glass of wine 🍷 xx

@SuzieDeLaTour I know you wanted to know the reason for your loss but even so nothing could prepare you for hearing what the cause was. I know the other girls have said exactly what I was going to say and the fact that you have a healthy little boy and could have had this slightly increased risk when having him and would never have know. I suppose ignorance is bliss sometimes however given the option I would have wanted to know as well.

Sending you lots of love and hope the spring sunshine on your face may make you smile if only for a few moments xxx

@SuzieDeLaTour I want to hug you so much right now xxx

@SuzieDeLaTour sorry you had such a hard day but it is good to get answers! 💔

It was me who was worried about the egg quality as I conceived on day 22 last time and this time ovulated on day 23 and now in my first post MC TTW! Thanks for posting about that it's put my mind at ease! ❤️

@DMT1982 thank you lovely! you’re right - oblivion is sometimes bliss!! I’ve spent the afternoon outside and the sun has definitely made me feel better ❤️
@dippyegg32 thank you 🤗
@Pettylamby aww I’m glad that was able to offer you some reassurance. Fingers crossed for your TWW! X

Hi @SuzieDeLaTour sorry to hear you've just a tough day but to echo what someone else said, it's not such a bad outcome to know that it was a chromosomal issue and nothing else that you need to change/could've done differently, that's reassuring.

Re: vaccines I mulled it over long and hard because I knew I'd be offered it early due to immunosuppressants... originally I was worried about fertility effects but I've read widely now and it seems (I'm hoping) the claims are unfounded. I think updated guidance is that you don't have to stop TTC after the vaccine so I'm just going to carry on as before... I didn't get the vaccine while pregnant and still miscarried, as I'm high risk and pregnant women can get more ill with COVID I've decided to get it. Very very much a personal decision I think but unfortunately I've had to make tough choices in life already due to health, so I'm kind of used to these annoying ultimatums...

@AlbiMix that is completely fair enough. My situation is very lucky in I'm reasonably young, no underlying health conditions and work from home full time. Therefore in my eyes, and following my GPs advice, it makes no sense to have it. But clearly in your situation it absolutely does. Hopefully it has no impact on a future pregnancy and it's all jsut precaution! ❤

@AMS19 hopefully I won't live to regret it! Just one of those things, fingers crossed for all those getting vaccinated!

Oh @AMS19 I would love to meet up for wine on the Thames with rainbow babies in tow ❤️

@AlbiMix you won't live to regret it as you'll never know what the alternative option could have brought ❤ so whatever happens not having the vaccine could have been worse

@glowingtwig I have faith!! How amazing would it be if we all met in person after spotting each other during such a tough time and come out the other side ❤❤

Supporting not spotting 🙄 you can tell how my mind thinks and functions now can't you 😂😂

@AMS19 me too. The spotting made me laugh so much just now

@AMS19 @glowingtwig that made me chuckle too our predictive text is getting a revamp with all the period terminology.

It would be wonderful to meet people some day, when the world is back to some semblance of normality and hopefully with babies in tow