Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@CocoLoco88 @Pettylamby @KJLM @Pimmsandprimroses @MysteryB23 @Redfoxinthesnow @Sherryxxxx @TheDaydreamBelievers @SuzieDeLaTour @Seasalt1984 @Mellous @Summersun001*@DMT1982 @Neady1980* @tamsin424 @Scottishskifun @MysteryB33 @Gillsa2000 @Slk3558 @Jam291 @Gymbelle @mia2201 @Applecrumble24 @Jujujuberry @Enola41 @Ralala @wag1987 @glowingtwig

Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

Glad to hear things picked up for you @AMS19 and that you are feeling positive for this month.

@Ralala I hope EPU appointment went okay. Good to hear about your period starting, such a relief and can move into a fresh new cycle.

@SuzieDeLaTour good to hear about the negative FRER. It's so odd and frustrating isn't it having to wait for a negative but good that it is a completely fresh new cycle for you too.

Sounds like a lot of us are very similar cycle dates. I'm on cd 2 and it's definitely been a bit of a beast, my first period after my mc was light in comparison but hoping this is a good sign and am feeling positive moving into this cycle.

@Jujujuberry thanks for saying about your acupuncture and that is amazing that it previously worked for your neck a few years ago. I've never had it before but I've been reading up on it and listened to a few podcasts about it and I'm excited to start it now 😊

@MeganChar1 great thanks for all the info :) hope the appointment goes well, let us know how you get on!

@MeganChar1 not over the top at all - miscarriage is so common and chances are it was just really bad luck but I think it will give you peace of mind and make you feel like you’re doing something proactive!
@AlbiMix I see Mr Onsy Morris at the new Victoria hospital and have done for close to 20 years. I’ve always found him really good!! Though he costs £250 for a 30 minute consultation and I no longer have any health insurance arrrghh 😱😱

@SuzieDeLaTour wow I had my surgery at the new Victoria with ms Fleming and go to the epu at Kingston we must be super close!!

Hello ladies.

I'm keeping up with all your news but dipping in and out as things are still really raw for me. Its been almost a week now since I found out about my MMC but the process hasn't yet started. Unfortunately because of covid any kind of surgery is not an option for me where I am, which is what I would have wanted. So I've got to go through it all at home which I'm not prepared for yet we obviously don't have a choice in these things.

I have the option of medical management at any time if I choose I want it but I'm honestly so torn. I almost feel like I'm doing it to myself that way, that it's almost a choice I'm making to go through it. But I'm aware that naturally the process could take weeks and I want it over with physically ASAP.

I've been surprisingly okay the last couple of days and feel like the longer I wait the harder it will be to go through all the emotions again, but I've heard horror stories about doing it with medication!

Just wanted a bit of a rant really. I hope you're all doing okay. This thread really makes me feel like I'm not alone.

@Madeoftea sorry to hear of your MMC, I’m in exactly the same boat as you with a MMC! I had a scan Friday with a heartbeat but was measuring way behind , got told to come back for another scan then on Monday night there was no heartbeat.

My EPU are trying to avoid surgery due to covid risks plus I have asthma so it’s too risky for me Personally. I’ve to call them back over the next few days to say what option to go for and like you I’m torn! I think I’m going to go down the medical route (they can’t get me in until next week anyhow) and I’ll just hope that something natural happens between now and then. I need closure and a plan to move forward and don’t think I can face waiting weeks for it to take place naturally. It’s so hard :(

We’ve been trying since May 2019 and I honestly can’t believe I’m in this situation. These posts are comforting to read but I just want to be 2 months ahead now and I know there’s so much to come before things go back to normal!

Just know you aren’t alone but I totally know how you feel! I actually cried to myself earlier that I’ve never felt so alone , it’s truly horrid x

Thanks @SuzieDeLaTour for the info. I'm going to do some research and maybe copy @MeganChar1 and try to book something.

@Blondiebrownie6 and @Madeoftea really sorry to hear what you're going through. Mines very fresh too (started the MC less than 2 weeks ago but bleeding has been over a couple of days). I have to say that for me one of the hardest things was the unknown of what it would physically be like because I'd read so many mixed stories. I had already started to MC naturally so the decision was taken out of my hands but I personally feel I would've wanted to opt for intervention if nothing was happening, just to be able to move on sooner. Not sure if that's helpful for you, you might prefer to hear from people who did have medical management or ERPC, but I just wanted to say I feel your pain in terms or the uncertainty and worry about what's going to happen. One way or another you will come out the other side of it feeling strong - I feel very sad but also proud that I dealt with it and am moving forward.

Lots of hugs to you both

I rang my work on Monday to say I'd be off all week and I'm so glad I did. I had a blood test on Monday afternoon and my hcg had gone up. But it's not positive. I had a molar pregnancy 2 years ago so I opted to have a second d&c on Monday afternoon and now I'm spending all days in bed. Fuck the housework fuck the washing up

@Blondiebrownie6 @Madeoftea so sorry you're in this awful position. I got the news I'd had a mmc on 3rd December and then had an ERPC under general on 7th. For me it was the best decision. Quick, painless and home within 6 hours. But it really is such a personal decision.

@Madeoftea I underwent an MVA two weeks ago as our hospital aren’t doing D&c because of Covid- actually I’m quite glad as personally I don’t want to go under general anaesthetic. An MVA has local anaesthetic and our consultant was very experienced and good at it and my pain was minimal in the grand scheme of things and very sensitively handled. The whole procedure from start to finish was 25 minutes and then an hour to sit and wait. I had very light bleeding/spotting for a couple of days and then nothing. Also I only felt sort of period cramps for a couple of hours after procedure then felt fine.
If your desire is for a procedure I feel you need to advocate for yourself (which you shouldn’t have to do) but Covid is being used for far too many excuses in NHS just now and your voice should still be heard. I would suggest you speak to EPU and ask to speak/meet with a consultant as you feel you wish something managed a certain way. And their reason that they are not doing those procedures is inaccurate as if a certain number of weeks passes and nothing happens I understood they have to then intervene with a procedure but I could be misinformed- similarly if there is retained product they have to do the procedure.

@AlbiMix I just wish things would start naturally here :( I had never even thought about a MMC and having to deal with this I just assumed it happened naturally! More fool me! I’m nervous for the 2nd part and know my emotions will be up to high heavens but at least I can’t start to deal with it, I feel in limbo just now :/ sending love to you and thanks for sharing your story.

@dippyegg32 ERPC would have been my preferred method but it’s just too risky, glad to hear it worked well for you. The stories I’ve read for this seem to be the most quick and least complicated way to go so I’m gutted I can’t. The medical route really doesn’t sound appealing and some of the stories quite unpleasant but I think it’s just what I’ll need to deal with to be able to move forward x

@Blondiebrownie6 sorry meant to say I'm also asthmatic but it was never even discussed as an additional risk. The anaesthetist just went through my medications and I bought them with me. But it wasn't ever entertained as a reason not to have it.

@dippyegg32 to be fair they just advised that where possible they are trying not to go down the ERPC route (but still have to in some situations ) as recent research has shown that if covid is caught following a general anaesthetic procedure then you could be more likely to end up in ICU with complications , I then said I had asthma and she just said you may not want to consider that option! The risks are probably small of catching covid I know and I’m maybe being too cautious ! But I know it would just be my luck when I call them back I’ll discuss it a bit more as maybe I’ve ruled it out too quickly x

@madeoftea sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment. It's so hard making decisions about treatment especially when the one you'd prefer isn't available. I found out about mmc on 21st December and really wanted surgical management but it wasn't a guaranteed option because of surgery availability. I went for medical management on 4th January at 9.5 weeks and was quite skeptical that it would work and worried about it but it actually worked really well and successfully for me. I shared my story in an earlier post which you might not have seen so will share again if helpful. I was given 4 pessaries to use in the morning and passed the sac about 10 hours later. This was followed by heavy bleeding for a few hours but manageable. I could manage pain with paracetamol and took a couple of codeine that hospital prescribed. I felt so relieved it worked and definitely felt like the right thing for me. I know there a mixed experiences but thought I'd share mine if it's helpful.

@Blondiebrownie6 I'm so sorry you're going through this too.

I think I have a feeling deep down that nothing is going to happen anytime soon on its own, so will probably give it a few days and then ask to go down the medical management route. I've been spotting and having the odd bit of bleeding for over 2 weeks now and it doesn't seem to be increasing.

We've not been trying as long as you but this was our first pregnancy and took about a year to conceive. I think I want to focus on trying again and that's not possible whilst I'm still in this limbo.

Have you got any support in real life? It doesn't stop you feeling alone but it's nice to have people there when you need them. My family have been incredible, I felt bad for not telling them the good news in the first place but I think it was the right decision.

@AlbiMix thank you so much. The worry about what will happen really is the hardest thing but it's ladies like you that make me realise I will get through it too and I will be stronger afterwards.

Thank you @dippyegg32 I'm glad you got to make the right decision for you, that would have been my choice too. But I'm determined to get through this ♥️

@Seasalt1984 that's so helpful thank you. I think I'm so worried because a lot of the stories about medical management are quite bad. It's good to hear a story where it's been successful, although of course it's one that I wish you weren't able to tell!

Hi all,

I hope you don't mind if I join?

In January I was diagnosed with a PUL and had to go through 4 weeks of limbo not knowing what was wrong, if it was ectopic or what. I even ended up admitted to the hospital for a few days and had to have a laparoscopy because doctors were convinced it was ectopic the way my levels were rising, but nothing was found.

Finally at the end of Jan (29th) I had an ERPC which was 'successful' and HCG started to drop. I finally got the negative HPT on the 16th Feb and now just eagerly waiting for my body to do something else. I have done some LH tests since I got the negative test but there's either a faint 2nd line or just the 1 control line. I usually struggle with LH tests though as I have IC and feel like I get false negatives.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your losses and everything you've all been through, I've been reading through this thread this afternoon and it brought me some comfort knowing I'm not alone. ❤️

@Blondiebrownie6 If it's any consolation, at times I wished it wasn't happening naturally for me because the stories of ERPC and MVA sounded so much easier in some ways, like you could just get it over and done with and they almost sounded less uncertain - so at least if nothing is happening for you, you do have an element of control in terms of what happens next and you can anticipate it. I've read stories about both natural MCs and medically managed ones which were absolutely fine, and stories about natural and medical that sounded grim. Whatever you decide just know that you will come out stronger and take comfort knowing you aren't alone, loads of us here are dealing with different versions of this same crappy situation.

@Madeoftea I was feeling the exact same as you around 10 days ago, just not knowing what was going to happen to my body, and now I'm on the other side of it just a few days later, so try to focus on that moment when you'll look back on the worst of it and be like "I did it!". Sounds cheesy AF but at times like these I allow myself to get a bit soppy

@Seasalt1984 thanks for sharing your story , it’s good to hear a more positive response to medical management

@Madeoftea that’s annoying you’ve had spotting and still nothing , in my head I’d thought at least if I stray spotting them maybe that means things would start but perhaps not :/ I guess regardless of time it’s still a loss to all of us and we all feel it :( I’m the same , I just need to re focus and re plan but feels impossible just now. When will you next speak to your EPU?

I have my partner but he’s not really understanding the pain, I think it’s a different kind of emotion for some men maybe ? My family are 400 miles away so can’t even do a doorstop visit. I’ve text my mum but I generally can’t bare to talk to her on the phone at the moment as I’ll just cry, she was so excited when I told her we were pregnant and I was so sad texting her the news. I’ve said I’ll call her tomorrow when maybe I’m a bit more together and have a plan of action . I won’t be making the mistake of telling anyone before 12 wks in the future. I’m glad you have your family support it’s super important

Hi @danielleb97 sorry to hear you've been through that, sounds like an ordeal but really positive that you now have some resolution and can move forward :)

@Blondiebrownie6 I think if I still feel the same way in the morning I will call them tomorrow. They said they can usually fit me in without 24-48 hours so I know I need to be sure about what I want.

I do think men are very different, my partner was sad and crying with me the first day and then ever since he's been fine but I think he's bottled it up to just focus and worry about me. I'm sorry your family aren't close by. I also prefer text at the moment I wasn't able to ring my mum, she had to find out about the pregnancy and mmc all in one text, although covid couldn't keep her away after that.

I'm sure it doesn't help but we'll get through this together ♥️

@Madeoftea yes defos need to be sure of your decision, that’s a quick turnaround , hopefully a good sleep and you can talk to them tomorrow. Let me know how you get on, well only If you want to share.

I think they are and just yes I think my partner is more worried about me. His way of dealing with things is to work like crazy!! Mines the sofa and a blanket! Aw bless your mum and I don’t blame her not being able to stay away, there are situations that need exception and this is certainly one of them! My mum offered to drive up which was sweet but I’ve said absolutely not as it’s too far and I don’t know what boarder restrictions will be like as I’m in Scotland and I’ll be fine eventually. Yes we’ll get there , this forum certainly helps to speak to those in similar situations

@dippyegg32 ahh I’m Kingston EPU too!! Super close 🤗 do you find Fleming good? I’m wondering if Mr Morris will retire soon!
@Madeoftea @Blondiebrownie6 oh ladies I’m so sorry you’re both having to go through this awful experience. I can’t give any advice re medical or natural as I’ve had ERPCs for both my MMC. That’s so frustrating that you can’t access that service because of sodding Covid. I was concerned that i would miscarry naturally this second time around as I was bleeding quite heavily (think heavy period) and had to wait several days for a negative Covid result to go through so I understand your anxiety around not knowing what will happen or what to expect. It really is awful being in limbo 😢 that said, you’ll be amazed at how strong you really are. It can feel like it’s never ending when you’re in the thick of it but my surgery was 5.5 weeks ago already and some women on here are already trying again so time really does go quickly. In the meantime, make sure you look after yourself and don’t feel any pressure to feel or be a certain way - it’s an emotional rollercoaster. Sending you both huge virtual hugs
@14down you’re absolutely right to f**k everything! You poor poor thing going through this, I’m so sorry. I hope that the D&C on Monday clears everything and it’s not another molar pregnancy. Do you have lots of support around you? We are all here for you xx

I absolutely love Ms Fleming I've seen her both privately and on NHS about ten times since I found out about the mmc. She's always there, always saying to come back and scans me herself, gave me her mobile number after surgery if any problems. She'll always be the one I go to.

@dippyegg32 oh that’s good to know! I’m wondering if I’ve seen her on the NHS as I’ve seen a slightly older really lovely female gynae , have to look online for pics of her! 😀