Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 3. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4139555-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-2-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@CocoLoco88 @Pettylamby @KJLM @Pimmsandprimroses @MysteryB23 @Redfoxinthesnow @Sherryxxxx @TheDaydreamBelievers @SuzieDeLaTour @Seasalt1984 @Mellous @Summersun001*@DMT1982 @Neady1980* @tamsin424 @Scottishskifun @MysteryB33 @Gillsa2000 @Slk3558 @Jam291 @Gymbelle @mia2201 @Applecrumble24 @Jujujuberry @Enola41 @Ralala @wag1987 @glowingtwig

Sorry if I've missed anyone, MN wasn't showing me everyone who had posted xx

@dippyegg32 definitely not implantation, too much for that for sure, just not enough for a heavy period 🙄 will be thinking of you tomorrow. Let me know as soon as you know anything xx

@AlbiMix sorry you have had to join us.
I think your doing very well just to be upset with your DH for that jesus I'm not even up for video calls with friends 6 weeks on let alone 2 days with a newborn and then a twins announcement!
Be honest with him explain that it was way too soon for that and he needs to give you time to process and that it was insensitive.

What I have learnt is that MC is a continual roller-coaster of emotions some days are good others are really bad don't put any pressure yourself and some things will flaw you.

The ladies here are all so supportive so hopefully you will also find comfort. It's also a completely safe place where we get the rants or upset that you sometimes wouldn't feel comfortable saying out loud but are going around.

I'm a big fan on crap days of Fluffy pj's and just something to relax you or mindless Netflix (nothing baby related!)

@AlbiMix I'm so sorry! I totally get how you feel. One minute I think I'm fine, then something triggers me and I realise I'm not fine at all. I think we are just so strong we don't give ourselves the time to stop and grieve. I'm sorry you've had health issues too, can't be easy. I do think the men are more detached, both emotionally and physically. You have every right to feel upset by the suggestion of the zoom call, I'd be the same. My best friend had a virtual gender reveal 2 weeks after my MVA and the day after what should have been my 12 week scan. Obviously I didn't go. Just take each day one by one and only do what you're comfortable with. It's a bloody tough journey for sure xx

How much time did people have off work? I started my MC on Saturday last week and I've had the last week off. Bleeding has finally stopped but oh my god my boobs hurt so much. I was 11 weeks and it was a nightmare

@14down it's entirely down to person - I was signed off for 5 weeks and am on a return to work system currently of a few days a week. At the moment it would be too soon for me to increase it and my work agrees.
I have trauma symptoms which are very slow at improving currently. Best thing to do is to speak to your GP.

@Scottishskifun @AMS19 thanks for your kind and supportive words, I guess I've come to the right place! I think it's just that I thought I was ok about having the MC and just realising today that I'm not has been a bit of an eye opener, even though that sounds a bit silly. I'm also really scared of another MC...

@14down I haven't taken any time off work because I'm working from home due to COVID and honestly I didn't want my manager to find out about my pregnancy and MC. I know that's probably bad, would be interested to hear what others say. It probably depends on your job, especially of it's high stress or if you're not WFH I can imagine more time off is needed. My guess is whatever feels right for you is what you need.

@AlbiMix God I have no idea how I would cope with another mc. But we have to stay positive! Lots of ladies on here have babies and have had miscarriages either before or after. Main thing is focusing on physically and mentally healing from this one. Then I'm sure we will all get our rainbow babies when our bodies are ready and the perfect egg and speem meet x

I work in an operating theatre so it's full on. My manager would like me to come back ASAP but I think I need a bit more time

Also @AlbiMix nothing sounds silly. As the ladies know on here, I didn't even cry after mine, just went into practical mode. Then about 4 weeks after my MVA, so 6 weeks after I found out about the mmc, I drunk red wine and broke down. I ugly cried for about 2 hours non stop. My husband was in shock, as I'd been so strong. Just goes to show what we don't even know is buried!

@AMS19 sorry didn't mean to make you think about that! Unfortunately I'm quite the pessimist (it's kind of a coping mechanism for dealing with my other health issues) so I'm already just assuming it will happen to me again. I know I need to snap out of that mindset as it's not helpful, you're totally right that I need to deal with this one first. Two days ago the idea of TTC again was abhorrent to me and today I'm like actually it doesn't sound so bad. So really all over the place!

@14down that sounds like a full-on job and probably not something you should go back to before you're ready. Is there someone you could speak with about it, like from HR or similar? Don't even get me started on workplace issues and MCs, I'm so angry about that I could rent for days!

@AMS19 that's oddly comforting to know because it seems like you were as up and down as I am. Hope you're doing better now, the one thing I've enjoyed in the last two days is a return to wine

@AlbiMix honestly I'm feeling loads better. Its 2 months today since I found out about the mmc and I'm feeling a million times better. Doesn't mean I don't have hard days, still get down, frustrated, upset etc. Not sure I'll ever not be super pissed off it happened to me! But I do know one day, when we have our rainbow baby, we won't resent it as much anymore x

@AMS19 so glad to hear that. I know time makes things feel better so hopefully I'll get there. It doesn't help us that this is happening at a time when it seems like there are zero nice things going on in the world, and no distractions other than the doom and gloom of the pandemic...but it's good to know there are people here to support each other :)

@14down your job needs full concentration, I have learnt that if I have doubts, anxiety or feel emotional about returning to work then for me it's a sign that I'm not ready. I initially had 2 weeks signed off but spoke with the GP who extended the note very easily and without any issues.
If you feel like you need more time then you need more time. I would just phrase it that it's better that you come back when ready rather then too soon and get signed off for longer as its too much.

Oh darling @AlbiMix, I’m so sorry you are going through this, you have come to the right place to get support as we are all in the same crap boat unfortunately. Thats pretty sad that your OH agreed to skyping people with babies, it would upset any women going through a MC so don’t feel like your emotions are wrong, its grief and there is a lot of emotions and hormones going around that make it harder too. My advice is to be kind to yourself and cry and just do what you need to get through xx I’m almost two weeks post MC and I was feeling strong last week, but this weekend has been so hard, lots of crying and feeling sad about what could’ve been.

Sending you lots of hugs xxx

Thanks @Jujujuberry sorry to hear you've had a tough weekend, seems like these ups and downs are par for the course but it doesn't make it any easier right?! Sending hugs for you too and hoping you feel better again soon

It wasn't just the Skype, it was that he told me about the twin pregnancy announcement, I feel like I could've been shielded from that information for a little while. I already followed the advice from @Scottishskifun and explained to my OH that I was upset he hadn't considered how it would make me feel to hear that news. Will probably take me a couple of days to not be pissed off with him...but that's ok.

@Scottishskifun you're right actually they'll expect me to scrub the day I come back and scarily if there is a transplant tomorrow that'll be me doing it, but I feel so tired and spaced out it's awful. I think the emotional side of this will take a long while to get over

@14down the emotional side is something that I don't think anything can prepare you for. I had constant headaches, really tired unable to concentrate and still have very bad sleep.
We are mostly always rubbish at self care and as it was pointed out to me this week what would you say if it was a friend and not you? You would say don't put pressure on yourself, it's early days and you need to be ready but we don't say it to ourselves or think it's OK for us to not be hard on ourselves. Big hugs

@AlbiMix oh of course any announcement around pregnancies should be off limits and your OH should know better, I hope he has learnt his lesson and your feelings need to come first. Yeah take a few days, then try putting it behind you both. Sending you lots of love xx

Thanks @Jujujuberry , I recognise now that he just thought I was dealing with it ok and just getting on with it, so he didn't think to be more sensitive. I think the lesson has been learnt!

Hope everyone on this thread is doing ok this week :)

Hi ladies , just catching up. I do think time is the healer in these situations. I don’t think it’s something we will ever be totally ok about but I do think there will come a point where the miscarriage doesn’t consume us.

I’m still not feeling very well. Pregnancy tests showing faint positives. Spoke to GP today and I’m being referred back to EPU for bloods and potentially a scan. As I was ectopic they are concerned something may have been left behind. Epu will call this week with an appointment

My lovely girl gang I'll read all your updates in a bit but I'm just doing a check in.... as you know I had a blood HCG of 7.3 on Thursday then Friday started a mega period and today result was 3.8. I'm officially negative and no surgery!! I'm discharged!! Consultant said it's only gone negative because of the beast of a period so to all of you waiting/having a period I'm sending you good vibes!

@dippyegg32 that’s great news you don’t need anymore surgery!!! Also I hope your period means your body has had the good kick start that it needs!!

Hi ladies hope everyone is well. ❤️ Just finished my fertile week. Ovulation was all over the place, had a positive at CD10, 12 and 15 with noticeable drops in between. But CD16 I ovulated - according to temps. So, we’ll see. But my cycle is still not right sadly! :(

Hi to everyone that’s new!! I’m getting lost in messages which is not difficult for me! I went back to work after 2 weeks off, but worked from home for a further 2 weeks so I didn’t see anyone face to face from work until a month later. I think it’s so important to take as much time as you need and there certainly isn’t a “normal”amount of time. In actual fact I went back to work, and a week after that I was sick for 3 days, I was quite open with my boss, just found myself yo-yo-ing and I was inconsolable. But I’m really fortunate that my boss was really understanding. I really do hope you all get the level of support you deserve.

I can honestly say that although I feel better, it still hits me unexpectedly! And my OH - is so logical he found me quite difficult to handle at times. Just didn’t know what to do or say! And would often say the wrong thing in trying to help so it was a tough time. Lots of love to you all x

Hi ladies, just catching up!
@AlbiMix sorry you’ve had to join this gang - it’s definitely not one we ever wanted to be part of but I’ve found it so comforting and supportive so hopefully we can all help you through. I can just imagine how awful a Skype talk with a newborn and pregnancy announcements would be so soon after a miscarriage. You were completely right to feel the way you did!! It sounds like he probably had no idea how insensitive it was. I do think men can sometimes think everything’s ok or carry as normal if we appear on the surface to be ok, without really thinking through how we might be feeling underneath the brave face. Make sure you tell him how you’re feeling and what you need from him (or in this case definitely don’t need!). I echo what the other ladies have said - it’s a journey of real ups and downs so take your time, allow yourself to have a good cry / rant / scream if you feel it and be kind to yourself
@Ralala oh my love I really hope nothing has been retained. Fingers crossed tests / scan comes back ok and you start to feel better x
@dippyegg32 such great news whoop whoop!!! What a relief 🥂
Talking of periods, mine has turned into an absolute beast. Two days of pretty much nothing and suddenly flow has come to toooooown. Hoping it does the same as with you and clears everything out. Not planning on testing again until I’m 6 weeks as I know a still positive test will p**s me off!! 😁😁 x