Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

[EllieG]

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

Lord. I'm getting The Madness, now. A mere four weeks after the mc I've got sore boobs and funny feelings below. And though I KNOW it must be PMT, I inevitably wonder it I could be up the duff again, and will be crushed when AF comes. though relieved, as pregnancy just means 'miscarriage' to me these days, not 'baby'. Madness.

Hang in there herbaceous - will be OK. I cried like a baby (excuse the expression!) when my period came, but then I thought at least it means I'm functioning normally and cycle is OK.
Do something nice and relaxing and try to distract yourself hon x

herbaceous I have also had that funny metal taste in my mouth today and my boobs are yet to go to pre-Pg bee stings. I need to have a little card that reads YOU ARE NOT PG!!! so i can read it every time I get a twinge...will be a relief to get AF as EllieG says so then I can start afresh and not fret. Race you....

I'm confused, though, as my boobs deflated rapidly towards the end of my pregnancy (because the baby had died, it turns out), and were hardly sore at all at the time of the ERPC. Now, nearly four weeks later, they hurt even to walk. And they didn't used to get this sore before AF. Maybe my hormones are all over the shop.

could well be - i am the same. I hear about people doing all these hormone level tests and I have no idea what they are. I work in a vet college - could send our unrine samples in under another name ha ha - we'd only come out with distemper and mange

Hi everyone, hope you are all well. I am doing OK, drank too much again this weekend (well the weather was so nice it seemed a shame not to open a bottle with Sunday lunch.)

Big stresses at work - they have taken my mind right off MC. Basically someone who used to be more junior to me has been promoted to be my boss! This is because my boss haas quit and she has appointed her own successor. She hates me which is why she has overlooked me. But we have another boss in another office who is going to kick off when she finds out (tomorrow) so it hasn't been sorted yet. I asked my outgoing boss if she was discriminating against me cos I had been PG and she said "Of course not!" I bet that scared her though.

I am also feeling a bit pre-menstrual. Think period will definitely come this week. If so, I am going to wait until after the next one to start trying to get PG again. I have my 30th birthday party on May 19 and then a holiday on June 1 so don't want to be staying sober!

Also I don't to have a baby in January or February! Too cold. March would be perfect. That sounds really bad doesn't it.

Popsy, there's no such thing as jinxing.

Hi Obi, hmmm work stuff is a complete bitch!My friend didn't tell work for ages as she has seen so many colleagues shafted when PG. I am lucky that boss quite good but then is probably cos they are shafting me anyway ! I would scare them a bit so they know you are on to them. I found it really hard working out how i felt about maternity and leaving work and when to come back. Telling people that used to see you as work-obsessed ladder climber that are PG is like saying have had half of brain removed. They will all be watching me now anyway!

I am desperate to welcome AF -get the erpc slate wiped clean! Very wise on the TTC wait. I was thinking of your decision the other day when was feeling desperate to get PG asap. If you can be so Zen (Obi strikes again!) then I am going to try too. Mind you, you have your faith to see you thru whereas I only have me old friend Rose (as in Pinot Grigio Blush). my friend who had hers yesterday said get going in July as that'll give you maternity leave in the sun yipeeee

p.s. I was 30 in June last year - and got married and dad died - thank god the MC waited til this year! Turning 30 is weird - definitely feels a lot older IYKWIM
Going home to work in dining room as can watch pond from there and not be "in work"

Nh101 - you go girl! Am very impressed with your ballsiness in standing up to the boss like that. Know what you all mean about work etc - I would never have wanted to MC but was incredibly worried about how I would manage with such a stressful job and only 4 months maternity leave (we get bugger all in Jersey is crap) and how I would cope taking unpaid leave or alternatively putting my 4 month old in full time child care etc
That said, I still want one.
We have talked about it and are going to try again next year. Going on holiday in July and want to be able to have a few drinks! That said, might get him drunk and hope he forgets the contraception whilst under the influence of sunny skies etc....

Hello All
Good to read all your messages. Glad weekends were good and things haven't been too bad back at work after weekend. My return to work wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Went out to lunch with great work friend who was lovely. And last thing on Friday I tipped someone else off at work as I was so nervous about going back into the office. She has been fantastic- she lost a baby years ago, so was very tuned in. I kind of had this feeling she would be. And I think otherwise I won't really say much to anyone else. My boss has been consistently useless about the whole thing, so am expecting that to continue. I really know what you mean about worrying now that people know you want to get pregnant people's attitudes will change. I really worry about that too. But there is nothing that could have been done differently. I guess that's why we have unions! But yes I do feel slightly exposed now- as if everyone is going to be continually looking at my stomach and watching me to see if I go to the loo a lot. But I guess as I am now in my mid thirties they were probably doing that anyway (believe me its gets harder as you get older- no matter how career minded you are, you really do start turning into one of those clichéd mid thirties women whose biological clock can be heard before you even enter the room- well I did anyway). We have had a rush of people getting pregnant at work and quite a few people asked when it was going to be me.
And yes- weird how I seem to be getting pregnancy symptoms now that I am definitely not pregnant- more so than when I was- seems cruel really, but I am sure hormones will settle down soon. I do hope so as the tears have generally stopped now and been replaced by general grumpiness and I guess it won't be long before I am pre-menstrual again. My lucky, lucky partner!!

Morning ladies, was bloody knackered yesterday evening - not suprising after first day back i suppose but was mental rather than physical. made myself feel better by scranning other half of hotel choc extra thick easter egg (Easter bunny was very generous this year ). However, was dark choc and so didn't sleep a wink all night grrrrr. Anyway, on a more positive note I have been swimming and am chilling out at home waiting for the traffic to die down ha ha - the bosses are right - my priorities have changed .
victoriagirl the thought of all the women like us round the country waiting for their other halves to get pissed enough to forget contraception is making me chuckle - however, mine seems very alert even after my waxing (yeowch) and saucy new pants hmmm will have to up the anti...

God popsy you made me laugh! And I was supposed to be working too. May try the new pants thing meself though I think the other half may be wise to me, damn.
Victoriagirl - glad your first day back was alright hon, just take it easy. Grumpiness will go too - though am not sure when cos I am mostly being a cow at the moment. And my period has finished so not sure what can be blamed on other than an inherant tendancy to meanness.
Am going to gym again and have lost 5 pounds now! Am still quite fat but is all in the right direction I suppose.
Going to see a therapist today (one I used to see a while ago for other stuff) just to chat through all feelings around baby stuff as still a bit difficult sometimes. Have already warned her to break out the kleenex Think it will be useful though.

Morning EllieG interesting that you are going to therapist. I keep holding off as feel like mine is there for emergency (like breaking glass on fire alarm?) and if i contact her now then will not have her for when am completely mad again. maybe is better to talk before I go skitz? Actually my holding off is more financial - maybe I can book in for a sesh after pay day? Funnily enough MN has become my new therapist you need to start saying "how does that make you feel popsy?" from now on . Do you ever wonder about those people who seem to sail thru life without a care in the world? DH says they may have probs that i don't know about (yes I have asked him this question in my darker moments as relates to my totally unnecessary hatred of very good very PG friend at mo). I called her last night and left a message - she hasn't called back - maybe she felt those negative vibes (or reads MN too and has sussed me yikes).
Actually my step aunty did leave a "hope you are okay" message on home phone (I didn't want to interupt Americas next top model)- I didn't tell her - my mum must still be relishing in sharing our "news" joy!

How do you feel Popsy?

Yeah my Mum has been sharing my sad tidings with the entire world I think under the guise of her 'needing' to discuss it. She's going to dine out on this one for months. Hmm.
I reckon my therapist is there to prevent me falling into total lunacy, so I use her before I get there. Is part of my not-becoming-a-mentalist plan I worked out with her last time. She is provided by the state too so I don't have to pay either hurrah!
Know what you mean about MN being therapy - think I would've gone proper bonkers without it. I honestly do think you lot have really helped in how I'm recovering from all of this. So thank you.

Oh and people who sail through life are just very, very boring. Or so I like to tell myself anyway.

And (sorry for repeated messaged kept forgetting things) don't worry about unnecessary hatred I am full of irrational feelings at the moment at various times, and am sure it is normal and will pass.

oh my god your Mum is my Mum! I can get a therapist thru work but ended up paying for it (eh??). Think will reinvestigate (hmm but will have to tell HR and get those poor you "looks " again. Worried about having "mad as a snake" on my record though as when went for that fated first appointment with midwife she said I had mental health issues on my medical record (was signed off work for 3 weeks with stress after dad died) and so they would be watching me for PND!! Bloody hell i nearly died - I had to say nothing but was shouting "I AM NOT A NUTTER" inside my very balanced head . Anyway was only needing time off as am unable to say no at work - should get signed off for being a woman i reckon (i.e. will work like a dog for less pay than a man and still think am shit at my job). On that note am off to work - am so furious at remembering midwife that am likley to crash car - if I don't post in a while you will know where I am (littlemore hozzy)

p.s. when was PG was very smug that had a nursery on my road (will just pop the little darling in there on way to pedi/yoga) but today with windows open can hear screaming infants being dragged down from estate or back up there... one of them sounds like is being tortured (there but for the grace of god..)

Oh I am same - had some time off with stress etc after marriage broke up and for ages people thought I was a delicate little flower who would fall over at the slightest thing. Work are only now coming round to the conclusion that I am not completely barmy however their increased confidence seems to be manifesting itself in my caseload doubling...can't win eh?
Fuck 'em is what I say. It's only a job and as long as I don't cock up too much they can't sack me so it don't matter if they think I'm a loon. Am being very uncaring about little things these days. Think other things have put stuff into perspective.
Enjoy your day P and try not to crash.

Oh bloody hell - it doesn't rain but it pours eh - however it is true what they say...if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger (and the therapists richer - we're in the wrong line of work hon!)
Am in work safe and sound (phew)
Second thing to piss me off is that every time I put a piece of clothing on it seems tighter - is exercise making me fat? I reckon my metabolism shot up when PG and has sunk to lower than before (howl howl)

Glad you didn't die on route to work chicken.

As for weight - it's probably just period bloat. Or if not you're probably putting on muscle. My weight's been going up and down like a yo yo over last few weeks think all the hormones swishing around are v bloating (cos can't be the wine and chocolate, they are medicinal and therefore have no calories)

I agree - in fact they are negative calories so to really get thin you will need to indulge even more!

Yes. And if you break biscuits the calories fall out so that's fine too.

And anything you eat while totally pissed has no calories in it

I think we are all suffering from mad hormones at the moment. My new boss (the one who has been promoted over my head) is annoyed at me for kicking up a fuss. I can understand that but I have been treated like cr@p and want to shout about it. The boss in the other office was back in today and she told me I should have been offered the job, which I already know. I don't want the job anyway because it is too much stress for the sake of a couple of hundred pounds a month especially when I will be PG again soon (fingers crossed) but I obviously felt naffed off that I had been overlooked.

Anyway me and new boss had a big fight (even though we are good friends) cos she didn't want me to kick up a fuss and she said she had never seen me so worked up. Deffo the hormones!

I am going to take it further with the company. I am the union rep here so they should have known they were messing with the wrong person!

Popsy you make me laugh - your friend Rose . You can have faith too - it is not just for us bedded-in bible bashers. Anyone can join!