Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

[EllieG]

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

Hi ladies - best thing is to avoid PG women totally. I can't believe she was signed off with morning sickness lucky thing! The sun is shining here today so I am determined to be positive! Friend coming over and we're going to jamie olivers mum and dads pub hooray. DH back tomorrow - though feel less frantic about ttc now the week has passed -- is always the anticipation and not being able to do anything that is worse isn't it? I'm fine as long as I know we can just keep shagging every couple of days for the next few months til am PG again!

That's a good attitude Popsy. I just can't see past being PG this time. I think AF might be due May 30 but I am going to test this Sunday and then Wed/Sun till I get a BFP or AF. Last time it really annoyed me that I didn't know exactly when I conceived (cos came off pill then got BFP eight weeks later).

I am going to be so sad if not PG, but maybe if I say that loads it won't be so bad if AF comes.

Try not to get too down nh - it will happen for you, and when it does, you will make a lovely Mum

Hello. I have read the whole thread and now feel a mixture of relief and emotional exhaustion. I suffered a suspected molar pregnancy in March. It was discovered at my 13wk scan. I had erpc two days later. The whole experience was rushed and didnt give me time to really think. Even now it feels unreal. (is that a word)? I feel the pain more each day. This is competeing with my overwhelming desire to be pregnant again, it is all I can think about all day and at night. Am I completely crazy or just on my way there. I waited 7wks for my results which luckily were negative. My heart is aching for lovelylou.

Ronshar - am so sorry for your loss. You are not crazy - is all normal feelings and you will get through it, if not entirely unscathed. You've been through a tramua and it takes it's toll - don't beat yourself up too much for feeling bad and try and find activities and people that are kind to you. Thinking of you xxx

Hi Ronshar it is horrible isn't it? Hopefully lovelylou will have similar good results today. I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. Are you trying again now? I am on my two week wait (I think AF is due on May 30). It is torture!

Feel free to vent on here if needs be.

Hello nh101. I could say we are trying again but it is more me than us! DH thinks all his birthdays have come at once!! I should be ovulating today or tomorrow. Af due 5th June. I know this is an old subject now but isnt it weird how people react to your news. The baby subject has almost become taboo for all my family. And I get told off for being moody by my mum, apparently all my brothers and sisters have complained. Nothing like ongoing support. I shoulnt moan they were all brilliant when it happened. I hope your wait is a fruitful one.

EllieG, thank you for your support. I dont know why I didnt think to come to mumsnet in the first place. oh well 8wks later. My sister is pregnant due vv soon. It is difficult as you think that should of, would of been me. I am looking forward to the birth though it is always a miracle when a woman finally delivers a baby, considering the ordeals we all put ourselves through.

Hi All, especially ronshar - so sorry you have to join us but glad you found us - I really don't know what I would have done without MN. Am determined to have a positive end to today so am off to finish the day with a smile on my face and get stuck into the weekend. xxxx

Hi all too, thanks for cheery message popsy. Welcome Ronshar, so sorry to hear what you have been through. Agree about family, my mother came to visit after my surgery and didn't even mention what had happened. She left 2 weeks ago and hasn't even phoned to check I'm ok (although she has texted family gossip). It's partly insensitivity/selfishness and partly genuinely not knowing what to say I reckon.

I think we should all get stuck into the weekend and try and have fun. I have just written a list of things I want to do, little ambitions I never get round to (eg playing bass guitar in a gig, doing karaoke, learning tap dancing) and then decided which to tackle first! It really made me feel a bit better!

Good for you Popsy! I think that should be a mantra for us.
Ronshar - use us if people are complaining, that's what we're here for. Is always easy to forget when you're not the person who's been through it. Physically and emotionally this is a big deal for you, so don't feel bad about not getting better in other people's time frames.
nh - my AF is due next week. I know it's coming too cos am spotty and have got tummy ache. Not sure why I would think any difference cos there's no chance of me being PG but think I was hoping I would be by magic or something.
Have lovely weekends ladies be good to yourselves x
Ronshar - don't be a stranger Ok?

It's my 30th birthday party tomorrow so I am going to get ratted! Started last night on the wine as you know, going out for curry tonight with DH (hope I feel more awake by then - if not I'm sure more wine will perk me up ) and having all-day sesh in back yard (got big party tent up in case it rains) tomorrow.

And hopefully Man U will get beat in the FA Cup final to make it a perfect day!

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear nh101 happy birthday to yoooooooo
Have a great big virtual cake from us all x

Thanks Ellie, it is wierd cos it is not my birthday for another seven weeks but wanted to have my party early so I can get pissed! It is going to be good

Hi everyone. Bad news i am afraid Full molar pregnancy. They also apologised for my wait, apparently they had filed my results away without doing anything about it. She says i could take it further if i want but cannot be bothered to be honest. She also said it could be up to two years before we can try again. So i am afraid it is no good me dwelling on feeling broody or having babies cos i have got a long wait ahead of me

Hi Lovelylou -- I am incredibly sorry to hear the results. I am sure there is a whole avalanche of feelings over you know. You will be in a rollercoaster for quite some time.

First of all, I think you will need more info.
I did a little bit of research when I was diagnosed with 'possible molar' and I never read about a 2 yr wait. Please insist on an appointment with a specialist as soon as possible. If necessary, go private! There must be other forums where you can find out more.

There is also the possiblity of getting one single session of chemo therapy, which will kill all molar tissue. I do not know if that would bring down the wait (I think you want to wait some time after chemo before TTC, too), but you need all info available. There are some
professionals on here, maybe start another thread and we will all bump it for you?

Then you probably will need some professional help in terms of coping with these results. I think you need some sessions with a therapist who can help you with finding ways to cope with your situation. Do not be timid but insist on your rights when you see the GP -- you really need some help.

How old are you if you do not mind me asking -- will a 1 ys wait be very bad? I know it seems like an eternity right now, but if you think about the year when you were 23 right now, it didn't seem that long.

Then there is always the possibility not to follow the advice and fall pregnant again. I have no idea if this is a good idea, but I thought the main porblem is that they do not know if it is a reaccurance of the molar tissue or a new pregnancy. But maybe you can be tested once you are 8 week or so? I do not want to give you dangerous advice here, but I think you should consider all options ...

I am thinking of you and I wish you a lot of strength.

Here is some info on molar preganacy
molar pregnancy

"Follow-up usually consists of a baseline chest x-ray, review of the pathology specimen, physical examination of the vagina and uterus every 2 weeks until the uterus returns to normal then every 3 months for a year, contraception like the pill or shot with no attempt to become pregnant for 1 year, and, most importantly, weekly HCG blood levels until zero then every month for a year. "
This sounds very stressful -- but it mentiones only 1 yr!

And now the good news:

"Future Pregnancy
Fortunately, the risk of having another molar pregnancy is about 1% (1 in 100). Most doctors will perform an ultrasound to make sure the pregnancy is normal when a patient has had a prior molar pregnancy. It is also a good idea to send the placenta to the pathologist after the delivery just to make sure there are not abnormal areas."

You have a 99:100 chance of having a healthy pregnancy in the future. I know 1:100 seems right now very high to you (because you were the 1:2000), but would you take your umbrella with you when the chances of rain were 1:100?

I am trying to help -- I hope I am not insensitive. Let us know how you fare!

Oh Lovelylou, i am so sorry to hear about your results.
At the moment i expect just like you, i am absolutely speechless!!!! .
I'm devastated for you , but you know what, however bleak life seems at the moment you will get through this.
You have so many friends on here & i'm sure like me they will do anything to help you get through this.
If you need to talk about any of the treatment you will now receive just let me know & i will try & give you any advice i can.
Lastly i'd like to send you a MASSIVE {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}.
Please take good care of yourself & i'll be thinking of you tonight.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lovelylou - I'm so so sorry. Don't really know what to say that's useful but am here for you if you need to rant. Is very unfair. xxx

Thanks everyone for kind thoughts. Kind of accepted the baby thing i think, just worried about my own health now. I am sure everything will be fine though. Looking forward to my best friend coming back from her hols so i can have a rant and a cry to her. I have no choice but to get on with it so that is what i am going to do.

Hi Lovelylou I am so gutted for you - sending huge hugs - are you okay? Do you have someone to talk to ughhhh wish there was something I could say more than LIFE IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [SAD] [SAD] [SAD]

Hi lovelylou, I am so so sorry. I think Glimmer's advice is very good... just keep going back to your GP every week if needs be until you get the support you need. I would take it further with the hospital not getting back to you with the results, but that is just me. It would give me something to focus on and get angry about, a good vent maybe?

Hi cuillan, i wondered if you might be able to answer a question. I have to go to gynae ward when i get app the doc said to look if there is any nasty tissue that might turn into a tumour, what exactly is this going to involve do you know.
Best friend back today, we are having a wine night tonight, so pleased as need someone to talk to

Hello Lovelylou, to answer your question - to be honest i'm not exactly sure, but when they found my hcg levels rising & not dropping to normal levels even after an erpc they called me back for an vaginal scan to look for any remaining tissue in my womb which could still be releasing the pregnancy hormone. The result of this scan was another erpc as they had'nt removed all the tissue the first time round!!!!
So i'm wondering whether they will be doing the same or something similar for you?????
How are you anyway - just try to take one day at a time & one test at a time otherwise it all becomes overwhelming.
You will get through this, i know it seems like eternity but try & remain positive and think as soon as treatment starts the closer you will be to finishing & restarting the rest of your life.
Just make sure you have lots of rest and tlc.
You are constantly in my thoughts as i know how scared & lonely you can feel .
Take good care & i'll be here for you if ever you need me.
Lots & lots & lots of love to you.

Hi Lovelylou.
I believe the answer is at the link I posted:

"When the HCG levels drop then increase again it means that the molar pregnancy has grown from microscopic cells in the wall of the uterus to larger cells. These cells can act like a cancer, and metastasize (spread) to other organs, like the lungs, brain, bones, and vagina. Treatment for recurrent molar pregnancy, called gestational trophoblastic neoplasia, or GTN, in medical terms, usually consists of a chemotherapy medication called methotrexate. Fortunately, methotrexate is a pretty ?easy? chemotherapy on the system, and can be given as an intramuscular shot. Sometimes only 1 shot is necessary. In other cases, multiple shots, or even the addition of other medications, is necessary. Also, when GTN is suspected, the patient usually gets a CT scan of the brain, lungs, and abdomen, and a battery of blood tests. Again, weekly HCG tests are obtained until they fall to zero, then careful follow-up is undertaken for a year. Patients can expect an almost 100% cure rate using chemotherapy."

Thinking of you!