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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

531 replies

EllieG · 20/03/2007 09:14

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

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lovelylou · 14/05/2007 14:08

Thanks Glimmer. I have tried starting a molar pregnancy thread before and to be honest most people didn't know what i was talking about and i can't blame them cos i didn't know before now. It sounds like you have had a really awful experience, i hope you are feeling stronger now although i know these things take time. My friend miscarried years ago and she says the pain never goes away you just learn to live with it,i think she is probably right.

Original poster
EllieG · 14/05/2007 15:15

Lovelylou - you didn't make me feel bad I just wish could do more to help. I can't understand how you feel, no one can understand another person's pain, but we are all here for you to talk about it as and when you wish. Am with your friend on the MC thing - my Mum said she thought it would be like a little sore place over time that occasionally you still rubbed and felt some pain. I think it's important not to rush yourself to feel better or listen to the people telling you how you should or shouldn't be feeling. That said, I found it useful talking to a therapist as I was getting a bit stuck in my lowness and felt like I couldn't see a way out.

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footsie · 14/05/2007 18:53

HI I'm new to this and after having a missed miscarriage just over a week ago found reading threads great that i'm not alone. I tried going back to work today and was ignored by so many of my so called collegues made me feel really bad and i ended up back at home after an hour.

Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 08:54

Hi footsie - I'm so sorry for your loss, it's a really horrible thing to go through and I don't think anyone can understand unless they've been through it themselves.
Doesn't help when your colleagues are being so insensitive - they probably don't know what to say or how to say it and so are just keeping stchum. Makes you feel more isolated though I guess. Maybe you need to take a little more time off? A week is not long ago and you will still be very raw and grieving.
Use us to vent as much as you want - will be thinking of you xxx

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Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 09:59

God my PG supervisor has just come in to see me moaning and moaning about how sick she's feeling - wanted to yell at her I DON'T WANT TO HEAR! I'd give anything to be in her situation right now I don't need to hear her oh-it's-so-hard-being-PG complaints.
I know that's mean but it's just the way I'm feeling sorry

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lovelylou · 15/05/2007 10:49

I totally understand Ellie. Iam working with a girl who is due about the same time i would have been and she is whinging that she is going to have another boy, want to punch her in the head ungrateful cow!!

Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 12:05

They ARE ungrateful aren't they? We must avoid them with their irritating talk and annoying bumps.
Oh bloody hell PG supervisor is here and another one has just brought her baby in to see us it's a conspiracy

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lovelylou · 15/05/2007 12:57

I am begining to feel like that too. We had a girl bring her new baby in last week. I went for a coffee out of the way, my friends were very understanding. Strange cos i work with babies but i just cannot look at new babies and their happy mams.

Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 13:21

No nor me. I just put my head down and keep typing, typing (mostly on MN - getting NO work done today oops)

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barrelrider · 15/05/2007 15:46

Lovelylou, I can't ttc either you're not alone

As Glimmer says people who've had an ectopic have to wait 3 months so I'm having to hold on til at least August.

We will be ok

Handed my notice in today so why do I feel like crying?? Told nursery and nearly DID cry. But surely I am over reacting a bit. Perhaps it's because I worked here all through my pregnancy and mat leave and when I returned to work he came to nursery here on site. So leaving here is like saying goodbye to his babyhood...but what's so sad about that?? He's turning into the coolest toddler.

Anyone else's emotions running riot? I have never felt so consistently crap. Since I started the suspected mc I have put on a stone too, I look like shit.

Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 15:59

You ain't the only one hon, I'm up and down like a yoyo and so not motivated to lose the weight I put on. I keep trying, but chocolate and vino are too tempting.
Mood is all over the shop, even 2 months on, so don't beat yourself up lady. I figure if the periods between down times get longer then I am on road to recovery

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Original poster
EllieG · 15/05/2007 15:59

Oh and well done for handing in notice and being brave x

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popsy76 · 15/05/2007 18:39

Hey Barrelrider - good on you for being so proactive - i am also thinking about changing jobs but just don't know if i can cope with any more change in my life - we all need something to keep us getting out of bed everyday though eh? My emotions are better everyday but will never be "better" if you know what I mean - i don't think I'll ever be the same again. Hopefully I'll be a nicer person though - I think grief changes you forever and makes you more human?

Original poster
EllieG · 16/05/2007 08:44

A good sentiment indeed. I hope I've learned some stuff from this about myself and how to deal with other people (not sure what but am sure I must've learned something!).
Was anyone else really, really looking forward to having time off jobs because of babies? I am still quite gutted that I'm not going to be taking most of Aug off before maternity leave and a lovely break from work.

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popsy76 · 16/05/2007 09:48

yes!!

Original poster
EllieG · 16/05/2007 12:10

Glad it's not only me!
Stupid bloody work they've just allocated me to work with a woman who's PG and using heroin. I don't want to do it, really don't think I'll be able to make impartial judgements on this one and it's not going to make decision-making good. Plus I will want to slap her for being PG when I'm not.

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popsy76 · 16/05/2007 12:21

hmmmm. You know it could be good for you in a weird way (well it will go one of two ways). It may be that you'll do it and think - well my life is brill compared to that so am not going to stress about getting PG cos I could be in her foul position....or you could just slap her ()

ipanemagirl · 16/05/2007 12:26

ellieg - big hug to you. I had a miscarriage at about 10 weeks, a couple of years ago.
It took me much longer to get over it than I thought it would.
Just be as compassionate as you can with yourself would be my advice, everyone is different re miscarriage.
Have you contacted the miscarriage association? They have some useful material.

Original poster
EllieG · 16/05/2007 12:40

I think I will try the first Popsy and keep the second suggestion in mind if all else fails!
Thanks Ipanemenagirl - have had a look on their website, but you know what? MN has been the most useful thing of all. Have had so much support here has been fantastic x

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ipanemagirl · 16/05/2007 12:52

you're welcome ellieg,
I LIVED on here for months afterwards I have to admit.
This was the best support I had through the whole hideous nightmare.
No one who hasn't been through it understands. A lot of people think they understand but don't!

lovelylou · 16/05/2007 13:43

Hi ladies, just rang hospital. Should know results tomorrow. I spoke to doctors secretary, she said results are on the computer and she will get doc to ring tomorrow. i was sobbing and wanted to scream "well you tell me what it says you stupid bitch" I cannot believe the results are there and nobody has told me anything.
On a brighter note i am taking it as a good sign because from what i have read if it is molar you get a letter from sheffield followed by a package containing tubes for urine samples. So frustrating knowing results are there and nobody will tell me NOW !!!
Oh Ellie i would find that really difficult. That girl that was in the pub on sat smoking and drinking was hard enough but like popsy says just think your life is so much better than hers. You will have a baby soon and yours will be well cared for before and after pregnancy
Have not heard from nh101 for a while i hope she is okay.
Will let you all know results as soon as i know x

popsy76 · 16/05/2007 13:49

Get in a taxi and get down to the docs and wring the results out of her mouth the stupid FFing receptionist has no bloody clue! Mine tell me my results over the phone all the time. Either is neg and you can celebrate or is positive and they want the doc to tell you but you have us here for support so would be good to put your mind at rest? Whatever you decide HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovelylou · 16/05/2007 13:55

To be fair to the bitch she said it was all medical terms and she couldn't understand it. Like the idea though popsy [ha ha] Just glad that i can see an end to it all.

popsy76 · 16/05/2007 13:56

I'll be thinking of you and crossing everything that you'll be joining us on ttc tomoz! If the worst happens come here and shout and we'll listen
xxx

Original poster
EllieG · 16/05/2007 14:36

Oh lovelylou everything is crossed for you lady (is getting a bit uncomfy too but I am determined to stay like this til tomorrow). Let us know eh?

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