Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

[EllieG]

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

Hey ladies - is like our own private thread here he he. I am thrown by new baby anouncements - is the one sticking point for me - everything else is falling back into place but I just cannot seem to be okay about others having babies. When friend told me about her sister i just felt so down and went to bed in a depression - I don't even know her sister anymore arghhhh

I am sure I'll look back on this and be horrified with my behaviour when I eventually have my own but no amount of time seems to help - I just feel shit about other people being successful and me being the 1 in four of those stats arghhh. Doesn't help that I could be the one in four again next time yikes

Hi girls

Firstly lovelylou sorry for my last posting, it wasn't very tactful. I'd had a few drinks and was feeling very maudlin I'm sure it will work out for you.

Well I'm having marital crisis here, we've had problems all along but seems to be reaching breaking point. Just not talking propeerly, arguing all the time. He keeps 'hinting' that he wants sex, which is an immediate turn-off for me, which makes the arguments continue etc.

Ellie so sorry you had to see those pics. You sound like a lovely person being pleased for your friend

What's everyone up to at the weekend? I wish I had something to look forward to other than arguments God I sound like such a loser but I'm really down in the dumps today.

Oh good news tho! I asked for 4K more for new job and they came back with a yes! So now I'm looking for nurseries again, there must be a nice one somewhere!

Hope everyone is well.xx

Barrelrider - don't be so down on yourself hon, you are not a loser but someone who is having a tough time and it's only natural not to be feeling on top of the world. Have you tried talking about the sex stuff honestly with your DP? I used to have that with my ex and it caused so much stress I hated discussing things honestly so it was either an argument or head buried in the sand pretending things were OK.

Popsy - am same as you. I was v pleased for ttc pregnant lady and my friend but I am also extremely jealous and want to cry today after seeing her and the scan pics. And I keep welling up at my computer and having to be all quiet and sniffly.

colleague just come in for first time after his wife gave birth on Monday...ughhhh is always a set back. Have also been invited to a colleagues baby shower double ughhhh
Have decided just to be honest as can't be bothered with worrying about how am behaving
Feel all teary for first time in...oh a few hours

Don't go! There's babies everywhere and PG ready to jump out at us and we must run away from them to avoid social disgrace. Just had long chat with PG friend during which I was VERY good and supportive and pleased for her and now I want to stomp my foot at the unfairness of other people having babies when I don't

Ha ha - i Love that expression VERY GOOD as I do it all the time and then want to vomit as am so angry at needing to hide my real feelings - it is like me signing off on emails to PG friend with "hope you are blooming marvellously" when I don't think that at all and . Would have been so much easier to get PG by accident when younger - then no one would have been having babies around us and rubbing our faces in it with their big tummies and smug non-drinking (thats just my warped mind - I know they are not being mean at all )

Still no results [hmmm] Never mind 1 in 4 try being 1 in 1200, its not much fun i can tell you. Absolutely, well and truly fed up but doing a very good job of pretending to be cheerful

Still no resultsNever mind 1 in 4 try being 1 in 1200, its not much fun i can tell you. Absolutely, well and truly fed up but doing a very good job of pretending to be cheerful

Hi lovelylou sorry for being so insensitive - getting PG and having a baby seems pretty impossible to me anyway whatever the odds to be honest ughhh

Totally agree with feelings about PG friends. I asked my MIL about my PG SIL (ten weeks gone now) and felt fine asking but then when she started telling me with a big smile on her face I just though shut up shut up I don't want to know!!!

I am symptom spotting like mad right now. I have horrible big black shadows under my eyes, I am feeling hungrier than normal, I'm off wine and I thought today 'my skin looks really clear - am I PG?' But I don't think I have even ovulated this month yet though we have been at it like mad

I probably have big bags under my eyes cos I went out on Friday night and got hammered at a Lionel Richie concert which was such good fun but was dead tired yesterday. And that is probably why I am off the wine as well (although two days later and still don't fancy a drink for the first time since m/c - I was the same when I got PG last time.)

I am going to test next Sunday which is four days before my period is due on a 28-day cycle, which I don't even think I have (more like 35) but what the hell I am going to test every three days after that

Feeling a lot brighter at the moment and I think that is because I am so hopeful that I will be PG again soon, so I feel so much for you lovelylou not knowing when you'll be able to, and Ellie - get your DP talked round.

I hope and pray the black clouds will lift for everyone soon

Hi nh fab to hear you sounding more positive - am sure is because you are ttc now and have something positive to focus on. I too am symptom spotting even though only on day 10 of a long cycle . Is amazing how well you get to know your body though isn't it - it will never be the same again as every twinge/tiredness/ache could be PG. I keep wondering if the next one will be same as last anyway. DH and I were just laughing at how exhausted I was ... i remember I couldn't dry my hair as the hairdryer made my arms ache and every night I got in from work and slept on the sofa til bed time - the cat LOVED it.
I am going to try to OV symptom spot this month so at least i get to know the signs and have something to focus on should I not get PG this month. I am however of course already wondering what I'll miss at work if go on maternity in Feb ha ha (shhhh don't tell anyone )

I'm glad it's not only me symptom spotting! I think I might be kidding myself though. It isn't going to happen until next year cos DP really doesn't want to try again at the moment so that's that.

Lovelylou - you don't have to pretend to be cheerful here, that's what we're for, be whatever you like x

Oh god poor you Ellie - I was totally frantic when Dh said didn't want to try again til next year. It seems to me that they can't cope with all the stress and also the fact that it takes ages to get them to agree to it and then find it goes wrong is just too much for them. All they remember from it is the money worries and health (physical and mental) about us. The thing is I think we do go a bit mad but it really is only temporary - until we get PG again. They don't realise that the best way to get things back to normal is to get PG again. My DH seems to have turned a corner now - It took a long row/chat and some ultra well planned reasonning on my part but at least it worked. I nearly fainted when he said "well we're working on it aren't we?". I thought I was the only one who knew that and that he was blissfully unaware tee hee. Fingers crossed that you can talk your DP round? xxx

I am trying by combination of stealth and cunning and nagging

Situation normal for women everywhere then
I started wondering if I could store some sperm (thinking water baths and beakers like in science classes at school) while DH away and then realised I have tipped over into insanity and need to get a grip ha ha

Am sure however that there are millions of us out there wondering how to get our mits on our DP/DHs swimmers and going at great lengths to do it

Oh my god I had exactly the same thought! I'm so glad it's not just me turning into a bit of a mentalist. I did think I may have crossed a line after persuing that line of enquiry though and felt a little bit ashamed of myself.
My Mum advised me to start moving my period forward by a couple of days each month so he was unaware of when we should be being a bit more careful, which seemed like a great idea, til I thought about whether I really wanted to trick DP into having a baby.
(And then I thought, 'of course I do' )

I started imagining women with pins in condoms - used to think was a joke but now am certain this happens all the time. I suppose poor blokes need to retain some control over us what with us working like them and generally excelling in everything we do eh? tee hee.

Sorry for being a misery everyone but i feel like everyone has moved on and here i am still whinging. Really unhappy because i want to chat about trying again and i just can't. So frustrated i could scream

Sorry Lou - we'll limit convo on this thread to MC as it not a ttc thread after all. I still feel shit everyday and will not feel better til PG again - have to be honest with myself ughhhh. Just had a "you are 21 weeks" message from MN so down in the dumps again (see you are not the only winger - I am just covering up with ttc talk as cannot bear to think about what I have lost). Big hugs xxx

Lovelylou - I am SO not moved on, so you aren't the only one. Had another cry at weekend because of little lost one am just trying not to think about it. To be honest, I think some of my desperation to concieve again is not actually that healthy, and that I should take some time and breathing space as am still very much grieving my lost PG. I feel physically very empty whenver I think about it. So you are not on your own, I'm sorry though if we have been insensitive hon xxx

None of you are insensitive, i would be doing exactly the same if i could. I went out on Sat and there was a girl sat smoking and drinking all night with a massive bump and i hated her, then on the way home i was talking to my mam and my foot went down an uncovered hole in the ground[stop tap cover] so now my legs are a mess. So i cried and cried at how unlucky i am.
Just want to be able to try again, at least then i would feel i was close to having a brother or sister for my dd. I really wanted them to be close.
I am sorry if i made you feel bad, you shouldn't feel guilty you are only doing what anyone else would in your situation. It is my problem and i am just going to have to deal with it instead of feeling sorry for myself. It is just really hard when nobody else has gone through the same thing so nobody knows how you feel.

sorry lou i have forgotten - was it molar? If so - there may be other threads with people having been through the same as you? Just keep your chin up and vent on here!!!

Hi LovelyLou. Sorry you are having a rough time. I am lurking here off and on and am not sure I know your story 100%. I take it you wait for some test results to see if pregnancy was molar? It that the 1:2000 chance?

My story is very different, but I thought I share it because I also wasn't in a position to try again. I didn't get my period after an mmc and ERPC and after two months I had a private scan and was told that my ERPC was incomplete (5% chance) and that I would need another one. I was also told it might be a molar tissue and that I might need chemo. Then I had a second ERPC and again didn't get my period. The doctor said it was because of stress, but I was relatively sure that I ovulated and even had AG cramps. Months later I finally got another private scan (the GP always said I couldn't get a scan unless I bled, which I didn't) which showed that my cervix had been so scarred in the 2nd ERPC that it had grown shut and that i was menstruation into my uterus and the blood did get pressed up in the belly cavity, bercause it couldn't come out (so much for my GP's strategy). I could have died from sepsis easily. The chances for a cervical stenosis are 1:10000 and the chances of having an incomplete ERPC and a cervical stenosis 1:500000. Once you have the one in 500 000
(or the one in 2000) these statistics change their meaning and the being the 'one' becomes a different meaning and significance.

I would like to encourage you to start a thread on molar pregnancies. You also might be able to find likeminded people in the TTC after an ectopic thread under conception, because they have to wait also for 3 months before TTC. I hope your will get your results back soon, and that all the worrying will have been for nothing. But if not, I wish you a lot of strength to get through this and you will!

Wow glimmer thanks so much for coming to our rescue! I was wondering if i had a cervical stenosis when AF took 6 weeks but then thought was mad even thinking might be possible - and then you say you did have one - bloody hell there are so many women going through shit to have babies aren't there? Thanks for sharing your story and for helping lovelylou - Did you say you can't ttc anymore?