Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

[EllieG]

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

Morning ladies, actually had a much better w/e than expected - had friends round and drank too much wine, talked b*llocks etc. Feeling very positive and much less sad?
Hope you all had good ones

i'm cool today had pretty chilled weekend where I managed not to be a complete grouchy cow for the whole of it, which is a definite improvement on previous form recently...

Glad you had a nice email from your PG friend - as you say, doesn't stop being jealous as hell but it is at least better talking about it and not feeling as if is all just ignored.

Am not at work this week or next week after being signed off, which is fantasic, except I don't have a computer at home at the moment and am missing MN! Have had to come ot an internet cafe to get my fix - not sure whether that makes me very sensible or veyr sad indeed. Oh well, don't suppose it should really matter to a mentalist anyway

Hi EllieG IKWYM - is worse when I am the only one ranting on the thread and everyone else has gone off and become sane behind my back when I still check MN every hour incase of updates
So pleased you are having time off - I would LOVE to have a year off but bloody MC scuppered that
Hope you are enjoying every minute!

Hi girls. Had okay weekend but feeling really sad today. Just want bloody results Keep thinking about when i would like us to try again and cannot make any plans, doing my head in.
Started to cry at the club where i work in front of middle aged men so they all think i am a nutter and look a bit scared of me. Stupid really but one of them offered to buy me a drink and he said cos you couldn't have one last time i offered and that was it, tears started. He felt awful cos he knew why i was crying. So now feel like total idiot.
Took pg test on saturday to see if my hcg levels were going down because nobody is telling me anything. It came back negative which i am taking as a good sign but i am getting really fed up of feeling this way. Just want to know what is going on

Lovelylou - nice to hear from you again honey - am sorry you are feeling down, must be so frustrating waiting for those results. Like you say though - falling hormone levels might well be a good sign. What does the doc say about when the results are coming? It's been ages.
Popsy - I will NEVER have been the one to go sane, so don't you fret 'bout being lonesome lady. Is doing my head in not being able ot check every hour too, have realised how little work I was probably getting done! By the way, what does IKWYM mean?

Incidentally - does anyone know how nh101 is getting on with her stupid work people?
And barrelrider - how you feeling?

Hi EllieG, rang doctors two weeks ago and they said could be another four weeks, so frustrating.

Bloody hell that's ridiculous isn't it? No wonder you're climbing the walls. Keep nagging them though - people are slower when they don't feel there's any pressure on them.
Shame you have to do it though. Look after yourself in meantime though xxxx

Thanks chick xx

Hi guys, just got back from fab camping trip in north Wales. Went Fri night, back to work tomorrow (boo). They are making it hard for me at work now saying I am 'only damaging myself' by pursuing a claim against them. It is quite scary but I have to keep confident and know I am in the right. They didn't give me that job for some reason (because of PG or union work or because my old boss, who decided who replaced her, hates me) and whatever reason it was it wasn't valid because I am the best person for the job!

Lovelylou, I really hope you get your results soon. You and all on this thread are in my prayers.

Popsy I have not gone sane don't worry. There was just no internet access at the campsite! I am just trying not to think about it too much or it makes me too sad. I don't know how many weeks PG I would be now (I could work it out of course if I wanted but I am not letting myself) and I think that helps. Probably am storing up major breakdown for sometime in the future but at the moment it is working for me. Period still hasn't arrived and if it doesn't come by May 1 I am going to start trying again when it does come. I was going to wait two periods, but it seems there may be six weeks between my periods (going off the two I have had after being on pill for about eight years). So now I am hoping it stays away for a few more days!! Might stop using contraception anyway even if it does come this week and just not 'try' very hard! Just don't want to be PG for big 30th party on May 19 but that is unlikely (or at least won't be too PG) as that is only four and a half weeks away now.

Go for it. I'd try again in a second if my DP wasn't being so damn sensible. But I am a bit excited about being able to drink when we go on hols in July?
Where did you go in North Wales? My DP and his fmaily are all from up there. Lovely part of the world.
Went for a coffee but had to leave cos the place was full of new babies. Ordered a glass of wine and had a million fags and then left. May as well count the small blessings eh?
Just out of interest (or is this against MN ettiquette?) - where are you all from?

Oh I'm having a bad day. Feeling sad today really really really wish I was still PG.
Sorry MN is the only place I can moan.

Howdy girls how are we?

Well, it's all gone a bit mad here. I thought I had a straightforward miscarriage on Monday
9th April but my hormones have been rising and I was rushed into hospital yesterday with a suspected ectopic. Sure enough they found one, so they had to remove it. Along with a fallopian tube. So how good am I feeling today? good enough to be 2 pints of cider down already and waiting for fresh supplies. this is the most shit outcome I could have expected (other than that the thing had ruptured and killed me although there were moment yesterday when I heard the news that I thought that would have been preferable).

And my mother has been SOOOOOO annoying about it. She phoned last night to speak to my dh and get the gossip, when he said it was ectopic (I'd gone in for a scan in the morning and that was all she knew about the day's events)she apparently said 'I thought it was. oh well, it could have been a lot worse'.. and proceeded to tell him that she knew of plenty of people who had conceived successfully after an ep. God she really DOESN'T KNOW what to say. Not even Oh dear, how awful, she must be feeling terrible. Nothing. Why can't I have a normal, caring mother??? I am SO going to be a good mum to my little boy, and my future little ones.

popsy I'm not sane, I'm worse than ever now!

ellieg IKYWIM means if you know what i mean.
Question for everone, what is BFP? I see it everywhere.
Know exactly what you mean with the fags and booze - today I can officially drink and boy will I be drinking this week! I'm sorry you're feeling sad about not being PG

NH101 oh my goodness your work situation sounds hairy. Hope you are ok, good on you for sticking at it.

Lovelylou I hope you get your results soon. Don't know what to suggest other than prepare yourself for whatever happens. I'm sure the time will go quickly.

hope everyone feeling less grumpy than me.

In answer to your question EllieG I am in Dorset, how about you?

Hi Ellie - so sorry you are feeling down. You know this is the place to vent, and isn't it great the majority of the time you don't feel down? Try to focus on that cos tomorrow you will feel better.

I have also been smoking loads not helped by nightmare work situation. Also drinking loads but DH doesn't mind that! He doesn't know about the smoking but knows I do smoke now and again. He would be shocked to know I have a packet in my handbag! He'd forgive me though, bless him.

We were off to Tenerife on holiday on June 1 but we are going to cancel it now and go camping in France in July instead. The tenerife hol was a freebie anyway, one of these timeshare things, we have been on them before and they are good, we have only paid £35 in admin fees to set the thing up but it is not v convenient now we are not PG cos want to save the week off work for later in the year now. But it is totally understandable that you want to not be PG then - then you can have a great time getting sloshed! Take pleasure in it while you can. I am - in fact I have a glass right next to me now (I am on holiday!) which is why I am going on and on an on with one of those long posts of mine... (sorry!)

We went to the Plassey near Wrexham, so went walking in the Cierog valley (sorry if got that spelt wrong) and Llangollen etc. It is so beautiful, I preferred it even to the Lakes, probably because it was so much easier to get to! Lakes is always such a pain with those single-file roads to Windermere etc.

Maybe try to look at babies differently? I look at them and think 'there are so many of them around surely one will come my way soon?' IFSWIM??

I live in Formby near Liverpool but originally from Australia (born in Brisbane) but parents are from NW England so moved to rochdale when came beck from Oz in 1985. Moved to Formby after meeting DH five and a half years ago (it's much better than Rochdale!) Asking is not against MN etiquette - loads of these guys meet up and I have a pic of myself on here so it is not exactly secret for me! What about you?

Hi Barrelrider! x-posted there, got to go out now but will post more tomorrow! x

But have just quickly read your post - so, so sorry... have a cider on me (sort of) xxx

Hi everyone. Iam so sorry barrelrider, drink to your hearts content always makes me feel better off for wine night with friend now.
I live in durham EllieG.
Must go and drink lots of wine now speak soon xxx

Hi ladies, have had a shit fewdays. No sign of AF.pains were really bad monday and belly swelled up in evening and back ache and I really though BLOODY HELL maybe I am??? Then didn't sleep all night, got up, did a test BFN, then pains much better all day yesterday. Woke up today and they are here again but not as bad. I feel completely INSANE with stress about this.People say "just relax and it will happen" I just want to kill someone/thing. May go to boxercise thing at gym as need an outlet. Does anyone else feel this confused about AF/TTC. I don't think I can move on at all until AF comes but if is 4-6 weeks after ERPC then I have a week on Friday til I can start asking doc if is something wrong (though want to bang his door down this morning). Have to catch a train into work now. Want to cry and have one of thoise days but so stressy at work I have to keep going. Shit meeting at 2pm - wish me luck - i need it.
I am from Newcastle originally, lived in Oxford and liverpool now live in Hertfordshire (nomad).
p.s. talking to friend with 1 week baby nearly did me in last night - she is amazing and everything but has no idea that I was finding it hard - ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
p.p.s. sorry haven't replied to ny specifics just needed to let off steam before catching train and having worst day of life -hope you are all having a better day than me!

Barrelrider - I'm so sorry honey. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, other than really, really, shitty. Have LOTS of cider and deal with it when you can sweetheart x
Oh and ignore your Mum. I find ignoring mine the best tactic at times, though I think yours JUST pips mine for pure insensitivity.

Sorry you were having a bad day Popsy - has it got any better? If not, well, is nearly the weekend and then will all be more relaxed and you can forget about work at least. Don't obsess too much about AF if you can (though is easy for me to say having had one i know) it will come in it's own time and stressing about it just makes it uncomfortable waiting x

I've booked a flight this morning to go see my sis in London this weekend (am in Jersey) and am going to take my little bucket of red paint with me to paint the town. Can't wait. Shopping, nice pubs with pims and wine and no home routines hurrah! Made me feeling much better yesterday booking it cos I thought - well I couldn't do this if I was PG could I?

Nh101 - my DP's folks are from a village near Llangollen! Small world eh?
ps nh - if you ever think about becoming gay I think I would marry you (if I was that way inclined myself of course) you're always so lovely and positive x

Heck, I'd marry any of ya

Not really. Just encase any of you thought I was being weirdly familiar and that's why you've all gone quiet.

Ha ha - Ellie you make me howl just about to go into meeting - will be tantrums or tears . I also think nh101 is v. positive and v. sensible - she gives that practical advice that men give - is an antipodean thing - that's why ozzy ladies make the best drinking buddies as they don't let you take yourself too seriously
p.s. barrelrider so so so sorry about your poor tubes etc. Sounds like your mum is like mine and ellies and my MIL - they just manage to get it SO wrong don't they - sending HUGE hugs!
p.p.s. Ellie - have fun in the smoke - have a few glasses of bubbly for me - somewhere nice and classy (Quaglinos or something).I'll be in the garden moping ...or putting up fencing joy! Just cancelled friends coming over as can't face another w/e of socialising - iknow is naff but i can already hear my counsellor telling me to do it so must be right

just nipped, barrelrider: the exact same thing happened to mein feb, im so sorry and i wish there was something i could do! please take it easy, this is a big thing to have happen to you, if you want to chat CAT me, alternatively you could wander onto the TTC following an ectopic pregnancy thread. am here for you hun!

everyone else, again im sorry that this happened, lifes just not fair is it!

No it bloody well isn't is it? But have come to conclusion that's it's just the way it is so may as well take things fairly easy.
Popsy - exactly right about the socialising, just do what you can and if you don't want to no need to feel bad. Have come to the conclusion that life's too short to do stuff you really don't want to do and don't have to. Plus my therapist says that need to stop from time to time, and if your mind and body are telling you to, there's no shame in doing it. Hope your meeting went OK yesterday and not too many tears x

Hi EllieG how is the time off going? I am having pretend time off by working fromhome - very peaceful! Hope you are treating yourself and managing to relax. I remember when I was signed off last year it took me ages to stop feeling guilty about it or feeling like you are only ill if you can't get out of bed. This year with the MC I took the time off and had lots of treats with no guilt at all!
Meeting was as expected but managed not to cry until later when called emergency drink with friend. Was only a short burst though - think I need to have a good cry today as no one around and can get it all out (problem is I only really get the urge when surrounded by people not when relaxed t home ). Sun is shining outside so nh(obi)101 would be telling us to get off our butts and face the day!I may go and procrastinate by checking on my seedlings... its like the goodlife here