Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 29 - Support for Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[barkingtreefrog]

Support, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so prepare to read fast!

Previous thread here

Link to the RMC investigations information

Stats update:

allthereis: 29. DC, 4MC
anniehoo: 42. TTC#1 for 2.5yrs, 4MC
barkingtreefrog: 36. TTC#1 since Dec 11, 2MC
bettybutterchops: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
bootles: 41. DS, 1TFMR, 4MC, pg
brummiegirl: 38. TTC#1 since Apr 14, 3MC, pg
bubblybubbles80: 34. TTC#1, 3MC
bumblebee0: 29. DS, 2MC, pg
bunnymad: 40. DD, 2MC
bythesea82: 33. TTC#1 since Dec 12, 3MC, pg
casiopeia: . TTC#1, 3MC
chrystley: 41. DD, 5MC, pg
cloudjumper: 43. DS, 4MC, pg
confu3ed: 39. DS, DD, 5MC, pg
desperatelyhopeful: DS, 10 MC.
emerald72: 43. DS, 3MC
enlightenedbunny: 34. TTC#1 since '10, 1TFMR, 3MC, pg
erica21: 32. DS, 2MC, pg
extrablessings: 33. DS, 6MC
fackinell: 44. TTC#1, 4MC
fififolle: 37. DC, 2MC, pg
flen: 36. TTC#1, 3MC, pg
floweroct: 34. TTC#1 since 11, 3MC
frecklefire: 40. DS, 3MC
genwah85: 29. DS, 3MC, pg
girliesaints: 37. DD, 4MC (1 twins)
girlinoz: 32. TTC#1, 3 MC
Ifinishedthebiscuits: 37. 2DS, 4MC
iloveyoubaby: . DD, 2MC
inamaymaybewrong. 37. DS, 2MC
jady77: 37. TTC#1 since Sep 14, 2MC, pg
kazz2112: 31. TTC#1 since Feb 14, 3MC
lauren83: 31. TTC #1 for 7yrs, 2MC (1 twins)
leah1984: . TTC#1, 2MC
loopyaboutmy2boys: 38. 2DS, 6MC
lovemylittlebear: 29. 1 ectopic, 2MC, pg
marchgirl: 37. DD, 5MC, pg
maverick79: 35. TTC#1, 2MC, pg
me2me2: 2DC, 2MC
mimidoddrioni: 35. TTC#1, 2MC
minnie74: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
monten: 37. TTC#1 since Apr 13, 1TFMR, 1MC
morganlefey: 29. DD, 3MC
mrsb0710: 29. TTC#1, 2MC
mrsconfusion: 36. DD, 3MC, pg
mrsdiddlydoo: 34. DS, 2MC, pg
notspartacus: 39. 2DD, 2 ectopic , 3MC
onedaymaybe1: 32. TTC#1, 3MC
onestep2015: 39. TTC#1 since May 13, 3MC, 1 ectopic /PUL
patienceisvirtuous: 37. TTC#1 since Mar 14, 2MC, pg
peqpit: 33. TTC#1 for 2yrs, 3MC
portmoon: 43. DS, DD, 5MC
sallywade: 36. DS, 1TFMR, 5MC, pg
sashakerr: 37. DS, 3MC
sebsmummy: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
sizethree: 35, TTC#1, 3MC, pg
snoopysimaginaryfriend: 29. TTC#1 since Sep 14, 3MC
spamminit: 25. 2DS, 2MC
strubidooo: 34. TTC#1 since Sep 12, 3MC, 1 ect
sunandrainbow: 38, TTC#1, 4MC, pg
teach3: 27. TTC#1, 3MC
texta: 32. TTC#1, 3MC
thepopandcry: 38, DS, 4MC
thornfield38: 34. TTC#1 for 2 yrs, 2MC, pg
tomcat81: 34. TTC#1 since Oct 14, 2MC
twilightstruggle: TTC#1 since Nov 12, 5MC
wadsy: 36. DS, 1 ectopic , 4 MC, pg

ourdaywillcome
daisybell

Thread babies
bakingtins: 40. 2DS, 4MC. Faith born May 14
tannyloo: 42, 2DS, 5MC. Bertie born Mar 15
tinytear: 41. DD, 5MC. Alice born Mar 15
justonemoretime: 39. 3MC. Scott born May 15
purplefrogshoes: 38. 2MC, 1CMP. John born May 15
longestlurkerever: 34. DD, 3MC. Beth born Jun 15
catlover2014: 35. TTC#1 since 09, 3MC. Louis born Jun 15
boozle80: 34. 3MC. Mhairi born Jun 15
belleende: 40. TTC#1, 2MC, 1 TFMR. Cissy born Jun 15

Oh Monten - I'm speechless. I know what you mean about it being so bad it's almost amusing. Painful all the same though and I 'felt' that last comment viscerally.

Don't feel bad Brummie. That's what we're all here for and if everyone was worried about others having it worse no one would post because we're all strong, resilient, empathic women! That's what I'm telling myself in the mirror at any rate.

Hugs to those having difficulties.

Cheers for the optimism and advice about travelling. I'm a touch ambivalent at the mo - I can't decide if I can bear to be pessimistic enough to book a holiday in Feb, but if come Feb I haven't conceived or I have conceived and have miscarried I'll be desperate to get away. Hmmm. Tricky.

monten Good for you! How are you feeling now?

barking Hope you're hanging in there! Af arriving is a good sign, hopefully this means that the progesterone is getting out of your system. How is work...?

sebs I still also expect to see blood every time I go to the loo! And I still get anxious, although it is thankfully much better now than before.
I'm only telling people who either have to know (like work) or when I meet them face to face and need to explain that I have gotten fat for a reason (like my hairdresser last weekend). Family knows, but we waited until 16 weeks and after 4 scans before telling them.
There will be no pregnancy Fb announcement (at least not from me, DH can do what he likes after checking with me first ) until the baby arrives.

The only antenatal threads I can bear to be on is the pg-after-mc one, and the one for the 40+ and pg ladies - everyone on there understands the freaking out about little things. I looked into joining the December antenatal one, but just could not bear it - I am so jealous how naïve and happy they all are, the biggest issue is what pram to buy and what colour to paint the nursery! Makes me feel bitter and jaded , but I can't help it.
My midwife gets on my nerves, too (well, I only saw her once at my 16-week apt, but she got on my nerves then). No clue about my history, didn't read my notes, nothing, she was just jabbering away about how well I looked and how exciting everything is at this stage . And I did not have the energy to explain to her why I'm not jumping up and down screeching 'Yay, I'm pregnant' all the time.

brummie I've done this, too - hope you feel better soon! Sometimes you just have to take a step back and stay in bed.

Oh ffs Monten - you couldn't make that shit. Christ on a bike And please don't feel ashamed for needing a bit of attention. You don't strike me as a diva, it's nice to help someone. It's like when a poster types "sorrt for the me me me post" - isn't that what thid whole thing is about. We're like George and Lennie in 'Of Mice and Men' - "You've got me to look after you and I've got you to look after me". Or Sony and Cher, 'I've got you, babe...'

I'm just gonna assume you can all read those horrible typos... You need subtitles to read my fecking messages these days! x

Monten I can totally understand having an almost perverse black humour in the face of something so horrible. It's not funny at all but my god if it weren't out lives you would think it was fiction wouldn't you? It's a terrible terrible dark business and something I had no idea about whatsoever until I waded waist feel into this abyss. Huge hugs to you and we are all here for you in solidarity xx

Cloud I tried to join the 40+ group but do you know what's ridiculous? I'm more jealous of happy flappy naively pregnant forty year olds than I am of buy-a-new-pram-at-9-weeks 24 year olds. It's almost easier for me to think 'how wonderful' when someone is younger than, just 'why the fuck me and not them?' when women sail through pregnancies at an advanced maternal age. I know that makes me a very bitter person but it's the truth. I'm even jealous of people that 'have only had one miscarriage'. How fucked up is that? I need to just stay indoors really and stop polluting the world with my negativity.

monten I'm glad they're doing the testing for you, but fuck me, it really should be easier and with the unnecessary detail from the nurse .

Mrsb both my mc's dragged on and on (didn't get a negative test until 7 weeks after bleeding started for one and 9 for the other). The bleeding would stop, but the hcg was still + so I tried every trick in the book to get the blood moving again and the miracle worker was raspberry leaf tea! Each time I had a mug of it I started bleeding again. I thought it might be worth a try to bring on AF and perhaps I would have started anyway but this morning there was no sign, I drank a mug of raspberry leaf tea, and by lunchtime AF had arrived .

I've just realised I've posted on Facebook but not on here...

So just wanted to say a massive thank you to you lovely ladies who I've not already thanked in Facebook for the support of the past couple of days. Sadly it isn't to be and the trial nurse phoned this morning to say my hcg levels were down at 9. The day of my bfp 10 days ago it was 31 so it's definitely mc4.

I'm doing OK atm. mainly by trying to keep busy. I.may use the raspberry leaf tea thing to get things going and cleared out maybe. Where do you get it?

kazz I think most supermarkets sell it, failing that h&b...? So sorry this one hasn't made it. treat yourself to some nice food and alcohol.

monten great that you know this one will be tested but bloody hell you couldn't write it. I'm with you on finding humour at such dark times. It's what helped me through some of mine. After all, it feels like the universe is having a big joke at our expense putting us through all this shit, may as well see the 'funny' side!

barking I hope work today wasn't as painful as yesterday. Think I dreamt about you again last night but about nothing in particular, I'm not a weirdo, honest!!

cloud annoying of your mw not to read your notes, she should have.

sebs I think everyone has fucked up thoughts at some point, and if you pretend you don't then that makes you truly fucked up.

freckle love your analogy of this thread with George and Lennie

twilight I wouldn't say its pessimistic at all (as long as you've got a plan if you fall pg), more a positive action of taking some control back. And also taunting Sod's law Really really really think you should book it!

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

I meant without the detail from the nurse....

Woah! Don't know what happened there .

monten - really pleased that they are testing but ffs - why does it have to be so fecking hard! And seriously about that comment.

kazz - am so so sorry that it looks like this one hasn't worked out. Big hugs hun and hope your dp is looking after you.

I'm totally with you ladies - I'm still shit scared that something will go wrong with this pg. I've also only told work and friends as and when we see them. I'm finding it so difficult to engage with the pg though, as my self preservation instinct just steps in and tells me to stop being such a dick as its bound to go wrong. Actually think I need to snap out of it, but not sure how to. I get really sad when I think that in a few years I might look back on this time and wonder why I couldn't enjoy it just a tiny bit.

X

barking .

How are you feeling today?

How was your scan mrsc?

Totally with you all on the jealousy of other people's joy and naivity. I was reflecting on that today. My hospital is a 15 minute bus ride from my house. The very first time I made that journey was January 2014, when I excitedly hopped on the bus to go to my 12 week scan appointment. Today, a year and a half later I rode the same bus with a fetus in a Tupperware box. The journeys just get sadder.

I'm so sorry hear your news kazz. It really fucking sucks. You can pick up raspberry leaf tea from most supermarkets or online (eg Amazon). How is your bleeding now?

monten well done for getting through the Epu but that the nurse thought that was ok. Good job that seeing the humour is the only way through. Hope the testing gives some answers.

sebs completely get the fear. I've no connection to this pg at all yet- other than fearing the worst. After seeing a good heartbeat at 10+ weeks, and knowing literally a couple of days later he had died, all I can see is bad news in the future. Like sun said though it does make me sad that if it works out I'll have spent the whole time worried and not making the most of what will definitely be my last pregnancy.

brummie bless your mum. My mum has started saying how upset she was at the last loss and it does make you realise how it affects more than just us.

cloud some midwives are surprisingly short on empathy I've found, especially the community ones in my experience.

kazz sorry again. Hope your getting lots of tlc and wine!

barking good news on the raspberry tea sorting

freckle love your comparison- you're ace! (Def can tell I'm over 40 if I'm saying ace!)

Does anyone know whether the rmc scans are ok as a 12 week scan or will I need to book in with my midwife (who is a bit crap)? My rmc consultant says I need a detailed scan around 10/11 weeks with a fetal medicine specialist not just a regular sonographer as MC 3 looked abnormal. I'm assuming this is so I could have a tmfr before 12 weeks if I needed to. Can't face another booking in apportionment only 5 months after the last one and having to explain everything while thinking this might all go wrong anyway a couple of days later (just like it did last time)

Waves to everyone xx

Minnie you do really need to book in. I left it until I saw the consultant after a good scan at 11 weeks. She was like a rabbit in the headlights when I said I had done nothing regarding booking in and arranging my 12 week scan. I had to sit there whilst she madly rang around trying to find an hour slot to fit me in before I was too late to have the nuchal. Luckily she found a gap and I then booked in with the midwife once I got back from my hols.

It was all arse around face and I felt a bit bad for being so superstitious and thinking I would somehow jinx it.

oh monten that bus journey thought makes me so sad but i have been stalking reading your histories and there are so many success stories......... And also it doesn't bother me much that i don't have a car anymore but having to public transport to and from hospitals on buses after bad is the fucking pits..

kazz so sorry for your loss

barking i am off to buy shit loads of raspberry tea then! Is the theory that you bleed quicker so empty it all out quicker and get a bfn quicker? I know im not even a week since i lost my baby but im shit scared of trying for a bfn and still getting a bfp (if that makes sense )

bad news*

Monten, you really are a trooper finding the humour today. Hope you're tucked up nicely this evening being looked after.

Noodle, hope the next few days are bearable. Do you have another job lined up to look forward to?

MrsC, how did the scan go today?

Flen/ Brummie, hope you're feeling less icky & don't worry about talking about being pregnant. It give me hope it could one day happen to me.

Barking, another day near to Mr Barking returning. Have a remote image of his return (trains pulling into stations/smoking bellowing/etc) hope he's coming home ladden with presents from his travels.

Waves to everyone else x

Noodle just to warn you after my 3rd mc at 9 weeks it took 4 weeks to get a bfn. I had to keep testing as the minute I got a bfn I had to go to the hospital for my rmc testing.

It was heartbreaking to see bfp after bfp so please try and give yourself some time x