Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 29 - Support for Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[barkingtreefrog]

Support, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so prepare to read fast!

Previous thread here

Link to the RMC investigations information

Stats update:

allthereis: 29. DC, 4MC
anniehoo: 42. TTC#1 for 2.5yrs, 4MC
barkingtreefrog: 36. TTC#1 since Dec 11, 2MC
bettybutterchops: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
bootles: 41. DS, 1TFMR, 4MC, pg
brummiegirl: 38. TTC#1 since Apr 14, 3MC, pg
bubblybubbles80: 34. TTC#1, 3MC
bumblebee0: 29. DS, 2MC, pg
bunnymad: 40. DD, 2MC
bythesea82: 33. TTC#1 since Dec 12, 3MC, pg
casiopeia: . TTC#1, 3MC
chrystley: 41. DD, 5MC, pg
cloudjumper: 43. DS, 4MC, pg
confu3ed: 39. DS, DD, 5MC, pg
desperatelyhopeful: DS, 10 MC.
emerald72: 43. DS, 3MC
enlightenedbunny: 34. TTC#1 since '10, 1TFMR, 3MC, pg
erica21: 32. DS, 2MC, pg
extrablessings: 33. DS, 6MC
fackinell: 44. TTC#1, 4MC
fififolle: 37. DC, 2MC, pg
flen: 36. TTC#1, 3MC, pg
floweroct: 34. TTC#1 since 11, 3MC
frecklefire: 40. DS, 3MC
genwah85: 29. DS, 3MC, pg
girliesaints: 37. DD, 4MC (1 twins)
girlinoz: 32. TTC#1, 3 MC
Ifinishedthebiscuits: 37. 2DS, 4MC
iloveyoubaby: . DD, 2MC
inamaymaybewrong. 37. DS, 2MC
jady77: 37. TTC#1 since Sep 14, 2MC, pg
kazz2112: 31. TTC#1 since Feb 14, 3MC
lauren83: 31. TTC #1 for 7yrs, 2MC (1 twins)
leah1984: . TTC#1, 2MC
loopyaboutmy2boys: 38. 2DS, 6MC
lovemylittlebear: 29. 1 ectopic, 2MC, pg
marchgirl: 37. DD, 5MC, pg
maverick79: 35. TTC#1, 2MC, pg
me2me2: 2DC, 2MC
mimidoddrioni: 35. TTC#1, 2MC
minnie74: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
monten: 37. TTC#1 since Apr 13, 1TFMR, 1MC
morganlefey: 29. DD, 3MC
mrsb0710: 29. TTC#1, 2MC
mrsconfusion: 36. DD, 3MC, pg
mrsdiddlydoo: 34. DS, 2MC, pg
notspartacus: 39. 2DD, 2 ectopic , 3MC
onedaymaybe1: 32. TTC#1, 3MC
onestep2015: 39. TTC#1 since May 13, 3MC, 1 ectopic /PUL
patienceisvirtuous: 37. TTC#1 since Mar 14, 2MC, pg
peqpit: 33. TTC#1 for 2yrs, 3MC
portmoon: 43. DS, DD, 5MC
sallywade: 36. DS, 1TFMR, 5MC, pg
sashakerr: 37. DS, 3MC
sebsmummy: 40. DS, 3MC, pg
sizethree: 35, TTC#1, 3MC, pg
snoopysimaginaryfriend: 29. TTC#1 since Sep 14, 3MC
spamminit: 25. 2DS, 2MC
strubidooo: 34. TTC#1 since Sep 12, 3MC, 1 ect
sunandrainbow: 38, TTC#1, 4MC, pg
teach3: 27. TTC#1, 3MC
texta: 32. TTC#1, 3MC
thepopandcry: 38, DS, 4MC
thornfield38: 34. TTC#1 for 2 yrs, 2MC, pg
tomcat81: 34. TTC#1 since Oct 14, 2MC
twilightstruggle: TTC#1 since Nov 12, 5MC
wadsy: 36. DS, 1 ectopic , 4 MC, pg

ourdaywillcome
daisybell

Thread babies
bakingtins: 40. 2DS, 4MC. Faith born May 14
tannyloo: 42, 2DS, 5MC. Bertie born Mar 15
tinytear: 41. DD, 5MC. Alice born Mar 15
justonemoretime: 39. 3MC. Scott born May 15
purplefrogshoes: 38. 2MC, 1CMP. John born May 15
longestlurkerever: 34. DD, 3MC. Beth born Jun 15
catlover2014: 35. TTC#1 since 09, 3MC. Louis born Jun 15
boozle80: 34. 3MC. Mhairi born Jun 15
belleende: 40. TTC#1, 2MC, 1 TFMR. Cissy born Jun 15

twilight, i agree to go for it! Esp if you manage to get insurance as mentioned by barking, or also a good idea to have a back up person who might take your ticket.

Welcome noodle, and sorry to hear of your loss. A friend of mine had similar and is a huge advocate of ARC now, as they were fantastic for her.

barking, big hugs for you. Must be awful to have to pick yourself up and return to work. It might be the end of the nhs options but i really hope you have better luck privately if you decide to go down that route. I have a friend who has two babies via ivf through CARE. She had several mcs and failed treatments before finding the right treatment with them.

patience, most places normally require you to be 6 weeks post mc before they take bloods for the clotting things. I think this is because your blood can change when you have pg hormones in it, so it needs to normalise first. I would second the suggestion to ask for cancellations once you have your appt through. I got bumped up by a month by getting to know the secretary. If you're thinking of Coventry then this can be done alongside the standard tests but they only test for uNK, so you'll need to do both. You could go entirely down the private route but it can get quite expensive, particularly things like karyotyping i gather, so if you can get the nhs appt in a reasonable time then i would say this might be your best route. I hear Mr shehata is v expensive if you see him privately (he also does nhs appts by referral, but not with the full testing you get privately), although many people swear by him. We couldn't have afforded shehata, so coventry really was the last resort for us, and they found an issue, so i feel like we did the right thing but if course it might have been different if they hadn't found anything. But, there are lots of people on here who got normal results from cov and are still having successful pgs on their protocol. It's a hard decision which way to go xx

I'm so sorry kazz. Still hoping this is not the end for you but understand it must be so hard to stay positive. Are you still going into the clinic at midday? I haven't had any private testing so not much use to you there.

Welcome noodle. I'm so sorry you have experienced this. My first pregnancy ended in a TFMR at 12 weeks. It was such a shock and I was so naive. We spent 30 mins watching our baby on the screen as they did the scan with absolutely no idea anything was wrong so when the sonographer turned round at the end and told me the baby was really sick, everything came crashing down at once. This group of ladies are so supportive, stay and chat to us as long as you need.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences of natural mc. The brown bleeding is still there but very light. My EPU is walk in only so I will go in tomorrow morning.

I really can't decide whether to go for Erpc or natural. I feel weirdly empowered by the thought of doing it naturally. I almost want to feel the pain? (I'm not a self harmer, I promise). But I really can't deal with the idea of it going on and on. I guess i could book the erpc for later this week and see what happens.

I'm really suspicious of Erpc's after my periods were so light last time.

march, bootles, just thanks for sharing about the catching. Perhaps I could manage it after all. I will see if my EPU will accept it.

twilight I totally understand your dilemma, but I would go for it. It sounds fabulous. And the insurance barking mentioned sounds like it would be ideal.

You're very brave being at work barking. Although sometimes you just need to put one foot in front of the other, don't you? This must be such a dark time. Have you and DH talked about private options? I find thinking in days and weeks the easiest. At the moment I am trying to think no longer than one week ahead. It's very hard not to let your mind race into the future tho.

Kazz, hope the news isn't as you feared but if it is having also been on the Response Trial make sure you get the trial nurses to help you with next steps. Mine were fab with sorting out referrals and short cutting queues etc which really helped. Fingers crossed it's positive news and you don't have to contemplate this x

sorry to hear about everyone currently going through losses i was consumed with fear of miscarriage during my pregnancy and my mum had 5 mc before she concived my db and then me and i can see the effect it had even now

thanks for all the welcoming messages, can i ask those who have had a tfmr if the bleeding got heavier after a few days? from when my waters broke i delivered the baby then placenta then one huge clot within about 1 hour and only had light bleeding but last night and today (its been 4 days since mm) i am getting bad cramps and the bleeding is getting heavier - is this normal? if not who do i ring?

am at work and trying to hold it together but i just want to curl up and cry :(

I feel so sad reading our thread today...

Kazz, am so gutted for you. Hand holding.

Monten, i wish so hard you didn't have to go through this at all.

Barking, lady - it must feel like such a bitter pill to swallow. I hope in some way our love and good wishes cushions you and gives you light in dark moments.

xxx

Sorry and welcome too to noodle. So sorry to read about your current situation. It might be worth phoning your epu if bleading has become significantly heavier. They might want to check you out hun. xxx

I would call your unit noodle, they may want to check you out. I had a surgical termination so not the same but a few days afterwards I had bad cramps and heavy bleeding for a day. Do you really have to be at work? I took almost two weeks off and needed every minute of it. Understand if it takes your mind off it but don't do it out of obligation, you are the only priority right now

Good news about your scan sasha. I had 2mm lining at my RMC scan no one would take me seriously that it was something to be concerned about. I thought I was going mad at some points. Glad yours has improved.

monten i dont get sick pay and already had to take time off for the scans etc and really cant afford to take any more time off. I know legally i should get sick pay but im only here for another week so im not going to even bother fighting that. The mum (i am a nanny) also made some pretty insensitive comments about the whole situation so i dont want to have to explain why i want more time off.

im not bleeding super heavily, its more the increase itself that has got me worried - i will give them a ring though and see if they think i should go in after work or leave it and see if it goes away :/

Noodle I've never had a tfmr but following my d&cs the bleeding did pick up after a few days. The first time it stopped after 3 hours completely then became heavy again three days later. They swabbed me for an infection but it was clear

kazz Still hoping that it turns out OK for you xxx

monten I can totally relate to your dilemma. My 2nd mc was natural management, and I found this physically to be the easiest to deal with, and the recovery was very quick, the quickest of all my mcs. However, the wait and the uncertainty was not good! I was lucky at the time that I was in between jobs, so I could stay at home and sit it out.
For my third, I tried to do natural again, but nothing happened for ages, and the wait really wore me down, so I opted for medical (the first round of drugs was enough to 'get things going', so it was almost like a natural).
I had to wait for ages with my first mc before my EPU agreed to do an ERPC, but once they agreed, it was so straightforward- I knew what was going to happen when, and the relief when I woke up from the GA was blissful, knowing that it was all over now.
It's a difficult decision, I do not envy you xxx

twilight Do it! Life's too short, live it! Things can/will change, and you adjust, but do it when they happen. Sounds like an amazing trip. Book it and see what happens - cancelling a trip for the 'right' (ie. pg) reason is always better than regretting never booking it in the first place. Don't put your life on hold.

barking If you are not feeling up for it - take some time off. Do you think your GP would write you a sick note? I realise that distraction is needed, but if you can't function at work, then don't torture yourself.
You are grieving - not for a physical loss, but for a dream, a wish, something that has been ruling your life for the last few years. So give yourself time to deal with this grief, don't rush things along and think it'll all click back to normal immediately. These things take time.

noodle Welcome and so sorry to hear about your loss. Everyone here knows how terrifying the thought of being pg after mc is. Don't rush things - give yourself and your DP time to deal with your loss, don't put pressure on yourself. We all deal with it in different ways, but recovering from a mc/tfmr is not a walk in the park...

Noodle after my 3rd, I had a few days where the bleeding tapered off and there was minimal spotting. Then literally the next day, it was gushing. But it must have lasted 24 hours or so and then completely stopped.

Hearing how employers are so shit makes me so angry. And a mother as well. Although I've learnt the hard way that the people you get the least sympathy from are mums / pregnant women who have never experienced a loss. Fuckers

Monten Kazz Barking and Noodle am so sad for all of you

I can accept stupid comments from people who have never experienced a mc - I used to be that naive person! You just can't imagine what it's like, not in your wildest dreams.
What really gets me is a) medical professionals who deal with these issues (like the sonographer diagnosing my first mc, telling me 'At least we you know can get pg' after hearing I have a DS) and women who have had an mc (like the work colleague who had a mc and still the put her 20-wk scan photo on Fb).
Those are proper kicks in the teeth.

monten my natural mc was sort of empowering. I didn't want to say that before as you sounded quite sure you wanted an erpc. I was on my own, ds thankfully asleep, and I found it weirdly cathartic. I wanted to feel it, and let my body do that bit right. The next one I opted for medical management so took the medications to get things started (which it eventually did) as I tend to hang on to pg's for ages. The times I have chosen an erpc have also felt like the right decision for how I was feeling mentally then. The only thing I would say is that (afterwards) I was told doing it naturally can make it harder to get karyotype results - in case infection is introduced to the tissues. However I did get results on both, but not with the following erpc x

barking hope your work day is going ok x

noodle how difficult to be at work, roll on the end of this job by the sounds of it. Such a difficult time for you x

kazz sorry its heavier, still hoping it isn't what you fear x

Noodle gosh you are a nanny too!! I really hope you are ok

Bleeding getting heavier and a lot of cramping now. Feels like a bad period so far. Just taken two paracetamol, will see if that takes the edge off, it's getting quite uncomfortable. What other drugs do people recommend? DH and his friend took something called co-codemol for bad hangovers the other week, they both looked totally blissed out. Quite fancy a bit of that. I'm allergic to aspirin and related drugs which makes it tricky.

bootles I do feel weirdly pleased that my body is for once recognising it. After one surgical tfmr and one erpc I'm terrified of them doing damage so I would like to avoid an op. I know it's irrational and very rare for anything to go wrong but I just can't help worrying about it.

noodle didn't realuse you were a nanny . Can't believe your boss was anything less than completely supportive. Some people are such arseholes. I am a strong believer in karma though. Unpleasant people tend to lead unpleasant lives. I hope the bleeding eases up.

kazz

Question for march bootles and just - sorry for personal question but did you know when you were about to pass the pregnancy? Not sure how prepared I need to be in advance.

monten when I had mm with mc1 (so sort of like natural mc) the cramps got more intense and contraction-like leading up to it 'passing'

Oh my God Monten. cocodamol is awesome - although it can make people sucm. My sister can't take it but I swear by it. would love to take some right now but without knowing for absolute sure I'm trying to avoid everything. Don't even want to take paracetamol.

monten with mc1 I had mm (so half natural I suppose) and the cramps got more intense and contraction-like leading up to it 'passing'. Think it was about an hour leading up to it. I also started to feel pressure down there just before it happened, a bit like needing bowel movement.

Thinking of you, Kazz, patience, noodle and barking

Oh kazz

The paracetamol has taken the edge off for now.

What does sucm mean??

Codeine is like strong paracetamol, not sure if it's the same as cocodamol tho...

monten, (Sorry if tmi) with my 1st, the baby only got to 6 weeks size but the sac continued to grow. Passed it at 12wks and I had lots of strong cramping, then contraction like pains (obv not as strong as childbirth, but came in waves), then suddenly the pain went away. When i stood up i felt it fall into my pants. The second and this were much milder and just cramping rather than contractions as such, but i already knew from scans that the sacs had collapsed, so that's probably why it wasn't as strong. 2nd i was on the loo and third i felt it drop into pants again. (Sorry, that really might be tmi, but better you know what to expect)

Oh, and agree to the pressure feeling as it was coming

Agree with the, not agree to the