Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 23 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

You'll be in my thoughts on Tuesday bubbles. Hope your OH does a good job of looking after you once you're home. X

Whoop whoop Bootles**!!! Hope ut gets darker and darker!

Cheesy* have a wonderful holiday (where are you going?) will miss you on here. Keeping fingers crossed for you and brummie*!!

March, tell him to put up and shut up! What's up with the chap? It's a blinkin' break away you're proposing - not running away to join a cult!. You need a bit of happiness, pronto pronto!

Barking - really not sure what's going in with that woman, but i suggest you keep any more your lovely granny knits. They just can't mean as much to others as they do to you and others don't deserve them.

Blimey bubbly**, tell me about it. 3 mc in under a year and i'm now 9lbs heavier than i was 9 months pg with ds. Weight i can not afford to be carrying. Sadly, comfort has come dressed ad a packet of kettle chips and a glass of white wine...

Minnie**, remember i want a blow by blow account of tomorrow!

Fecksake. Handed an official request for part time into the head at the end of february and still havn't heard back. The last day teachers can hand their notice in for september is this friday. If i wasn't hoping to be pregnant in the next six months i'd def leave. This year has been a train crash. Looking after a toddler, rmc, up to my eyes in marking. Everyday the dog is at my door. Feel totally trapped by parents and husbands expectations. Plus have been the breadwinner for past ten years. Something has to give and most days i just feel like i'm going to break.

Have just tried to catch up but it's all a blur.

Congrats to Wadsy and Bootles on BFP's and to cloud on your scan.

Good to hear Scott is doing well Just, fingers crossed he will soon be home and you can all start your new lives together as a family. Have you got something in mind for your DH's first Father's Day?

Girlie hope your scan goes well and hope Tuesday goes as well as can Ben expected bubbly.

Baking hope faith is still doing well.

Cheesey and Brummie good luck with testing this week.

Cd29 here, can feel something going on inside me, just don't know if it's ovulation in which case fertility friend was wrong about my early ovulation, or failing that if fertility friend was right then maybe it's implantation. Would be so much easier if I just had a regular 28 day cycle, hate not having a clue!

bubbles will be thinking of you on Tuesday

wadsy love stories like that. Think it gives us all hope. And yay for the bfp!

cloud this is immensely good news. I am sooooo pleased for you. Phew!

confused will be thinking of you Wednesday. I have my fingers crossed for you. x

minnie you’ve come this far, I say ‘go’. Discuss your concerns when you’re there and, ultimately, when you have the results, you can make your decisions either way. At least you’ll know you’ve ruled things in or out. If you do go, looking forward to hearing how it went.

bootles I do hope the line is good news.

freckle hand your notice in like I did last week. We can look forward to chilling with our little ones while the rest of the teaching world goes back for another year of constant change and stress !

Waves to everyone else.

Soooo, went to Leeds on Friday for the pm and test results and…. Nothing. No reason. Unexplained. Dd was perfect, nothing wrong with her physically or chromosomally. Nothing wrong with the placenta, nothing wrong with the cord, nothing has shown up in my Leeds blood tests. Nothing. No explanation. So my dd died for no currently known reason. Which is just shit beyond words. I should still be pregnant and going on mat leave next weekend. I think a tidal wave of anger is well overdue.

However, I did spend a long time talking things through with the consultant. Interestingly, she was going to suggest I went to Coventry. I think this is quite a shift in Leeds’ approach to recurrent miscarriage. She is open to their protocol if the NK cell results come back high and that’s what we want to do, and equally to what Liverpool have suggested. She also said that from her point of view, no reasons being found was good as it means there’s a good chance we will be successful.

And then she pointed out that we’d already had a successful pregnancy without any help whatsoever. And then she said that we had to remember that we were looking for the icing on the cake and mustn’t forget that we already had a perfect family. Which really didn't help. At all.

So I’m left totally in limbo. We could try again but the reason/s for all the miscarriages and the 2nd trimester loss has not been found. (Apart from a slightly high blood clotting result from Liverpool and yes, still awaiting Coventry results but don’t hold out much hope as this clearly isn’t my year for being given a break). And if it’s not been found, it could happen again, right? Even with all the medication. Can I really put myself and my little family through it all again when we’ve no idea why all this has happened? It’s just bollocks quite frankly. And dh is still totally against trying again. Anybody got any words of wisdom?

Sorry again for the long post. Love to you all this week, wherever you’re up to in your journey. xxx

freckle have you chased them about it? Could they make you part time without hiring another teacher to cover the hours? I'm guessing if they couldn't and they haven't recruited by now they're justifying on it until it's too late for you to leave in summer. Personally I'd be sending a email explaining that you need to know what their outcome is this week so you can make an informed decision about your future. I'm on your behalf. Similar shit happening at my friend's school right now.

Pop I'm sorry there was no useful news, and that woman had no place to make a stupid comment on your family and how you should be feeling about it, just ridiculous, however well intentioned it should not have been said and she should know better.

Thanks all who've commented about the cardigan, you've reassured me that I'm not being ridiculous. And I have a confession to make, I've actually kept the last two she sent me . I was wondering during the ivf if I was going to get a chance to use them. I think if it never happens for us I'm going to feel ridiculous, but if if does happen and my grandma is not still there knitting cardigans I'm going to be very glad I did.
I actually admitted this to a close friend of mine recently. She said I did right, my grandma's cardigans were amazing, and she still had the two my grandma knitted especially for her son, it was the kind of thing you'd never give away, and they were there waiting for me when I could use them .
I have no idea if my grandma even knows we've been ttc for over three years, although I'm very fond of her we're not close enough to have that sort of conversation. Other than meeting up for family occasions or if I go down and visit (she lives over 100 miles away) we communicate by letter, and it's not the kind of thing you write about in a letter, I usually just chat about the dog or the weather!

Oh pop, that is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry, it must be so hard to process. Big hugs and . The Dr doesn't sound helpful at all. Yes you have a family but her implying its your perfect family is just wrong when to you it isn't complete.

freckle you're so funny! We're off to sorrento, Italy. Looking forward to all the lovely food and ice cream mmmm, and maybe prosscco!

brummie could you do the test whilst FaceTime/Skype-ing dp?? That way hopefully you won't be alone alone although still won't be able to have cuddles (either celebratory or not) which is pants.

Thanks for all the best wishes everyone! xxx

Oh God pop - i feel completely inadequate and at such a loss, any 'wisdom' would just be glib platitudes. Just to feel a crumb of your pain is really too much to bear. I'm not a person of science, but i do have faith, and situations like yours test my faith to the hilt. I wish i could give you a hug. I pray with all my heart and soul that you find the answers, and that you get to complete your family Xxx

You do right to keep them barking, they should definitely only be given to the deserving and appreciative! x

Cloud whoop whoop, awesome news :)

March, if it helps at all, I got my bfp this time and I'd been for a long weekend away with a friend when I ov'd. It was right in the middle of the four days away too, I thought I was well and truly out that month, so much so I think we only dtd about 3 times.
Big wave to everyone

Oh Pop big hugs x

Barking, your nan sounds amazing. Unfortunately none of my grandparents were alive when my dd was born which was quite upsetting as she didn't get any of their knitting. I think you're doing the right thing making sure you have something to pass onto them x

Oh pop so sorry you didn't get any definitive answer on your dd. Just so sorry, frustrated and sad for you. Did you see Dr S? She didn't strike me as very empathetic and who is she to comment on your family. Interesting she was going to suggest Coventry- she was definitely against it for me, must have been because my last was a chromosome problem. She did say unlucky to us too though. Really you'd think they should have an idea what not to bloody say! Very jealous that you've quit teaching- God if only! Big hugs and hope your Cov resits show some solvable reason xx

barking I think it's lovely that you kept the cardigans. I almost bought the most gorgeous little dress in Zara the other day for my imaginary future daughter! I'm still thinking about going back in the hope it'll be lucky or something!

freckle I pm'd you about the part time but I really don't think they're allowed to keep you hanging on. Give em an ultimatum!

loopy dodgy cycles are the crappest- hope you're feeling implantation not af. Have you tried acupuncture? Soz if that's been mentioned a billion times or if you've tried it already x

Pop I'm so so sorry. That is shit beyond words. Not that it's anywhere near the same but when all my results came back with nothing and completely clear I felt similar, that I'd lost 3 babies for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And that was hard.

Loopy if you aren't having acupuncture and want to, I can recommend Mike Gorman in Solihull

Cheesy as it's a bit too early too test before I get back I'm going up be good and not go into Boots tomorrow and look at cheap tests

Good luck for your days 11 and 13 though!!!! xx

Pop, I also had testing done after 4th miscarriage last year, and there was nothing wrong. And it is upsetting to have no explanation, no 'treatment' - feels like no hope. I also found that finding out the sex made it harder too.
And I would also have been upset about the doctor's comments about the icing on the cake, I did have a similar comment but I instigated it and I think the doctor was trying to make me feel better. Don't let that consultant's comment influence your decision - it's your choice, no one else's.
Can't advise on whether you should try again, I change my mind regularly depending on what stage I'm at. But maybe take some time to work out how you feel first and then approach your DH if you do want to try again?

Well I seem to have completely cocked up this month. Found out consultant has left and I'll need a new referral to RMC?! Begged GP to follow Coventry protocol and prescribe more (400mg) Progesterone from CD21 instead (consultant had said from BFP), forgot to follow up after mortgage fell through, so only been able to take 1 of my few remaining 200mg bullets each day until I can follow up GP tomorrow. And had signs that AF was on the way before I even took any progesterone - a week early!!!

Oh pop I'm so sorry that you didn't get any answers. I can't understand why the Dr would say something so trite and stupid to you. I do hope you and your DH will feel able to fight on one day as I do believe you can make it. Whatever path you decide to take please know we will all be here for you 110%.

Barking so pleased you've kept a few of your gran's cardigans. You will have a baby in them one day, I'm sure of it.

It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure at the moment with work and family freckle. it's so frustrating how mc can trap you in unhappy work situations. It's hard enough without all that worry on top. XxxX

pop huge gentle hugs, hearing those results is so so hard. We had similar with our loss at 13 weeks, doctors were all so sure it was chromosomal then everything came back clear. Still hurts so much. Big hugs and . Give yourself time, and DH too. at doctors comments, appalling.

cloud so pleased about scan, actually gave whoop on train as I read it.

Congrats on bfps, sending 'get darker' vibes to all those lines.

Hand holding for those with scans and operations and appointments next week. bubbles take it gently, I felt pretty rough after op (my body doesn't like generals) so have plenty of TLC lined up. I took a book I knew and loved to keep me distracted and in my bubble beforehand.

Just back from night away with uni girl friends, lovely but they can be so insensitive. Feeling battered and bruised (all 3 have 2 kids, one each gender, all know about 3 losses this last year but still winghed about pregnancy! I pointed out that if I needed a surrogate they would have to draw lots as it would have to be one of them. They did apologise and most of the night was lovely but I just keep running that conversation round in my head. One suggested we just go away for a weekend and make a baby. Oh ok it's that simple is it? Silly me. MC is turning me into someone really horrid ).

Interesting to hear how many of us feel trapped in jobs while ttc. Another layer of stress and loss of control. Let's organise a mass break-out!!

Wish we could all do something productive for women generally about rmc. Wish i could go into the gyno clinics across the country and leave details of how to reach us. Thi.k i might write a weekly feature about it all and our experiences and get it published. Wish i could quit work and be a press officer for the miscarrige association...

Cheesy - take me with you! I'll be your pack horse! Xx

Freckle, huffpost take articles on rmc and stuff. I had a couple published from my blog (com) last year. You go though a set up/editing process with you and then you can publish, within their editorial criteria, which aren't too restrictive; just guidelines on word count, advertising and defamation etc. I'll dig out the contact and let you know.
Wishing you all a good week, wherever you're at. xx

pop I'm sorry you didn't get the answers you were hoping for. It must have been very hard to hear they couldn't find a reason for the loss of your daughter. I get so cross about the insensitive things doctors say at times when they must realise people are very vulnerable, don't they know these things stay with you?

Lost a long post last night and on bus to work so this is the brief version...

minnie hope today goes well and you find it helpful

freckle sorry to hear you feel so trapped and low. I am also the main breadwinner, hate leaving ds to go to work, have had major financial issues, a whole bunch of other major life stuff, plus rmc. I really struggle alot of the time. I wish you didn't have any of the things going on that you do, and I very much hope things start to improve soon. It is incredibly tough to have rmc on top of other problems. Your work make me mad - I dont know enough about teaching but hope they pull their finger out soon. Remember to keep some of your faith for you x

My current escape plan us to childmind. I have done the course and am busy trying to arrange the next steps. Ds starts school in sep and all I want is to take him and collect him most days. I'll need to top up with the odd shift in my other job.

pop Oh goodness. I'm so sorry you have no answers. It must be soul destroying. I know its not the same, but my 2nd loss was a tfmr at 13 weeks - problems were noted at the 12 wk scan so I know what she would have eventually died of, roughly, but the reason is unknown - chromosomes normal. That was bad enough. But to get to 20 weeks and now have no idea what happened, is bloody awful. My heart goes out to you. I am angry on your behalf about the doctor - totally unacceptable for her to reduce your desire for another child to 'the icing on the cake'. As far as your dh goes, all I can say is what I said to dp when he was having doubts about trying again. I presented it as - one day we will be on our death beds, and I need to know that we will have done everything that we can. As long as I can cope with it, and as long as I am fertile, lets keep trying.
The question is how long you can keep doing it for, I guess. And that's such an individual thing. xx

pop I am so sorry. There's nothing to add to what you and others have already said. To lose your perfect dd with no explanation at all is devastating and I am very angry the doctor said that to you. I think that while it's true that you can have a perfect family of any size, once you have started ttc there is always going to be a gap in your heart for the addition to your family, and that's even before you have suffered a loss, never mind what you have been through. I wish you every strength reaching a decision on where to go from here. Hugs.

Hugs also to all those struggling at work and with dps. I hate the limbo rmc puts us in. I think you have to make changes if you're unhappy and then if sod's law makes you pregnant next week it has at least done its job.

cloud that is BRILLIANT! What a relief.

bootles whispered congrats, keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes well.

pop I can't imagine how hard that must be, I found it hard having no reason with my early losses, let alone a later one. Many hugs to you.

freckle I'm totally with you on something like that, I would love my blog to move to somewhere more visible. Want people to know what it's like.

I am back in OPK hell. Bloody hate the buggers. Had three days of a line that was lighter than the control line, now CD16. The one yesterday afternoon was slightly darker so I'm hoping today's will be positive. Temp not risen yet either. Been dtd every day, just want to blimmin' ov so we can rest!

just thinking of you and Scott very often.

Hope people had nice weekends?
cloud great news on the scan
bootles congratulations, willing that line darker!
freckle, just, flen agree, good to have information and experiences better known, keep pushing those blogs...
pop I am so sorry there were no reasons. What an incredibly hard and sad thing to hear. Thinking of you xx
just glad little Scott is getting stronger, willing him on so you can all be home soon.
Hope Monday not too terrible for all those at work , how is it only 9:24?!

Cloud, so glad for positive news, have been wondering about you!

Pop, have read my comment back again and worrying it sounds flippant... Was trying to say was take some time for yourself, see how you feel in the next few weeks because you'll be in state of shock at the moment.
But having no reason feels like having no hope, bad enough early but heartbreaking later on. And although I can understand how it feels to know the sex of the baby, I can't possibly understand how it feels to get far enough along that miscarriage seems like a distant threat. So apologies if sounded off-hand.

Bootles, keeping my fingers crossed for more darker lines.

Not the best morning - DS started crying about bullying (again) on way to school this morning, and by the time we saw his teacher I was fighting to hold back the tears myself.
Got to docs hoping to pick up prescription so I could at least go up to 400mg Progesterone from CD24 -28 (currently rationing my last few 200mg) and she hasn't done it. So I assume she's chosen not to, she's had a bloody week... waiting for a phone call.
No longer have a RMC consultant.
And my car's gone wrong again. (First world problems!)
Might have to phone Coventry and see if they can email/post a prescription because now worrying if I get a BFP I'm going to be out of progesterone for a couple of days... Could that cause a pregnancy to fail?

Great news cloud!!