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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 20 - tests, treatment, trying again.

999 replies

barkingtreefrog · 21/03/2015 15:30

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

OP posts:
Justonemoretime · 05/04/2015 15:50

Monten, ignore. Lucky for them they live in such blissful ignorance. I am firmly pro-choice, because we never know what very terrible and difficult decisions we might need to make. Everyone wants their baby to be healthy, but wanting is not the same as reality and, sadly, this means that difficult but understandable choices need to be made. There but for the grace of God etc. Silly, ignorant, judgemental people. Ignore. x

Catlover2014 · 05/04/2015 15:56

Glad your home just fingers crossed all is fine now until the baby comes in June. Experience in hospital sounds funny!

monten all I can say is people are so glib about things they don't understand. I've been told by many an 'instant duffer' that they would "just adopt" if presented with infertility. So easy to say when you're not really there hey?!

X

longestlurkerever · 05/04/2015 16:07

Happy Easter everyone. Mine us chocolate free (boo to gestational diabetes) but otherwise good. Have a nice mug and wasabi peas from dh and dd.

just I am glad you're home.

monten I agree with the others and how silly to flounce just because you pointed out how ignorant her comments were. Taking out your grief my arse. Pointing out the ridiculous glibness in her statement was all. And I still don't know what I would do with a high risk of eg downs even if it wasn't going to result in antenatal death. I am a firm believer in not making any decisions before you need to and getting as much information as possible before you do.

Frecklefire · 05/04/2015 17:43

It's a very comfortable and luxurious position to be in, isn't it? "Oh look how holy and virtuous i am. Gaze upon me!" Silly ignorant women. They can't possibly know what they would choose when really really put to the test - and they should hope and pray life never does put them to the test. My mother (a devout catholic) had 3 miscarriges before me and after my brother (incompetent cervix after botched delivery) and during the next pregnancy she caught measles and was told the baby was terribly affected. Xx. She chose an abortion because she didn't think her marriage to my father could take the stress of it, and didn't think it was fair on my brother. It was the hardest choice she has ever made - and it was the right one. People really shouldn't talk about what they know nothing about

Frecklefire · 05/04/2015 17:45

Sorry, those kisses should be at the end - doh!

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/04/2015 18:37

Just as I understand it with teaching (I looked into it 3 years ago, ha ha ha) you still get your maternity allowance if moving schools if you stay within the authority, as the LA is your employer, not the school. Obviously if you're in an academy I'm sure they have different rules...
Glad you're home and mini just is still cooking!! Smile

Brummie Very glad you're going for the job. I was in a similar position this time last year. Everyone told me to stick with the teaching job as I'd be on maternity leave soon (I was about to start the first iui but wouldn't know if it was successful before I had to give notice) but given I then had a mc before I left I was glad of my decision to leave, even though I'm now on statutory maternity if I'm lucky enough to ever be claiming it.

monten ignore, ignore, ignore. No-one has a clue until they've been there themselves.

I am going utterly bat shit crazy. I did indeed leave the sticks at home, but all of today I've had the soundtrack in my head 'amIpregnantamIpregnantamIpregnant....' and part of me wishes I had brought the sticks with me. I don't feel pg. I feel as though AF is due. I am really struggling Sad. On the drive home now so we can be at the hospital at 7.30 tomorrow morning. It's going to take an iron will not to run to the toilet with a stick as soon as I get home... But then it won't be fmu.... Confused

OP posts:
Frecklefire · 05/04/2015 18:55

Ohh barking**! Really feeling it for you!!!! Mind you - pregnant does feel like af is perpetually due! Wink

Marchgirl · 05/04/2015 18:56

Massive hugs barking. You've been incredibly strong through all this. Not long to wait now until you can find out. Everything sounded really positive so I still have a good feeling about it. And lots of the early pg symptoms feel like pre af symptoms, so could still be pg. Keeping everything crossed for tomorrow x

Justonemoretime · 05/04/2015 18:58

Barking, what self control! Willing pg vibes to you.
You're right about schools within the same LA, but we're pretty much all academies here in Bucks, so lots of untested legal loopholes to fall down. Sad

longestlurkerever · 05/04/2015 19:18

Barking biggest of hugs. The suspense must be unbearable. Would it actually be better to poas just to have an inkling before tomorrow? If it's bad news there would still be hope that tomorrow would bring better news but less of a shock if it doesn't? Or have I misunderstood?

Minnie74 · 05/04/2015 19:35

monten what a horrible thread and woman. Totally agree with the others- ignore ignore ignore. Unless you have been in the same situation (any situation) then you don't have a right to express an opinion on it, especially a negative one.

barking not long now and you are impressing me massively by not poas! Iron willed indeed! Xx

Monten · 05/04/2015 19:42

Big big hugs barking you've been so strong throughout everything. I don't believe in preg symptoms, I've never felt any different until way after af due. Everything crossed for you.

Thanks for your support ladies. It wasn't even the smugness that upset me (although it did) it wa her reaction to what we said. And no one was mean in any way, people were being very reasonable I thought, just sharing their experiences. It was the way she reacted, telling everyone they were 'taking out their grief' on her. I'm just Shock. Some people display the most staggering lack of empathy. I've decided a lot of it comes from fear - she's chosen to have no testing and doesnt want her bubble burst hearing from the unlucky 1 in 7000. brummie I'm known for being quite opinionated in real life too Grin

Justonemoretime · 05/04/2015 19:55

Doesn't want her bubble burst?! So ask the internet... that'll work. Monten, she sounds like a right numpty.

Justonemoretime · 05/04/2015 20:45

Have to say, I do get that there is an argument there. If you really think (naively IMHO) that you wouldn't, couldn't ever terminate, then, fine. Forego the tests. It's your right. But if you bring that view into a public forum you should expect to have it challenged, you're putting your views up for debate. You can keep them, or change them, whatever, but you can't get upset because people are telling you things that challenge your view. You need to just agree to disagree and move on. I have debated this exact issue many times with my medical ethics students at GCSE and A level (not my personal circumstances, but a selection of case studies), and its good to have those kinds of discussions. But if you hold a cherished view that you don't want challenged or debated, don't post it in a public forum on the internet and don't be surprised that the whole world doesn't necessarily agree with you. Rant over - sorry. Monten, that person has annoyed me on your behalf.

Catlover2014 · 05/04/2015 20:49

Hugs barking the wait gets more unbearable as you get closer to test date. Must be so hard not to test but I always made myself wait. Will be keeping everything crossed that tomorrow brings you good news and good fortune. XxX

Brummiegirl15 · 05/04/2015 20:49

I found and read the thread Monten - you were all incredibly humble and restrained in your stories.

And yes there was definite flouncing. The op was vile and yes, she was very harsh with you and undeservedly so. You are right, she'd had her bubble burst, and was being defensive. Big hugs xx

Barking nerves of steel!! I'd have POAS on about 10 sticks by now.

So I'm spotting, AF is imminent (I think, I hope) so looks like I won't need agnus castus and my cycle has lengthened slightly to 26/27 days which can only be a good thing.

But I'm getting a bit excited, once AF is properly here, this will be my last cycle before we can try again - feel like I've been waiting forever. Next AF I will be off the starting blocks for TTC #4

waits for something else to pop up and set me back

bootles · 05/04/2015 21:06

monten my second loss was a tfmr. It (she as it turned out) was given a very poor prognosis, and it was WHEN rather than IF she would die. I feel very strongly about this because it was obviously pretty awful, and I am so sorry you have been upset by that tactless, defensive woman. Am loving the responses on here. The point is, even if it had been a different situation for me, with a good chance of life, it would have been my (our) decision to terminate, and no-one elses bloody business. just makes a very good point - totally out of order for op to put it out there and then over-react. Strong (ignorant) views like that need to be kept within the confines of a different sort of environment, and responding howshe did to your and others sensitively put opinions and experiences is just ARGGHH. Its so easy to say what you would do when the stats are all on your side that you won't have to be in that situation.

I hope you are ok xx

barking hand holding. A lot. You are so admirably brave x

bakingtins · 05/04/2015 21:24

barking we are all willing you on.

girliesaints · 05/04/2015 21:35

Barking lots of positive vibes sending your way. You are an amazing lady x

Lovemylittlebear · 05/04/2015 22:08

monten - that woman's a DICK! Take comfort in that :)

Good luck barking :)

Xx

bootles · 05/04/2015 22:09

just glad you are home, that's good news.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 05/04/2015 22:17

Thanks for all the support as usual ladies Thanks.
I have never, never in the last 3+ years been this terrified of testing. I tested plenty in the first year of ttc, then when I started temping and realised my Lp was 7 or 8 days I stopped, as AF always arrived before any chance of testing with a positive result. I tested early with both iui's despite intending to hold out. This time is different. With the ivf I've brought out the big guns and put myself through it even more than I had done already and if it hasn't worked I really don't know how I'm going to handle it Confused. It's not just a case of try again next month Sad.
I'm home and I haven't tested. I do however have a frer and a superdrug test and an Internet cheapie ready for fmu tomorrow.... Alarm is set for 6pm as if I'm going to sleep Confused

OP posts:
Monten · 05/04/2015 22:18

Exactly that just - if someone doesn't want testing that's absolutely their right and none of my business. But to start a thread about it and then attack people who came on to say they were glad they had had testing bcos it meant they avoided a later loss down the line, is just Confused. People are so mean sometimes.

Flowers bootles like you say it's about taking some control over a situation where you have none.

Thanks brummie she can indeed jog on and yes minnie she's a dick!!

Fingers crossed af arrives soon brummie. I have cramps, 7dpo. I would previously have got excited by that but I've had it the last three months at 7dpo and not been pregnant. Just another shitty way my body is now clearly screwed up.

Monten · 05/04/2015 22:20

I have everything crossed for you barking. I really hope you manage some sleep Flowers

Jady77 · 05/04/2015 22:22

Good luck Barking

Glad you're home now Just