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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 20 - tests, treatment, trying again.

999 replies

barkingtreefrog · 21/03/2015 15:30

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

OP posts:
Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 27/03/2015 22:40

jady just watched your link. Brilliant. Wish I could send it to everyone who has said 'at least you know you can get pregnant now' to me! Especially as I still hadn't managed to get pregnant without medical intervention, so it was little comfort anyway!

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 27/03/2015 23:04

Did anyone else find sex painful post MC? I had surgery 4 and a half weeks ago and felt frisky this evening. Got I to a position that is usually fine and it was painful so had to change. It worries me, I'm assuming it's cervix pain, I just hope to god im not broken down there now.

sebsmummy1 · 27/03/2015 23:05

God luck tomorrow barking. Everything crossed for you xxxxx

enlightenedbunny · 28/03/2015 00:17

brummie just read what your freind texted you and am Angry AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry! Agree with barking 100%. If anyone sent me such an unapologetic, insensitive and frankly obnoxious message they would be ditched pronto! (+/- direct text response to each f-ing point, depending on my mood!) Glad the other ladies are around to advise you though, as am probably not the most diplomatic/balanced person about these things.... fell out with brother when he called me a 'princess' and yelled at me for how everyone was being extra nice to me, and he was sick of it! Hmm This was only a few weeks after mc#3. Haven't spoken since. Anyway, jugs and Wine. Hope this next week brings you a little more peace. xxx

barking good luck for tomorrow Shamrock

tiny not long till teeny tiny now Smile

flower nice work is supportive but Hmm about your personal biz being shared like that!?

enlightenedbunny · 28/03/2015 00:33

ooops, i meant hugs and Wine...

or maybe a subconscious jugs of Wine!?

bythesea82 · 28/03/2015 00:38

barking good luck tomorrow Flowers

Flen · 28/03/2015 05:25

Good luck today barking, hope it all goes smoothly.

flower29 Yep, I also found it painful but it is at least a defined amount of time - she counts down from ten while it's happening. I had some sneaky gas and air too...

Marchgirl · 28/03/2015 06:33

Good luck for today barking. You must be so excited! Hoping you have lots of lovely blastocytes waiting for you x

Jady77 · 28/03/2015 06:33

RE insensitive comments, every time I see my DSIL she really gets passionate telling me story of someone she knows who just gave up trying and then it all happened naturally so they put it down to just relaxing. This gets backed up by my DB telling me im over thinking it all way too much.... Grrrr. But I do recognise I prob would gave been just as clueless beforehand.

Anyway this is quick post as we're actually on a weekend away so quickly posting while DP sleeps away, he sounds like darth vader this morning.

Brummie & Flen thanks for info from yesterday. Really interesting. Not looking forward to the ouchiness though! Will be worth it for that extra fertility next month.

Barking Hope the embryo snuggles on in today. Good luck!!

Sorry for not name checking more. Will catch up more next week hopefully.

Hope everyone has as good a weekend as possible.

Boozle80 · 28/03/2015 07:03

Massive good luck today Barking
Work are being utter shits - I got a letter yesterday saying I can't do my job as I'm a high risk pregnancy and they want me to start mat leave now - that would be mean going back to work when baby was ten weeks old! I've been off because there's been scarlet fever in school and the docs have said I can't be there until my tests come back clear. But that was my heads choice, not mine. The headteachers then gone on to argue that because of the time I had off after the second miscarriage it causes disruption to the kids and staff and she wants me to seek advise (I haven't had any time off sick since including after the third ERPC) and only had so much time off the second time because the hospital messed up during the op and left me really ill and haemorrhaging etc. this is a nightmare. I've called in the union who said its discrimination and I've replied to her letter by email telling her to do one. But really! Nice supportive boss there!

bakingtins · 28/03/2015 07:21

Good luck barking we are rooting for you!

So sorry so many of you are having problems with work at the moment. boozle I'm pretty sure they can't force you onto mat leave unless you are off sick at the end of your pregnancy, will look it up.

bakingtins · 28/03/2015 07:23

Mat leave automatically kicks in if you are off pregnancy related illness in the 4 weeks before your baby is due

Boozle80 · 28/03/2015 07:30

Thanks Baking no, she can't force me - plus this time doesn't count as sick leave but maternity suspension as I'm not sick and im off on her request. Reading between the lines the union think she's trying to force me into redundancy due to my sickness record from the 2nd miscarriage and I had a chunk of time off four years ago when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Other than that I haven't even had a day off though. Basically the schools skint and she's trying to save money and I'm the easiest way to do it at the moment. Mega underhand and completely unfair approach. She's never mentioned it to me before this is the first of it in a formal letter, calling the union in is frowned upon in the teaching world but if it's that or my job then I'm happy to do it! What time's your appointment lovely?

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 28/03/2015 07:37

boozle what is it with schools and how they treat their staff?! My head told me not to come back after mc2 as it was 'too disruptive for the children' (3 weeks from the end of term). What she really meant was that she didn't want me coming back in case I couldn't cope and went off again as the insurance wouldn't kick in for supply Shock . How far gone are you? Is there any medical advice to say you shouldn't be at work, or just your head trying to make things as easy as possible for herself?
You have to be at the end of your pregnancy before they can force you to take maternity, I think it's the last 4 weeks? I had a TA who was adamant she was not taking maternity until she went into labour, she didn't dare take a single day off in the last month in case the head forced her to start! She was in my classroom one day and gave birth that night! That was her fourth baby though and she'd popped them all out without incident so she was fairly relaxed about it).

jady what I want to yell at all these people is that the only way anyone has 'stopped trying' is if they're using contraception. So if they've actually stopped trying they CAN'T get pg. There's no way you can try for a baby for five years and then decide to 'stop trying' unless you actively prevent it. Otherwise there's still a glimmer of hope tucked away that thinks 'maybe' and you still have the disappointment of AF every month, even if you're expecting it. I don't believe for a second that any couple who TTC long term and then got pg had stopped trying, they might have just run out of money/the strength for ivf and then finally something happened.
Blush

Apologies for any xposting, got distracted half way through that...

march I think terrified and apprehensive probably covers it better! Just waiting for the call for the final embryo count and update. Hopefully they'll put me out of my misery before 9.....

OP posts:
girliesaints · 28/03/2015 07:37

Boozle-your head is really being pants and just what you don't need x

Good luck Barking. Sending good implantation vibes x

Justonemoretime · 28/03/2015 07:38

Boozle, Shock Shock Shock they can only 'make' you go on mat leave if the pg related illness ongoing during last 11 weeks of your pg, which means 11 weeks prior to the sunday of the week of your edd. For example, they might be able to do it to me if something like I've had happens after the easter hols. To my mind (I am a Union rep) it is a) too early in your pg - 26 weeks if I remember correctly? - for this rule to be applied, b) part of their duty of care to you as a responsible employer to send you hone until the scarlet fever issue is sorted out, it is a precaution they are obliged to take and not a pg related illness. But, the school's actions could cause you to have a work related stress illness, which they will have caused. Get your rep in for a meeting to tell your head what's what.

Justonemoretime · 28/03/2015 07:42

Also, previous illnesses, even mc related, don't count to the 11 week mat leave rule as far as I know. If she's trying to force you out, that's constructive dismissal. Can she say 'tribunal'? - although obviously not the kind of stress you need right now.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 28/03/2015 07:43

Knew I'd be out of date by the time I posted! boozle are you primary or secondary? If the union can get you a good deal (ie redundancy and maternity pay) would it be worth leaving anyway if she's like this? A colleague of mine did a similar thing. The school were restructuring and she was due to go on maternity so the head was limited in what she could do to her. She got a great deal with the help of the union and just applied for a job somewhere else at the end of her maternity.

OP posts:
Justonemoretime · 28/03/2015 07:48

x post - I see the 4 week rule, I didn't know that. Maybe the 11 week rule is local to my school's own policy? And as for being frowned upon for calling in the Union? Bollocks to that, its one of your human rights to have a Union advocate whether they like it or not. If I wasn't on pg related bed rest I'd come up there and give them what for (ah, the irony!).

Justonemoretime · 28/03/2015 07:50

Barking, everything crossed for you today. xx

Flen · 28/03/2015 07:55

boozle just to jump in and add my support, this very much seems like something that is to do with the head's agenda and not at all to do with what the rules say. I am so sorry that you have that on top of everything else. I totally agree with just, bollocks to Union being frowned on! Get the support you need.

Boozle80 · 28/03/2015 07:59

Yup, it was the doctors who signed me off until my bloods come back clear - the scarlet fever is sorted at school with no more cases but the consultant wants my test results back before I go back in. I'm 26 weeks (Woohoo!). The union were fab - they've recommended that if she's worried about the impact then she may want to suspend me on full pay up until the four weeks before my due date. I've emailed it through to her as an option she may want to consider if she's so concerned about the impact. I'm hoping she's going to leave and other than her it's a lovely place to work - she went for another job this week but didn't get it and ironically when I rang to speak to her, she's off sick! I'll definitely get the union rep in - being a staff of three teachers and two of us are part time we don't have one in school unfortunately. Can't believe she's brought up my previous m/c sickness leave, that's exactly what I need thrown in my face!

Boozle80 · 28/03/2015 08:01

Sorry Barking I'm primary :). I think half the problem stems from the size of our school - we've only got two classes. I totally think she's got an agenda, as my collegue said - if the head actually did some teaching instead of passing it on to the TA then maybe the disruption would be minimalised!

Brummiegirl15 · 28/03/2015 08:05

Barking everything crossed for today. Am thinking of you!!

Boozle that is absolutely beyond shit. So many of you work for schools and are treated so badly. I work for a big bad corporate and they've been amazing. Even I'm shocked at how good they've been.

Flen 10mm check you out!!!! I officially have lining envy. Rubbish 6mm for me

Sebs re the thin lining Prof B said the scratch will hopefully regenerate the lining so it improves. He was keen to do another but said due to my hystereoscopy that wouldn't be necessary.

It did hurt but only whilst I was there - so it didn't continue if that makes sense. I went out boozing last night and felt fine. But I really cramped - however the lady carrying it said every single woman is different

As for friend, even DP who normally thinks I'm a bit over sensitive - even he thought it was bang out of order and what was she thinking.

My feeling is, I've pulled her up on something and she got defensive. All I asked for was a polite request to please not send me pictures as it was painful for me. I never said the birth shouldn't be celebrated. I'm shocked.

Time to start stepping back. We are off to Cornwall tomorrow so it will be easy to not think about her and then I'm just going to stay away for a while

Boozle80 · 28/03/2015 08:06

My brother, who's quite up on this stuff, although not in the teaching world, thinks she's trying to force redundancy on grounds of too much sickness leave - which is really shit seeing as I spent six weeks with blood filling my shoes after the bodged ERPC, I could hardly be in front of a class with that going on! I'm so cross, and I never get cross! Sorry - I didn't know who else to talk too - DP is so supportive but is rubbish financially and doesn't seem to realise we will loose the house if I loose my wage!