Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 20 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[barkingtreefrog]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Glad you're ok just the worry really never stops hey? Be sure to get all that rest you can, no rushing around!

Thanks Jady and march was shocking to find out the extent to which a post code lottery exists. You can find lots out by visiting the Fertility Fairness website: www.fertilityfairness.co.uk

In some parts of the country women get zero ivf cycles on NHS but in other parts they get 3 including payment for all frozen embryos to be put back in. Where I live you get one with no provision for frozen and they won't fund any ivf if you've conceived in last 3 years even if (like me) it is medically supported and ends in mc or stillbirth. Crazy hey?! Thankfully my MP (Ian Austin) cares about these issues and is challenging my CCG on its policy.

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cat - good on you for raising awareness of this. That is truly shocking that it varies so much by location.

jady - re insensitive comments from parents. I think from the outside they probably think we are making things harder for ourselves, trying to find answers etc. At least that's what I hope my parents completely insensitive, unsympathetic, unempathetic attitude is due to I was really suprised my my parents attitude - I guess I thought as they were parents themselves, they would be able to imagine how it felt to be in that position. But evidently not!

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We are stuck in traffic and I am getting well stressy! Send traffic clearing vibes towards the M40 please everyone!

Vibes coming you way flen

Flen, traffic clearing vibes coming your way!

Sending vibes from here too Flen

Petition signed Cat. That is really shocking. How is recurrent MC not infertility. It should be classed as such. Will def write to MP too.

Thanks Sun. He usually filters out what he knows he shouldn't say out loud, but is having a bad day. Like someone said earlier, it's only really people on here that properly get it. Don't know if this link will work, but saw this the other day and thought it was brilliant. expandedconsciousness.com/2014/12/10/seeing-silver-lining-vs-understanding-problem-difference-sympathy-empathy/

brummie I agree with what everyone else has said about your 'friend'. My advice - ignore, ignore, ignore. Go nc if you feel you have to.

jady Urgh, what a stupid comment by your father. How is trying to find an answer 'making things more complicated'?!

Re family/friends - that reminds me of a comment my mum once made, I think it was after my 3rd mc. After hearing how I was tracking ovulation by temping, OPKs etc to ensure we catch the right time every month, she suggested that maybe if we stop all that and 'just relax', it might help... completely missing the point, since falling pg isn't actually the problem (well, it wasn't back then anyway), it's the staying pg!

It really goes to show that people just have no idea what it's like. No clue whatsoever.
Which I understand, having once been one of them. But it's sometimes really difficult to deal with.

flen - hoping you are safely ensonced in waiting room with a cup of tea??

Good video jady. Sadly that is a lot more sympathy than empathy going on around mc. Although I was probably guilty of this myself before i actually went through it. Also assumed mc was a one off and believed the line that next time or was likely to work out.

Here! Minutes to spare, PHEW!

Yay flen, glad you made it

My section is Tuesday... Eeek

Tiny, how exciting!!!
Flen, phew! Hope the appointment goes well.

brummie & flen hope appointments were useful. Flen, glad you made it with 3 whole minutes to spare!
tiny enjoy your last weekend before you meet teeny tiny. Very exciting!

Sorry for those who receive insensitive comments. I keep my sorrows to myself, even my mother only knows that in principle we have been trying and have had several mc. The whole tragedy she has no idea about, and she was not aware of my last pg at all.Or the one before. Less said, less chance of unseemly comments. Last summer she saw me week after mc and based on the fact I sported a belly (usually I am quite flat) asked when the little one is due. I patiently explained we have no hope of carrying to term and pls stop asking, there never will be. I hope she is off my back now!

Back from a few days away. Tried to keep a track was happening but proved impossible with dodgy wifi & no 3G signal!

In terms of insensitive comments, I was properly one of those people prior to having an MC that were sympathetic not empathetic and properly said the wrong thing. I think it's often not deliberate but more a case people don't know what to say but feel they should say something.

Brummie, picked up you've had a tough week. Hope your appointment today and your break, is the new start you talked about.

Tiny- yek can't believe you're booked in next week. Another shinning ambassador for us all x

Few days away was great but as we were at Butlins (I shuttered at the prospect but it was actually great for DD) there was lots of pregnant ladies and people with babies around the ages that the first two MC's were due, so a constant reminder. Last MC due date is next week but have to say now I'm signed up to the Response trial I feel ready to start ttc again and have a support system ready around me. I'm determined that it can only get better (she says until the next blip...)

Hey all. Thanks for kind comments.

Prof B was ace. He was very much "each embryo is different, each pg is different and essentially you do have to keep trying" he said every pregnancy is unique and the only way to be successful is to persevere but he did say it in a kind way that made sense. Rather than bad luck, try again.

My lining was only 6mm which was a bit of a concern and he said he would've been tempted to do the scratch again in 2 months. However he feels that the hystereoscopy would irritate lining anyway so to give it a go. He said sometimes you can do too much. He did feel my thin lining could be key but that the scratch will absolutely help that.

He also said I am ok to not try until cycle after next.

The scratch bloody hurt though. Had to have gas and air. I really felt it. Christ!!! Felt a bit wobbly afterwards and still a bit crampy. But I've not spotted at all.

Anyone going soon, leave enough time to find a space!!! Took us 15 mins but that's because before 4pm it's still visiting hours.

I'm so glad I went though - and I have my progesterone! And because I live close enough, when I'm pregnant they are happy to do my scan and prescribe me heparin if need be

flen hope you got on ok!

Oh tiny I'm so excited for you and envious of course

Brummie that sounds painful. Ouch. How many days past OV were you? Very interesting about lining, would progesterone help with that?? If not has he suggested what might help improve lining thickness?

I have started spotting today and feel really sad about it. God knows why really as I had no plans to TTC this cycle. It's weird as I am cd8 and normally OV around cd11/12 and has just started to get EWCM. should I just put it down to wonky hormones? Anyone else had similar first cycle post mc?

brummie glad you got on ok. It does hurt a bit doesn't it! It must be nice to know you can go back there when you're next pg.

Sorry about insensitive comments and phone calls, I think people just don't think. One of my friends keeps telling me stories about people who relaxed and got pg, I think I'm going to have to say something but I know she's only trying to help and doesn't just completely ignore the issue.

My boss forwarded me an email today from our exec group talking about getting me an assistant which I know about. However at the bottom of the email was the original email which was from my bosses boss to the CEO saying "as you know flower is actively trying for a family and without support may look for a less stressful job...." This email was sent to about 7 senior mgmt so it appears that knowledge of my mcs is common knowledge - not impressed! I know it's good they are looking for support but this needed regardless of my plans!

Hi all, driving back now, DP doing amazing work with 8.5 hours driving in one day. Coventry went smoothly, I had 10mm lining and apparently a decent sample. Weird to see a little wriggly worm looking bit of it on a pot! So we will be TTC again next cycle with progesterone and heparin and will wait for the phone consultation to see about the biopsy results.

Glad both appointments went well brummie and flen! Oh no, didn't think it would be that painful brummie, but then that's awesome providing gas and air!! how did you find it flen? I'm starting to get quite excited about going now!

sebs could it be spotting from ovulation? I've heard it's possible around then. Saying that tho, it is the wtf cycle...

floweroct it's great your employers are being supportive but not so great they all know your business.

I found it v painful, too, Brummie. Lots of counting down from 10. Glad both you and Flen had good appointments.
Flower, how frustrating. Hope you get your assistant, though.
Sebs, could it be wtf-ness? hope it settles.

I am sure it's wtfness just no idea why it has upset me so much. Felt really tearful earlier

Glad you both got on ok brummie and flen

flower29 I'll probably test on bank holiday Monday, that'll be 9dp5dt (9 days past 5 day transfer, so essentially 14dpo). We'll find out tomorrow when we go in for the official blood test.

Good luck tiny, so close!!

cloud work situation sounds like a rock and a hard place - what a stupid thing to say?! You look stressed. Can you please stop looking stressed. Oh. ok! Sorry about the cancelled appointment, how frustrating .

Brummie you are not being unreasonable, she is an arse. It's not even her fucking baby!!! Why does she feel the need to shove someone else's baby down your throat?! I feel so on your behalf! She has a massive problem. This baby is nothing to do with her and nothing to do with you, she's being provocative. Ditch her. You don't need that in your life!
I'm glad the appointment was a more positive experience! .

longest glad the appointment went ok.

Jady sorry your dad's comment was less than supportive. I've got used to expecting my mum to say 'the wrong thing' now, and she's not even called to ask how I am through the ivf, just sent an unhelpful text reply when I've updated her.

cat it's not something I thought of in respect to the upcoming election - if we get anyone on the doorstep canvassing I will definitely be asking them their policy on this. I might email my current mp and ask about their stance.

cloud Dh told his parents we'd be going for adoption if this ivf failed. His step mum said, 'oh but you know what will happen as soon as stop trying, happens to everyone.' It made me so !! So if all I have to do is relax, why didn't I get pg in that first year of ttc when I had no illusions about get pg immediately and was very relaxed about it?!

Flen Ooo, get you and your 10mm lining!

floweroct I agree, if you've not got enough support any family plans you may or may not have are completely irrelevant! Someone has dropped a bollock there leaving that on the email they sent to you (apologies for my language).

Think I'm just about caught up now! It's been 4 days since egg collection and I'm still in pain - feeling quite that the hospital did not warn me there was a possibility of being in this much discomfort for this long. If I'd have known I would have booked time off work instead of having to call in sick from my curled up in a ball position on the bathroom floor!!! Work have been good though. I dragged myself in yesterday and the boss took one look at me and told me I shouldn't be there and asked a colleague to take me home. I pointed out that going home wouldn't make the pain stop so I might as well get stuff done, so he said it was up to me but I shouldn't feel like I needed to be there .

So, I'm assuming no news is good news today, and there will be a strong little embryo waiting to snuggle up inside me tomorrow.

Brummie I would protect yourself a bit at the moment and just stay clear for a while, people have no idea!!

Yay tiny how exciting

Glad your home just and resting

Difficult to keep up so sorry for not name checking but hope everyone is doing ok