Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 19 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

sebs it certainly could be AF.... Thanks for your words too. Don't worry if you seem weird around newborns, it just doesn't matter what people think.

Thanks too just and seeking.

Yes brummie I thought there was a 6 month rule.I was considering ringing an adoption agency last week, but I knew I wouldn't get past a couple of words before breaking down and figured they would tell me to sort myself out and then approach them. I didn't know about the age 45 thing - useful. Gosh that's a lot of pressure for your next pg then.If possible, I guess take it stage by stage at the moment.

Cross post brummie. That's great you have a plan in terms of adoption if things go that way. I really really hope your next pg works out. I was thinking if I could make something good happen out of all this hideousness (ie adoption) it would be a really great thing.

Also thanks cloud for info, I'll think about counselling. I kind of know I need it but can't bear to open the flood gates right now.

Sorry to run in without reading, just updating and I'll be back later - scan this morning showed 3 viable follicles. One is already 20 and ready to go but the others are 15 and 17. Egg collection not until Monday to give them more growing time but by then the big one might be too mature . Got to go back to the hospital later to pick up more drugs. Feeling quite as it looks like best case scenario is only 2 eggs, and they might not even fertilise....

Don't you temp flen? Can't you see when you have ov'd from that? I cannot get along with opks. Never get a positive on them.

Aaargh I need a horrible bitchy rant and you're the only ones who will understand. Boss at work. Younger than me. Smuggy mcsmug-smug. The sort who has always got what he wanted. Has a two year old, wife got pregnant as soon as they started trying. She's currently six months pregnant again - conceived with ease again. He's preparing to go on paternity leave and is also taking a sabbatical from work. Once baby is born the whole family is going travelling to California and Ecuador for three months. His wife basically doesn't have to work because he's so loaded. All I keep hearing about is his plans and his amazing fucking life and it just makes me so

Why do some prole get everything they want??! I know this is such a horrible side of me but I am just . And I have my appraisal with him later. And did I mention he was younger than me??

Oh barking sorry x posted. Am sorry about the follicles. I know it must be so hard not to worry but they know what they're doing. What happens if the eggs don't fertilise?

Sorry it's not quite as good as you'd hoped barking, but 2 is still ok, and maybe you could still get that bigger one too. Didn't you also say there were 4 other smaller ones as well as the three bigger ones? (I might have remembered that wrong) Have they got a look in if you wait longer? Hopefully there is a good chance of fertilisation if you've been pregnant before through the iui. Hand holding x

monten, it is so annoying that some people seem to have all the luck and others don't. I like to think that everyone gets their fair share of luck over their lifetime, so maybe you will have a happy healthy old age with your children when they make an appearance and he will be fat, divorced and unhappy, and his children will hate him for being such a smug bastard

Ps good idea on the temping for confirmation flen, although i realise this then might mean Monday before you can confirm the appt, which is annoying

brummie I had absolutely no idea there was a waiting list for eggs, shoes how much I know!!! I assume there isn't a way around this? I hear about people having IVF in Europe with great results as they seem to be more advanced with their techniques. Have you looked to see if the donor egg situation is the same? I think adoption is an amazing thing to do by the way. I was reading an interview with Lisa Faulkner a few weeks ago and she turned a hear breaking situation into something do positive by adopting her daughter. Now I actually understand infertility it really bought tears to my eyes.

I had my EPAU call returned a few minutes ago. Missed it unfortunately, but the answer phone message was so lovely. It was the senior woman and she said she thinks they are waiting on the tissue results before making my appnt. but she is going to dig out my notes and talk to the consultant and then get back to me my end of tomorrow. Sounds like she actually cared which was amazing, really glad I made the phone call as it's calmed my concerns.

Hi all,

I am very sorry for those of you having such a hard time at the moment for lots of reasons, this is one tough journey and I think it’s amazing we’re all surviving at all! Sorry not to have been posting more often, I have been having a total panic week and finding it hard to be rational.
Just had next scan and everything was fine so 11 weeks today. I am sure this is the kind of time it would be acceptable to be a little hopeful but I am not sure I am quite ready for that yet.

counting I was thinking of you whilst waiting for my scan, I really hope time is still passing for you, when is yours? I think next week?

flen think you’ve done the right thing to contact Kerry, I am sure she can advise and sounds like it’s either today or maybe tomorrow for ov?

barking sorry you’re right in the thick of timing and unknowns, fingers crossed that the large follicle hangs on and the others get bigger for Monday.

monton justified rant! There are just those people who make you feel like a terrible person for the thoughts they inspire in you – I can think of a few like that! Oh and meant to say before, def agree with a month off before the wedding if you can. You deserve to give the wedding and honeymoon everything mentally and not be thinking/worrying about anything else.

brummie glad Coventry booked, hope it is really helpful and gives you answers and hope that things will be different next time.

sebs glad you heard from EPU

freckle I am sorry work is so hard and you are stuck for taking time off, I hope you can find a solution which helps support you one way or the other.

Sorry to those I have missed, I will try and keep up a bit better but know I am reading and thinking of you all even if my posts are sporadic

Ha! Yes march you're right, in fact I often console myself that he is a prat who no one likes very much and she might have it all on paper but at the end of the day she's married to him and he's a bit of a dick

brummie and bootles one of my thoughts on adoption is that the child (depending on their age obviously) would never know they were adopted if they were never told. Which sort of highlights the fact that biology means nothing to the child, all they need is to be brought up being loved.

barking sorry your scan wasn't as positive as you'd hoped. There is still lots of hope though, as I'm sure you'll have heard (and may be sick of hearing) you only need 1 embryo. As I mentioned on a pm yesterday, my friend had 2 collected and she has now had her 'bubble' put back in. Will be thinking of you and wishing you lots of luck.

monten it makes me feel sick when people blatantly brag how wonderful their life is! He sounds like an arsehole! One if my bf posted a nye one saying how 1. Her hubby's new business was doing great (I secretly think he's a fraudster who talks bulkshit!) 2. Her eldest son is star pupil 3. Her dd settled into starting school great 4. Welcoming their 'beatuiful' ds into the world (who is actually a weird looking baby-there I said it!) 5. Just generally how Lucky and wonderful life is! Bleugghhh! Oh and I forgot to mention she 'wants a baby and pops one out 9 mths later'! Ggrrrr!

Good look to your boss travelling with a newborn and a 2 year old!! Ha!! It will be hell!! Or let's hope it is, he he he!!

When people feel the need to brag I tend to think they have underlying issues. You never know she might be screwing his best friend ha ha! God don't I sound bitter and twisted!!

Crossed posts!
Lovely news about your scan bythesea, I hope you can relax a little though I know not fully yet by a long way.
sebs good news about your answerphone message too!

bythesea - great news in the scan! So pleased for you.

barking - sounds like you have two, maybe three eggs that should be good to go, so keeping everything crossed for you that they fertilise beautifully. Is there a possibility of any more reaching maturity before collection??

brummie, sebs re donor eggs, I have a friend doing this at the moment. Because of the wait in the UK, her clinic send their patients to Spain where there is a more plentiful supply. Apparently the reason for the shortage in the UK is because their is no right to anonymity for egg donors in the UK, whereas there is is spain so more women are willing to donate there. Sounds quite straightforward (well not much less straightforward than being in UK) - husband 'produces' in pot in UK clinic and sperm is courierd to Spain and egg is fertilised. Then friend flies over for a few days for egg to be put in (not sure of technical term!). All monitoring then done by UK clinic.

monten - your boss sounds like a right dick. I'm also suspicious of anyone who feels it necessary to brag about how great their life is. Always think they must be completely insecure with underlying issues!!!

X

Great scan news bythesea! Hope it won't be top long before you can Start to relax. Completely understandable though

bythesea delighted to hear your good news

barking sorry your follicle scan news is a bit mixed, I hope they get at least three on Monday.

We did look into adoption (hung around on the adoption board here and had a chat with a social worker about it) they were quite negative about adopting if you had birth children, 6 month rule (before they'll even start the process of assessing you, and if you have fertility or miscarriage issues they would stipulate counselling) and in my area 40 year maximum age gap put us off. I have gay friends who have adopted two boys and it's worked out well, but by no means an easy option. Most children available for adoption here are not only old enough to know you are not their bio parent but have substantial attachment issues and often other additional needs, and post adoption support seems to be crap. Massively admire those who overcome the hurdles and do it anyway.

March/sun the small ones from Tuesday hadn't made much progress, so not really hopeful of anything there. Fingers crossed the big one isn't too far gone by Monday.
monten if they don't fertilise it's game over at that point, I will never give birth . Obviously even if they do there's no guarantee they'll be good enough quality to go back in. Gone from feeling relatively positive to very despondent. I know it only takes one, but when the consultant said they were aiming for 7 but 8-10 would be great and I'm looking at a best case scenario of 2, perhaps 3 but one not so good, it doesn't fill me with hopes. The odds are already down . And the chances of having anything to freeze as a back up to try again look like slim to none.

Added to that I've got another 3 days of injections, including the really horrible one with the fat needle!

barking - so sorry you are feeling so worried on the egg front. Big hugs. I'm keeping everything crossed that there's a good one in there for you. x

Meant to add - I also have a friend who had two eggs retrieved. Both fertilised and were popped back in and one took and is now a 6 month bump, so it can still happen for you. X

Pretty much how I see adoption as well baking, but in a couple of weeks that may be our only option. There's this stupid myth that there are loads of babies out there, there aren't. I know couples who have waited two years after being approved and still don't have a match.

Hi all, just popping in to say hi, quite busy since quitting work getting DPs house ready to move into.

Flen those OPKs come in different sensitivities too I believe. Someone posted this link before www.homehealth-uk.com/medical/ovulation-pregnancy-tests-sensitivity.htm. I'm trying the 20s this month as not had much joy previously. Only day 9 at mo though and think I ov'd day 15 last time.

Waves to everyone else.

bythesea it's fantastic to hear your news. Really lovely. (And thank you for thinking of me, my scan is not til Tuesday, I'm hanging in there).
barking I'm rooting for your 2-3 eggs. Go eggs.
Thanks monten for the huge hug.

bootles I've just read your post a couple of pages back. I'm sorry it's so awful. I find I'm increasingly starting to consider life after these losses. The toll the last two have taken is enormous. And wierdly, I'm finding I'm getting excited about ways our little family will be happier when this part ends. I'm looking forward to not being miserable. The ways life will be fabulous, and I will be fabulous. (Nothing wrecks your fabulous like recurrent MC).

Regarding adoption my local authority lay it on pretty thick about the likelihood of adopting older children with various challenges, like baking said. I read this and then became upset and angry because 2 years and 5 miscarriages ago I might have bad the strength to embrace it. I certainly don't now. I guess that's why they insist on 6 month wait.

sebs really pleased you had a caring voice, makes a difference doesn't it?

freckle sorry work is the pits. Do you have any access to a counselling service through work? My sister did some really helpful exercises with me when work was dire, she asked me what might happen in the next day or two at work that could knock me off my groove. Then she just asked, right, well what strategies will you use to get through that? It was surprisingly effective at 'arming' me. all the best.

barking hugs. It's not over til it's over. And if you do get your embryo you have your lush lining that will no doubt give you an advantage. Hope your last lot of inj are as painless as they possibly can be. X

Sorry I didn't mean to make adoption sound like a walk in the park or an easy option. Sorry if I've offended anyone. Obviously there's more to it than that. And it's clearly very different if you're adopting an older child as opposed to a baby.

Bythesea great news on 11 weeks

Bootles my lovely, your post is truly heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes. You have already been through such a lot and at each stage have picked yourself up and looked ahead to the next stage. It's truly admirable and I think if you decide adoption is for you, you are someone who could really make it work in spite of, or even because of, the challenges. There was a thread in active convos a few weeks ago from someone who had just been approved for a match and it was full of adoption success stories that were all the more heart-warming for not being fairy-tale happy but happy in the complicated way families often are. I think most people going through adoption will have had fertility issues so the counselling is probably pretty standard. The impact on birth children is something to consider with care and talk to social workers etc about but, as I said, I think you're someone who would not be walking in blindly with false expectations but with the fortitude and good sense to make it work, if you decided you wanted it to.

Freckle too - I really, really feel for you and would also urge you to speak to your gp. They must be able to offer something to help.

Barking - We are all rooting for you so hard. I know you're disappointed with the number of eggs but try to hold on to some of the positivity you felt the other day. You are doing absolutely everything you can. I know exactly how much of a rollercoaster this journey can be though - even now I find I lurch from positivity to major panic from one day to the next.

Huge hugs to all that need them. x

I think if nothing else, going through all the RMC crap makes you stronger than you ever thought possible, trained by repeatedly being kicked to the floor and forcing yourself to get back up and dust yourself off. We all have days where it all feels too much, but we are amazingly resilient. It's stood me in good stead to deal with F's diagnosis. My DH, who was never really affected by the MC in the same way, is stuck in the "it's not fair" (which it's not) and "why me" whereas I am so over that and have adjusted my world view to take into account that the shittest stuff often happens to the nicest people. Honestly, after coping with this stuff, ladies, you will be invincible