Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 19 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

monten time works differently in our world. The past is full of pain and regret. The future is impossible to plan, when 'expecting' everything is too tentative but there's the little stupid bit of hope which won't go away that I will be on mat leave with a babe in arms. If not pregnant experience tells me making plans is futile as they'll all be screwed when I miscarry again and DH has to take DS on a camping trip without me again or a wedding or whatever. The present is marred, as the days come around they take me places that are too full of tears and pain and the wretched anniversaries of lost hope knock me down like relentless waves in this tide of blood and tears.

Sorry, monten, I got totally carried away there. I've just realised I took your 'no way to live' comment and ran with it. What I meant to say was: 'the month off sounds like a great idea and should put you in a lovely frame of mind to enjoy your wedding. Sorry, really hope my rant didn't offend.

Counting and Monten I know exactly how you feel. Everything I do is planned about what might happen if I get pregnant, if I miscarry. I hate it....

I've definitely got a hysteroscopy but I've seen somewhere gas is sometimes used to inflate uterus as you can get referred shoulder pain afterwards.

Had good counselling session tonight though - we talked about my pain, resentment and bitterness. Was good to talk about it

Big hugs to everyone xx

sebs I just said that I had been advised by the sonographer to double check the referral went in, they checked my records and could see it hadn't...etc Its hard to be pushy because I think its just me struggling with the uncertainty and that I'm making a fuss but am coming round to the idea that I need to be assertive to get what I want and the epu were great about it. Even if they can advise on where you are in the process, that could alleviate a little anxiety?

andcounting I think you summed up the experience of m/c eloquently and if I was in a position to have to explain it again to friends I would borrow those words to put others who haven't been there in the picture of how it really is.

counting you have hit the nail on the head there. Perfectly accurate description of my current existence. I need to should be planning/arranging some spring/summer trips away with dh and Ds but although I look at our calendar and places to stay I just can't bring my self to do it. The memories of last years disasters are too painful. Hope you are managing ok.

Oh gosh counting you didn't offend at all. I just want to give you a massive hug. What you said is exactly how I feel. It colours everything - the past, the future and certainly the present. Plans are impossible. Dp wants to go on a long haul holiday and I've refused because 'I might be pregnant and feeling sick or habing a miscarriage'. For the third year running.

stupid bit of hope is so well put. It's there in everything. Before I got my cvs results, before scan confirmed MC, every month when af comes "ooh, maybe it's just spotting and I actually am pregnant, I'll just do a test anyway." BFN. "Ooh, maybe it's too early and it's actually implantation bleeding". Aargh! I wish I could turn it off sometimes.

A YELLOW dress!!!!!! That sounds amazing Monten! A full on burst of springtime. Just what is needed. I am jealous and think we all should be invited , but then again, we'll be with you in spirit and mn on the day!

I still daily feel like someone hit me in the face with a frying pan And it's been a month now, and if i'm honest, i think i'm getting worse this week rather than better, partly because of workmates 'announcement'. I still can't cry or really talk about it with any real lucidity. "Three times in eight months" just repeats over and over again in my brain. I'm like the walking dead at work, and i can't be off - i just can't. Has anyone on here ever gone on anti depressants due to rmc? And would it affect fertility? And what would you say to the gp?! I just need something to prop me up until y11 leave in june, and then i can legitimately have a breakdown, and it wouldn't be so bad. E x

freckle

counting just perfectly put.

monten same here. Over three years of not booking things in case.... Oh but I might be pg, then... I could be having another mc if I am, I can't fly long haul if pg due to the thrombophilia, we might be in the middle of an ivf cycle.... Controls your whole life, but there's no way round it.

Oh freckle, big hugs. I would go and speak to the gp. Just tell them the truth. There's no shame in it and if you think that would help then you should look into it. I know it's easier said than done, but it really sounds like you need some more time off work (now, not in 3 months), and maybe some counselling, if that's something you'd consider. Go and see the gp and see what they suggest xx

Hugs from me to freckle. I would def go and speak to your GP, but they might want you to try time off/counselling first. Are you absolutely sure you can't take any time off? I don't think work can ever be more important than your health. I know its a really personal thing tho.
It does come in waves though. I really hope you're feeling better soon.

Fx for your 2ww march

Thanks Maverick. I will try and get through to someone tomorrow. They always end up leaving it to the answer phone but I will ring a thousand times and hope I can speak to someone.

Turn up for the books is I have sticky opaque cervical mucus. The type that you might get as you gear up for EWCM. I wonder if I might actually ovulate before AF this time. I'm quite excited lol

Hi Ladies,
Haven't been on for a few weeks. Have read back a little bit ....Sorry to see you've had another mc sebs . (EnglishGirlsReturned here - name change in the hope it may bring me more luck...). Keep pushing for your rmc appointment. Get on the phone and kick up a storm. Think I got referral letter within a week or two of seeing GP, which gave me details of an online booking system where I could chose which hospital within my pct. I then had to wait 6 weeks for the appointment, could have been longer if i'd gone with my first choice hospital but i wasn't prepared to wait 3 months!!

I've just had my follow up appointment with NHS consultant. Blood tests revealed PT gene variant so am now on low dose aspirin and will go on Fragmin when I do get pregnant. Also threw an absolute hissy fit when the consultant tried to tell me we couldn't have chromosone carotype testing until next mc.... Don't see why I should have to suffer number 4 before i get that test. Result - blood test done for me and DH that day (grin). ME 1 - NHS 0!!

Am seeing Dr S next month so hopefully by end pf April I'll have had all the tests out there and know exactly where I stand.

Also a massive lover of acupuncture. I got pregnant the first month i was seeing her... didn't work out but she's definitely helped regulate my periods.

freckle - big hugs hun. I think definitely discuss with your gp to see what they suggest as a first step.

Re putting life on hold - I couldn't agree more. I have spent the last year not planning holidays, long haul flights, weekends away etc in case am pg. So this month we decided to sod it and treat ourselves and have booked a last minute long haul holiday leaving just before easter. So now of course on day 23, am in a complete panic just in case am pg (despite not having any symptoms which would usually get by now)! Can't win either way.

english how weird I actually thought about you just today! Don't know why, isn't it a bit woo when that happens.

Good to hear from you, I'm glad you got your appt and have the beginnings of a plan. It really helps with the positivity. for you.

Sorry, just realised how creepy that sounds! I don't think about you lots I promise . It's just I remember you well we were two in a row buddies at the same time on a thread last summer.

OMG English I was thinking of you too very recently, really glad you've had so much investigative work done and it sounds like a plan is in place for your next pregnancy. Brilliant.

Sorry you're feeling at the end of your tether, Freckle, I know the feeling as it is compounded by wanting to see your exam classes through. We put too much pressure on ourselves.

Re putting life on hold, we had 3 years of not booking, booking and cancelling things. Its horrible and makes you feel even more trapped in the situation. Having said that, the law of sod can work... we've just cancelled a trip to Tenerife as our early c-section and placenta praevia just made me feel really nervous about it so we've forfeited our deposit. I say book what you like and enjoy it if you can, and cancel it if you need to.

I have been ridiculously busy, up into the small hours daily with a course, but have had a quick read through.

pop I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to your DD, it sounds like a beautiful service. There are no sufficient words. xx

barking go go follicles...

longest glad to hear all is well and you got a decent MW to discuss things with

monten I have got pregnant anywhere between 1-8 months of TTC, so maybe there is a lot of random chance in there. Hope it happens for you soon.

This week alone I have had a letter from a mW clinic, 2 missed calls from my local hospital, AND a note through my door from the community mw, all trying to contact me as I haven't been attending my appointments. Hadn't got round to calling them to advise them that I haven't attended because I'm bloody pg anymore, and they called again this morning. I always start this kind of rant with "I know its the system its not you but..." before I begin. I pointed out that this was my 5th mc and really the last thing I needed to be pursued like this etc etc.

I haven't been doing too well. I find I have days where I am constantly controlling tears. I tried something out the other day in a conversation, I said "...but it doesn't look like I can have any more children". The ground sort of shifted and there was a lot of white noise in my ears, but I said it. (It was appropriate to the conversation not just random - that would be weird)

Scan pictures are constantly flicking through my mind; friends seem to have forgotton about it all; family useless; DP is being a git, quite frankly; finances are bad; I'm convinced I have an immune issue other than the high nk cells that can't be fixed without throwing money tbat isn't there; I've had 5 losses and I'm 41; I'm too old for the response trial; I am thinking about adoption a lot. A lot. But there are the bad finances.. I hate my job.

I really don't want to offend people who are still waiting for their first child, I worry about tbat a lot on here. My DS is everything to me and I know I am lucky. I absolutely recognise that there are many people on here just praying for one, who would veiw my situation positively. Its all relative, I know.

But I feel this is the only safe place to express myself, and I feel I am near the end of something, but I still can't stop ttc. I am devestated in a new way, because I really have lost hope. And I can't physically or emotionally bear it.

*NOT bloody pg anymore - 1st paragraph of rant

I shouldn't have posted all tbat in the same place as a line to you pop - kind of makes me sound somewhat self-obsessed, given what you have just been through.

Darn late night exhausted emotional posting.

You don't sound selfish at all bootles, those sound like the perfectly reasonable words of someone who has been through a hell of a lot, more than some people could bear. Just because you have a child doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel that need to complete your family. This is totally devastating at any stage in our childbearing lives. And yours is just a different kind of devastating to someone who hasn't yet got children.

I'm sure you must think all the time that you wish the results had come back from the last foetus, as that information may have helped you have the strength to try again. I know it would be horribly cruel to have had a chromosomal abnormality on top of the high nk but there is a reasonable chance that's what it could have been.
Maybe when you see prof Brosens again next week he will be able to give you some advice on that.
Obviously nobody but you can make the decision to stop trying or to try again, but we are all here to support you whatever you decide. Huge hugs to you

freckle I think it's worth seeing your GP to see what they say. I absolutely hear you about not wanting to take time off, but you do sound like you need it. I had 2 in 7 months and feel hammered by it so I can't imagine the toll it's taking on you. In my acupuncture the other day I remarked on how it's taking much longer to recover from the last one than it did from the second and he said "it's cumulative", and I think that's useful to keep in mind. Your body needs to recover from three depleting and then traumatic and depleting experiences. Hugs to you.

And hugs to you too bootles. We are all in different places with this, but it doesn't make any of them better or worse, they are all painful. I'm sorry to hear things are so hard at the moment.

Bootles & Freckle- I echo the words of the others. Big hugs, sympathy & hand holding coming your way x

Bootles massive hugs and love to you. I'm waiting for my first but doesn't matter at all that you aren't. Losses are losses and you want to complete your family. So you are not offending. I had a bit of a reality check too when I realised I was too old for response trial too. It's shit.

Freckle I'm in the 3 mc's in 9 months gang and I still can't believe I'm functioning at work in front of my pregnant colleague so I feel your raw grief every single day.

As for holidays and travel. I'm supposed to fly a fair bit over next couple of months for work plus we are booking a long haul holiday for September to US. Fuck it is my view, I can't live my life "just in case". I have to hope for the best