Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 19 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

I saw prof B as well, but then spoke to prof Q on the phone. Both excellent...

Tanny did you email the birth announcement?
I might when newbs is born...

I feel like I'm missing out on the Coventry party!! please, please please don't let me regret not going before the ivf

After my horrible cetrotide injection experience yesterday (still got a big green and purple bruise) I was quite tense doing it this morning, can't wait until those ones are over! Scan tomorrow morning to see whether it's working. I feel totally exhausted and quite nauseous so something must be happening...

Keep on feeling pukey Barking!!

Hopefully that's a good sign.

Did another opk tonight, still empty circle.

Having to face pregnant IVF friend (that never said thank you for baby shower gift) on Sunday at a friends do and I really want to cancel. I'm so wrapped up in pain, jealousy and bitterness and I hate myself for it.

I told mutual friend (who had a go at me for not cherishing these moments on our friends lives) and she got a bit "ooh I'm sure she didn't mean to" and has now gone quiet. I'm sure I'll be accused now of putting her in a bad position.

I probably have but I'm trying to show her that whilst I'm being made to feel bad for not "cherishing" no fucker seems to give a damn how I feel - after 3 in a row!!! But I still have to cherish.

Like I said, I'm all about the pain, resentment and bitterness...

I'm in that club brummie, it's just avoid, avoid, avoid here, and I now bluntly cut people off if they even start talking about a pg friend or recent birth. Too bitter and . Just yesterday I met up with a friend I haven't seen for a while. Conversation went something like this:
Has had her baby yet? Last time I saw her she looked ready to burst!
Yes she has. I haven't seen it as it was born the same time my second baby would have been so I'm pretending it didn't happen.

That pretty much closed that line of conversation!!!
My counsellor at the clinic told me I should stop beating myself up about feeling bad over wanting to avoid friends with bumps and babies, and I was perfectly entitled to put my needs first. If seeing them upset me why did I need to put myself through that?

I get told that too Barking and my rational head knows it's true.

But I feel like I can't hide away forever and I have to get it over and done with and is it worse in my head?

I keep being invited to things and I'm grateful to still be included, i know I'd be devastated if I wasn't being included...

brummie hold on in there, lady. I’ve really got my fingers crossed you can get to Coventry next week. Re your friend’s do on Sunday: don’t do it if you don’t want to. Why the feck should you have to ‘cherish’ anybody else’s ability to procreate?

longest really pleased all went well today. Did they say how long the results would take?

cloud I think you do what you think is best in the circumstances and at the time. I agree that it’s so hard to know what to do. I have my fingers crossed for your 2ww.

monten congrats!

floweroct really glad it went well today.

biscuits that’s exactly the kind of thing I would worry about!

And to everybody else – a massive thank you for the support. I felt like you were all there with me this morning. This is an amazing place.

It was an incredibly sad occasion but exactly right for us. Just me, my husband and our tiny dd. Flowers from us, and from my mum and step-dad. I read the letter and we listened to the music. We cried and we said goodbye.

I’m no stronger than anybody else on here. This awful thing has happened to us and we have no choice but to get through it. We have experienced death when we were trying to create life and it’s just the saddest thing.

My attempt to wrestle control/come up with positive thoughts on a really shitty day:

1. AF means Coventry in approx. 7 weeks. The countdown starts here.
2. Dr Beer book arrived today (yet another bit of horrid symbolism?!)
3. Emailed work to request counselling via employee service (it’s free so I thought I’d do it before I leave) and the counsellor’s coming to see me tomorrow. Now that’s fast! Not sure if it’s too soon or not but it can’t hurt, right?

And then today, for the first time since we lost dd, dh said ‘if we try again’ instead of ‘I can’t do this again.’ Hmmmmm.

Massive massive hugs Pop

I've welled up for you and there really isn't anything I can say other than I'm so sorry xx

I'm selective. There are certain friends I will make an effort for as I know they are understanding. I went round to see twins born the day I started mc #1, friends who started ttc the same time as us and were referred to the same fertility clinic (they then conceived naturally). I burst into tears and ran to the kitchen but she just gave me a hug and said she appreciated how difficult it must be and was really touched that I had come. Another friend I've visited with baby is very sensitive to my situation and just doesn't talk about the baby, conversation is about anything and everything else because she knows it's hard for me. We're actually going to stay with them for the weekend the week after we find out whether the ivf has worked, so it could potentially be very difficult but I know she gets it and isn't going to take it personally if I burst into tears and run out of the room.
Another example is a friend who went through similar - mc and failed ivf, then got pg. Baby born recently, we hadn't see them since. Her DH arranged to call in to pick something up from my DH. When he turned up it was actually the 3 of them. I was totally on the back foot and although I tried it must have been obvious how difficult I was finding it. A little after they left they sent DH a text apologising for turning up with baby unannounced as they appreciated it must have been difficult, they hadn't thought to make it clear it would be all 3 of them.

People like that I will make an effort for. They get it. Some people don't get it, like the mother of the baby born on my edd #1, who said 'oh you don't want one anyway, they're hard work' when she'd asked if the iui had worked and we told her no.

x post Pop while I was rambling on in my reply to brummie.

I'm so glad it went as well as such an experience could.

I'm completely selective. And not just with people with babies and bumps. I've decided to surround myself with the few people who seem to get it in RL and ignore the rest. It sounds harsh but it was getting way to hard and exhausting being nice to people I realised I didn't particularly like! I think I'm becoming a bit of a recluse!

barking it's fine, honest! It's so busy on here! x

Another quiet day on here I see...

Big hugs to Pop, you an amazing lady with how composed you are. I wish I had an once of strength you have.

Hugs to everyone else having a rubbish days. Tomorrow is a new day.

I've found out about and agreed to sign up for the Response trial today. Had initial chat today with Trial Manager and it appears that I do qualify, although only just as 38 later in the year (phew) Get lots of extra scans and weekly checks, so hopefully the extra support should help even if I'm on the placebo. Also feels like a positive step..

That sounds like a beautiful service pop, so sad to have to say goodbye, but really glad you are able to see some positives and that your dh is starting to think of a future plan. Well done for getting through the day. Hope you are able to have a peaceful night's sleep knowing that your dd is resting peacefully too now xxx

Fecking phone just wiped message...

Brummiegirl** your comments always make me laugh! You should do some writing you know! Me n dh had been together 8 years before his proposal. It was a real problem for me. People said "ask him", but i needed the reasurance that he loved me/wanted me enough to ask. And i genuinely believe in marriage - "i choose to love you, i choose to forsake all others, through thick and thin" so I completly understand your need. You might like the poem 'A Marrige' by Michael Blumenthal...

Friend at work who had a mc two weeks before i had mc #3 told me today that she is 6 weeks pregnant, hasn't even had a period since! She's having hcg injections from leeds. Felt an odd mix of feelings, am genuinely happy for her, she deserves dc, but (had horrible evil thoughts----) felt powerful mix of deep longing to be pregnant and white-knuckle fear at getting pregnant again too. Should i just ttc without waiting for tests, i wonder? I'm pretty sure i could fall fast again, but what's the point if i have mc #4?! Plus i still havn't dtd with dh since, I am totally physically shut down. Wish i hadn't been so jolly when i saw my gp, 'cause the idea of asking for anti-depressants to get me through the torture of work until june has been running through my head.

On a positive note, got my appointment through for consultant at leeds, April 2nd. Only three weeks after referral, Airedale hospital took 3 months between 2nd mc and appointment. Maybe if they'd been faster there would have been no mc #3

I'm so torn about the response trial girlie. I'm presuming they won't allow you to take heparin on it? Really swithering about perhaps joining, particularly if Coventry comes up negative for nk, as I'll not be doing anything different to last time if that's the case and that didn't turn out too well.

Oh pop - took me so long to text message i missed your update, sorry! Hope the beautiful service proves the start of healing and life beginning again (especially given dh positive comments xxxxx)

Not sure March about Herapin but there is a list of drugs you can't taken on it. Why don't you contact your local Trial Manager and they will be able to answer your question.

pop - thinking of you today . It sounds like a lovely service but so so sad that you have had to go through that. x

I'm also being selective with friends. Have hidden fb news feeds for all pg or smug friends! Actually not that many left!!!!

Pop that sounds like a beautiful service for your beautiful DD.

Well done on the injections barking you're being so brave. When does the transfer happen? My best friend has her first IVF appointment at the end of March. She's been TTC-ing almost three years. She got pregnant in December but it was an ectopic pregnancy and she subsequently lost a tube. Why does life dole out so many shitty TTC cards to the same people? Why can't they spread the shittiness out a bit? I have everything crossed for you.

Turns out I spoke to soon with my smuggy mc-smugness about only having 30 people at our wedding. My mum has just told me she would be sad if my aunts and uncles aren;t there. As my dad is dead I feel I can't say no to her. DP has then said that his mum would feel bad inviting aunts and uncles but not cousins. So we potentially now have 40 more people coming.....

Burst into tears about it tonight. That means there's potentially 26 children coming. 26!!!! There was already going to be 8 but that was fine, they were our nephews and nieces and a couple of close friends children. But 26 is a flipping joke - it will be like a creche. Not quite what we need in current circumstances.....

pop glad today went as well as it could have. It sounds like it was a beautiful, intimate service. Well done for getting through it and for trying to look forward positively. Your DHs comment sounds like a massive step forward. x

pop your service sounds beautiful. I am so sorry you had to go through it but glad it felt right.

I am not really waiting for any more results. It's more of as keep monitoring and see how things go kind of thing. There is one outstanding blood test but I think that's more of a.monitoring thing too. So far so good though and I feel much calmer.

Barking everything crossed for you. I had my friends who are going through iui round at the weekend. It didn't work for them this month either and they are wondering about skipping to ivf.

Good luck to everyone re Coventry. Hope you ovulate soon brummie.

The response trial sounds interesting too. Good luck to everyone on that.

monten that sounds so bloody annoying and it is so hard trying to please everyone. I agree that all them kids will make it like a crèche. It's your wedding for f**ks sake, if everyone wants everyone to go to a big party then why don't they organise their bloody own.

monten guest lists are stressful but you don't have to invite all the children. I got married before the onslaught of children among my friends but have been to weddings recently with select children only and it is totally fair enough. The expense is incredible otherwise. X

Monten we have about fourty kids coming...OMG lol and ?? because I pikced my flower girls when we first got engaged two and a half years ago...they all have baby siblings now lol so I'll have at least seven....with my sil trying tc possibly eight and my bil accidentally having knocked up new gf 9 lol. It's only a small venue with three high chairs so I'm fucked haha.

Spoke to hospital yesterday begging for earlier appointment and they said no it's likely to be September now...WTF. I have booked an appoint,net privately now...not that we have the money. Xx