Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 19 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Hugs Freckie how awful to be let down at this difficult time. I think this journey lights the path for real friends. I've lost some along the way but gained good ones too. All the girls on this feed are here for you.

Brummie appointment sounds great. Very positive indeed! Has he suggested you start treatment after next BFP? If so what's the plan? Did he put your mind at rest about AF?

Glad your treatment is starting barking you've waited long enough now. I'll be keep everything crossed for you. My colleague's IVF conceived daughter came in today, she went through so much to get her but she got there and you will too.

X

Barking, glad to hear today went well & hope the injections go ok x

Thankyou everyone for comfort. God, it's so strange sharing like this, how strange life evolves. Have always had wonderful friends, but as i get older, people move, family takes over, you just dont feel anyone has the time to confide like this. She is my closest friend at work - and teachers will know that's pretty close. I dont see other friends all that often in comparison. She shared something about me to the head of department, who shared with the deputy head. She says she was worried about me, but she was so cool and calm, it kind of seemed like she was advancing herself. And no, i can't tell what real honest feeling is or the massive hormonal crash/progesterone withdrawl. I took three days off to get my head together, now i'm back in the bottom of the cespit!

Hugs freckle, things will feel more stable as the hormones normalise and in the meantime just hold on and weather the storm with us x

freckle so sorry to hear how let down you feel by your friend. You really learn who your friends are in times like this. I know how awful it is as work friends are so close and hear all your real feelings about things (or mine do!) Could your friend just have been genuinely concerned? Would you have felt so betrayed without the hormones added in the mix?

brummie your day sounds very productive and the doctor sounds really great. Good that he's so open to Coventry too. Can't wait to start seeing someone who may have some answers.

Good luck barking

twilight so sorry about your rabbit. Pets are such a part of the family.

How long did you all have off after your MC? I will have had two weeks on fri but I'm dreading going back. Job is stressful at the best of times and I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment. Though fri is a long time away I guess.

Hugs freckle, I actually had a very similar experience, going years back now, but my TA at the time went behind my back and shared something with the head rather than coming to me first and I felt totally betrayed. Again, she said she was worried about me, but she should have spoken to me about it!
You have my sympathy, it's a shit place to be at a time when you need the most support .

Glad it went well brummie. He sounds like a really nice consultant.

freckle I don't have anything useful to add to what has already been said but have an unmn hug and I find and usually help... Or if something stronger is required x

Freckle I'm so sorry to hear your friend has screwed you over. What a prize bitch. Id like to say she will get hers but unfortunately these people are normally bloody successful and just stamp all over people on their way to the top. Least you now know she is not your friend.

Well my bleeding has started again in earnest after a day if being dry. I am so BORED. I assume it will keep going until my hormones get to a certain level or there is no more lining to shed. Perhaps whatever happens quickest. At this rate I will be bleeding longer than my natural miscarriages which is crazy and totally the opposite of what I was told would happen

We have the decorators well decorator coming on Monday to start work on the house. Two upstairs rooms initially but everything needs doing so I'm looking forward to making a start. He is a really nice guy too so will be fun to have around the house. I have nearly finished the cabinet I was upcycling and in the spirit of sorting the house out I might just start stripping the paint off the banisters!! I love Spring and getting some light again so you can start doing some DIY and start doing the jobs that Winter hasn't allowed.

Just to mention, I called Kerri (?) at Coventry today - Prof Quenby's secretary. (And got all tongue-tied like she was a kind of minor celebrity....) And she said private appointments to test for NK cells are on Monday or Friday afternoons, if that's useful to anyone for planning etc.

Minnie, I had two weeks off with each MC. Both times I was offered longer by the hospital but I felt ready to go back, as I was supported at work.

Feeling overwhelmed is natural and I know other's on this thread have had varying amounts of time off. If you don't feel ready, perhaps speak to your GP or see if you could do a phased return.

Minnie I had 1 week with mc 1, 2 weeks with mc 2 and 4 weeks plus 2 weeks at half days for mc 3 - but I was struggling with the distress of having 3 so close together plus my colleague who does the same job as me and sits opposite me was / is pregnant and I really struggled. Plus my first due date fell not long after my 3rd mc so I stayed off as long as possible

minnie I had a week off after mc2 and two weeks after mc3, which I really needed. Take the time you need, I think, otherwise you are only setting yourself up for not managing further down the line...

brummie glad you had a positive appointment.

freckle I echo everyone else's comments. We are all here, and hope you can find some lovely things for yourself today.

minnie I had two weeks for my 3 early miscarriages but have taken a lot longer this time as I've needed to. Take the time you need.

freckle sorry you feel undermined. I think our job can be very emotionally demanding (as are lots of others, I know) so it's horrid if you feel you can't trust somebody you work closely with. Hope today is a better day.

Minnie, After the first i had 2 weeks but it was at Christmas so in reality it was more like 4. A week after no. 2 and no. 3 and two days after The last one, but this lead into a long weekend off anyway. I think it varies from person to person and from mc to mc. I think a phased return is a good idea if you can do it at your work, although sometimes i know that's harder than full time as you just end up having to do the same work in shorter time! If you need more time then i would say just take it. I'm sure the gp would sign you off for longer

Minnie take as much time as you need. I had 1 week off after mc 1 then 3 weeks off after the second with 2 further weeks son half days. My gp would have kept signing me off if I needed.

Thanks everyone. I had a week with my first and the second was in the holidays but was a week as well. This is just so hard. I keep crying at random things. My doctor rang yesterday about eye drops and says he couldn't prescribe them as I was preg. I explained and cried and he was mortified! I just don't want to see anyone. Not even my mum or close friends. I feel like such a failure. I know it will get better though I don't imagine not feeling sad.

I had nearly two months with my first and then two days following the second and straight back to work after that. I wish I could have taken longer with the others but my boss was less than sympathetic. My advice is take your time and only go back when you are ready - it's enough of a minefield without dealing with work issues on top xx

You're not a failure minnie, none of this is anything that you've done or not done. It's just a totally shitty thing that's happened to you. If someone crashed their car into you nobody would think you'd failed at driving. This is the same. And it's horrible.
I can understand that feeling of wanting to retreat from life and everyone in it. Are you having counselling, or considering it? If you can't speak to family then maybe it would be good to have someone neutral that you could speak to. It's hard when you have to carry all this pain inside you, and it might help to let it out. I know it's not for everyone but a lot of the women here have benefited from it

Minnie I feel the same. The only people I want to see are my son and my partner. Everyone else I want to scream at for some reason.

I listed all the emotions I felt to my Sister when she made me meet her a week ago. Embarrassment, shame, that others pity me, heart break, devastation, grief, all future hope lost due to age, all joy lost, close to tears all the time so the simplest of conversations can make me well up. She was surprised that I could feel ashamed, but for some reason I do, I guess ashamed and embarrassed that I keep getting mine and my families hopes up.

Anyway the last time was definitely the last time I will be telling anyone I'm pregnant again (if I ever get pregnant again). There is no reason for celebration anymore, so if I ever see another positive pregnsncy test I shall just STFU and expect that worse. Far easier that way.

freckleI'm sorry your friend has been so awful. What a horrendous day.

All the best barking, please you are all go.

I'm chuffed you got on well with your consultant, brummie. Like you I'm trying to accept I'm unlikely to have the 3 child family I dreamed of.

minnie I took about a week off for each of my first 3 MCs, but 8 weeks each for 4&5 (stopped coping and was signed off with anxiety). The crying at random things makes me think you could do with some more time off? I hope you feel better soon. It is hard.

So we are heading to Brizzle this afternoon for scan and tests with TABLET trial. I'm only 6+1 so I know that our chances of a heartbeat are slim but it doesn't stop me hoping. (Or dreaming about twins).

I want a dog but DH hates canines with a passion. Boo.

sebs I'm pleased you could talk things through with your sister, that sounds cathartic. And helpful, because now you have seen her reaction to the 'ashamed' part, hopefully that will help you to label those feelings as irrational and tell them to PIPE DOWN. I understand your reaction to telling people and never wanting to do it again, but that did not cause this and it's so easy to seek the bits that we did 'wrong' when there's nothing there. When I'm in that place I have 'safe' people that I can see and hide away from the rest of the world. Oh it's so awful. Thinking of you.

sebs that's all just exactly what I'm feeling. I'm not going to talk about being preg if it happens again (and that's a big if now too) It feels like the end and I think that's what's making it even harder. I had too much time to think it might work out this time (I was always bleeding by 5+ weeks with the others so never got my hopes up.)

A pregnant friend (who knows about the MC) has just messaged me about morning sickness being shit. When I replied that id love to have morning sickness right now rather that than no baby, she said 'don't say that. I know its not great what's happened but you'll feel better in a couple of weeks. I've got to worry till the baby's born now!' Seriously!

marchgirl Im thinking I might go back to my acupuncturist as she's a pretty good listener. I'm starting to feel like I'm overreacting by not feeling better all ready. I just keep thinking a colleague at work was back the day after her dad died and has had no time since. She must think I'm so pathetic.

Oh god Minnie what an insensitive cow!! Bloody hell some of these 'friends' really do need sensitivity training.

I bristled at my sister's text yesterday starting with 'How are you?, hope you are feeling a bit better now'. Oh yes, I am feeling quite brilliant thank you. Once I cleaned all the blood off the sofa and my clothes at the weekend and bought myself another pack of incontinence nappies I went out and partied with all the local WAGS and pulled myself a Premier League player dontcha know . Really couldn't be happier, the last 13 days have been amazingly healing and actually if it wasn't for the constant bleeding, hormonal spots, hair falling out, pot belly and now regular feelings of suicidal you would hardly know anything had happened at all. Thank you for your kind concern and four day delayed reply text, hope you and your perfect family are well.

You can probably guess I haven't chosen to reply but all of the above ran through my head in less than ten seconds.

Sorry so many people having a tough time with friends and family. I think it's almost impossible for those who haven't experienced multiple miscarriage to fully appreciate the feelings that go alongside it. That's not to give thoughtless people an excuse btw. I found sending flens excellent blog to people a good way to get them to appreciate what I was feeling without having to try and explain.

Just popping in to wish counting luck for the scan. Hope there's a little flicker for you.

Sorry I am a but sporadic with posting - head tucked deep in the sand. As expected the fear is well and truly ramped up this week. 9+5 today and sitting in between MC 2 & 3 Timepoints. Scan tomorrow eve so hoping if that's ok it will give me at least an evening to relax!

tanny hope you are feeling ok and Bertie and the rest of the family are settling in well to the new routine.
baking hope things ok with Faith and people are being helpful.

[waves] to everyone else.

Good luck for the scan today counting and tomorrow bythesea. Keeping my fingers crossed for you both

Horribly insensitive 'friend' minnie. You really don't need to be told how shit things are for her right now.
There is no time limit on feeling better. You asked us all how soon we went back to work but if you asked how long it took for us to feel like life started to be bearable again then i think it would be much much longer. It took me 9 long weeks to emerge from the fog of mc3, longer for the first one. Don't give yourself a hard time, it'll take as long as it takes. I found having positive things like rmc testing booked in helped me to look forward again rather than inward.

It's hard to compare this with the death of a loved one. Both are individually horrible, and both leave you grieving for the lost one, which does lessen with time. But with mc you have all the other complicated ongoing feelings about what your body is doing and the scary thought of putting yourself through that again. It's not as simple as just grief (not that grief is simple! )