Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 18 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bakingtins]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

A slow train through shitsville just made me chuckle.

jady sorry you're having problems with your mum. I don't want to be presumptuous but I just wondered if you'd considered whether she could be paranoid schitzophrenic? My brother has schitzophrenia and sometimes he has paranoid episodes like not trusting people to cook for him and thinking etc. hopefully it's not but I think it would be good to talk to your stepdad. It is really hard going when a loved one has mental health problems so I realky feel for you. Just remember that if they're ill, it's not them talking, it's the illness, so try not to let it hurt you.

Glad baby is ok cat

Ooooh tanny not long to go now. Your good news will lift us all on here after all this bad news we're having.

On the subject of cleaning, the only time our house looks nice is when we get visitors and me n hubby will spend a mad hour or 2 frantically tidying and cleaning shoving things into the nearest cupboard!!

twilight sorry your DH said that but it's good to say it if that's what he feels and sure it'll bring you closer.

brummie glad you're feeling more positive!

Sorry to all those facing pg friends and new baby announcements. I think the best thing to do is avoid and maybe explain to the person involved if you think it will help.

Sorry to those I've missed. Waves to everyone! X

Also I think in going to email Kerry! One of the reasons I chose not to at first was the enforced wait and possibly needing to have nhs tests done first. But now we're waitibg anyway, I may aswell enquire at least. And I think I read you don't need to have the nhs done first??

Monten - mine wasn't anywhere near as justified! It's the international surrogacy one and bizarrely I seem to have started on people with the same views as my own. Oh well. No more drunken mn-ing for me!

I've reassured him that I won't and he seems happier. He's sorting the recycling at any rate. The house is now immaculate - it's bloody lovely - and we made up from yesterday's tiff.

Hugs to those going through difficult times. A slow train through shitsville with crap seats is about right!

Sorry those of you who had rough nights. It is such a tough time, full of frustrations and fear. I'm also scared to TTC again, esp not without trying something different, which is why I've made decision to go to Coventry. Will still be scared but hoping it will help.

Has anyone been to see a herbalist? I'm thinking of seeing one as I think the agnus castus might be making me stroppy.

Off to cafe to eat cake now nom nom nom.
Hope today is better for all of you.

Flower, you don't necessarily need NHS tests first. Most of us who have been just got them done because we were on the NHS conveyer belt and got spat out if the other end with a 'bad luck' diagnosis. But prof Brosens said to me that the NHS tests is just one line of enquiry and it actually only gives answers for about half the women tested. Their research into implantation gives a much more complex picture. I'd say if you're on an enforced break anyway, no harm in going for both. Just maybe keep it to yourself. Consultants in the NHS can get a bit sniffy about it (egos...)

Stupidly I thought NHS tests coming back saying 'bad luck, try again' wasn't a terrible thing. I suppose my ideal scenario is all our tests coming back fine and the foetus showing a specific issue that is linked to advanced maternal age and we just try again and hope for a better result. Maybe it would be better though for the foetus to be clear and me to have something fixable. Right now I don't think any information is going to help my state of mind.

I've sent DS and fiancée out for the day to see his Mum as otherwise he will go next weekend and I have a suspicion that I might need him here with me. I keep wondering if I might hurt myself to get rid of the pain but I don't have the energy I don't think. It sounds like the best plan at times but I don't feel unhinged enough to follow it through. More just numb. So I'm going to systematically clean the house and throw things out and just keep getting through each minute.

Not at all stupid. Sometimes it really is just bad luck, and 70% of the time its fine next time with no intervention. I consider a random genetic issue with the foetus as bad luck. But after you've been going at it 3+ years you reckon £360 isn't over the top to spend on possibly your last roll of the dice
I reckon it was well worth it and did the trick. Maybe it was a placebo effect. As long as it works, I'm not complaining. The next step is a personal decision.
Please look after yourself, Sebs.

Just you make perfect sense, thank you xxx

Can you self refer for the killer cell test at Coventry or would I need to go to the GPs?

Sebs, I've always done a deep clean after each MC. Think it's helps with cleaning away the rubbish of all of it.

Btw- on the subject of DH cleaning, mine own's a cleaning company but doesn't mean he does any at home and won't allow me to get a cleaner in as he doesn't trust them- Wtf!

On a different subject I am struggling big time with AF. Complete lack of energy and craving sugar. Desperately trying to avoid anything sugary as almost at 1 stone weight loss since last MC. Never had this issue until MCs. Anyone else had he same issue and had any tips of "good" food to eat at AF to give me plenty of energy?

Sebs, you can self refer. They will ask you to have two AFs post mc in order to get accurate readings.

Sebs throwing yourself into something is good, but be aware that being on your own is not great for your wellbeing at the moment. I found it useful, when I felt that harming instinct, to bundle up all the things that I could harm myself with (sorry if this upsets some) like knives and tablets, and put them out of the way. I gave them to my ex to take home with him, but putting them in the boot of DP's car for example can help. It is such a frightening feeling, and I certainly didn't long for harm or death, but it felt like it was pulling me towards it and I had to fight tooth and nail to keep it at bay.

This feeling will pass, and it will get better. You are already formulating a plan for the next steps. Please keep this future in you thoughts. You have my number if you need it.

I keep thinking about just putting something around my neck and feeling the pressure. I know it's fucked up thinking but for some reason knowing the option is there gives me some comfort. I won't do it but I like to think about it.

I shall defo look into the Coventry tests as I can see it makes sense to utilise the waiting time thoroughly post MC and if two lots of things happen simultaneously then TTC can proceed quicker.

Man I wish I had your fertility tanny xx

Me too sebs. I hated the "at least you know you can get pregnant" comments at the time, but I do recognise that taking a while to conceive or having fertility issues as well as RMC is a double headfuck.

seb twilight hugs

Glad everything is okay cat

Sorry everyone seems to be having a shit time of it at the moment

I have been in a black mood since Friday, no real idea why but everything and everyone is irritating me, poor dh is walking on eggshells

Big hugs to everyone, such raw feelings for so many of us at the moment.

girlie I'm doing a smoothie a day and adding maca root. I found some website which emailed ten days of "fertility" smoothies, although in fact I think they are just good and healthy, and now I am freestyling a bit. No idea if they actually make a difference, but they are quite yummy and a way of getting lots of good stuff into me in one go. Can post the link if you like...

Sebsmum - think you should get out the house, go shopping, maybe? I've spent a fortune this week on things i'd said no to because i would be on maternity pay from sep - ha! I'm spending out of spite. I have my eye on a new sofa - fxxx it, can't have a sparkling new baba, might as well get a big pink couch! I am lucky because my consolation is a blond haired blue eyed 19 month old - i know i'm lucky.
Justonemoretime - is the 70% stat right? Is that after 2 miscarriges also? After 3? After 7? I am also feeling a sense from some friends that if it hasn't worked three times then i should give up (want to tell them that's obly when you hang simeone...!)

I read a really frightening stat on the net the other night which said that once an obese woman has a miscarrige she has a 75% chance of having another one. I'm not super fat but my BMI does put me in the obese category. I read some links too between insulin/pcos/low progesterone too - and i had gestational diabetes in last trimester with ds. Anyone else know anything more about this?

Im ok. Just poottling about, still in my Birthday jammies.

I hate stats. They never seem to go in my favour lol. My favourite was the 2% chance of MC once a heart beat is seen. What a total crock of shit quite honestly. I wouldnt get too caught up in it Freckle. Of course losing weight would be good for your health if you're BMI puts you into the obese range, but plenty of women are successfully pregnant with stickies on the Sept thread and lots of them were concerned about having high BMIs.

Ive just had a thought. I am rhesus negative and had to have the jab during my last pregnancy and afterwards. They said i didn't need the jab after my two very early miscarriages, however as this one is later and i will be having surgery do you think i will need the jab after? I will ask them tomorrow, im just concerned i could get fobbed off.

Freckles, I'm no stats expert but I think its something like that. 80% likelihood of success normal baseline, 70% for after 3, 60% more than that. I'm sure there's data out there, these figures are based on what I've been told if no treatable/ identified cause has been found. TLC does also seem to help, so insist on those early scans. Prof Regan's book (miscarriage: what every woman needs to know) is useful for this sort of thing (if a little dated - 2001). No idea about stats for obesity, sorry.

Sebs, I'm rh neg too. They tend to do the jab if I've had erpcs but I didn't get it every time and I seem to be clear on antibodies now. They're keeping an eye on it but will do it at 28 weeks this time. Sometimes irs done when you're under general, but they should tell you. I wouldn't overly worry about it, but ask when you have your op next week.

*its nor irs

I will push the point tomorrow when I go into the sign my paperwork etc. I've got it in the back of my mind that my stupid blood group has probably caused all of this but it's probably just paranoia.

What do other people do on the days after mc? I feel completely lost today as does DH. We're not sure what we've done on previous occasions. We went out for lunch but I felt like I was being assaulted by the noise and business and we had to come home. Went for a walk and I got really cold and tried. Don't want to go out but I seem to be just sitting staring at the wall. Need some (gentle) ideas.

Twilight, chocolate, wine and boxsets. One day at a time. x

twilight We watched box sets. Loads of them. And did little changes to the house (painted a feature wall, redecorated bedroom). And walked the dog.