Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 18 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bakingtins]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Practical question please for those who had surgical options. I had MVA under general a week ago tomorrow. I had no physical pain at all, very light bleeding and otherwise it was generally my head that was worrying me.

Couple of days ago I noticed stabby type pain shooting upwards, then it seemed to feel bruised when I bore down going to the toilet (wee) and today it really hurt to have a poo. Is this normal do you think or worrying? No signs of infection like funny coloured or bad smelling discharge. Wondered about bladder infection but no stingy wee pain or anything. No night sweats last night so that was good.

sebs I had something similar after mine and it went after a few days. It might be worth visiting your GP just so they can swab in case you have an infection. Mine came back clear but I figured better safe than sorry. X

Twilight if you feel you need time off then that has to come 1st. You will have plenty of time ahead to focus on your career.

I considered resigning after my mcs but in the end I reduced to four days and I found it helped a lot. Have you considered anything like that? Hugs x

twilight sorry you are feeling so low. It is an indescribably difficult time in the aftermath. Hmm career break - I wish I had a good answer but I have been trying unsuccessfully to do it myself. Is there any option for a sabbatical? Or going on long term sick? Or are you wanting to get out of your current job altogether... Certainly another few weeks off might he!p you decide what to do. Hugs to you, it's so hard but try not to lose hope xx

The worry about changing everything in the aftermath of MC is sometimes work is a very good distraction and the familiarity is useful. BUT if your work is causing you lots of stress even on a good day and you have had enough, then I think find another job absolutely. Life is too short to hate your job.

Thanks cat. I shall see if it's better or worse today/tomorrow. If it worsens I think a trip to see the nurse is a good idea. Glad to hear it's not totally abnormal.

I'm stupidly rash and impulsive, Twilight, and after my last mc I couldn't stand returning to work. I felt that hopeless "world revolving differently for me" feeling that counting described so well (hugs for you counting), and really felt that I had to change the status quo of it all. I took my maximum paid sick leave and worked up a business plan to set up as a full time jewellery designer/maker. I resigned and sold things to make ends meet.

In the end, it was totally unrealistic, and sod's law was invoked to ensure I was upduffed, but I haven't regretted leaving that hideous job and do feel that breaking that cycle was good for all of us. Financially, it has not been great, and I had to return to similar work as an agency worker when I was 16 weeks, but I have enjoyed the no strings nature of agency work, and they want me back after mat leave.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, but if you are impulsive and sure of your skill set, I think it can be something to consider.

brummie I am sorry you are suffering insensitive friends. I do think sometimes people just don’t realise what they are doing but if you have been through mc yourself, you should really think a bit more. Also sorry you still are in limbo with this cycle, hope something becomes clear for you.

counting sorry that you are having such a hard time. I am glad DH is there for you. Don’t forget that you are likely to be also battling with hormones at the moment on top of everything else, but I absolutely get the calendar thing. I had a bit of a melt down last night as DH was wanting to get some things confirmed in March. Looking forward through the next few weeks just brought all the anxiety up of how many more things will have to be cancelled when this pregnancy goes wrong. I hope so much it’s different for you this time.

ditsy hope you are ok.

flen so sorry that it wasn’t BFP this morning, still keeping my fingers crossed until AF actually arrives.

bootles I am sure you haven’t been annoying anyone! Sounds like a good plan to go and talk it through though, I think everything is easier face to face and can leave you feeling a lot more positive.

twilight I think work is a big part of your life and if it’s making you miserable, a change is probably a good idea. Remind me what you do? I would really like a change but it’s hard as I don’t dislike my job, I would just like to find something I was a bit more inspired by. I think for me, that has to wait as this one isn’t actually causing me any stress. Are you thinking career break or a change completely?

Hi to others, hope that March and spring will bring better times and more hope for the people that need it. Everything ok here, feeling sick, tired and increasingly anxious as I get closer to the time of previous MCs. Hoping if the scan on weds is ok, that will help (well for a few hours at least)!

So much to be said. I really should write a list.

Hope you are doing ok tanny and that you slept better , fingers crossed things start up properly soon. Is tomorrow your edd?
Cloud and flen. So gutted for you about your bfns still holding out a little hope. flen, I'm now biased by what happened to me, because i now regret not doing Coventry when i had the chance, but if you are out this month then I think you should definitely consider it.
bootles, don't feel embarrassed about your email. I'm sure they will be understanding of your position and know why you are so keen for answers. I think another appointment with them would be good to say it face to face. Good luck with being back in the ttc madness. Where are you cycle wise?
Counting, sorry you are going through such a difficult time with your gran and everything else. Totally relate to those feelings of it just taking over everything and not being able to have a simple thought without your brain linking it back to mc in some way. Glad you feel a little better today.
twilight, i think if you're unhappy in your job then it could be absolutely the right thing to do, even if it is shit scary. Wish i had the balls to make a change, although I do still like my job when I'm motivated, just lost all motivation! Changing a stressful, unsatisfying job for a bit of breathing space and maybe a new start might be just what you need to help you cope and get yourself together again. Good luck with it x

Waves to everyone else and hugs for everyone having a hard time x

Just huge hugs to everyone feeling low. Have everything crossed for a happy outcome this time counting and for BFPs very soon for those ttc. Totally gutting to be given false hope like that though flen - I would be throwing things.

Feeling a bit rubbish about this gestational diabetes stuff. Have read the leaflets and they're quite scary. Wish the clinic would hurry up and contact me as feel a bit in limbo atm. Really wishing I had looked after myself better while ttc and during this pregnancy. Went through a bit of a comfort eating/body hating phase that has resulted in weight gain, which seems to have made PCOS and glucose tolerance worse. Am blaming myself for mcs and really worried I have harmed this baby too :-(

longest sorry you're feeling worried about things. Please don't beat yourself up, you've handled all the stress admirably and GD can happen to anyone. A girl at my work developed it and she only gained 5 lbs through her whole pregnancy, I think it just happens sometimes. They will look after you and baby will be ok. Hugs xxx

Sorry you've been feeling low counting, hugs to you and I hope things feel more positive soon.

cloud and flen sorry about your bfns! I have done the old legs in the air after dtd!! I've since read it has did ask effect tho so won't be bothering again, plus I look a tit doing it, ha!

twilight screw the job! If it's making you ill then it's not worth it. Could you possibly go self employed? Or what about long term sick til you come up with a plan, but have no intention of returning. Do you have any hidden talents you could use?

Sorry about your insensitive friends brummie and barking I think there are 2 types of idiot friends, one that are selfish, inconsiderate dicks and the other that are thick, insensitive dicks!

Hope your scan goes well on wed buthesea! Has anyone else got one coming up?

longest I echo what cat said, be easy on yourself. I'm sure your actions haven't effected the health of your baby in the slightest. X

Or is that 'affected'...

Thanks for the understanding everyone. Yesterday definitely lifted my hopes, and I was a mess this morning. Almost didn't go to work, but managed to get it together after a huge cry.

I know people have been through this before, but could someone tell me exactly what Coventry test for? Did a bit of looking this morning at various clinics including Dr Shehata and Mr Gorgy in London and feel very confused because everyone seems to talk about NK cells differently. Can anyone shed any light on the differences?

I think Coventry are the only ones that test for uterine NK cells flen (as in, they take a sample of your uterine lining and test that). The others i believe test general NK cells from your blood. I gather Coventry don't think the testing of blood NK is necessarily as relevant.
It was described to me that it's like you want to know how many red cars there are, but instead of counting just the red cars, you just count all the cars to estimate how many are red. So it'll give you an idea but may be wrong. Someone was saying that most people who have the blood NK testing come up high, but fewer of those tested for uNK came up high, so maybe it is more specific. This is purely from what I've read of course, still not been to Coventry so take what i say with that caveat!

Cloud and Flen sorry if this is tmi/gross but I use a mooncup and read somewhere that if you insert it after dtd during your fertile period it can hold the swimmers close to your cervix. I tried this the cycle I got my bfp. No idea if it helped!

Hugs all.

Flen - am not surprised you're gutted. Stupid misleading test. Well done for making it in to work.

Longest - so sorry you've been given all this additional stress and worry. We are all just trying to do our best in such hideous circumstances and we can all probably identify with comfort eating and weight gain. GD can, I think, just be one of those 'unlucky' things - I think so anyway as one of my friends had it and she's tiny. I'm sure you won't have done anything that's hurt either this baby or the others. Huge hugs though.

Life's got complicated this end. Went in to work and spoke to boss who was absolutely brilliant and so supportive. Spoke about the options of long-term sick now, a sabbatical, reducing hours, and moving to a less stressful base. She left it with me to think about what I want and then she'll do her best to work it out.

Then, 20 mins later, I get a phone call to offer me a job that I interviewed for ages ago and had kind of forgotten about I think I must've been second choice. It's 15 mins from where I live and involves a fairly significant pay rise. But it's still in psychology, still full time and no guarantee of supportive boss - I guess I worry I'll just transfer all my problems with current job in to a new one and find myself in a worse position. So now I'm in a quandary. I think it's a no brainier that I'll move, but I do feel guilty about lovely boss and worried that I'll struggle there too. But it does have the sense of progressing which alleviates the limbo feeling we've spoken about today. Sigh.

P.s current job a 1h 10m commute each way. It's a no brainer isn't it.

twilight that does sound great. And well done! Is there any reassurance re: support in terms of it being eg. public sector so you know what you will be entitled to? Absolute sod's law that it comes along now...

Thank you march, the various clinic websites are rather confusing in terms of what they actually DO. Think there was someone other than Coventry who talked about a uterine biopsy, but can't remember who it was now. I just keep having this nagging feeling of "what if it IS to do with NK cells?"

Twilight that sounds amazing.

Hugs to everyone feeling low. I had a bit of mini meltdown at work today. It all became too much for me. Asked to work from home but manager said yes but he wanted me to stay for a sales strategy. I could tell he wasn't that keen so I had a very strong coffee with lots of sugar in so I could try and pull myself together which helped. Seeing pregnant colleague is so hard and today I struggled

Anyway starting to get really upset by AF not turning up and now I am really concerned that Ashermams is a possibility.

Reasons why:

Cycles always bang on 24 days, can after mc's. Currently on day 30 and nothing.

I ovulated on day 9/10 which fits with 24 day cycle

Last week I had bad cramps and had to take painkillers (was when AF should've been)

1st AF post mc was only 2 days and so light.

Cervix last week was down low and firm how it should be for AF. It's now high and soft

All these signs suggest I would've had AF but I never did. Really panicking now that Ashermans is a concern.

Please feel free to tell me I'm being stupid. I would give anything for that. For AF to turn up and make me look a complete tit.

My sister has told me "don't be ridiculous. It's very rare and step away from google"

But you know what, I was told 3 x mc's in a row was rare and well we all know how that ended!!! Don't hold much hope in rare.

Thoughts? Am I being crazy?

The new and closer job does sound good twilight, congratulations! Don't feel guilty about lovely boss. You need to do what's right for you. You were about to think about leaving the current job anyway, so taking the new job wouldn't be any more uncertain than that. The only reason for thinking about staying is if they would offer you long term sick, if this is something you need at the moment rather than working at all. If you just think you just need a change to refocus then i would go for it with the new one.

brummie, it's so frustrating isn't it. I don't know much about ashermans but i know that cycles can be all over the place for months after mc without any underlying cause, so I would give it a few more days. Try not to worry (easy for me to say! ). Are you temping at all? That would give you a better idea of what your cycle is doing perhaps. Maybe you could make a trip to your gp and raise your concerns.

Oh Brummie. I'm totally ignorant to Asherman's so can't advise but I completely empathise with the difficulty in being comforted by the 'it's rare' reassurance in our position. I'm sure someone more in the know will be along soon. Hugs in the mean time.

I am pleased and I'm kidding myself to imply I might not take it. I will - it's just a bit scary. Not in nhs, it's private - which is slightly against my political leanings and principles (although the line between nhs and private is increasingly blurred - grumble grumble) but there you go.

Hugs brummie sounds like a bad day. It's so hard with your colleague expecting.

I would agree with your sis that asher is unlikely to be the cause but perhaps you could call Mr Watts secretary for some advice if you're worried? Mc and ERPC can often have a temporary impact on your cycle. Your body has been through a lot and it may just need a little time to rest and recover. My periods always come every 23 days but I went 30 days without AF after my ERPC. X

I'm sure after my first MC my cycles were all over the place. I know Metalhead talked about Ashermans and I think she got tested. I think she tested positive but I might be getting people muddled up. I haven't seen her post for a whole but I know she was posting in the 'struggling to conceive no.2 threads'. Might be worth seeing if you can find some of her posts and see who she went to see xx