Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 18 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bakingtins]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Brummie I completely agree with what Just said but with many, many more swear words thrown in, with perhaps a go fuck yourself sideways to finish off. Sending you hugs - you can really do without contending with that as well xx

Brummie, enjoy the cocktails. Alcohol is definitely the way forward in such situations, although currently standing in ikea slightly hungover is telling me otherwise!

Brummie your friend is a twat. What a twattish thing to do.

I agree with the consensus that holding out for Coventry would be my advice too, but then it would be... Whatever you decide, we will stand beside you. We're good like that.

Ohh dear brummy...some people are just not emotionally wired up correctly. If only you could copy and paste the comment just wrote in a text to said friend. I hope you have lovely day today.
I hope my cycle returns quickly, i am usually 32 days like clockwork but after 1sr m.c it was 10 weeks ffs!!! X

Thanks so much all. I think you are right in that we do go to Coventry, we've got this close.

So drinking friends have bailed out on us.
So me and DP have been out and bought nice food, bottle of wine, bottle of rum, Ben & Jerry's ice cream and pack of choccy buttons.

So getting pissed and watching trash telly is the aim of today

Thank you so much for all the kind words. You are great xx

purple glad your scare was only that, hope you have your composure back.

flen turn your head sideways, a line is a line. Hope you get a clear BFP tomorrow!

cloud bummer about a bfn, how many DPO are you?

Thanks everyone had a few hours sleep so feel a little more centered now. I'm so sorry girlie that you are feeling low. Brummie I was going to say people don't get it unless they've lived through one but as she has she is a moron hope you have a good rant at lunch.

Another question, I am currently on holiday and saved what might contain the baby (too frightened to fully explore) but don't know if it will be any good for testing when I get back, does fetus need to be tested quickly after event?

Also my first mc wasn't treated by doctor as was so early on that thought pregnant test must of been wrong but in retrospect I think I was pregnant after all. Does it have to be treated by doctor to count as 3?

I'm sorry for us all it's the worst torture.

No time to catch up properly but just had to reply to March and brummie - I hate that there are people out there that say/do things to make this shit even harder than it is already.
brummie I don't know how you've resisted a very angry response to that, I don't think I would have been very restrained. Unbelievably insensitive, I would have been fuming.
March I can't abide the 'relax' line. I get it from everyone, along with hundreds of stories of women who've been through 3 million IVFs (I exaggerate slightly) but then got pg naturally as soon as they gave up . Do you not think the stupid amounts of hormones might have affected their cycle and 'clicked' something into place? They won't have started out on the ttc journey stressed, why didn't they get pg then if stress is the only factor?!

My would-have-been bridesmaid actually uninvited me to her birthday party. She'd just got pg with twins on clomid having started ttc same time as me. I had just had my first mc. She basically said that there would be lots of baby talk and if it was going to upset me I was best off staying away as she didn't want to be made to feel guilty for being pg. . Needless to say, she didn't come to my wedding and I found myself a new bridesmaid....

Barking

OMG some of these stories of 'friends' are so shocking!!! I would never in a million years make anyone going through a bereavement (and let's face it MC is a loss of your baby!) feel guilty or rub someone elses good fortune in their face. It's shocking behaviour and you really should shred Brummie.

I'm feeling a whole lot better. I went to a psychic yesterday (yes I know, ridiculous thing to do). She is known to me so I haven't just wandered to the nearest circus or anything but I don't really believe in psychics which makes the whole thing absolutely stupid. Regardless that's where desperation took me and she was extremely specific and said, in a nutshell, my TTC journey wasn't at an end. If what she says ends up happening I will shout it from the rooftops, but even if it doesn't she somehow had the ability to totally calm me down. I have gone from breaking down every few minutes and not sleeping, to feeling completely calm and slept through the night.

Can I ask, those who had the tissue tested post MC, how long did it take to get results? It occurred to me this morning that perhaps those results would come back quite quickly as the tissue would need to be tested straight away I would assume. Also if you were close to 12 weeks do they tell you it's sex, can they tell?

Wtf barking?! That's incredibly insensitive of your (ex)friend.
Glad you're feeling a bit better sebs, and i think anything that you can use to make yourself calmer has to be good, whether you fully believe in it or not.
The results for the testing on the foetus does take several weeks sebs, as they effectively encourage some of the cells to grow and culture them enough to test. I think we were told about 4 to 6 weeks, although they came back after 7 and told us they weren't able to culture ours (though that was over Christmas so hopefully yours will be sooner than that).

ditsy, so sorry this is happening to you on holiday . I would say the sooner the better with the getting the sample in. Did they give you a sterile pot? Mine passed at night so i put it in the fridge over night (sorry if tmi). I would hand it in anyway when you can, and let them see what they can do.

On the first mc not being registered with the doc, I'm not sure . It depends on whoever refers you. I hope that they would still count it, but I would speak to them as if it was a definite mc rather than saying you're not sure and go from there. Have you been referred through your epu?

Was treated in what is best described as a shack no sterile pot (or pain relief) as you say I will keep it as you never know and really don't want to have to lose another baby before I get answers. What is epu?

Early Pregnancy Unit, also known as EPAC, Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic. They're usually at your local hospital and are either self or GP referral and for early pregnancies that are threatened either with bleeding or pain. They usually won't see you before 6 weeks or after 14 weeks. They usually take a history and urine sample and will scan you if you have a positive pregnancy test. If everything is ok, that's great, but otherwise they can talk to you about MC options or invite you back for a rescan if it isn't clear what's happening. Sorry, that's probably too much.

When you get home I suggest getting to your GP to get all your MCs recorded and see about testing your "products" (sorry, their term) and referring you to your local RMC.

Hope that helps...

Sebs, genetic testing tales about 6 weeks. They will be be able to tell the sex from the genes as long as they can get the tissue to grow sufficiently to do the test. Also, some conditions affect only one sex (turners is girls only).

*takes

sebs what you said a few pages back about telling your neighbour really struck a chord with me. I also share pretty widely because putting on a brave face requires a lot of emotional energy that I have not got. I went to meet a childminders on Friday, and I felt the need to explain why I wasn't fully certain what childcare I need for DS, the reason being I may or may not have a baby in the autumn. Rather than manufacture something, I just said,' I hope you don't mind my sharing this but the reason I can't be specific is...' And she nodded sympathetically and said she had had two MCs before her 3 girls (now grown), and that's why she left teaching and became a childminder. then we talked a little about what a horrendous, isolating experience it is. And then we moved on. Phew.

Welcome Ditsy sorry you are having such a horrid time.

brummie and barking I'm speechless at your friends' behaviour. No hang on, not speechless...agog.

flen I'm sorry you're having such a ropey time. A mum putting her foot in it is bad enough without lines turning sideways. I hope tomorrow the world turns the right way up for you.

flen That sounds confusing indeed! Just your luck to get a line that's not meant to be there at all! Hope you'll get a clearer result tomorrow.

ditsy Poor you, that sounds pretty harrowing. I agree with the others - keep the tissue in the fridge and get it to the EPU as soon as you can. They might be able to test it, they might not, but it's worth a try.

baking I'm 11DPO today - pg tests arrived today, just tested again, BFN. Plus, I've already started spotting, so it seems more and more certain that AF is on her way. Sigh. Not sure what else to throw at this, if SMEP isn't working! Need to come up with some other plan that doesn't floor me with cystitis every time we dtd more than twice in a row! Any suggestions?

cloud arrgh, cystitis is the pits. I don't have any very original suggestions only to empty your bladder immediately before and after DTD and to drink copious amounts of cranberry juice and water in a preventative way. (Once or twice I think I headed it off at the pass that way). Sorry about bfn.

cloud peeing after sex is the only way I manage to keep cystitis away. I seem to have spent too many nights trying to stay awake long enough to give the wrigglers a chance to start their journey and then have to get up to pee. Not romantic.

flen how confusing?!?! Hope things become more clear tomorrow.

Survived a visit from the very pregnant dsil today. Weird sitting in a room where everyone was politely ignoring the huge bump trying not to put their foot in it. Wasn't a room full of people but it did make me feel odd. I'm grateful but dreading the forthcoming arrival.

Going to Coventry at the end of the week. Eek! Has anyone on here past or present ever been turned away because their lining is too thin? Kerri mentioned it should be 7mm or something when we spoke so now I'm panicking that I'll be asked to return.

Ditsy- I had the same with my first MC putting it down to a dodgy test. The EPU clinic wouldn't count it so didn't refer me however I spoke to my GP a few days later and they agreed to take it into consideration and refered me. The consultant also agreed to count it and was annoyed the EPU clinic hadn't. It does seem to be a case by case decision, however I would push for it to be considered x

Mrsdiddlydoo, I had v thin lining and when I went to Coventry I had 5mm in some places and 7mm in others. Prof Brosens said there was a possibility that the sample they took might not be enough to test, and he took 2 (ouchy) to give me the best shot possible. They did get a result even though it was so thin. Hopefully they will attempt it with you even if it is thin rather than just send you home. Fx you get a giis enough sample to get a result. Even if you don't, insist on getting the letter emailed to you about the progesterone and heparin as they will help you when next pg regardless. Good luck. x

*good. Must learn to proof read...

On a side note, the present I sent to baby shower yesterday? I have not even had a thank you.

I sent a present despite feeling I couldn't attend because I wanted pg friend to know I was thinking about her.

Appears I'm not being thought about though. It was so hard to buy that present that I guess to know it was appreciated would make it worth it.

Clearly not.

Ok, I know you don't buy presents expecting thanks etc but if I was pregnant and a friend who had suffered MC's sent me a present I would be incredibly touched that despite it being difficult that person put that aside to think of me.

I am a bit stunned and hurt to be honest but I do know I'm overcome with bitterness and feeling resentful at the moment about pretty much everything

Thanks just

Brummie, let's hope the mummy to be has the manners to thank peoe by card or notelet after the party. It does sound like your friends are giving your feelings no consideration at all for some reason.

I had a really good day. Picked up a DIY restoration project I had put in the back burner during my pregnancy and did a whole load of creative stuff and the cabinet is starting to look lovely. DP helped me and DS was trotting about getting involved. Was a lovely family day with pancakes for breakfast and just lots of laughs and cuddles. Determined to really enjoy what we have and bit get bogged down with what we haven't. DS will grow up to be a fabulous person whether he has siblings or not. You can't miss what you never had and in sure he would rather have a happy and smiling Mummy than he eod a moping, crying one.