Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread - Thread 17 - Tests, treatment and trying again

[Flower29]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats

*knocked

Died in my birthday too would you believe. My partner asked me to marry him, we were on cloud nine and unbeknown to me the baby died. That's shit isn't it?

Well remembered longest! 3rd March it is! Numerically it's a great date

Sorry sebs cross posts. That's just shit. Hugs x

seb it is shit. There's no arguing with that. One step at a time. Chromosomal investigations first. I normally take a bit of a while to fall pregnant too but this time I took agnus castus and got pregnant first cycle of ttc, and it seems to have stuck, so I am wondering if it really did boost progesterone and help implantation - according to Prof Regan at St Mary's there can be a link between difficulties conceiving and miscarriage. My losses have all been early gestation though and I do have long cycles and PCOS so there's obviously something wrong with my hormones.

There was a long and very sad discussion about later losses after healthy heartbeats just the other day. It seems they can be caused by a range of factors. If you can bear to, it might be worth having a read through and see if anything rings any bells.

seb that is awful. Mmc is horrible. I had one where I had told all my family at Christmas when I should have been 8 weeks - didn't think I'd get away with not drinking all Christmas. I had had one early loss already and had been ttc for nearly a year so everyone was very excited but unbeknownst to me the baby was already dead. I didn't find out for another month. I found that one of the hardest things to deal with so since then I have been an advocate of early scans, but obviously in some cases they provide false hope which must be just gutting.

Congratulations on your engagement. We have two other ladies on here planning weddings too. I love a good wedding.

To be honest right now I'm trying to work out the most pain free way to top myself, so weddings are the furthest thing from my mind. I just think every time I get touching distance to some happiness it gets whipped away. It's really cruel.

Seb hugs. Do you have someone with you or are you on your own with DS? Just concentrate on getting through one minute at a time if needed. Can you find someone to look after DS so you can go for a long walk to clear your head? x

sebs take it one moment at a time. You are in the most raw place right now and grief is heavy. All I could do in that time was minute to minute. We are all here and you are not alone in this.

Sebs, hugs. Its unbelievably shit. Remember, too, that your hormones are probably starting to crash. Hope someone can help look after ds so that you don't need to keep holding it together for him, too. Just get through the next 48 hours and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We're all here for you. x

Massive hugs sebs. It's all so raw at the moment. You really just need to concentrate on yourself right now and take it all a step at a time. As longest said, might be worth trying to get out for a walk somewhere you can have a good cry, shout or whatever you need to do to get out the hurt and anger. Hope you have some support in RL. Is your dp being supportive? You are strong and you will get through this, however bleak it feels at the moment.

Sebs I've been there. Strong suicidal urges need addressing urgently. Contact someone you trust or use a helpline as soon as you can. Getting out is good. Seeing someone else is also good. If you need us to, we can give you our numbers to talk things through. It is awful, but you are not alone x

sebs where in the country are you? I am working from home today and could skive off for a bit if you need a hand with ds or some company. I am London.

Hugs Sebs - it's awful isn't it.

Ditto Longest's offer but for Essex/Suffolk if you're local to there and fancy meeting with someone who's also in the depths of despair (found out I'd mc on Wed). X

Sorry, I'm so far behind now, I just about manage to read up to date but then don't have time to post, and by the time I do there are loads more posts and what I was about to say is relevant to the conversation 5 pages ago!!!

I just wanted to jump in very quickly on the temping though - I found this very helpful for the mornings I woke up before my alarm/ didn't want to set an alarm and it did seem to make sense when I used it:

www.whenmybaby.com/basalbodytemperature.php

I charted religiously for almost two years but doesn't seem any point at the moment - not really much point when I'm just waiting for the ivf and my cycles will probably change again afterwards (I noticed a definite difference post iui's and post mc's, I think the hormones made a lasting change - this is my theory on 'infertile' women suddenly getting pg naturally post failed ivf and everyone just says they relaxed , I think their bodies were jump started by all the hormones pumped in during ivf).

Sebs I ditto all the great advice - you're in hormone hell and this is the rawest, worst part. It will get better, you just need to work out what you need to do to get through it.

I hope you're OK Sebs and have gone out somewhere. Have been a bit worried about you.

Sebs it is utterly shit and horrendous. But we are here for you.

As Just said - the next 48 hrs are all about just getting through 1 hour at a time.

We are all here and will talk you through it.

Breaks my heart that there are so many people from previous threads I've been on. Big hugs xx

longest I wondered about that but as no one has offered to test them and I didn't push bit at the time, I'm not sure - I'm also uncertain whether I'd recognise them from the blood clots?

Maverick it's not easy but I phoned up the EPU (after being advised on here) and they agreed to send for testing if I brought them in. Sorry for grim post but I think it was baking who said to use a sieve and that basically anything that wasn't normal blood should be kept. The dr confirmed it was the pregnancy sac but sadly even so there was not enough pregnancy tissue to get any results. The gestation was only 6 weeks if that and because it was a mmc it may already have started to break down. It was grim and upsetting, but would have been worth it if I had got some answers. charlie on this thread previously got testing after 2 mcs without an rmc referral but had to pay privately - though the normal hospital arranged it.

Thinking of you Seb. Hope you're alright.

I'm having awful thoughts today. Like wishing miscarriages were distributed around 'fairly' - which is the equivalent of wishing them on other people which makes me feel terrible.

I also feel really numb. A bit of a fool for having thought it would work out but basically back to bog standard despondency. Five pregnancies. No children. I'm actually starting to think this isn't going to happen.

twilight. Don't beat yourself up. It really isn't fair that you have had more than your fair share and others get off so easily. We have all felt that. I have found myself expecting other people's pregnancies to end early too, which felt a bit too close to hoping that they did for comfort. The casual assumptions other people are allowed to make about the likelihood of a pregnancy ending in a baby do seem unfair though.

Don't give up hope. You are nowhere near the end of the line yet. Are you going to Coventry? There is nothing foolish about perseverence and hope. It requires huge strength. What was Barking's quote again? Something about true bravery being the quiet voice that says "I'll try again tomorrow".

Hi Sebs.so very sorry to hear what's happened and how naturally devastated you are. We all understand completely and I'm quite sure the lovely ladies on here can help.

Your body has been through a huge shock and as well as carrying the psychological pain of mc you are still physically adjusting so it is no wonder you are hurting so badly.

We know just how these sad moments can overwhelm us but many of us on here also know you will feel a little brighter as time passes and things will get better.

If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me your number and I will call you over the weekend. A listening ear can be a big help.

xxxxxxx

twillight it is so normal...

you know, my first few posts to the Miscarriage Association forums were moderated and they asked me to change them as I was too angry and bitter... they wouldn't post them!

and when I was going through MC2, one of my work colleagues decided to announce his pregnancy at 6 WEEKS, yes 6!!! so so early I was so scared for them... and then he did the same 2 years later...

Another announced again at 6w when I was pregnant due last October... and we both went to lose that one. (my MC5).. But this one learnt his lesson and he didn't tell us of his subsequent one until his wife was 20w...

and you can't help your thoughts... it's normal, we have ALL had them!

flen sorry for huge delay ... 1 to 2 tablespoons of the raw organic apple cider vinegar in a glass of water. No idea what that will taste of. Dr google seems to have several variations on the quantities.

sebs hope you are ok?