Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread - Thread 17 - Tests, treatment and trying again

[Flower29]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats

I'm thanking Just for stating flipping obvious!

So I can do something positive with my month of waiting. I'm assuming of course that I'll ovulate and Prof Q can fit me in!

Haven't read all through today's post but wanted to say hugs to twilight.

Glad it's behind you lovely lady. Despite similar experiences, I'm still shocked at the lack of respect and modesty that nurse gave you.

Sorry you've had to go to a hotel, hope it's a nice comfy bed.

Haven't been able to keep up with thread, by time I've caught up DH is getting impatient at lack of attention!

Twilight so so sorry you're having to go through this again. Feel gutted for you. I hope you can get some rest tonight in hotel.

My first AF following 2nd mc was last week, but was less than 24hours long. If next cycle is back to normal I calculate I will hopefully be able to make appointment at Coventry for end of March/ early Apr. Have yet to identify ovulation though. So sounds like it may be similar time to Brummie and March?

Started back at work full time this week, which has been hectic. Trying to sort finances (cheaper house) so I can quit my management role for a hopefully less stressful part time role somewhere... Stuff the crappy maternity pay.

Sorry for lack of name checking. I am pom pomming and weeping along with you all though .

Hi Jady my 1st AF was literally pathetic. 2nd one due next week then will wait for ovulation so I can book with Prof Q at Coventry

Ah yes I thought it was quite close to mine. Did you decide to take agnus castus or anything? I started taking it a couple of days ago along with the usual folic acid.

Thanks everyone. I should probably say that the care I got generally today was excellent, and the one nurse just needed a bit of training as opposed to me whinging about her.

Don't feel too sorry for me about the hotel thing. It's ended up quite nice. One of the vague silver linings of not having kids is being able to look after yourselves when you need to. Respect to those that have to put on a brave face for their little'uns.

I'll be less self-focused tomorrow I promise. Love to all.

Hi girls, was hoping I wouldn't be posting on this thread but unfortunately after a great 9 week scan we found out today at 12 weeks that the baby had died at 11.

Obviously I don't have to tell you that I am devastated. Just turned 40 so felt like the happiest creature in the world that I was going to be able to have another child but alas it wasn't to be.

This will be MC no. 3 in the last year. The first was at 6 weeks, the second never really got started and this one 11 weeks. They are trying to convince me to do it naturally but I'm in a terribly dark place right now and I don't think I can cope at all. I have to ring then tomorrow to 'discuss options'. I want something called an MVA ideally as it seems to offer a surgical route without a general and normally the uterus doesn't have to be scraped. I suspect they will say it's not something they offer but I guess I shall find out soon enough.

I don't know whether to get myself to the doctor re. referral due to 3x MC or wait until the MC is complete. I fell like all I've fine for the last seven hours is cry and I wonder if I should try and feel a bit less hysterical first. I just don't know, my doctors surgery is shit anyway so I'm suspecting they might just try and fob me off regardless.

I'm not sure if I have the strength to try and do this again but I guess once done time passes I might feel stronger again.

So sorry sebsmummy that's extra shit to get to 12 weeks after a good scan and have a MMC. I'd really push for genetic testing of the foetus, the rest of the tests can be done at any time, and in some cases require you to be some months post MC, but you only get one chance to get the genetics done. It should be available on nhs for a 3rd MC but probably won't be offered, you have to ask. I hope they are able to do the MVA for you.

twilight ...glad it's over for you and I really hope you feel physically better soon. God, so sorry about the lack of privacy and dignity - it really makes me mad. This probably isn't the time to ask, but I'm interested in your career..did you say you are psychologist? Are you an ex-medic of some sort? I'm a nurse, but started down the psychology path. My first erpc I laid into the nurse for not introducing herself..and my last one the anaesthetist recognised me from a previous job..luckily I only vaguely recognised him - embarrassment factor would have been quite high otherwise, given the mechanics of an erpc.

Look after yourself, and please stay focussed on you for a bit xx

twilight, you're not being self focused at all. We all feel so very sad for you. I'm glad that the hotel turned out not too bad and that you are being liked after by dh x

Welcome sebs. So sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like you've had a rough time, particularly with the late loss this time. You will find a lot of amazing support here and a huge amount of collective knowledge. You are the third newbie today,which I find incredibly sad.

You should definitely get a referral after 3. It depends on your area as to who refers I think. In my area, the psc (you probably call it epu) referred me. In other areas it's gp. Whatever happens, I would make sure the referral has been sent, as I know some had problems with that. The care you get at your rmc will also vary massively. Some take blood before and then you see the consultant for the results, others, like me, see the consultant and get blood taken at the same time and results are posted, so you don't see them again.
Many of the women on here have been to Coventry and been successful with their protocol. We have spoken a lot about it today so if you read back a little you will get the idea.
Hard to know what to say about what you do now. I have had medical management for two of mine and both times it didn't work first time. If you know what you want then you should push for that. Failing that, I think erpc is probably your closest option. I know it's probably not what you want to think about,but you should see if you could get testing done on the foetus. It may help you determine the cause or at least give you some closure. Hugs to you x

I'm thinking mid April for Coventry jady

Sorry Seb you find yourself here. If it were me I think I'd want to arrange the rmc appointment now as they can take a while to come through. And quite frankly I don't think I was hysterical enough at my appointment!
Be kind to yourself, it takes time to grieve and go through all the emotions. I'd give counselling a try. I've really found that to help me accept my feelings and not be so hard on myself.

Don't let them pressure you into anything, take the option you feel is best for you.

I was only offered ERPC or natural, initially I wanted just natural due to the small risks with surgery, but they are small and in the end I'm glad I didn't have to keep waiting, but that's just me.

Hello sebsmummy I am so sorry to read about your losses, especially the most recent one which must be so raw and devastating after a good scan. To echo what Baking said, genetic testing of the foetus would be the most helpful first step. This might be easier with an erpc (sorry I don't know about the procedure you mentioned) but is possible with a natural mc if you can catch the products.

flen, you asked a cervix question earlier but there's been so much going on today it got lost. I think if you have a temp shift that's the thing you should go with primarily, as is the most accurate thing (assuming it then stays raised for 3 days). The cervix is a funny one. It says to only check once a day but mine can vary hugely throughout the day! I found it stuck out less (which i now take as it being soft) and was higher and more in the centre (normally v left) around ov, but it was quite variable. I read it can be higher and softer if you are pregnant, but sometimes takes weeks to get there.
For the purposes of knowing if you have ovulated yet or not, I would say stick to the temp, cervix is better for predicting when it's actually happening along with cm

Cross posts sebsmummy, so sorry for your losses. I absolutely agree with baking - get through this first, then focus on what happens next. One step at a time and all that. Definitely extra shit to have good scans and get to 12 weeks, only to find it's another mc. I do hope you are being looked after. Stick on here with us, and we will listen to everything you need to say, and provide virtual hand holding at every step.

Hi to the other newbies, sorry I can't scroll back to name check on here at the mo.

brummie such a good idea from just for you to go to Coventry whilst waiting!

It looks like I will have to cancel my Coventry appointment tomorrow, which was to discuss all my questions post last mc on treatment. DS not well.

baking how are things with you and faith? Still thinking of you.

Sorry not to name check all, but I'm thinking of everyone, just bloody knackered.

Oh, march was it you who felt rubbish on progesterone? In what way? I'm back on cd21-28 progesterone, as I can't stop TTC. Feel crap on it..like lengthy intense PMT.

Thanks guys. I do want the foetus tested so I'm hoping that will sway the surgical route over natural. Probably would also help me focus on a date when it will be over and I can start recovering. I cannot imagine just hanging about for the next two weeks waiting for my body to get the memo. It will be total hell for me.

I shall see if I feel strong enough to make a doctors appnt in the morning. Otherwise I shall do so on Monday and ask for a referral then.

Sorry You'll have to miss Coventry bootles. Hope ds is better soon. Are they pretty easy to get appointments with? For me it was coming off the progesterone that made me feel a bit suicidal. Didn't feel too bad on it, apart from the usual horrendous stress of the 2ww. When are you due to test?

sebs I have done natural, taken medications to induce natural, and had erpc's, and there are pro's and cons to both. It is said that the best chance of getting chromosomes tested is via the surgical route, as with natural there is more chance of contamination of the 'products' (sorry) - my last erpc did not reveal a result though, but in general its still probably your best bet in that regard. I think the procedure you describe would count as surgical.

march they are pretty efficient in Coventry - only have clinics on Mon and Fri so are busy, but seem to fit appointments in without too much trouble. Oh dear a bit suicidal isn't helpful...I hope it was a one off. I'm 11 days post O and always show up positive on 10 days post O, so I know I'm out and am tempted to stop taking it...but suppose I'll keep going until day 28..ugh..

I probably shouldn't exaggerate. Wasn't quite suicidal but felt like all hope of anything good had left me. Lasted about a 6-7 days both times but felt strangely back to normal after it, which is what alerted me to the fact that it was induced by something outside the usual emotions of mc. Fingers crossed is just too early for you x

Wow, reading back yesterday seemed to be a real low on the thread. Hopefully onwards and upwards.

Glad to hear Twilight that everything went ok and you're being looked after.

Welcome to the Newbies, as the other ladies have said you will get lots of advice.

Sebsmum- would push for referral from hospital rather than GP. I wasn't referred by hospital and it's taken me 6months to get to the same stage as those that did which generally takes 1-2 months.i've learnt from these lovely ladies you'll need to push for your rights sometimes,which can be quite hard as it's an emotional time so if you need any hand holding let us know.

Hi Sebsmum welcome and so sorry to find yourself here

Can't believe how many newbies there are..

I had ERPC for both 2 and 3 and for me they were both absolutely the best choices. I needed to just get it over and done with.

I also got referred for rmc appt the same day as ERPC and that date is 9th March but I've also decided to do Coventry alongside that (if they can fit me in on right dates!)

However there are far more knowledgable ladies than me about Coventry and we spoke about it lots yesterday so that will give you idea

Hi Brummie we knew each other when I used my other username NewEraNewMindset.

It's so fucked up that we can go from such elation to such devastation in days. I had about 2 hours sleep last night, my head is in total turmoil. Somehow I have to ring around and cancel appointments today and talk with a degree of clarity about MC options - I assume without sobbing uncontrollably. Mum is coming up today to try and offer support but honestly no one can help me right now, I'm sinking in quick sand.

Get DH or your Mum to do any of the legwork they can, sebs you don't need to be saying what has happened over and over, and dealing with nhs bureaucracy is frustrating at the best of times.

Also agree about asking EPU to refer you rather than the GP, if that's possible. The RMC clinic is often part of the same department, it will be quicker than waiting weeks for the GP to write a letter to sit in someone's in tray...

Thanks everyone for continuing to care about Faith. We feel like we've made some progress this week after starting b6 alongside the steroids. She had another EEG on Tuesday at which she helpfully demonstrated her eye-rolling but it didn't show up on the trace. At the time I assumed this was good (it's not seizures) but DH pointed out it may mean the background is chaotic again I should find out today as we have a clinic appointment, then we see the consultant on Monday.

Sebsmummy, I'm so sorry to read about your losses, especially your latest. I had a very similar situation with my third MC (Missed at 13 weeks after healthy looking scan at 9.1). Its beyond gutting. I hope you get your care sorted without too much of a fight (with mine I walked out of the local hospital, got on a train, and went down to UCLH!). If possible, I would recommend an ERPC so that the tissues can be tested for genetic problems. Its over quickly and cleanly, and you get the best chances of getting the tissues without any contamination. Mine was Turner's syndrome and I found the diagnosis very comforting (after not having any reasons for so long). Thinking of you as you go through it. We're here for hand holding and advice. I actually remember you from the other thread when you were having your very early loss, and I'm really sorry to read that you've had this further loss. So hard.

Brummie, I really hope you can get the Coventry appointment to fit in. I'm all for getting everything done so that you can make some sensible decisions and move forward.

Twilight, I didn't have a chance to say it yesterday, but I'm glad your ERPC went reasonably smoothly and that DH is looking after you. Take it easy this weekend.

I am trying to get used to my new life of not lifting anything. I'm not very good at being looked after. Last night I had some friends round and couldn't set up the dinner table so had to get the guests to do it when they arrived. Felt night a 'helpless woman'. Got to be done, though. Don't want to end up in hospital or on bed rest (the threats the consultant made on Tuesday if I end up with even slight spotting). Still, it's not about me. Right now, I am not doing the recycling, so it's not all bad...