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Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread - Thread 17 - Tests, treatment and trying again

984 replies

Flower29 · 05/02/2015 12:28

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats Smile

OP posts:
bythesea82 · 17/02/2015 21:36

twilight & ourday huge luck for tomorrow for you both, really really hoping for lots of good news. Will be thinking of you and refreshing obsessively Smile
brummie I'm really grumpy for you. I got bumped backs week for the consultant and it was horrible. Hope you can get a cancellation.
tanny did the acupuncture help?

Marchgirl · 17/02/2015 21:46

Aw brummie, that's totally shit. How unbelievably annoying. Maybe you might get a cancellation. You should certainly be top of the list if they've bumped you.

Good luck tomorrow twilight and ourday. Keeping everything crossed for both of you to continue the lucky scan week. Symptoms often do change when the placenta takes over, so sounds about right.

flower, the spotting could be start of af. I'd count the start of mc bleeding (or erpc?, can't remember your circumstances) as the starting point for your cycle rather than the end of the bleeding.
My first mc i bled for 8 weeks and within that time had my first af (with mc spotting continuing either side). My second mc i bled for only 4 days. The third, after 3 weeks bleeding i stopped for several days and then started up again (but wasn't af). So my point is, it varies massively. Sorry that's not much help!

Justonemoretime · 17/02/2015 22:30

Good luck tomorrow Ourday and Twilight. Hand holding to you both. x

tannyLoo · 17/02/2015 22:45

Twilight and ourday hand holding for you both tomorrow. I found that time nerve wracking too as the symptoms wax and wane a bit more.
Flower I'm afraid I haven't had spotting. I think any extra bleeding after a mc can be seen as normal as long as it isn't heavy. There are some repairs and clearing out that goes on.
Brummie that is shitsville. I echo giving them a ring rather than swallow it, even if the answer is the same, as you will have tried.

Thank you, sea, the acupuncture has definitely helped my hip and she has got things shifting a bit more. It also completely floored me. I had the deepest sleep for an hour this evening and am still feeling very spaced. Can't wait to get back into bed tbh.

We have a new cat on trial at the moment, which is exciting. She belongs to a friend but her daughter has asthma so they have been looking for a new home for her. She's gorgeous and I'm smitten, but anxious that she doesn't get too stressed with the dog and toddler...

Brummiegirl15 · 17/02/2015 22:52

It's actually made me cry I'm so fucked off. All I can think about is it's another month before we can try again.

And now I'm thinking about our ages. DP is. 46 this year and if I manage to carry a pregnancy full term he could be getting on for 47 by the time we have a baby. That's nearly 50, for our first child!!! I think about seeing our child get married have kids etc and if we are getting on for nearly 80 when that happens, we could be frail. My DP's sister-in laws mother had a fall this weekend. She is 80 and so so frail, will we be like that when our child is thinking of having babies or getting married.

I know I'm being ridiculous - all because of a 2 week wait but my age / our ages really upsets me. And it's not as though I can even resign myself to giving up saying I've got a child already because I haven't!!

If I give up, I will never have a child.

By the time we start trying again it will be exactly a year of trying and all we have to show for it is 3 mc's and no baby. I apologise I know many of you have been trying longer and endured loss after loss, far more than me.

I think I'm emotional because today I had to sit there and watch/listen to Occu health do risk assessment on pregnant colleague because her bump was getting in way of desk and she was uncomfortable

Couldn't make it up

Sorry for me me me post Sad

barkingtreefrog · 17/02/2015 23:06

Good luck for tomorrow ourday and twilight Smile

Flower29 I had 6 weeks of on off bleeding for mc1 then spotting then nothing. For mc2 I had 4 weeks of varied bleeding then AF. I don't think anything is 'normal', it's just frustrating trying to second guess wtf your body is doing. Thanks

brummie rant away. It is so frustrating when you have a date that things are supposed to happen and then they don't. The emotional investment in every appointment, every test etc is massive, and when someone moves the goalposts it's very hard to deal with. We all understand. And having to go through it while being faced with bumps in close proximity is just like someone wants to kick you while you're down. The best thing to do is accept that this is shit. You are not overreacting, this is important to you and the control is being taken away yet again. Take a deep breath and start walking towards the new goalpost. It feels difficult right now but you'll get there. Thanks Thanks

Brummiegirl15 · 17/02/2015 23:10

Thanks Barking appreciate the lovely words - and yes calling a spade a spade - it's utterly shit.

I know I'm overreacting about a 2 week wait ( it could be 2 months) but in reality it's the delay in trying

I think if he'd said wait 2 months I'd have just told him to get stuffed and gone straight to Coventry

Sunandrainbow · 17/02/2015 23:14

just - great news on scan. Everthing crossed for twilight and ourday tomorrow.

brummie - that's so shit. I'd be fuming. Think you have already had bloods taken - is they right? If so could you ask them to at least send you the results? That way at least you could see if there is anything out of kilter which they may want to treat and therefore is worth sitting out another cycle for??

x

Catlover2014 · 18/02/2015 02:35

Good luck for scans today twilight and ourday. We'll all be in there with you for hand holding!!!

Can't keep up with feed but brummie I'm gutted for you that they've pushed your appointment back. Bloody NHS is so maddening at times.

I have always felt that all the waiting is one of the worst parts of this journey and know you must be so fed up. All I can say on the upside is that a forced break may do you and your body some good, I look back now and feel sure it did when I had to have one much as I hated at the times. Hugs to you and your DH.

I'm wide awake again with cold in full flow. My DH is fast asleep. Maddeningly jealous haha!!

girliesaints · 18/02/2015 05:44

Brummie, definitely echo calling to see if you can get an earlier appointment and perhaps why it's been rearrangedx

Good luck to those having scans today x

Had massive argument with DH last night about plan after appointment in regards to ttc. Really annoyed DH seemed to think it was just a case of getting on with it and no considerations about stress/ lifestyle etc. I've already made lots of adjustments but he's carrying on the same as before- it only it was that essy!

Flen · 18/02/2015 06:46

ourday and twilight will be thinking of you today (and refreshing page repeatedly... Wink)

brummie it is just SO frustrating. I also think it's definitely worth calling the consultant's secretary to ask about cancellations etc for an earlier appointment. Also, in terms of the blood test results, these also went to my GP, so it might be worth trying yours for results.

Flen · 18/02/2015 06:49

Oh and girlie sorry to hear about your row. We had something similar last week when my OH announced he was off to the pub for the evening. After stewing in it for an hour or so I sat down with him and explained that it felt unfair he was going off drinking when I haven't been drinking for a year, and that we were approaching the fertile bit of the month and that we are in it together and his sperm are just as important as my eggs! He did decide not to go, but I was pretty miffed I'd had to "request" it. Such a different experience for men and women...

barkingtreefrog · 18/02/2015 07:44

Flen and girlie yes, yes, yes...
I said to DH that I thought he should stop drinking until the Ivf given this is our very last shot and we should do everything possible. He told me to stop being silly, he'd already cut down to a couple of pints, and why didn't I look at my sugar intake? Angry Angry
I have been off the alcohol for the majority of the last 3+ years (didn't bother staying sober while we had our long enforced break waiting for results) and managed countless hen dos and weddings sober. I quit the job I loved to reduce stress (love teaching, but the hours and workload pressures were not helping me relax, and trying to fit countless fertility treatment appointments round the classroom, not to mention the prospect of another mc while teaching, was just making it too difficult). Since the fertility treatment started I haven't been able to make plans as I can't commit to anything (I've ranted about this enough before) and I've also given up a lot of hobbies that also affect my social life in the process of doing the best I can for ttc. I'm the one injecting hormones and dealing with the emotions, and having that constant reminder so you can never switch your head off ttc. It's my body that is being abused by this process. And yet DH carries on as usual and can't even quit alcohol for a couple of months?!?!?!? Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry

And .
We finally sorted it out. He's going to stop after our consultant appointment on Monday. He finally realised it was as much about being supportive and showing solidarity as the possible marginal gains. I can't tell you how many times in the last 3 years I wished I was the bloke....

bakingtins · 18/02/2015 08:00

Good luck ourday and twilight everything firmly crossed for you both.

brummie that is really shit. Do they not have any understanding how much we are pinning our hopes on these appointments and basing future Ttc plans on them? At the very least you deserve a proper explanation.

barking glad your DH has got the message. It's very hard to feel you are bearing it all alone. If there's any bright spot in our recent troubles it's that DH is a complete snivelling wreck in it with me. For so much of the miscarriage stuff I felt totally unsupported.

Marchgirl · 18/02/2015 08:21

Glad your dh is showing some solidarity now Barking, and yours flen, if a little reluctantly. I totally agree that it's as much about being right there with you as it is about the changes you make actually changing the outcome. Sorry that your oh doesn't understand that yet brummie. I feel lucky that this is the one thing dh is good at. he's offered to change his lifestyle, stop drinking, get fitter etc. but as I'm pretty convinced the problem is me now I've told him not to. going to have a month or two of doing what we like whilst waiting for Coventry. We both need some normality at the moment so may as well make the most of it.

Catlover2014 · 18/02/2015 08:26

Ladies!!! It's so good we can chat like this. My DH was just the same. All the meds, operations and injections and he never once considered changing, Had to beg him to not drink during our last tracked cycle and he moaned a plenty. Men!!!

Waving hi to baking! Glad your hubby is being supportive. How is little Faith doing? X

TinyTear · 18/02/2015 08:39

good luck twillight and ourday!

brummie, that is so annoying, give them a call to really remind them you want to be top of the list for cancellations!

barking, a friend of mine had the same, her DH moaning during her ivf and all he had to do was wank in a cup!!

twilightstruggle · 18/02/2015 08:47

Eeeeeeek

Catlover2014 · 18/02/2015 08:48

Anyone know what time twilight and ourday go in?

TinyTear · 18/02/2015 08:55

twillight is 9am, so about NOW!!!

Marchgirl · 18/02/2015 08:56

Hand holding twilight

twilightstruggle · 18/02/2015 09:08

Bad news this end. No hb baby measuring 9 weeks. Just seeing consultant I guess to sort out erpc. Wonder if they'll diagnose further bad luck.

Justonemoretime · 18/02/2015 09:11

Sad So sorry Twilight. Absolutely gutted for you. xxxxx

TinyTear · 18/02/2015 09:11

Oh no
:-(
I am so so sorry...

What is the plan now? Coventry? when did you start the progesterone this time? you didn't have clexane, did you?

Brummiegirl15 · 18/02/2015 09:11

Oh Twilight no!!!!!!! I'm so so sorry.

That is truly shit xx

Phoned Worcester , no can do. He only does clinics on a Monday and 2nd March is totally full.

Going to email his secretary and try and get results if I can

Flowers and hugs to Twilight xx