Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 16 - tests, treatment and trying again

[Justonemoretime]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

counting I LOVE it!!!! You've brightened up my day!!! I want to show it to every smug pg woman that has tortured me for the last 3 years!!!!

bootles sorry, no advice as I haven't a clue, but I know my current job has shit sick pay. I think it's a week for the whole bloody year?! Having come from teaching, this was a bit of a shock....

counting that even raised a wan smile here. thank you.

We have a date for Faith's MRI on 3rd February, and next Friday she's having the EEG repeated, everything crossed that the abnormal brainwaves have stopped or lessened. I'm swinging wildly between being very practical and positive and a big blubbering heap. I just cried on the phone to the dental receptionist who now thinks I'm bonkers. She's 8 months old today she shouldn't have to be fighting this crap.

bootles Sorry, can't help much with the sick pay issue either, but definitely ring HR and ask for an explanation. Any chance they have made a mistake and counted your absence as regular sick leave? Hope you can sort it, these things are so annoying, not what you need right now.

And I know what you mean by being annoyed by everyone! I've had long stretches like that after my mcs, where I could tolerate only a few selected people. My advice - don't fight it. If you need to be a social hermit for a while, that is absolutely fine.

just So lovely to hear about baby just's movements! How far along are you now (sorry for not remembering)? Are you getting a bit excited about it all now?

baking Thinking of you, hope that you are getting on OK.

I want to watch this video! But I'm at work, so will have to wait until tonight...
Well, SMEP has officially been initiated last night . Decided to order some OPKs, which should hopefully arrive tomorrow, but even if not, I reckon that I'll be able to tell when I'm ovulating, just by doing temping- decided that I'm going to sell my Clearblue monitor, let me know if anyone wants it!

No she shouldn't baking and neither should you. I'm so sorry. Thats good you have a date for the mri. I'm sorry if you've said this already but has she been diagnosed yet or are they still doing investigations? Im not religious in the traditional sense but I do believe in universal forces and will be doing my version of praying for you until then.

bootles I don't know I'm afraid. I thought they aren't allowed to count pregancy related time off as sickness? There's an employment forum on here with HR-y people on it, they can perhaps help.

counting that video is amazing. Amazing.

Bootles that is really pants. Hopefully it's a mistake that can get sorted asap. X

Baking- sod what the dental receptionist thinks or anyone else for that matters . Just focus on your little family unit and enjoying those cuddles with Faith x

x-post, baking I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through and how you feel. Don't worry about the dental receptionist, just focus on getting through.
Glad that you have a date for the MRI, hopefully, it will give you some answers as to what you are dealing with.

Bootles I am afraid I think you're right - that the "pregnancy related sickness" issue means you can't be disciplined or discriminated against in relation to any absence due to pregnancy-related illness but your normal contractual terms apply as to pay so if your contract says you go onto SSP after a certain number of days' sick leave then I am afraid SSP is all you get. The only exception is if discretionary additional pay has become an implied term of your contract - ie that it says additional pay is discretionary but actually everyone gets it except you, seemingly because you're pregnant - then you could make a claim on the basis of discrimination, but that only applies if others would have got more pay for a non-pregnancy related illness. All that aside, your manager/HR might have some discretion to authorise eg special paid leave for bereavement etc which could apply here too (though tbh some works are pretty mean with paid leave in these circumstances too and you lose pay after a very short time off grieving) and if you have a good relationship with work generally it might be worth a meeting to see if there is anything that can be done. Best of luck and fingers crossed. I again feel lucky about my work - we have something like 6 months' contractual sick pay so nothing like this would arise about an extremely justifiable few weeks off.

Baking. Glad your date has come through and isn't too distant (though I know it probably feels ages away). I looked up infantile spasms in order to better understand what you're going through. I hope that wasn't too intrusive. It seems there is a yahoo mailing group that offers valuable support and there are quite a lot of more positive stories here on mumsnet, albeit on very old threads. One thing I learned, which you no doubt already know, is that it seems the seizures don't damage the brain but they stop it developing so if the seizures can be got under control then brain development can resume. The fact that Faith's seizures have massively reduced so quickly as a result of her treatment has got to be an excellent step? Hugs xx

monten the diagnosis is infantile spasms with hypsarrhythmia which is based on observing the seizures and an abnormal EEG pattern. What we don't know is what is the underlying cause. The best we can hope for is they don't find one since all the recognised causes are pretty disastrous and the 10% who are 'just unlucky' (FFS) do better long term. My best friend came round last night and massively overcompensated with gifts (clothes from her, baby toys donated by her Dd and her Ds, flowers for me, something she 'just picked up out shopping'...) because she just didn't know what to say, bless her.
longest thank you. I think the yahoo group is the same people (IS community) whose FB group I found and they've been v helpful.
We went back to hospital on Wednesday because we were worried and saw a really lovely neurologist who was v positive. I can't decide whether it's their policy to stick to best case scenario to avoid you losing the plot completely.

Baking that hasn't been my experience of doctors in eg cancer diagnosis/treatment. They tend to be very wary of giving false comfort, so I am sure she was being genuine. I really hope that you get a good prognosis following the scan.

at the video counting!

Bootles my SIL has just had a mc, her company policy was also SMP but afterr speaking to HR and her manager they were able to apply descretion as longest has said and give her normal pay. Try giving HR a call and see what they say. I have allso had many hermit type feelings - its beneficial to act on them and just see the people who are keeping you sane. Friends will understand. Hugs x

Barking i hope todays bloods have gone OK and you get the rest of your answers this afternoon.

Cloud good luck with SMEP, tiring but works :)

just so happy to hear about your little wriggler, how wonderful!!!

Thanks monten barking bootles just longest betty - alll of you, forgetting who to name check for your reassurance on symtoms (have just had to run to the loo and dry heaved 3 times, sorry TMI but it made me real happy) and your solidarity re the food police my colleague. I think youre right, she is too faddy - protein shakes etc and i am healthy so i dont need to be guilty. I just felt judged briefly. Youre all really great, picking us all up when we all need it

Baking i agree with longest i have never met a best case scenario/positive doctor before so it sounds encourraging that the neurologist was positive. Sending you hugs.

Just to send hugs to baking, this must be an awfully difficult time for you and your family and you are in my thoughts.

So pleased to read that your BF has been over and is being supportive, that's what you need to get you through.

I would agree with the others that consulatnts tend to be very honest. My DH has a form of epilepsy and the consultant was warts and all about how it is likely to impact on his and us in the future.

Hope the MRI and bloods give answers and help with Faith's recovery. She is being very brave, just like her mummy.

Bootles I'm not clear on the policy but I thought any pregnancy related illness (included MC) could not be counted as sick leave. Are you in a union?

In a cab with my boss. I asked how I saved something to my reading list on my phone. He showed me. In the process brought up a search history which said 'Changes to cervical mucus in pregnancy'

I want to die.

monten oh no! Lets hope he didnt realise, almost spat my tea out that was so funny, sorry for laughing!

Monten you have made me smile. Oh to be a woman haha

Thankyou for all the kind and wise words ladies. Feeling less stressed today as donut perked up yesterday quite a bit. I think I was shocked at how quickly I could go back to such high anxiety. Might sound weird but purple longest just good to know I am not alone. Waiting for consultant appointment now, so we shall see.
tiny and tanny fab news! Look at you you completely normal pregnant ladies. You are my role models.
bootles how shit. I am shocked they can just dock your pay with no warning. Write everything down go the HR and fight. You are totally within your rights. I am sure it is the last thing you want to be doing tho.
cloud nothing to say except get jiggy with in.
baking neurologists tend to be a very realistic bunch, not prone to giving false hope (have a bit of background in this area). As a branch of medicine miracle cures are few and far between, so it tends not to attract docs that want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. If you are hearing hopeful messages I would take them on face value. You are so right tho. Your little one and you should not have to be dealing with this. It sucks and it is not fair. Big hugs to you both.

monten

monten - sorry for chuckling, but you have cheered me up no end.

Fingers crossed he didn't notice!!!! He probably doesn't know what cervical mucus is anyway!

X

monten hilarious!

baking still thinking of you and your family. Sending huge amounts of positive energy your way.

Bootles I agree with Belle that it's poor form not to give any warning about the decrease to pay. I think you could use that alone as a basis for requesting a meeting.

Monten that is exactly the sort of thing I would do, and my boss is a) male; b) childless and c) gay so I can imagine how you feel.

Glad you're feeling a bit better belle. My movements are getting slowly, slowly more reassuringly frequent but I still need to learn not to panic over a quiet day. I am sure I had the same with dd - I was just less neurotic back then.

Brilliant counting! Going to message it to my newly pregnant colleague!

bootles that totally sucks. I find it really hard to understand that they can dock your pay without prior warning. Not sure about the rules on what the can pay you but surely they have to inform you in advance that it's going to go down, or warn you that you're close to the limit or something? Have you got your contract / sickness policy anywhere that you can have a look at?Hope you get it sorted.

baking, glad you've got the appointment through. Sounds like you have reason to be a little hopeful. Thinking of you

monten, hilarious and mortifying in equal measure!

belle glad you've had some movement and that you can rest a bit easier

I think I might have got a +ve opk, but it's 5 days early. Cervix felt soft this morning too, but now firmer. Arghh. Have not seen dh all week because of shifts and won't see him tonight as I'm out tonight at a Burns supper at the castle (One and only time this year that I'm glad I'm not pregnant so i can enjoy the free drink )
Don't want to miss the boat but I'm not sure my reading of opk is correct. FFS why does this have to be so stressful.

I'm glad you've got some dates baking and hope the neurologist's optimism can help you during the wait.

monten that's hilarious

march I'm in an ovulation head spin too.
Has anyone's cycle shortened after mc? Mine seems to have by 4 days

Hello, can I jump on the band wagon ladies ?

23yrs old, OH 26,
Mmc at 9 weeks last June, found at 12 week scan, erpc.
Mc today at 5+3, confirmed at Epau.

Feeling so frustrated at the moment, all I want is to be a mum and I keep getting my chances snatched away from me ! My seemingly young, healthy body can't seem to get it right.