Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 16 - tests, treatment and trying again

[Justonemoretime]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

Just checking in, and baking I'm thinking of you and Faith often. hugs

Every time I come on here I am amazed by the wisdom and strength of you all. Although I know it doesn't feel that way sometimes!

bootles Do chase karyotyping results, ours got lost and only found when I chased.

barking it is such heavily invested process isn't it? I am keeping everything crossed for you.

tanny thank you for your lovely thoughts. I had a dream the other night that I had a little baby girl (this was after a therapy session when we were talking about how detaching from the reality of having a baby was a way of protecting my feelings... yup!). It was heartening to have that dream, and it is heartening that you are almost tehre!

loopy I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. Lots of hugs to you.

brummie hang on in there. You are getting through it, even if it doesn't feel liek it.

I had a meltdown last night, so confused by cycles, so freaked out that our trying this month might have been at the wrong time, worried about late ovulation and what it means... Bleugh. Anxiety machine back in full working order.

tanny I hope you got some sleep.
girlie that's good news, 5 weeks is a big difference!

brummie I suprised myself by how much I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to acknowledge that, if only for a short time, I had been carrying my baby, and now it was gone. I think with the first it was so important to me to talk about because it had taken so long to conceive. Because no-one at work knew I was trying, and our wedding was coming up, everyone seemed to think it must have been an accident. I felt like telling everyone that we'd already been through 20 months of hell to get as far as we did. And that feels so long ago now! You do seem to get a couple of weeks and then everyone thinks you should be over it, or they've forgotten.

Flen it's so hard to keep relaxed over this stuff, everything feels so far from your control.

I'm sat waiting for the next scan. Grow, follicles, grow! Thanks for the luck ladies :).

twilight poor you life sucks in that terrible window of doubt. (Those silly other people are remembering it all wrong)

brummie I'm in the same boat, I will have to get my note extended today or tomorrow and wow do I feel pitiful about it. No way round it though: my ability to learn, cope or make decisions is so low that if I tried to work I'd be home again by lunchtime. Please don't worry what anyone else thinks. It's your health, only you and your doctor know.

brummie and loopy I had also wondered whether I was too quick to conceive and wondered about the hyper fertility thing. justone thanks for noting that the Coventry clinic can be helpful for that.

barking hoping you get some good news in the next couple of days

baking pleased Faith is a little better in herself. You must be wrung out. Hope you can get some rest now. Xx

Morning ladies. Back to high high anxiety here. Movements have been erratic. Fab display Sunday, less Mon and Tues. Not a peep yesterday. Didn't sleep. Didn't want to use Doppler too scared. Then the reality hit me, if it goes tits up this time, after getting this far, I think it would break me. Broken like I have never been broken before and it terrifies me.
Thankfully had some movement this am so feeling a bit reassured. But I thought I had the anxiety under control, but I think not. Have consultant appointment tomorrow, might ask for some counselling. Also struggling with dp. If I am anxious and tell him he automatically goes to worse case scenario and I end up reassurig him. Might try and get to consultant without him. Hmm.
All a bit me me me this am I am afraid.

Belle do you what you need. I can't imagine how scary it must be - I'm struggling and I'm not even pregnant. Counselling sounds like a good plan.

Belle definitely get some counselling if you can, if anyone can give you tips on how to attempt to manage the anxiety it's got to be worth a try.

counting /brummie f*uck what anyone else thinks, if you need more time, take it. Look at the bigger picture. It's you and your health and well being that must come first. Anyone potentially judging hasn't been there and doesn't have a clue .

I got here at 7.45 and I'm still waiting. Only two nurses doing bloods and scans and there are currently 16 women waiting.... I've had my bloods, but looks like I went back to the bottom of the queue for the scan. So much for discreetly slipping into work!

belle I feel exactly the same just now, so stressed I can't eat or sleep but I called the midwife this morning and she is going to fit me in quickly before work for reassurance, it's not helping my stress levels that my colleague has mumps can you not call and see if midwife will see you? Might help even though you have had some movements

Sorry will have a read through later need to rush off

belle poor you, your response is so understandable after what you have been through. Good idea about the counselling.

barking hope those nurses get to you soon!

Hope your midwife can give you reassurance purple

Good luck barking. Must be the 2ww from hell with stop much riding on it.

Glad to hear faith is a little better baking.

tanny so happy you have reached that stage. It gives us all hope.good luck for your appointment

Need to read back for more posts. So fast moving again.

I found this interview with profs quenby and brosens was a real light bulb moment for me, loopy and brummie, I just felt like it described my situation (course, I have no medical background to base this on, but it just feels like it might be the explanation)
www.news-medical.net/news/20130117/Miscarriage-and-molecular-signals-an-interview-with-Prof-Brosens-and-Prof-Quenby.aspx

brummie totally know what you mean about wanting people to ask you about it/know about it/shout it from the rooftops. I was in the hairdresser the other day who told me she was pregnant and I just kept thinking 'ask me about my situation', totally ridiculous.

Sounds like a few of us are in rocky places at the mo ??

Belle and Purple - I'm sorry things are so stressful and anxiety provoking. I imagine later pregnancy bring such a head fuck after mc. You're 'supposed' to feel you're over the stressful period but your model for pregnancy is that it ends with disappointment and what you've got to lose gets bigger. Sounds like counselling might be a way forward. Even if 'just' to give you the opportunity to express how you're feeling.

Baking - still in my thoughts.

Hope you've been seen by now Barking. Am sending positive vibes to your follicles!

Flen - sorry you've had a bit of s meltdown yesterday too. This whole thing is really difficult. Hugs.

Hugs to everyone else.

I'm still a bit glum today but persevering on. To be fair I'm not sure these people are wrong - I think some people are really lucky and see loads early on. Hopefully it's just that I've been unlucky in terms of my scan.

Brummie and AndCounting don't feel bad about getting leave extended, I stupidly didn't and went back yesterday and am not coping well at all. I nearly didn't make it yesterday and wish I hadn't. Everyone was lovely, but it just felt wrong carrying on as though life just goes on. Had another melt down on the way this morning and ended up back home. But of course people now think I'm back and emailing me problem after problem that I just can't deal with in a constructive way right now. Have called a support place and waiting for an appointment for that, but doesn't really help right now.

Tanny thanks for tips, going to call hospital today and find out who I'm due to see. I hope the consultant goes well today. You're nearly there!

Belle I had counselling back when I was pregnant in order to help me cope with the anxiety of being pregnant and it helped. So I can defo recommend it.

Jady I'm so sorry you are struggling with work - I went back too early after mc number 2 and left me totally unhinged.

My work are great and really supportive but when you are back it really is life as normal. Especially with my colleague being pregnant (which I'm so scared of facing) and I know it's going to be on me to suck it up and deal with it.

So I need to the time to come to terms with it.

Got 2nd lot of acupuncture today plus getting my hair done for returning to work next Thursday. At least I might feel shit but I can look polished. My hairdressers will ask outright why I'm not at work so I'll tell them. Been going for years and they already know had 2 mc's.

So they'll be lovely and be like "right let's make you look fabulous"

Worth their weight in gold

Suggestion for belle and purple would you consider giving Natal Hypnotherapy a go? I used it v successfully for labour, but there are pregnancy relaxation tracks to be used earlier on. Of course you are understandably anxious, but you need some techniques to deal with it. Anything that can make the narrative in your head more positive has to be worth a try. You can buy a CD or download the tracks from iTunes.

Just popping in quickly - monten I asked about lining and the nurse said 7mm or above is fine.

Well, everything is fine. My consultant is happy with my general health and the baby's growth and position. He's happy to support me to use my local MLU for an uncomplicated birth, and just wants the option of induction on the table if I am overdue by a week. Seems fair enough. Otherwise I'm signed off from his care...

Wow.

Wow indeed Tanny

Bet you never thought you'd hear those words. So pleased for you.

Maternity leave next, then a wriggly mini-Tanny

You've given me hope....

Ahh, that's great news Tanny. That must be a relief!

I just rang and my appointment is with a Nicola Sharp, no option for Mr Walker she did say he's pretty booked up though. Also sounds like this first appointment is quite short, 15 minutes so doesn't sound like they'll do much other than chat.

Brummie xxx

Jady I saw Mr Walker today, should've mentioned you!

My initial appointment was with another gynae there, and it was brief. I think it seems to start that way.

Sorry you had such a wobble on your first day back. I'm not surprised, its always taken me a couple of weeks at least to feel anywhere close to ready. Be kind to yourself, and take the time you need.

Sorry to hear that some of you are really struggling at the moment Dealing with mc is such a rollercoaster, you never know what the next day will bring and how you will feel. I've gone through times where all I could do was literally just take one day at a time, trying to keep going with just putting one foot in front of the other and not think of anything else.
I can definitely recommend counselling, it has been a life-line for me. Just being able to talk without any reservation about everything, without worrying about sharing too much or overloading the other person has been such a relief.

And I also can recommend the antenatal hypnotherapy/meditation. I sued this when pg with DS, and it is great - sent me to sleep every time, I don't think that I ever managed to get to the end of the meditation CD. I think that I still have it on my iTunes somewhere, it's by Maggie Something, if anyone wants a copy, send me a PM.

CD10 here, and I am hoping to give SMEP another go this cycle. If I just wasn't so tired in the evenings! But I need to put more 'umph' into my ttc efforts again, otherwise it's never going to happen...

Suck great news tanny, wonderful!

*Such !

ive been away from the thread for a few days - i thought i was doing a good thing but i think ive made myself feel worse :( Im terrified i dont feel as sickly as i did last week (I am at danger point for me) everything i read says i should be in the full throws of feeling awful and i dont. this is making me super panicky. I have felt a couple of minutes of sickness today and yesterday but last week it was like an all day hangover - if anyone has any happy reassurance stories i would gladly hear them.

brummie i went back way too early after MC3 and i wasnt ready, it felt like all anyone was talking about was babies, including the supervisors who knew (there was some drama on TV 'in the club') and it used to really get to me, i wished i was at home not listening to them discuss things in much too loud voices. Take as long as you need, no guilt.

I have a work rant too. A colleague who knows about my MC's asked me outright the other day if i was pregnant (she asked in a nice way) i cant lie and just said yes as i knew she wouldnt tell anyone else. Shes a super slim gym bunny whos a sz 6 - does all the diets, raspberry keytones, fat burners, you name it. Once said to me "I used to be huuuuuge, i was a sz 12" - well i am a size 12 so to her i know i am in fact huge. But when i told her she said the usual, no stress, no heavy lifting, etc. But then said 'make sure you eat properly', since then shes asked what im having for lunch etc and i said ive no idea, all i really fancy is something salt and vinegary - she said 'should you be eating crisps??' baring in mind that for the first 5 weeks i had zero appetite so i said well the nurse said eat whatever i can manage (because at the moment i can only eat one 'meal' at lunch and something really small in the evening). She just raised an eyebrow and now i feel that she thinks my miscarriages are caused by the fact ive somehow gorged mysellf to this point - what with being a huuuuge sz 12 and all.

ourday my nausea was stop start a bit, then all the time and now at approx 13wks stop start again, hopefully as it winds down and sickness goes. Yes, its scary, but totally within normal I think. Our experience casts a long shadow over these things. I found it related to sleep and protein intake. Chances are you're fine:)

So much happening on thread, its a real sanctuary for so many of us...

tanny home run now, hope you are excited!
everyone pregnant and terrified...not sure how we deal with it, but the happy stories of others on here helps. Fingers and everything crossed.
everyone on a 2ww, hope bfps are at the end of it for you...
everyone waiting for scans, results and appointments, frustrating, I know. Everyday is bit closer... I found it hard and still do to think of time stretching ahead... just focussed on getting to end of each day.
everyone in the sad and awful throws of why we're all here, hugs to you, its so hard. Only we know what its like so the hugs come with real understanding.
baking , just x x x x to you.
Betty x